Unspoken
by FatedFeathers
Summary: Sometimes the things we don't share openly are better left alone. They say the truth shall set you free, but what about the rest? There's a fine line between telling a lie and keeping a secret when protecting someone you love. -AH, No supernatural glitz-
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

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><p><strong>Unspoken<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Prologue<strong>_

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><p><em>In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.  Albert Einstein_

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><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Like any other day, Bella sat cross-legged upon the bench, a brown paper bag perched next to her and a notepad on her lap. Right now she doodled, as her mind wasn't its usually introverted self—though, were that the case, it wasn't in a withdrawn or sullen manner. Instead she was watching a group of guys throwing a ball around on the lawn sprawled out in front of the high school. Unlike most girls her age—that would be sixteen—Bella's reason for observing the ball in play had nothing to do with being interested in its players.

She simply liked to observe.

Later she would sit down at her desk, in the quiet calm of her own room, and write about it. Be it a random drabble or a poem; it was never a conscious decision. She just wrote whatever flowed through her wrist and hand and onto the paper.

That being said, she did chance her eyes to linger on a pretty face if she saw one, if she could be certain the subject wouldn't find her looking. The reason being that she had an affinity for vibrant blushing. She didn't like it. Not one bit. Even less did she appreciate it being pointed out, which, were she to be caught watching, would no doubt happen. Too many times had she felt her face burn just that little bit extra when a guy commented on her embarrassing flaw.

So, mostly, she just observed, and at other times kept her eyes downcast.

Unless spoken to, of course. She wasn't anti-social. Even though that was probably the general belief—not that anyone paid her much mind in a high school with over 1700 students—it didn't bother her. She did have a couple of good friends; although, her family was number one, and she preferred their company and conversation much more than the random discussions that would pop up with her peers.

Renée Swan—Bella's mom—wasn't only her best friend, but also the kindest person she had ever known. Once, as a joke—possibly a bad one, she concluded—she had referred to her mom as a heart on legs. This had caused Renée to protest with a round of heart-warming laughter. Bella knew that no matter what she said—or did—nothing condescending would ever pass her mom's lips.

There wasn't one bad bone in her body.

It could partially be proven simply by the fact that Renée's arms weren't only open to Bella, but to children who had none offered to them. For a few years now, the Swans had had foster kids living with them.

It all started not long after Bella's thirteenth birthday. Clumsy by nature, she had run her bicycle down a slope by accident—her eyes had been everywhere but forward—and ended up breaking her arm. It had been more embarrassing than anything else, though it _had_ hurt.

Renée had left work, which at the time had been as a receptionist at Phoenix Baptist Hospital, when Bella called her from her cell phone to tell her she thought her arm might be broken. Bella's dad, Charlie, the supervisor at a power plant in West Phoenix, wasn't able to leave work other than in extremely urgent situations or emergencies.

Those happened, too, but not as often.

While in the ER getting patched up, Bella's mom had run into her friend from high school, Jennifer Arnold, who was a social worker.

That was the first time they met Jacob, and his big sister Rachel, who they were sure were on the run from something or some_one_. This girl had been tight-lipped and wary of anything or anyone, so they still, to this day, couldn't say from what or where the siblings had run. On a good day it would be a strike of sheer luck to get more than a few sentences out of Jacob, too.

The talk Renée had with Jennifer that day, and meeting Jacob, was the reason the Swans decided to become foster parents. (Renée decided and coaxed Charlie into it, more accurately.)

The process had been a lengthy one, and not only due to the training, which both Renée and Charlie had to pass. There was also interviewing and background checks, referrals and just the general turning of the Swans' lives upside down and inside out to make sure they were suitable. (They even had to sign a no-spank agreement, to Renée's shock – who would hit a child? she'd questioned, but happily signed.)

Not long after the Swans were officially entered into the system as foster parents they received a call—actually it was late in the night—from Jennifer. Jacob, the boy they'd met at the hospital, had had his former placement disrupted due to issues with running away—they'd _just_ had him brought in off the street and he needed a place to go ASAP.

There hadn't been the slightest pause or doubt, and Charlie and Renée had welcomed him with open arms when Jennifer brought him to their home. Bella had hung back, watching curiously from her open door.

He had been thirteen at the time, and silent as a mouse.

And just about as social as one, too.

That was three years ago now, and while he still tried—and succeeded on a couple of occasions—to run away, he always returned.

Today there were three foster kids living with the Swans, including Jacob, who was the oldest out of the bunch. Then came Ashley Ray, a loud but bubbly girl of eight, and Jesse Hart, a slightly eccentric boy of five.

Renée had quit her job to stay at home and look after the kids and to be there for them, to support them and to take them wherever they needed to go. All three went to therapy, both individual and group orientated. Jacob was the only one who didn't seem to benefit much from it... so far.

Bella had a theory on this, as she did like to observe. Her conclusion was that he was simply proud. Also, according to her frequent visits to both the library and researching online, a Native American boy and-slash-or man had different values and views on the world around him than those she went to school with.

Loyalty to his people—to his _family—_only one of many.

As far as she was concerned, he had good reasons for not talking, as he was probably protecting his sister. Although it was a little late for that; she'd had her guardian rights questioned once they had found needle pricks in her arms—those had been old, though, but it had still caused concern. Of course it had.

Since Jacob was Native American, slightly different rules had applied. Usually the children would be placed with someone of their own, but when they hadn't been able to determine where he and his sister had come from—one of the many things Rachel had held onto as if their lives depended on it—in the end, after much paperwork and court appearances, together with a whole lot of other things Bella couldn't keep track of, Jacob had been separated from his sister.

Rachel hadn't fought much to keep her brother with her, if anything—as divulged by Jennifer—she'd appeared eager to have the state place him in foster care. According to Rachel, their parents were no longer alive and they had no other living relatives to look after Jacob. No records were ever found to support or contradict her story, so based on that, CPS (Child Protection Services) had Jacob placed with the family previous to the Swans. In the end they hadn't managed too well with the running away, but Renée couldn't find it in her to feel too sad about that. She was more than happy to have Jacob with them, regardless of the runaway spells.

There was that cloud of uncertainty hanging over them, though, seeing as if the day ever came, and they found out where he came from, there was a big chance he'd be relocated to wherever the tribe decided.

After three years that uncertainty hadn't dimmed, and they'd had their fair share of scares the times they'd woken to find his room empty. Whatever he did while gone, or for what reason he ran away in the first place, he never explained. He was always picked up fairly quickly and brought back without protest. There had been cause for concern however, and Jacob had been questioned. Had something happened that made him not want to be with the Swans? Did they treat him fairly? But there was nothing. Jacob would just shrug it off, saying he needed fresh air.

Bella had tried to make a joke about this once, suggesting he clear out his dirty socks more often if he had trouble with the lack of fresh air. She wasn't well known for possessing a great sense of humor, and Jacob didn't laugh much, but at this the corner of his mouth had hiked up, even if just a tiny fraction. It had been enough to neutralize the stuffy atmosphere for the time being.

**o~*iii*~o**

Coming home on Fridays were one of Bella's favorite times of the week. Not so much due to the weekend having arrived, but because of the little conference they held to plan the grocery shopping. Everyone, apart from Charlie, would gather in the kitchen to go through the pantry and fridge to see what needed restocking.

Bella slipped her bag off the shoulder as she came into the kitchen.

"There you are, sweetie," Renée said as she looked up from where she stood hunched over a blank slip of paper. "Can you get Jacob?"

"Sure," Bella replied and started down the hallway. "I doubt he'll agree though," she added before leaning in through her door to toss her bag on the bed. She then turned across the hallway to knock on Jacob's door. "Family conference," she called out.

Silence.

She rolled her eyes just as the door opened, but Jacob retreated back into his room while pulling a shirt over his head. Bella wrinkled her nose and then caught the sight of his weights on the floor while leaning against the doorframe. "Going to join us?" she asked.

Jacob didn't look at her but gave a non-committal shrug. "Guess so," he replied. His voice had matured a lot lately, she noted; though it was still scratchy and husky.

"Really?" she wondered, surprised. "Cool."

His dark eyes flitted to meet hers for the briefest moment, silently asking her to step aside so he could get past. She held her hands up while pressing her back into the wooden frame. Jacob didn't like being touched, which in this house could cause problems from time to time.

The Swans were the hugging kind.

"Jake Jake Jake," Jesse chanted when they came into the kitchen, but Jacob was so used to the little boy that it didn't faze him.

"Ugh, Jesse, stop!" Ashley ordered with folded arms, squinting her blue eyes at the blond mop of hair that bounced up and down as he kept circling the kitchen, repeating _Jake Jake Jake._

"So how was school, Bella?" Renée asked

"Good. We're doing this family collage in English—"

She was cut off by Jacob who had pulled the fridge open to look through it, out loud listing, "Milk, cheese, butter, uh..." He paused and hunched down to shove a few things to the side. "This is gross," he said and pulled out a plastic bag with—

"What _is_ that!" Ashley said with a gasp.

"Looks like last weeks cucumber," Bella answered while stifling back a laugh, and then walked up to take it from Jacob who dangled it with a mild look of revulsion on his face.

Jesse was still chanting _Jake Jake Jake_. This was normal for him.

"Jesse?" Renée wondered. "Want to go with Bella and get the shopping baskets?"

"Bells Bells Bells..."

"Thanks, Mom," Bella said, but grinned and took Jesse's hand to head out into the garage to dig up the baskets. Renée was all about the environment, so whenever they went shopping she brought baskets to avoid mass-usage of plastic bags.

While Bella climbed up on a stool, Jesse changed from _Bells Bells Bells _to _me me me_.

"Here you go." She placed one of the woven baskets in Jesse's outstretched hands, and then grabbed the other ones and came back down.

"I'm goin' to shop now, see ya!" Jesse had somehow managed to get the handle over one shoulder and started toward the closed garage door.

"Sounds great, but um, don't you want to wait for Jake?" Bella didn't mean to be a pain in the ass, she just liked teasing. Plus, Jacob could pull some pretty funny faces sometimes when he got frustrated, but since he so rarely lost his temper, especially with Jesse, it was all just in good fun. She tried to keep the smirk off her face when they came back down the hallway; Jesse, of course, being back to chanting _Jake Jake Jake._

At the questioning look from Renée, Jesse plopped the basket down on the floor next to the chair Jacob was now slouched on, and then told him proudly, "Bells said wait for Jake!"

"Traitor," Bella grumbled playfully.

Jacob looked at her fleetingly as if to say _it's not funny, _making her shrug and walk up to the counter. Something hit her in the back of her head, not hard, and she reached back to feel... Bella quickly withdrew her hand.

"_Ew._" She stared down at the tiny, wet ball of paper that had dropped to the floor now, and then snapped her head up to raise an eyebrow at Jacob who was focused on a Safeway pamphlet. "Did you just put your spit in my hair?" she demanded. Jacob didn't look up, but his mouth moved. Just enough for her to know he was guilty. "That's disgusting, you know?" Bella turned to her mom. "Seriously, that's so gross."

Renée shook her head but glanced toward Jacob with a grin. "All right—"

"Yeah. That's fine," Bella interrupted with a snort. "You're encouraging him, Mom."

"Well, it _is_ kind of funny, sweetie." She sounded apologetic, but Bella knew she was anything but. "And it's not like you didn't have it coming." Renée winked toward the table and Bella's eyes narrowed as she turned to look at Jacob again. He was actually _smiling._

"_Oh_... Oh, it's so _on_. You're _gone—_I'm going to get you," Bella warned.

"_Goooone,_" Jesse drawled and poked Jacob's stomach. Renée and Bella burst out laughing at the startled expression on his face. "_Goooone,_" he repeated, smiling from ear to ear.

"All right," Renée said. "Let's get this show on the road. Are you coming with us, Jacob?"

"Uh... can I stay home?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Would you mind hanging the washing though, when the cycle is finished?" Renée grinned when he squirmed.

"Okay," he reluctantly agreed and pushed the chair out.

"Thank you," she called after him when he disappeared down the hallway.

"Mom, that was mean. Panties hold a major cringing factor for guys, didn't you know?" Bella laughed when Renée's lips shaped into an O.

"I didn't think," she said, genuinely apologetic this time.

"Panties!" Jesse exclaimed.

"Ugh, you're such a pain," Ashley complained and gathered the fliers and pamphlets to shove them into one of the baskets. If there were coupons and specials, Renée always used them. "Jacob was eating this paper," Ashley said with a grimace, holding up one of the fliers with a corner ripped off. "He's strange," she added.

"All boys are strange, honey," Renée told her and grabbed the basket. "Let's go shopping, eh? We can have some ice cream once we're done. How's that sound?"

"Ice cream ice cream ice cream!" Jesse exclaimed, jumping up and down.

Fridays: how Bella loved them.

**o~*iii*~o**

"Bella, honey," Renée said quietly, making Bella tear her eyes from the TV to look at her mom. Jesse was asleep with his head on her lap. "Can you go tell your dad to come inside already. He has been out there working all evening—I've got to get this rug rat to bed."

"Sure, Mom."

Charlie was out the back, building a terrace. He always had projects going. If he didn't have something to occupy himself with he'd be lost. Bella was sure her dad didn't know how to just sit still and relax. Not counting the movie nights they had every Saturday evening.

"Looking good, Dad," Bella complimented and walked over to where Charlie stood admiring his handy work while smoking his cigar with a cup of coffee perched on the railing.

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?" he said with a smile as he came up the steps and walked to one end of the deck. He hunched down and tilted his head. "I think it's a bit off though. This is cheap wood, but—" He took a drag on his cigar, and then puffed out the smoke. "It should last."

"All we're missing now are flowerbeds," Bella suggested and walked down to inspect the terrace from afar. "Maybe some climbing roses or something—that'd be cool, right?"

"I'll let Mom handle that. I guess she wants me to come inside, huh?"

"Yup." Bella grinned. "And I'm going to go to bed. Night, dad."

"Night, Bells," he called after her as she slipped back inside the house.

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella woke with a start and reached out to turn the clock toward her. It was past three in the morning. Not only was the air in the room warm and stuffy, but it was raining outside, which made it a hundred times worse. She peeked through the curtains before leaving her room to go get a cold drink.

While she stood at the sink, taking a few deep gulps of the cold water, she heard the floorboards creak and swiveled to find a half naked Jacob staring at her. _God_, he looked horrible—even his hair was sticking to his face. Had he been outside in the rain?

"Are you okay?" she instantly wanted to know, unable to keep herself from ogling the damp sheen of his skin. "You look kind of sick," she hurried on to say and put the glass down. "Were you outside?"

Silence.

Then, when she started toward him, he stiffened and quickly turned to escape back to his room, his door closing loudly.

"O_kay_..." She wondered if she should wake her mom or if she should try to talk to him. Suddenly she was afraid he would run away again, and quickly pushed back the voice that reminded her that he wouldn't like her barging into his room.

Bella gave the door a couple of soft knocks. "_Jacob,_" she whispered. "_I just want to know if you're okay._"

No answer.

Feeling slightly apprehensive, she turned the doorknob. "_I'm coming in_," she quietly warned into the darkness.

Jacob sat on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and face in his hands. His breathing seemed a bit off, too, she noted.

"Jacob?" she persisted. "Do you want me to get mom?"

He shook his head once.

"Have you been outside?"

Again he shook his head.

"Do you want me to get you a drink?"

Jacob turned his face toward her, lifting it slightly from his hands. "I think you should go to bed," he said in a strange tone that sent a cold shiver down her spine.

She squared her shoulders. "No. I'm worried—are you going to run away again?" The words were out before she could stop them. She hadn't meant to say them, even if that was what they all feared at times.

"No," he whispered. "But you should leave my room."

Bella sighed. "Okay... but if we find your room empty tomorrow, _I_ am coming after you, and you don't want that, 'cause I'll kick your ass."

"I doubt that," he said without so much as even a trace of humor.

Something about him made her stomach twist; she wished he would let them comfort him. At least confide in them and trust them.

"Well, I'm not kidding," she defiantly said, trying to mask the tiny trickle of discomfort his flat tone caused, and then turned to walk out.

Out of nowhere, an arm shot past her and closed the door before she could exit, and she spun to come face to face with Jacob. She could barely make out his expression in the dark, but she was under the distinct impression it wasn't too friendly. Also, she tried to keep the grimace off her face when the smell of sweat invaded her nose.

"Um, I thought you wanted me to leave your room," she questioned.

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

Bella's eyes widened in disbelief. "I'm trying to, but you kind of stopped me."

"You know what I mean."

"Fine," she grumbled. "I worry. Is that not allowed?"

"Why?"

She paused, not sure how to answer such a weird question. "Why not?" she retorted, but it only came out as a whisper. "You're family," she added when the silence stretched on, hoping it would be enough to answer his questions.

Jacob didn't say anything else, but Bella was so sure she felt something nearly touch her face, and she swore she saw the outline of his hand in her peripheral, but she didn't dare comment.

"Go," he asked in a tight voice.

"No problem," she replied and turned to escape, bumping into him in her rush to leave. His skin was all feverish and sticky.

Bella went to get her mom up before returning to her own bedroom.

Not even one minute later, Renée cracked Bella's door open, telling her what she'd somehow known all along. "He's gone again."

**o~*iii*~o**


	2. Rupture

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Rupture<strong>_

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><p><em>Whoever is spared personal pain must feel himself called to help in diminishing the pain of others. We must all carry our share of the misery which lies upon the world.  Albert Schweitzer_

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><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Bella sat up and tried to shove the guilt aside. She told herself Jacob did this a lot, and it had nothing to do with her being pushy. But he'd said he wasn't going to leave . . .

"He can't have made it far, Mom, I was just _there_," she told Renée and swung her feet over the edge. "We should go look now before he gains too much distance."

"Did he say something to you, sweetie?" her mom asked while Bella pulled a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt on.

"No," she replied. "Nothing that made sense anyway. He just asked me to get out of his room—crap, I'm missing a sock..."

"I'll let Dad know what's going on," Renée informed her as she left the room.

_Jacob can't have gotten very far_, Bella rationalized as she paced back and forth in the garage while waiting for her mom. That fact didn't give her much comfort, however. Since they had no idea why he did this, it was difficult to calculate _where_ he might be.

Why would he take off in this weather, anyway? _Stupid boy_, Bella thought. He'd get cold and sick and then what would he do? This reminded her that his skin had felt like he had a fever, in turn making her groan. He probably _was_ sick already.

"Boys are so stupid," she told Renée when she came into the garage. "They think they're invincible, I swear—you should see the guys in school when they show off, doing all kinds of dumb stuff." Bella slipped into the passenger seat of their minivan, instantly flipping the radio off as Renée turned the key in the ignition. "I think he's sick," she went on in a worried tone. "He felt all hot and sweaty." She grimaced in spite of herself.

"Jacob?" Renée asked in surprise while stretching her arm across the back of Bella's backrest, glancing over her shoulder as they backed out of the garage.

"Yes. Jacob. Who else?"

Renée let out a quiet laugh. "You were talking about the boys in school..."

"You're so dizzy sometimes," Bella teased.

"I live with you guys, can't expect miracles with those odds, honey."

"_Ha_. Love you too."

"Which way?" Renée looked to Bella, having stopped with the rear end of the car sticking half-way out onto the street.

Suddenly something dawned on her. "What if he just went outside, like, in the backyard?"

They watched each other, then Bella was out of the van, sprinting back up the driveway. She reached up to pull the latch and swung the gate open before darting down alongside the house and into the backyard.

"Jacob!" she cried out in frustration and relief. "What the hell are you doing there—we thought you'd left!"

Jacob sat on one of the plastic fold-up chairs shoved up against the wall, staring at her like she'd sprouted a second head.

"I was going to," he reluctantly admitted. "But I said I wouldn't," he reminded her, and then straightened. "Is Renée out here, too?" He sounded guilty now, and Bella let out an exasperated sigh.

"Mom!" she called and shot Jacob a look of warning before running back to where Renée had the van idling in the driveway. She stuck her head out the window.

"He's there, isn't he?" Her relief was obvious when Bella simply nodded. "Well," she said while waiting for the garage door to roll up, "nobody can say our life isn't exciting."

The rain was coming down hard, but Bella returned to the backyard where Jacob still sat, staring at nothing. With another sigh she got up on the deck and went to stand in front of him. She waited.

Renée pulled the screen door open. "Aw, sweetheart, come inside. What are you doing out here?"

Jacob shrugged. "Getting fresh air."

Bella rolled her eyes and gave her mom a look before walking inside.

"I'm sorry for making you get up..." she heard him say to Renée before she walked out of earshot to peel her wet clothes off.

She should have thought of the possibility that he might have just gone outside before they got the car started, but they were so used to him running away that it had been the first thing to go through her head. Jacob's weird mood hadn't helped lessen that suspicion.

With a dry pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on, Bella moved back down the hallway. The lights in the kitchen were on and Jacob sat on one of the chairs with a thermometer sticking out of his mouth. She attempted to hold back on the smirk, but failed.

Renée stood at the stove making hot chocolate.

"There better be enough for me too," Bella said, glancing at Jacob as she moved past him to peek into the pot.

"Of course, baby," Renée confirmed with a smile. "There's honey in it though."

"You and your honey," she jokingly said, making her mom scoff.

"It's good for you."

"I _know_... I'm just teasing, Mom."

A tiny beeping noise sounded, and then Jacob declared, "No fever."

Bella looked at him. "Seriously. You _were_ hot."

"It's the weather," he explained in his defense and put the thermometer down on the table.

"Right."

Renée shook her head, smiling down as she stirred the chocolate.

"What, Mom?"

"Nothing, sweetie. Get two cups out of the cabinet."

She did as her mom asked and pulled out two mugs and set them on the bench top. Renée filled them and set the pot aside.

"I'm going back to bed now, and I want you two in bed as soon as you're done, okay?"

"Thank you," Jacob quietly said when Renée placed the cup in front of him, but tried to duck away when she ruffled his hair, making her grin.

"You're welcome. Now drink up and go back to sleep."

"Night, Mom," Bella called after her in a muted voice, and then turned her narrowed eyes on Jacob. "What was that all about earlier?"

"Sorry," he apologized, but didn't look at her. Instead, he gulped down the hot drink while Bella stared.

"And the fever? You really don't have one?"

"No," he replied in such a way that made it sound like _are you stupid? _"You can fake a temperature, but not the other way around... not while someone is watching, anyway. Not that people fake low temperatures." He said this while looking out the window, and Bella raised both brows. That could possibly have been the first voluntary sentence he'd ever uttered. The most substantial one at least, she decided.

"Oh, and you have experience with this, do you?" Bella teased and sipped her drink.

"Rebecca used to do it," he replied distractedly, still with his eyes averted.

This made Bella pause. "Who's Rebecca?" she wondered.

"Fuck," he swore under his breath and turned his eyes on her. That hostile tenor was back in his voice and his eyes were no less intimidating. Jacob took the mug and tipped the contents into the sink and rinsed it out before setting it aside. Bella could only gape at him when he stopped briefly next to her to warn, "Stop asking so many questions all the time."

She couldn't help but feel there was an underlying threat of _or else._

"I didn't mean anything by it," she sharply whispered after him, and he stopped abruptly, and then turned, his face in partial shadow. He looked like he was about to say something, but then thought better of it and continued down the hallway.

Bella exhaled, "Geez," and brought the cup with her to her room.

The better part of an hour passed before she managed to fall asleep.

**o~*iii*~o**

The world was rocking. It was awfully loud, too. But when Bella popped one eye open to squint against the bright light, she realized the rocking was caused by Jesse jumping on her bed.

"Jesse," she complained and pulled the comforter over her head, curling into a ball. "Bells gets seasick," she added pleadingly.

"Hey ho, hey ho!" he quipped.

Bella felt down along the mattress, grinning to herself when she found one of his feet.

"Yarr!" she growled and Jesse yelped, flying off the bed. She laughed when his feet pounded against the floorboards on his way down into the kitchen.

His alarmed voice could be heard loud and clear. "It's a monster—a _monster_!"

The sun was out and the water drops on the lawn outside glistened prettily. Bella just sat there on her knees, watching it for a long while before a knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"Breakfast, Bells," her dad said, and she turned to smile at him as he came into her room.

"Bleeding hearts. That's what we should plant next to your terrace," she told him and climbed out of bed.

"You can plant whatever you want after you've helped Mom clean this house—I have to work late tonight." He sat down on the edge of her desk and folded his arms, assuming his _all business_ stance. "Is everything okay with Jacob?"

Bella wasn't quick enough to ward off the frown, and her dad was even more observant than she was. Charlie only had to keep looking at her and she knew she wouldn't get away without an answer. "It's nothing, Dad, he's just... a little bit edgy, maybe?"

"Jacob is always edgy, Bella. Mom said you were up with him last night."

_Does he have to make it sound like that was a bad thing?_ she questioned quietly in her own head. "I'm just pushy, Dad, and he told me to stop asking him stuff; it's no big deal."

He scrutinized her, and then rose from the desk. "All right, but there are—"

"—no secrets within these walls," Bella filled in. "I know, Dad."

"Well, if he has a problem with answering questions, you send him to me, okay?"

Bella cringed. "Yes, Dad."

The thing with Charlie wasn't that you weren't allowed to answer back, but if you did you better be prepared to back it up with a spine of steel and dedicated time. Bella and her dad banged their heads together more often than not, but this wasn't something she wanted to do in regards to Jacob; she didn't know enough about him to do the argument justice. She'd be a wet stain on the floor before she even began.

They were all sitting at the table when Bella came into the kitchen. Even Jacob, though he kept his eyes on the task of buttering his toast.

"Morning," she said and pulled a slice of bread from the bag to pop into the toaster.

"I'll see you later, honey," Charlie said and leaned in to give Renée a kiss. Jesse made kissing noises while Ashley rolled her eyes at him.

"You're missing out on James Bond tonight," Renée playfully said, making Charlie fake a wince.

"Oh, that I won't survive," he told her in earnest, and to the rest of them, "Be good today."

"We always are," Ashley declared proudly.

"I'm sure _you_ are," he said to her. "But I'm not so sure about this one." He messed up Bella's hair before walking out of the kitchen.

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome, Bells," came his reply before the door closed behind him.

"So," Renée began and leaned forward with a conspiratorial look on her face. "Who wants to help me clean today?"

"I'm definitely doing the vacuuming and mopping," Bella blurted.

"I can dust," Ashley volunteered.

Jesse, with his mouth full of cereal, pointed toward the dish washer.

"Bathroom duty again, I guess," Jacob said, not too enthusiastically.

"I'll keep you company," Renée comforted. "I need to scrub the bathtub. Jesse can help me in the kitchen later," she added and winked at Jesse's beaming face.

"I can scrub it," Jacob offered.

"Thanks, honey, but we're splitting the bathroom chores this week, you and I."

He shrugged. "Okay."

One hour later, they were all in full-on cleaning mode—well, nearly all of them. Jesse was flying around trying to get the duster off Ashley who kept swatting at him with it. Bella helped with the dusting, not wanting to vacuum until all was done.

"Jesse, stop it. I can't dust if you keep getting in the way all the time."

"Me too! I want to dust, too!"

"Ugh. Wait your turn."

Bella finished wiping off the top of the book shelf and climbed down the stool, handing her duster to Jesse. "Here. You can take over for a minute." She walked down the hallway to the bathroom. Renée was bent over the tub with her jeans rolled up and sleeves pushed far above the elbows. Jacob was wiping the sink. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Since Dad's not going to be here tonight, can we go to Redbox and rent something?"

Renée grinned. "Have you got something specific in mind?"

Bella shrugged. "Not really, but we can have a look, right?"

"Hmm."

"I can go by myself," she suggested. "I'll take the bike—"

"I'll come with you," Jacob cut in quickly.

Bella and Renée turned to look at him, still with his back to them.

"Um..." Bella didn't know what to say; Jacob had never shown an interest to be involved in these things when _asked_, let alone offer to join of his own accord.

"I think that's a great idea," Renée said, winking at Bella who wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Last night he'd wanted her to leave him alone, and now he wanted to keep her company while picking out a movie? She definitely didn't understand boys, Jacob even less than the others.

"Sure," she finally agreed and walked out of the bathroom, shaking her head.

**o~*iii*~o**

After dinner and a shower, Bella was on her bike, Jacob keeping up next to her as they rode the few blocks to the Redbox kiosk. She couldn't get over how strange it was to have him there; not that she minded; it was a _good_ thing. They were always hoping and waiting for him to open up, and if this wasn't a sign of that, then she didn't know what was.

He was still quiet. And he barely looked at her, though she kept glancing at him.

"I know why you wanted to come with me now," Bella said, smiling at the confusion so clear on his face. Since he didn't say anything back she continued. "You want to make sure I don't get some girly movie, don't you?" She quirked a brow teasingly.

"Uh..."

She grinned. "You're so busted." He _did_ look a bit worried. "Don't worry," she went on. "We'll find something everyone can watch."

"_Finding Nemo_?" he wondered, and Bella burst out laughing, giving Jacob a start. "I wasn't trying to be funny. That's safe enough for Jesse," he added matter-of-factly.

She pressed her lips together, trying to regain composure. "Sorry," she apologized sincerely—she truly hadn't meant to laugh. "_Finding Nemo_ is... a great movie," she finally allowed.

"If you say so."

Why was he always so serious?

"Apart from _Finding Nemo_, what other movies do you like?" She looked back at him briefly, and there it was again, that expression that made her feel like she'd just mouthed off in Chinese. It was as though he truly had no idea what she was talking about. (Or maybe he just wasn't interested and wished she'd be quiet?) "Mine's _Legends of the Fall_," she revealed, hoping he'd catch on. _Maybe not_, she silently added at his indifferent demeanor. "I'll guess," she offered. "Um, let's see..." With squinted eyes she studied him, as though the answers would pop up after a thorough enough scrutiny.

"Watch out," he said and Bella turned her eyes back on the path just in time to dodge a child's tricycle that had been left in the middle of it.

"Wow, I'm such a klutz," she breathed. "Thanks. I can think of better places to spend the evening than the ER." Out of the corner of her eye she could see him shaking his head, which made her sigh. "Always so serious," she accused in a lighthearted manner.

"You don't know how to be quiet, do you?" he said, more as a factual observation than a question.

"I guess not—does it bother you?"

He didn't give her an answer to that—though he did shrug. Instead, as they rounded the last corner and turned onto one of the bigger streets and Walgreens came into view, he informed her, "I'm just going to the corner shop up there to get something. I won't be long."

"Wait..." She watched after him as he crossed the street. "So much for getting help to pick out a movie," she said with a sigh and slowed down. While securing the cable lock, she watched Jacob until he slipped through the doors to the shop up ahead. If he took off on her she'd not be happy.

Truth be told, she was slightly disappointed. She guessed he just needed an excuse to get out of the house without being questioned where he was going. At first, she considered waiting for him, but after a couple of minutes she gave up and decided to go ahead without him.

Walgreens was busy, but Bella maneuvered through the crowds easily—short as she was—and headed straight for the Redbox kiosk. She decided to pay for a kids' movie out of her own pocket as well, so Jesse and Ashley had something to watch, too.

As she stood there going through the Disney movies, she felt someone come up to stand next to her.

"Cute," said the male voice, and she froze momentarily, her hand hovering over the touchscreen. _Oh no, this isn't happening,_ she thought and felt her face grow hot. "Having a slumber party?" he asked with humor.

"No," she replied, her heart in her throat. When it came to boys she usually avoided close encounters, but this wasn't just any boy. This was Edwin Locke—she'd only had a crush on him for two years—and he was big and toned and kind of nice to look at and she had absolutely _no idea_ what to say.

And she still couldn't look at him. Eye contact was a no-go. She'd be a mess if she looked. His eyes did that to her. Combine that with the contrast of his warm tan and, well, she wouldn't make more of an idiot of herself than she already had.

"You're going to keep me guessing, aren't you, cutie?"

What? Cutie? "No, it's a family thing. I'm getting a movie for the kids."

"You look a bit young for kids," he teased, and the heat pricked at her cheeks.

"They're my _siblings_," she said like _duh_, having turned to look at him now. His shockingly green eyes appraised her with cheeky mirth and she pursed her lips.

"Hi," he said.

"Um. Hey."

"Hey," he repeated, smirking. "We're making progress, I think."

"In a pretty sad way," she pointed out and returned to look at the movie titles.

Edwin lingered next to her, and she wondered what he wanted. Usually he would just tease her, if he ever paid attention to her at all, that was, which he rarely did. So it puzzled her why he was talking to her now.

"Say, what are you doing tomorrow?"

Bella's brain missed a step but she caught herself before she took a mental tumble, and then looked up at Edwin. "Why do you ask?"

"A few of us are going to the movies... Want to join us?"

Her eyes narrowed. "And who are 'us'?" she wanted to know, drawing quotation marks as she said _us_. Not that she wasn't flattered—she could barely wrap her head around why he'd ask _her—_but after two years of not paying her much attention, and teasing her when he _did_, she wasn't inclined to jump for joy. Besides, the thought of going to the movies with the guys and girls Edwin hung out with had her stomach flipping nervously.

"Shawn and his girlfriend," he ticked them off his fingers as he went along, "Fish and his brother..."

Bella didn't do too well at keeping the grimace to herself, which made Edwin laugh. First off, Fish was a horrible nickname. Secondly, the story behind it was worse; one she didn't want to think about. His real name was Steven, and he was a creep.

"I think we might be going out tomorrow for a picnic, so... thanks, but no thanks," she graciously declined, but threw a tantrum in her head at just having said no to him. Her best friend, Nina, would no doubt give her the good beating she deserved for missing out on the opportunity. If she told her. She _could_ keep it to herself. She didn't _have _to tell Nina _everything._

"Are you going to be out all day?" he asked.

"No, but—"

"We can catch one of the later screenings," he offered.

Bella raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you'll survive without me."

To this he grinned widely. "Maybe—maybe not." He winked.

His sudden interest in her made no sense, so she went with her gut. "I'll show up for the funeral if you don't, I promise." She flashed him a smile and turned to dodge a few bodies, deciding to go buy some candies and come back again. Maybe Jacob would return from the corner shop in the meanwhile.

What was taking him so long, anyway?

Twenty minutes later, Bella had some snacks and two movies and squeezed through the group of familiar faces just outside the entrance to Walgreens. To her discomfort, she recognized Fish and the rest of Edwin's friends, and Edwin himself, watching her as she went up to her bike. She looked in the direction of the corner shop, and her shoulders relaxed when she spotted Jacob walking his bike across the street.

"Took your sweet time," she called out to him when he came closer, but his eyes were trained over her shoulder and she glanced backward. She groaned when Edwin came toward her again, his cell phone in hand. "_What now,_" she breathed.

"You've got a cell, right?" he asked her, and she turned, folding her arms.

"Yeah, I do."

"How about I give you my number, and you text me when you're bored or not busy with the _kids._"

She couldn't help but feel he was mocking her now. Oh, right. His friends were there, so he had to go back to being a bully, didn't he? Well, she knew how to deal with his kind.

"I see you all the time in school. Why don't you talk to me there?" Like he would. She wasn't popular, so that he was _still_ insisting on talking to her made her suspicious. Just because she had _wished _and _wanted _him to notice her, didn't mean it would just miraculously happen for no good reason. This wasn't a cheesy teen movie; though, if it were, the second scenario would be to ridicule her. That outcome seemed more probable to her than any other.

Edwin's eyes flitted to Jacob suddenly. "What's your problem?" he demanded.

Bella turned to look at him, too. He wore that hostile mask again.

"I don't know yet," Jacob replied with a shrug. "Keep talking, and we'll see."

"How about you push off, or are you her boyfriend or something?"

"No."

"Jacob lives with us," Bella filled in, and went on to clarify, "You could say he's my brother."

"You don't look like an Indian," Edwin said to her as he studied her face.

"Native American," Bella corrected. "And no, I'm not Native, but that's irrelevant."

"Whatever," Edwin said dismissively. "Now, do you have your cell with you, or do I write it down for you?"

Her mouth popped open—what was his deal?—but she composed herself quickly, telling him, "I'd rather you keep it to yourself, or share it with someone who wants it."

The area around her bike was very crowded all of a sudden when the rest of Edwin's friends came up to join him. Fish had stepped disconcertingly close to Jacob who didn't even flinch, though Bella took an involuntary step back when Fish got all up in his face.

"Hey, take it easy, Fish," Edwin said.

He ignored Edwin's warning, staring at Jacob. "This kid obviously needs a reality check—do we have a problem?" he taunted in a low tone.

Jacob stood his ground. "Nope."

"What are you doing?" Bella protested, worry digging into her stomach.

"I wasn't talking to you," Fish replied flatly, but didn't take his eyes off Jacob, who didn't seem fazed at all by the guy hovering in his personal space. Even though his face still held some harsh emotion she couldn't quite make sense of, and his dark eyes made a cold shiver run down her spine, she wasn't sure who she should be worried about more: Jacob or Fish. Not that she'd ever known Jacob to be violent, but he did have a past they knew nothing about. And there was just _something_ about his demeanor that made alarm bells go off in her head.

After her parents started fostering she'd had her eyes opened to a lot of horrific situations children had to live through. Not that she hadn't been aware before, but Jesse, for example, had been pulled out of his home after his dad nearly beat his mother to death, killing their unborn child in the process. So far Jesse's mother had been unsuccessful in following through on all the steps to get him back.

The worst part about it: Jesse had witnessed the whole thing. He had terrible nightmares but, somehow, he was still such a sweet and happy little boy.

This world could be a really ugly place. Bella knew it better now than she had before.

"I don't care," she persisted stubbornly. "I'm talking to you." She should probably be more careful, but she wasn't known for filtering her words when she felt strongly about something. "He didn't do anything to you. I was talking to Edwin, so why are you here, acting all tough, huh? Mind your own business." Her heart was beating hard in her chest, and she ignored the burning rush in her face.

Fish startled her when he kicked her bike over. "Oops. You better pick that up. I hope I didn't scratch it."

"Yeah, wow, impressive." She snorted, but bent to grab the handle, and next thing she knew she felt a light shove, only just so, but enough to make her lose balance. She dropped the movies to catch herself with her hands, landing on the bike awkwardly. "_Hey!_"

"Bad move," she heard Jacob say darkly. She didn't see what happened next, but she _heard_ the cussing followed by a scuffle. When she managed to get back up it was just in time to see Jacob take a punch square in the face from Fish.

"Oh my _God_!" In an instant she was at him, shoving him _hard_, and he stumbled several steps before catching himself. "_Stop it!_" she yelled when he came at her, but Jacob grabbed her and pulled her back and dodged another swing from Fish, just in the nick of time.

"Don't even think about it," Jacob warned in a dangerous tone, and all she could do now was stare at the blood gushing from his nose.

"Jacob—your nose," she managed to say, her eyes wide.

"It's nothing."

She was going to protest, but a man came toward them with a phone in his hand. "Take it elsewhere or I'm calling the cops," he warned, and then paused as his eyes landed on Jacob. "Who's responsible for this?"

Bella pointed to Fish. "He is."

"I'm outta here," he spat, giving Jacob a murderous glare. "You better watch your back, Chief."

The man stared between them. "Now, just wait a minute. You're not going—"

"Worry about your own," Jacob shouted after Fish. He had already taken off and stalked across the street.

"Do you have a first aid kit in there?" Bella asked the man—maybe the manager of Walgreens or something, she guessed.

"I'm fine," Jacob insisted, but added nervously, "Can we go?"

"You're not fine!" she cried. "You're bleeding all over yourself."

"Just a minute," the man said, glancing at the rest of Edwin's "gang" before hurrying back inside the store.

Bella unzipped her hoodie and pulled it off. She tried to use the sleeve to wipe at Jacob's face, but he tilted his head away from her. He looked irritated now more than anything else, but she ignored it.

"Stop it," he said harshly. "Don't ruin your jacket."

"Stop being so proud," she snapped back.

Edwin had come closer and looked like he was going to say something, but Bella interrupted quickly. "Leave us alone," she ordered, pointing down the street. "Just go!"

"This is public property," one of the girls haughtily stated, as though Bella didn't know.

"Smartass skank."

The girl gasped indignantly, but Edwin grabbed her arm and led her away, not sparing them another look.

"It's not worth it," Jacob told her.

"She had it coming." Bella glanced at him, wincing at the state of his face. "Here, let me," she persisted stubbornly and managed to wipe his chin before he ducked away from her again. "Jacob, stop. Geez." He pulled a face when she, by accident, nudged his nose. "Sorry!"

"This is all I can spare," came the man's voice, and she turned to accept the gauze he handed to her. "You should get your parents to take him to the hospital. File a complaint, too, while you're at it."

"Thank you," Bella said, "but we'll be okay."

"I've got to get back inside," he said, apologetic, and walked back to the doors. Several kids and a few adults were staring at them.

"Take a picture, it'll last you longer," Bella muttered under her breath.

Jacob was shaking his head at her. "You're feisty," he said, sounding almost impressed, which threw her.

All she could do was thrust the gauze at him. "Hold that to your nose until we get home. Um, can you still ride a bike, or do I call Mom?"

"I don't need my nose to ride a bike."

She rolled her eyes. "Right." After having picked up the movies and unlocked her bike she got on it and started down the street. Jacob followed closely behind.

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella poked her head in the door, calling out to Renée, who came outside when she waved for her to step out on the porch.

"Good heavens," she exclaimed. "Bella, go inside and get me something to clean this with—and for the love of God, keep Jesse inside."

Bella did as she was asked, tossing her bloodied jacket on the bench where Renée had pulled Jacob down to sit. If Jesse were to see Jacob right now, he'd freak out. They had found this out the hard way when Charlie had hurt himself while pruning the bushes and walked inside with a deep cut on his hand. It had taken hours to calm Jesse down.

"Ash?" Bella called out while rummaging through the first aid cabinet on the wall in the pantry. It was an odd place to keep things, but it had been there for as long she could remember.

Ashley came to watch what she was doing. "Yeah?"

"Can you put that movie on for you and Jesse?" she asked while pointing to the counter where she'd put them both down.

Ashley's eyes lit up. "Oh!" she gushed. "_Brother Bear_! Hey, Jesse—look!" Jesse had appeared next to them and quickly snatched up the movie and ran off with it. "Hey, wait! Let me do it!" Ashley was off, chasing him down the hallway. "Not there, you goon. The living room!"

When Bella got back outside, Renée looked up at her, worry creasing her brow. "Did someone hurt you, baby?"

"_Me_?" Her eyes flitted to Jacob's dark ones. "They just messed with my bike. I'm not the one who's bleeding."

"I can _see_ that, Bella, but Jacob said someone pushed you."

"Honestly, it didn't even hurt—here." Bella handed her mom a washcloth she had dipped in hot water, some disinfectant and more gauze. "Can I get you something else?" she wondered.

Renée shook her head, but in a stern voice asked, "Who was it? I want names—I'm calling their parents." She dabbed lightly at Jacob's face. He sat stock still.

"Fi—Steven Kirkland," Bella informed her, and Renée raised an eyebrow at her stutter. "They call him Fish," she explained with a roll of her eyes. "He's a senior at Agua Fria and I have a few classes with his brother."

"He's a _dead_ fish," Jacob sneered. His mouth snapped closed, his jaw flexing as he in a tight voice apologized. "Sorry."

Bella watched his expression warily.

"Now now, I'll sort it out, don't you worry," Renée said, continuing to clean his face. "How much does it hurt, sweetheart?" She frowned and turned to Bella. "I'm wondering whether to take him to the ER in case it's broken. Can you stay with Ash and Jesse?"

"I'm _fine_," Jacob muttered.

Renée sighed. "Maybe _you_ are, but your nose might not be."

He raised an eyebrow. "Does it look broken?"

"No," both Renée and Bella said simultaneously.

"But that doesn't mean it's not," Renée pointed out seriously.

"So? I'm not going to the ER."

"All right, all right—have it your way," Renée relented, though reluctantly so, and sighed at him again. "You're such a stubborn boy, Jacob," she chided. "But you're to let me know if it hurts, okay?"

He closed his eyes. "Yes."

Renée clucked her tongue while soaking a gauze with some disinfectant. "This might sting a little," she warned before pressing gently against his nose with the square cloth. Jacob flinched back but let her fuss over him, and Bella folded her lips together, feeling slightly sorry for him. "At least you're not bleeding anymore, but I think we need to get the rest of you cleaned up before you're walking through that door—Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you get him some clothes?"

Jacob's eyes popped open and he stared at her. She realized that she'd have to go into his room and he didn't like that idea at all.

"I won't touch anything, I promise," she assured him.

He had his shirt pulled off before she could even reach for the door, and tossed it aside as he walked past her.

"I've got it," he said tightly.

"Um, okay..." Bella glanced at her mom, hitching a shoulder. "He's just had his face punched, guess it makes a guy grumpy," she said, and Renée picked up his shirt, together with Bella's hoodie, shaking her head.

"He'll get there, Bella. He's come a long way in three years."

"I know, but still—sometimes he just looks so... so... _mad_."

Renée patted the bench. "Come here, baby. Sit with me."

"Okay." She sat down and pulled her feet up, folding her legs. "What's up?"

"What really happened?" she asked.

"He didn't do anything wrong... at least, I don't think so. Steven got all up in his face for some reason while I was talking to Edwin." Bella frowned at the memory. _So much for that pretty face,_ she thought. Maybe it was time she stopped ogling him at school. He truly was an ass, especially when he kept friends like Fish.

"So he didn't do anything to provoke Steven?"

She shook her head no. "He didn't even hit back. _I_ would've, but I'm not exactly equipped for that." She flexed her skinny arms. "It's a problem," she said unhappily, making her mom laugh.

"Just as well," Renée assured, but grabbed one of Bella's arms, squeezing experimentally. "You could always ask to borrow Jacob's weights if you're not happy with those spaghetti arms of yours." She gave her daughter a playful wink.

"Oh, he'll love that—_not._"

"You won't know until you try, honey."

"Are you actually serious?" Bella's brows rose skeptically while trying to figure out the look on her mom's face.

"Not to help you beat the poor boys up, but I see you trying to make friends with Jacob, and maybe you need to try a different approach. You know, he isn't going to talk about the things we talk about, baby."

At this she rolled her eyes. "He doesn't want to talk about _anything._ I think he's just a quiet person."

Renée didn't agree. "In spite of what we might think—or what he'll have us think—it's just a defense mechanism, sweetie. I don't think he's withdrawn by nature, and your dad definitely is with me on that one."

Bella rested her chin on her knees and watched an elderly lady walking her terrier past their house. In a quiet voice she asked, "What do you think happened to make him be this way?"

"He lost his entire family, and not just his parents, but his sister, too. That's tough on any kid." At this, Renée curled her arm around her daughter's shoulders and pulled her closer.

"He never talks about them," Bella observed thoughtfully, leaning her head on her mom's shoulder, and then she remembered he had mentioned someone the night before—early that morning, rather. "Who's Rebecca, Mom?"

"Who?"

"Jacob mentioned someone by that name after you went to bed this morning, before he got all defensive and uppity for asking questions. He thinks I talk too much," she stated, tilting her head to grin her at her mom.

"I have no idea who Rebecca is, and you do talk a lot, Bella. But not too much. For him, possibly, yes, but don't worry about it."

A beat up Corolla pulled into their driveway and the horn blared, causing both Bella and Renée to jump.

"Guess we know why he was so against the ER," Bella mumbled quietly just as the door swung open and Jacob came out on the porch.

"Yo, Jake," the guy in the driver's seat hollered as he hung an arm out the window. It was Jared Hunt, another senior at Agua Fria, and the girl in the back was Jacob's girlfriend. Bella wondered sometimes how he managed to get a girlfriend when he was such a grump all the time. But probably he was different with his friends; Bella was slightly different around Nina, so she shouldn't judge. "Fuck." Jared let out a sharp whistle. "You look like shit—you weren't kidding."

"Language!" Renée called out and Jared gave her a sheepish grin.

"Sorry, Mrs. Swan."

"You better be!"

"I'll be back before my curfew," Jacob promised before walking down the steps.

"Aw, Jake, come here," they heard the girlfriend coo when Jacob pulled the door open to get in. If Bella just saw correctly, he was rolling his eyes at her.

This made her smirk. Renée and Bella looked at each other and rolled their eyes, too. "He'll be getting T.L.C. until it comes out of his ears," Renée joked.

Jacob's girlfriend was a strange girl, but very bubbly. Too much, in Bella's opinion—she sometimes had to plug her headset into her computer to cut off the hyena-like laughter when she came to visit. She doubted it was the laugh that he'd fallen for. (Probably it was the body, as with most guys her age; it was all about the boobs, wasn't it?) Hannah had very big boobs.

"It's just you and me for the movie now, babe," Renée said and gave Bella a squeeze before getting off the bench. She returned Jared's wave when they backed out of the driveway.

"I'll go make some popcorn," Bella replied, grinning at her mom.

**o~*iii*~o**

The rest of the weekend went by like any other, and just like always, it passed too quickly, giving way to Monday. Not only did this mean the entire week was ahead, but Bella had work after school and would need to rush to the bus stop to ride the bus to work as soon as she got out.

First she needed to get through the day, and Mondays were always the worst.

By the time lunch came around, Bella felt slightly paranoid, wondering why people kept staring at her. At one point she ducked into the bathroom to check if someone had tagged her. Luckily that wasn't the case, _and it shouldn't ever be_, she thought. That was such elementary behavior. Unfortunately it _did_ occur though—not to Bella—but she'd seen it happen on several occasions.

With school finally being over for the day, Bella made her way toward the bus stop while Nina kept her company. Today she wasn't paying attention to Edwin and his friends. Instead her jaw went slack when she spotted Fish. Not only was he staring directly at her—half-staring, thanks to one eye being swollen shut—but he was actually walking her way, coming straight for her.

Nina froze when she realized who was coming toward them. "He's so totally coming our way," she breathed.

"Uh-huh." Bella didn't know whether to pick up her pace or what to do, and she glanced at her friend. "I think we've got trouble incoming," she whispered.

"You're telling me—shit, look at him. His face is all messed up. Not that it's the first time, but..."

As he closed in on them, Bella noticed his lip had been split—he looked to be in pretty bad shape, and his expression was thunderous.

"Uh-oh... he looks pissed," she said nervously and glanced around, hoping there were enough people to stop him from causing a scene. The last thing she wanted was to go head to head with this guy's temper.

"Stay cool, he won't do anything here—"

"Ow!" Bella yelped when Fish grabbed her arm roughly, having pulled her off the pavement and was now dragging her across the road.

"We're gonna have a talk," he said as she struggled against him.

"Let me go!"

"Hey, asshole, lay off my girl," Nina shouted.

"Steven! Let her go, man—what're you doing?" Bella heard Edwin call after them.

"Stay out of it," Fish snapped over his shoulder.

Fish gave her a yank when she wouldn't quit trying to break free, and didn't stop until they were on the other side of the road. The cold expression on his face made Bella's stomach drop. She nearly tripped when he turned her sharply to face him. His steel gray eyes bore into her.

"Where's that retarded brother of yours?" he nearly growled.

"You're hurting me," she bit out through gritted teeth, but he didn't let her go.

"Are you deaf?" Nina wondered incredulously, staring at him. "Let her go."

"Run along, _chica_, this is none of your business."

Shouting broke out behind them, and Bella managed to crane her neck to peer around Fish who started smiling.

"Guess this was too easy," he said silkily as she stared at Jacob coming across the road.

"Get your fucking hands off of her."

Her breath caught in her throat when suddenly Fish was sent sprawling into the bushes behind them. The blood rushed through her arm, stinging and throbbing with relief. She still couldn't find her words, locked in place by the intensity in Jacob's eyes as he stared at her arm.

"You okay?" he asked in a strained voice.

She just nodded, and then, in the next moment, Jacob was gone from her line of sight, and even more shouting erupted around them. Fish had come out of the bushes and launched himself at Jacob who had been knocked off his feet. What was wrong with him? Why did he just take it?

"Stop," she choked out, finally finding her voice, though it wasn't working as well as she'd hoped. "Stop! You're hurting him!" Also having gained some functionality back in her limbs, she threw herself at Fish who had grabbed Jacob's shirt and tried to pull him off the ground. She didn't know what to do so she pulled his hair. "Let him go!" she yelled.

"Bitch," he spat and spun, but someone yanked her out of the way before he could grab her.

Bella stared up at her rescuer. "Thanks," she breathed.

Edwin merely nodded before he let her go to grab his friend. "Man, what the hell has gotten into you?"

Nina came up to Bella, putting an arm around her. "Jesus, girl, what's going on? Are you okay?"

Bella nodded absently, her eyes flitting to Jacob as he got off the ground. Not being in control of herself fully yet, she shrugged out of Nina's embrace and went up to him, touching his arm carefully.

"Are _you _all right?" she quietly asked.

He glanced at her hand, but didn't move away. "Yeah... What the fuck is his problem? Hey," he called out, his eyes on Fish. "What's your fucking problem? What business you got manhandling a girl, huh?"

"My problem? What do you think, asshole?" He jerked his thumb at his face. "See this? Recognize it? Or was it too fucking dark for you to see when you attacked me last night?"

Bella sucked in a sharp breath. "_No_," she whispered.

**o~*iii*~o**


	3. Kindle

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Kindle<strong>_

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><p><em>In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  Albert Schweitzer_

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><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

She couldn't believe it. Jacob wouldn't do that – would he? He had been given plenty of opportunities to hit Fish back but still he had just _taken_ the punches. Why would he sneak out just to bash the crap out of him? As secretive as he could be, it just didn't sound like something he would do. But what did she really know?

"Say what? What the hell are you talking about?" Jacob demanded with his brows pulled together as he stared expectantly at Fish.

"I'm talking about you being a pussy. Why don't you take your shot right here, or are you afraid you're going to lose without help?" He took a calculated step toward Jacob.

What an asshole, Bella thought. He was so obviously taunting him.

"I'm not fighting you," Jacob snapped impatiently. "And whoever hooked you wasn't me, get your facts straight before you mouth off."

"If it wasn't you, then you sent someone out to do it; either way you're fucking dead."

Jacob shook his head in disbelief. "I couldn't care a shit about you, or the fact that you punched me. Just keep your hands off of _her._" He nodded toward Bella. "That's all I'm saying."

Fish was going after Jacob, but again Edwin was there, holding him back. "Let it go, Fish."

"No. Get off me. It was him, I fucking swear it – that, or he ratted me out to someone. Whoever it was knew I messed his face up." Then he stopped struggling and turned his eyes on Bella, who was frozen and silent, still trying to add it all up in her head. "Unless _you_ sent someone, you little twit."

Her head snapped up to stare wide-eyed at Fish. "What? _No!_"

"Shit, girl – your bus," Nina exclaimed, making Bella spin on her heel.

"Dammit!" She forgot everything else and made a dash for the bus, waving at it. "Hey! Wait!" she shouted, but it was no use; of course the driver wouldn't hear her. The bus pulled out before she even came close. "Ugh! Stupid stupid stupid," she grumbled and, defeated, came to a stop, hunching over to catch her breath as her words came out in pants. "Just..._great_." With slumped shoulders, she turned back to where they were all still standing. Fish was smirking at her.

"I hope you get fired, you stupid bitch."

"Oh my God – could you just shut up and go away? Nobody cares what stupid things you have to say." Bella glared at him, irritated, while Nina tried to put an arm around her.

"Ignore him," she soothed.

"When do you have to be there?" Jacob asked her.

"At three-thirty," she replied, puzzled, and he dug into his pocket to fish out his phone. Next thing she knew he was talking to Jared.

"Yeah – wait, I'll ask." He looked at her again. "You've still got the job at Petco, right?"

"Yeah, at the Gateway Pavilions," she confirmed, giving him a quizzical look.

"Got it? – yeah, man, I'll see you soon." Jacob shoved his phone back into his pocket as he turned his focus back on Bella. "Jared'll give you a ride," he said, which made her blink.

"What – really? Oh crap, that's _great_," she said, a smile creeping onto her lips. "I might possibly live to see another day."

One of Jacob's brows lifted slightly, like she had gone completely mental. She grinned at him and shrugged in answer to the unspoken question of her sanity.

"Seriously. Thank you. Dad would so kill me if he found out I missed work."

"It's not like it is _your_ fault," Nina said, her eyes zeroing in on Fish who was still staring daggers at Bella. "Hey, why are you still here? Go away or something." She shoo-ed at him with her hand.

"I'm not done," he said.

"Yeah, you are. Can't you take a hint?" Bella snapped at him, her smile having died, then she looked at Edwin who tried to pull Fish with him.

She could tell he was far from giving up, and if he had his way he would probably punch her lights out. But his eyes kept flitting briefly to Jacob who wasn't budging an inch. Instead he stood there, arms crossed, looking up and down the street. She did notice, however, the way he kept a discreet eye on Fish.

"He's seriously got it going on," Nina whispered into Bella's ear after having leaned in close.

"Huh?" Not sure who or what she was talking about, she glanced at Fish and Edwin, but Nina rolled her eyes and lowered her voice so much she barely heard her.

"_Jacob_."

"Oh." Bella shook her head and whispered back. "Trust me, you don't want to go there."

Still in a hushed tone, Nina wondered, "Why? 'Cause he's got a girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah. Not like that would stop you. You're seriously a slut." They both giggled at that. "Just..._please_ don't. That would be really weird," she added, making puppy-eyes at her friend.

Nina's eyes widened, like something had just dawned on her. "You totally can't crush on him. He _lives_ with you," she protested.

Bella pulled her head back in shock. "I'm not!" she hissed, drawing attention to themselves. Relentless, the blush shot into her face and she gave Nina a light shove, eying her pleadingly.

Jared's Corolla finally arrived and pulled up next to them. He leaned out the window. "Hey there, sweet thing," he drawled. "Someone called for a rescue?" Then he spotted Fish, and his brows shot up. "Fuck, you look like shit, dude," he told him, smirking.

"What's it to you?" Fish shot back.

He shrugged and slung his arm out. "You got what you deserved, man...just sayin'."

Fish's good eye narrowed. "And what do you know about it?"

Jared laughed. "Shit, not too bright." He gestured to his face. "Look at you, all fucked up – doesn't take rocket science, y'know? Wait-" Jared turned to Jacob who stood with one arm resting over the open passenger door while looking expectantly at Bella, then back to Fish. "You don't even know who busted you up, do you, genius?"

"Oh I know, all right," he said, his voice full of meaning as he stared at Jacob.

Again Jared laughed. "The chances of him goin' anywhere when he's got his girl's legs wrapped around him are slim, shithead."

Fish stared at him, and Bella cringed next to Nina who just gaped at Jared. That was a mental image she did not want of Jacob's girlfriend.

"Jared, shut up." Jacob gave his friend a look of warning. Bella whispered her goodbyes to Nina and quickly moved to open the door to the back.

"You can ride up front with me, I won't bite ya," Jared playfully said, winking at her. She ducked her head, hoping her hair would hide her face.

"That's okay," she mumbled quietly and slid onto the seat, giving Nina a last wave, but mouthed, "I'll call you," while holding her thumb and pinky like a phone to the side of her face. She shut the door and settled in, pulling the seat belt around her before cradling her backpack.

"Do they sell studded collars at Petco?" Jared asked then, and glanced at her in the rear view.

The question caught her off guard. "Um, well – I don't know. Maybe...why?"

"Ouch," Jared huffed when Jacob smacked his head. "Jesus, I was just askin'."

"Drive," Jacob told him. He shrugged and put the Corolla into gear, and stuck his finger up at Fish who yelled something after them when they started moving. Bella didn't quite catch it. Not that she cared; she'd had enough of Fish.

Bella sat quietly in the back, trying not to eavesdrop on Jacob's and Jared's conversation. Though hard as it was, she couldn't help but be curious, as she wasn't used to Jacob being so talkative. Mostly they chatted about people she'd never met and stupid stuff those people had done – a party Jared was trying to talk Jacob into going to, among other things.

She was so focused on listening to his voice that she didn't even realize she had been watching Jacob the entire time – until suddenly his dark eyes met hers.

"We're here," he said, one brow quirked, and she quickly averted her eyes and grabbed for the door handle, feeling her face heat up.

"Thanks for the ride," she hurried to say, while all but stumbling out of the car. In her head, she admonished herself for the blatant staring-fest she'd indulged in. Like he needed any more reasons to avoid talking to her. _Way to go, Bella, _she mocked herself. If anyone knew how to be awkward, it was her. It wasn't a trait of hers to be subtle; though she did try, which made it all worse. It was always so obvious when she tried _not_ to do something.

Renée liked teasing her about this.

And Bella always denied all accusations, even if she knew her attempts were futile. Nobody knew her as well as her mom did though. Possibly due to them being so close, Bella concluded. (Or was she just _that_ transparent?)

She said silent thanks to Jacob and Jared when she walked into Petco only a few minutes late; though not enough to get her into trouble.

If she never had to confront Fish again it would be too soon. She wouldn't hold her breath though. Something told her she'd soon be cursing the day she decided to be snotty and get on his bad side.

**o~*iii*~o**

When Bella finally walked through the door that evening, she was already sick and tired of the dull ache in her arm and she made sure to keep her training jacket on as she sneaked past the living room.

"Hey, sweetie. How was your day?" Renée called from the sofa where she sat with Ashley.

"Tiring," Bella said and took a few steps into the living area to glance at the TV to see what they were watching. Hannah Montana – oh, joy.

"There's a plate for you in the fridge," her mom let her know as she hurried down the hallway to her room.

"Thanks!"

The moment she had the door closed behind her, she dropped her bag and pulled the jacket off. She stared at her arm in shock. "Oh, wow. Now that's nasty," she breathed. If her dad were to notice he'd go ballistic, so she'd need to make sure he didn't see her arm until it faded. The intention was one thing, but carrying it out was a different matter altogether.

Before she went to the kitchen to heat up her dinner, she pulled her top off and slipped on a long sleeved tee instead. Renée would very easily see right through her if she'd paid attention to what she was wearing today; she didn't normally change her clothes without having a shower first. Not that long sleeved tees were practical in this weather. Bella knew that she should probably just tell them, but that would mean questions, and she wasn't in the mood for an inquisition just now.

**o~*iii*~o**

"You're being quiet tonight," her mom said, giving Bella a start when later she sat watching TV after having finished her homework. It would be bedtime soon, but as tired as she was, she couldn't find it in her to turn in for the night just yet. TV was bad on Mondays, but the droning from the documentary Renée was watching made her lids begin to droop.

"Mondays," Bella excused halfheartedly. "They always suck." Her mom's skeptical scrutiny made her unfold her legs. "I think I'm going to bed," she announced while standing to stretch.

"Baby, I can tell something's bothering you."

She sighed and slumped her shoulders. So much for keeping it to herself. "Fish's got a black eye and he said Jacob did it, but I don't believe him."

"At school?" Renée asked in worry, having scooted forward on the sofa.

"No," Bella quickly clarified. "Jacob didn't do it, I don't think...it happened last night, apparently. That's what Fish said."

"I think Jacob was visiting Hannah last night," her mom reassured, though thoughtfully so. "Did you ask him about it?" At the color that Bella felt for sure made her face light up like a Christmas tree, Renée raised an eyebrow. There was no way she would repeat what Jared had said. The mere thought was mortifying.

"I don't want to be annoying, mom," she said quietly, fidgeting with the cuffs of her shirt.

"You're not annoying, Bella, honey. There's no harm in asking." Her tone was serious, but she knew what she was trying to do. She was giving her a chance to keep it their business if Bella deemed it not serious enough.

"Right, well, um – is he in his room?"

"I think so, clinking away on that guitar of his..." She tilted her head after turning the TV down. True enough; they could hear the muted strumming. Renée grinned. "Jared was here earlier, and I'm pretty sure they were driving Ashley crazy with playing Sweet Child of Mine over and over. Jared was following her around – now _there's_ someone who doesn't know when to stop, sweetie." Her mom winked at her.

"He's nasty," Bella said and grimaced.

At this, Renée let out one of those warm and bubbly laughs of hers. "I'm sure you think so, baby."

"Well, some things should be private," she pointed out and shook her head, trying hard not to envision Hannah in a compromising position. Damn. Thanks to that disgusting comment she'd never be able to look at Jacob's girlfriend the same.

"Aw," Renée crooned. "Baby girl – you'll get there."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Mom, stop it." Whatever her mom meant, she was sure she didn't want to _get there_, wherever _there _was.

She held her hands up in surrender before letting them drop to her knees. "I just meant you'll figure boys out eventually."

With a groan, she smacked her forehead. "Yeah, right, mom."

Renée chuckled. "All right, all right – go talk to him. If he doesn't want to, then I'll see if I can get something out of him."

Bella nodded her agreement and walked down the hallway, wishing she wouldn't be so nervous. She had never really poked her nose into Jacob's business, but after the past few days it was becoming harder to avoid interaction with him.

She paused outside his door and leaned closer to touch her ear to the cool wood. He was definitely playing – or trying to, judging by how he started over after cussing under his breath. Jared was really good with the guitar, and it's not that Jacob couldn't play, but she hadn't listened often enough to be able to judge fairly.

Whatever he was playing now she wasn't familiar with, and then she pressed closer – it sounded like he was _singing_. Bella curved her lips in surprise. He really _was_ singing. _You are just full of surprises, _she thought his way. Now she wanted nothing more than to, somehow, get the door open without disrupting. His voice kept cracking as he was no doubt trying to keep it down, but she found it endearing.

Carefully and _slowly_ she turned the doorknob, pushing the door slightly ajar. She paused and listened. He appeared to be lost in what he was doing, and now she could make some words out.

"_Blackbird singing in the dead of night...take these sunken eyes and learn to see...all your life...you were only waiting_ – fuck."

Bella pressed her lips together at the slip of the cord, but then he started over again just as quickly. This time around he only hummed along. She decided to knock, which made the room go silent, and then she pushed the door fully open.

"Sounds good," she said, offering him a wary smile. He wasn't too happy about the intrusion, she could tell, and it's not like she blamed him. If it weren't for the fact that she _did_ want to ask him about the whole Fish-thing, she could have easily stood outside his door and listened some more.

Jacob sat on his bed with his back against the wall, but he reached to place the guitar at the foot of the bed when Bella took an unsure step into his room.

"What's up?" he asked her, then his eyes dropped to her shirt and back to her face. "Hiding something?" One brow rose questioningly. It was far too obvious, wasn't it?

"Um, well...you know dad," she offered.

"Guess so – what did you want?" he continued.

Bella kept her eyes on his face while moving further into the room in case she was overstepping her mark. But he didn't react; instead he watched her, waiting for her to talk.

Beating around the bush wasn't usually her style, so she just asked him, "Did you beat him up?"

Jacob's expression turned from neutral to surprised and then it darkened. "No," he simply replied. "I don't kick people's asses for fun. No matter what you think. I don't."

Bella's eyes lowered quickly to the floor. "I...I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't really think – I just wanted to ask."

"I don't know who fucked him up either. Jared didn't do it – I asked already."

She nodded in acknowledgment, then looked up at him again. "Who do you think did it? I mean, he's convinced it was you..."

"I really don't give a shit, leave him to it." His tone was dismissive, and she nodded again.

"Okay," she said, preparing to leave, then hesitated, convinced she had pissed him off, and continued sincerely, "I didn't mean to be annoying or anything, so, um, sorry for being pushy." She moved for the door, and heard him get off the bed, feeling him close behind her.

"Hey," he said in a gentler tone. "You're not. You're just a bit...I don't know – something."

With a rueful smile, she half turned with her hand on the doorframe. "The word you're looking for is probably _bossy_, right?" She saw his mouth twitch, but he just shrugged. "I'll let you get back to your guitar," she offered before leaving his room. He left, too, but headed in the opposite direction toward the kitchen, and she paused at her own door, leaning against the wooden frame. "Hey," she called after him as quietly as she could. He paused and turned. "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"No problem."

**o~*iii*~o**

The rest of the week passed without any more trouble from Fish; though on Wednesday, Bella forgot all about covering up her bruise and, as she'd suspected, all hell broke lose when Charlie spotted the already yellowing mark on her arm.

After being given the third degree and reminded of the _no secrets within these walls_ rule, Bella had left for school in a bad mood that lasted throughout the entire day. Both Charlie and Renée had wanted to contact the Kirklands, but she had managed to convince them that it would only makes things worse and that she promised she'd let them know if things got really bad. Even Jacob had jumped in to assure them he'd keep an eye on Fish, in case he gave them more trouble.

That promise was easy to stick to when the guy kept his distance, though Edwin had started talking to her in school – just as she'd suggested. She still wasn't sure what to think of the sudden – which is what it was; it was out of the blue and surpassed her comprehension – display of friendliness toward her.

After the Friday routine of shopping and dinner, Bella jumped in the shower quickly; she and Nina were going to catch a movie at the cinema.

While she stood at the sink to brush her teeth, the door was flung open, making Bella jump and half-choke on the toothpaste she sucked down with the startled intake of breath.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Hannah apologized in a gush. "You seriously need two toilets here," she went on while Bella stood with the toothbrush in her mouth, staring as the girl shut the door and locked it.

She pulled the brush out and wondered with raised brows. "Um, what are you doing?"

"Peeing," Hannah announced and hiked her skirt up and pulled her striped tights down.

"Wow, um, can't you, like, wait?" Bella asked, irritated that she had to blush. What was up with this girl? Was she honestly going to pee while she was brushing her teeth?

Hannah stared at her incomprehensibly. "We're both girls here, I swear I won't peek if you don't." She winked.

Bella snapped her eyes to the mirror, not knowing what to say or do, let alone where to look. She briefly considered walking out, but then she realized it would be rude to open the door while Hannah sat on the toilet, so instead she turned the tap on and let loose on her teeth, humming along to the first song she could think of.

She cringed as she realized what tune came out of her, and then Hannah started laughing, adding to her embarrassment.

"Do you have his new CD? You've got to let me borrow it so I can tease the shit out of Jake, he'll be so pissed if I put that in his stereo."

Bella squeezed her eyes shut, and spat into the sink discreetly. "No. I wouldn't want to insult my _own_ stereo with that crap. They play him to death on the radio."

"Sure," Hannah drawled. "I bet you've caught the Bieber fever."

"Yeah, it's a fever all right, brought on by the disease." She made a face and bent down to rinse her mouth then cleaned her toothbrush before setting it back in the cup. The sooner this girl was done the better; she just wanted to get out of there.

Finally she flushed and Bella reached for the door.

"You should come with us tomorrow, we're going to a friend's place." Hannah stood to wash her hands while Bella half-turned, slightly stunned. "I'll get you some drinks if you want."

Jacob's girlfriend was almost two years older than he was, but she was pretty certain she wasn't allowed to buy alcohol. That's what she'd meant, judging by the mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"No thanks," Bella said politely, then left the bathroom to hurry into her room where she leaned back against the door after she'd closed it. "Wow...spin-out," she breathed. And now she'd seen her legs; she so wished she hadn't seen those legs. Why did she have to have such a vivid imagination? More importantly, what did it say about her if she, in her head, saw the things she did? "You're a very disturbed person," she told herself while digging panties and a bra out of her dresser.

When Nina showed up, Bella was on the bed, focusing on the mirror in her hand and being too much of a perfectionist with the mascara again. "This would be so much easier if I wasn't so obsessive," she told Nina, who jumped up to sit on the edge of her desk.

"Hoping we'll bump into Edwin?" she teased.

Bella gave her friend a look that said _I'll pretend you didn't say that, _and rolled her eyes. "No. That would mean seeing Fish. I can do without both."

"I bet you Jacob scared him off."

"Good." She glanced up at Nina, then lowered her voice, telling her, "His girlfriend honestly _peed_ while I was brushing my teeth...is it just me, or is she a bit, I don't know – strange?"

Nina burst into a fit, then, while chortling, said, "Yeah. Strange."

Frowning, she added, "And mean. She wanted to torture him with Justin Bieber."

They both shuddered at that.

"Doesn't Ash like him?" Nina wondered absently while doodling with one of Bella's pens.

"She's eight. I forgive her," she replied, then popped the lid back on the mascara and did an experimental flutter with her lashes. "Oh, yeah, baby. There we go."

"Bellissimo," Nina told her in a fake male Italian accent and hopped off the desk. "Ready to go, babe?"

"Yep." Then she paused and twisted her arm for inspection. "Jacket needed," she confirmed and Nina was instantly pulling out her leather one. "No no, it's too warm today," Bella protested.

"Craptalk. This is vintage and so cool. No pain no gain."

"It's a movie, not a war zone."

"I beg to differ," she said, nodding meaningfully toward Bella's arm.

"Fine." She wiggled her fingers and Nina gave it to her. It wasn't really _hers_, per se. Renée let her have it when she found it in the back of her wardrobe; it was a few of decades old, and from when her mom had been a teenager.

"It's got Joan Jett written all over it."

"Mom loves the Runaways."

"Oh," Nina gushed with false enthusiasm. "She was a wannabe."

"Yeah, right. My mom was _cool._ Wannabe," she said with a snort and rolled her eyes. "Dad's told me she was pretty hot, so, wannabe or not, she made this shit look good." Bella swung the jacket over her shoulder and feigned an exaggerated attitude-walk and strutted out from her room with Nina on her heels, laughing.

Just then Jacob came out of his room. They both stopped, and he stared at her with a blank expression.

"Um..." Bella could feel her skin erupt into flames; Nina was in hysterics behind her. "Oh, God," she whispered. "You didn't see that," she quickly added while wagging her finger at him, then pressed her lips together and turned her back; to her utter horror, he was _smirking_.

"Mom!" Bella called out. "We're ready!" She darted through the door to the garage and ducked behind the minivan. Nina rounded the front, giggling, to look down at her. She raised her head to peer through the windows of the car and into the hallway. "Is he still there? And seriously, stop laughing! That was so embarrassing," she hissed.

"That was the funniest thing I've ever seen...and...you're the color of a tomato!"

Bella smacked her forehead. "I'm made of fail. Total fail."

"At least it wasn't Edwin, right?"

Her eyes grew impossible wide. "I wouldn't do that in public. I'm supposed to be safe in my own home."

"What are you whispering about out here," wondered Renée and she arched an eyebrow at her daughter hunched down next to the van. "Baby, what are you doing?"

"Inspecting the paint job, it's chipped right there, see?" She pointed to the smallest spot where the paint had been nicked.

Renée smiled down at Bella and shook her head. "Get up from there, silly." She held her hand out and pulled her up. "Let's get you girls to the movies before Jesse drives Hannah crazy."

"Where's dad?" Bella wondered.

"He ducked out to buy cigars, so Jacob and Hannah are in charge until I get back."

They filed into the car quickly and Bella started flipping through the radio stations as they pulled out on the street.

"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed and turned the volume up.

"_Those were the best days of my life!_" Renée sang together with her daughter. "_Back in the summer of sixty-nine...whoa...it was the summer of sixty-nine!_"

The entire trip to the cinema was spent singing along to the radio. It was a thing of theirs; Bella's and her mom's. More often than not they'd drive anyone else in the car with them crazy. Charlie was used to it though, and he would usually just smile and drive. But Ashley wouldn't refrain from complaining. Jesse just tried to sing along.

"Jacob sings," Bella cut off her singing and glanced at her mom.

"Oh, I know. I've heard it...both he and Jared does. I'm surprised you haven't noticed until now."

Nina leaned forward. "Seriously? He sings?"

"Yeah," Bella confirmed. "He was singing about some blackbird earlier this week-"

"The Beatles," Renée said, smiling. "That boy's got good taste in music, they both do." She winked at her daughter. "Next time Jared is over, ask him to play something for you. I'm sure he won't mind."

"Mom-"

"Ask Jacob," Nina cut in quickly. "Seriously, I want to hear this...we have to ask him, right?" Nina looked at Bella with a hopeful glint in her eye.

"You ask – I'm not showing my face near him until after I graduate."

"Why not?" Renée asked in surprise.

"'Cause she did her hooker walk in front of him," Nina blurted while laughing.

"Traitor," Bella grumbled.

Her mom was laughing now, too. "What?"

"I didn't _mean to_. Geez. I was just being a dork, and he happened to come out of his room at that _exact_ moment." This was such typical luck for her. But as Nina had pointed out; at least it wasn't Edwin. That would have been an embarrassment she wasn't so sure she would've been able to live down. (Possibly she was being a bit melodramatic, but some things were just not meant to be witnessed by a guy you had a crush on.)

When they arrived at the cinema, Bella and Nina got out of the car and promised to call as soon as the movie was over. Bella slipped the leather jacket on and they walked toward the entrance.

"No strutting now," Nina teased.

"Ha ha."

**o~*iii*~o**

A couple of hours later, Bella and Nina stood, deeply immersed in a conversation about the movie when Renée pulled the minivan up to the curb. They jumped in quickly and continued their discussion with Renée, who asked them if they'd enjoyed the movie. At the first intersection, the light just having turned red, Bella saw her mom turn her head sharply to stare out her window as they came to a stop. She pulled it down and called out a familiar name.

"Rachel?"

Bella's head snapped up and she looked in the same direction as Renée. Rachel had been eighteen at the time when she'd seen her up close, and that was only three years ago, but even with the obvious changes she recognized the woman stumbling with a large plastic bag in her hands. It had to be her.

"Oh crap, she's really _really_ drunk...she can barely stand upright – we need to help her, mom," Bella said in concern and since they were idling at the lights, she threw the door open.

"Bella," her mom protested, but she was already moving across the road.

"Rachel?" Bella called after her, and finally she turned to look, eyes unfocused, in her direction. She didn't seem to know who she was, and she squinted her eyes at Bella.

"Who are you?" she slurred suspiciously.

"Bella Swan. Jacob lives with us..." The sudden panic on her face made Bella's words trail off, and next thing she knew Rachel nearly tripped and fell as she backed away.

"Leave me alone!" she shouted at her, causing Bella's mouth to pop open in shock.

"Hey, wait." She quickly moved after her, but Rachel turned and took off in an unsteady attempt at a sprint. "Rachel!"

The minivan came through the intersection and onto the street where Rachel ran – or more like, tried to – down the pavement. Bella heard her mom call out to the fleeing woman, too, but she refused to stop. Suddenly Rachel cut off the path and disappeared down an alley.

After the failed supervised visits (Rachel hadn't showed up for even one) that had been arranged for her and Jacob to still keep in touch, they had quickly come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be involved. The flat she had gotten through the housing department had been found empty after several unanswered letters and calls, and they had been lead to believe she had disappeared once Jacob was securely in foster care. No one had heard from her since, at least not the Swans or the DCS (Department of Children Services).

Jacob would no doubt want to know that she was still right here in Phoenix, after all.

When Bella made it up to where Rachel had turned down the side street, she couldn't see any signs of her anymore. Renée came out of the car where she'd pulled over next to the walkway.

"Where did she go?" they both asked at the same time, then Nina came out of the car, too, looking at them questioningly.

"Who was that?"

"Jacob's sister," Bella replied, distracted as she took a few steps forward to peer down the alley.

"Don't go down there, baby," her mom said sternly.

"But-"

"No buts. If she doesn't want to talk to us we can't make her."

"And you do so not want to bump into some drunk guy," Nina added.

"How can she not want to know about her brother? She didn't even ask," Bella said in disappointment, still stunned by Rachel's behavior.

"Well, sweetie, I'm sure she has her reasons," her mom tried to comfort, but she looked to be just as upset at Bella felt.

"Rachel!" she tried again, shouting down into the alley.

"Come on, Bella, let it be." Renée put an arm around her shoulder, squeezing gently. "Let's go home."

"We should tell Jacob though, right? I mean, he'll want to know," she said, looking up at her mom who became thoughtful.

"I don't know, honey...he might try to run after her, you know?"

Bella sighed. "But dad says no secrets within our walls," she countered. "What if we promise to help find her? Can't we call Jen? Maybe they can track her down, or contact the police...something – anything. Right?"

Renée smoothed her hair, smiling down at her. "You're a sweetheart...but they've already tried many times. She doesn't want to be found, baby...we just saw that."

"If it were my sister, I'd want to know though," she persisted stubbornly.

"Yeah, me too," Nina agreed. "There's Missing Persons, for example...does he have a picture or something to give them – hey, we can get some fliers and put up!"

"You girls," Renée said softly. "Come on. Let's get home and we can talk more about this on the way."

Reluctantly, Bella returned to the car, throwing a last glance over her shoulder before getting in. As much as she didn't want the increased risk of Jacob trying to run away again, she couldn't help but think that he had a right to know. He would _want_ to know.

**o~*iii*~o**

On the way back to the house – Renée drove Nina home first – they wondered how long Rachel had been in Phoenix, or if she'd ever even left. They also considered the possibility that, maybe, Rachel had tried to contact Jacob, but then argued against it, thinking he would have said something. And based on her behavior, they doubted that she had been in contact with him.

When they walked in the door, Charlie had already gone to bed and the house was quiet. Bella crept down the hallway to her room, glancing at Jacob's door before entering her own room to get dressed for bed.

Once she had her pajamas on, she went to the bathroom to wash off the mascara and brush her teeth. She could hear her mom's hushed voice from the kitchen when she came out in the hallway again, and just as she was about to start toward the kitchen, Jacob came stalking down the hallway. His eyes flitted to hers only briefly, but it was enough to give her pause.

He looked absolutely furious.

Puzzled, she stared at his door for a long while after he'd shut it, until Renée came toward her, shaking her head sadly.

"What happened?" Bella asked in a quiet whisper and followed her into her bedroom before closing the door behind them.

Her mom rubbed her hand across her forehead. "He just confounds me sometimes. At first he didn't seem too fazed, one way or the other, but when I let it slip that she seemed in a bad way, he just...flipped a switch and stormed off."

Bella frowned and crawled on top of the covers before settling with her knees pulled up to her chest. "Are we on runaway watch now?" she wondered.

"I don't know, baby...I just know I won't be able to sleep."

For a moment she was silent, then she perked up and looked at her mom. "Want to have some hot chocolate and watch Legends of the Fall? At least until we know he's asleep...I can make the chocolate," she offered.

Renée whispered a soft laugh. "Sure, sweetheart. But we have to be quiet," she added conspiratorially, nodding toward the door, and Bella knew that gesture was meant for her dad.

Grinning, she grabbed her bedspread and brought it with her to put on the sofa in the living room before she continued into the kitchen to pull out the cocoa from the pantry. She heard her mom rummage through the movies and smiled to herself.

In elementary school she was teased a lot for always being more excited about spending time with her family than the kids in school. She couldn't help it that she preferred it that way. Then, once, a bunch of girls had listened in while she talked to her mom on her cell in sixth grade, and they had thought she had been talking to a friend. When Bella half-corrected them, and clarified her mom was her best friend, they had started laughing and said it was weird and she should be embarrassed. At that point Bella had told them to piss off and get a life. It had gotten her into trouble when one of them had told her parents and they, in turn, had called the Swans; her dad had chided her for being rude.

"What's right for one person isn't automatically right for everyone," he'd told her, and it had made her think that her relationship with her parents was as abnormal to others as _them_ getting embarrassed about _their_ parents was odd to Bella.

In high school it had become different, and not only due to the large student body, but – and thank God for that, Bella thought – the mentality changed, and if there were bullies (which there were plenty of everywhere), at least nobody reacted to it anymore. That's not to say Bella cared, and she truly didn't. As far as she was concerned, they could think what they wanted – about her, anyway.

If someone said something bad about a family member (which these days also included Jacob, Ashley and Jesse) she didn't hesitate to give them a piece of her mind. She tried to refrain from being rude, but at times she just couldn't filter it.

Her mom called it a short fuse. Bella called it loyalty.

She was incredibly stubborn, after all. A trait she had inherited from her dad.

With two large mugs of steaming hot cocoa, Bella came into the living room and curled up on the sofa next to Renée who had the movie on pause, ready for them to start watching.

"I've seriously got the coolest parents," she declared, handing her mom one of the mugs. Renée winked at her. "It's true. I don't know anyone who sits down with their mom and drinks hot chocolate and discusses the hotness-factor of Brad Pitt."

Her mom sputtered a laugh against the rim of the mug.

"Do you?" she asked, looking expectantly at Renée.

"I don't, but that doesn't mean that there aren't. I sure hope so, though. Any mother would be missing out if they can't have slumber parties with their teenage daughters."

Bella sighed dramatically. "But they'd die from mortification, wouldn't they?"

"Mhmm," she hummed in confirmation, blowing gently at the steam. "Possibly."

"Boring." She smirked and leaned back against the backrest, balancing the mug on one knee. "They _are_ missing out."

"What you don't know can't hurt you," Renée told her.

"Until it blows up in your face and singes your eyebrows off – now _that_ would be embarrassing, by the way..." It was a thing they had, or a joke: whenever her mom would tell her that, she'd come up with a new scenario on what would happen once the thing you didn't know suddenly comes into light and _did_ hurt you. (Mostly she only came up with bad jokes, but Renée found it funny, and that's all that really mattered, wasn't it?)

Sometime after Tristan went insane and went out on the battlefield to scalp the German soldiers, Bella glanced over at Renée who'd fallen asleep, resting against a few propped up throw cushions. She shook her head at her. "Weak, mom," she whispered, but smiled.

A strange noise made Bella freeze and quickly she muted the TV before pausing.

"Hello?" she quietly called out, then rolled her eyes at herself, not able to help chastising the cliché thoughts entering her mind. (If this were a scary movie, that should be one of the number one rules: you do not tempt the silence, or it might answer back.)

Regardless, Bella got up from the sofa and padded across the living room and out into the kitchen where only the light above the stove shone. Again she heard the odd noise, and thought it came from down the hallway. Silently she moved down into the shadows, keeping her ears open to any sounds that would seem out of place.

She came to a complete standstill outside Jacob's door; it definitely came from in there. Suddenly something dawned on her and she froze. Was Hannah there? She couldn't remember seeing her shoes inside the front door.

"Oh my God," she mouthed.

Terribly embarrassed and feeling stupid, she turned to walk away when the door sprung open; next thing she knew she was knocked off her feet by a hot and damp mass that landed on her with a muffled grunt.

"Ouch!" she hissed.

"Fuck," Jacob spat, and was off her as fast as he'd knocked her over.

"Geez – are you okay?" Bella whispered urgently, the labored breathing obvious now.

"I...can you...what..._fuck_."

He made absolutely no sense, but she sat up and tried to make out shapes in the dark; as he came into focus she could see he was pressed up against the wall, his face buried in his hands.

Alarmed, she repeated, "Jacob? What's wrong?" She should probably get her mom, she thought, and went to push off the ground when he started babbling between pants.

"She...I gave her money...she fucking promised...fuck." At first she had no idea what he was talking about, but before she could ask he continued, "Re – Rachel...last weekend...the shop...and..._fuck_." His strange breathing started to worry her and she hunched back down, carefully reaching out to grab his wrist. He wasn't hot anymore, if anything he was cold, but shoot, his skin was like he'd just come out of water.

"Can't-" She jumped when he hit the back of his head against the wall in frustration. "Fuck...can't..._breathe_," he finally managed in a ragged whisper.

"Shit, panic attack!" she exclaimed, then slapped her own mouth. "Sorry, I have no filter – um...paper bag!" She shot off the floor and rushed to the kitchen to pull out the drawer where she knew she'd find what she was looking for. Before long, she was back next to him, having puffed up the bag and thrust it at his hands. "You _can_ breathe, just, you're breathing _too much_ – breathe into this," she ordered.

Jacob took it from her, and before she could really think about it, she settled on the floor next to him and placed her hand on his neck. He stiffened.

"I'm sorry, I'm just – I want to help...it's okay...you're okay. You're going to be fine," she prattled and continued rambling nonsense while she, from memory, imitated the patterns Renée used on her when she was upset and applied it to Jacob's neck.

Minutes ticked on and on, and she had no idea how long she sat there, rubbing his neck. She listened to the rustle of the paper bag, and when his breathing had become less frantic, he pulled his knees up to rest his arms and slumped forward.

"She needs help," he whispered in a cracked voice. "I can't...I can't...do it. She won't listen to me...she never listened..."

"We'll help, Jacob. You're not alone," Bella whispered back and absently smoothed her hand over the hair at the nape of his neck. "Mom and dad will do anything they can – we'll figure something out, okay?"

He turned his head slightly; though she couldn't see his expression too well she felt his eyes on her. They both stayed quiet while she ran her fingertips through the unkempt yet soft strands of his hair. It wasn't a conscious gesture, but she continued all the same.

After a long moment she quietly asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess," he replied in an equally quiet, though more scratchy than usual, voice.

"Do you think you can sleep?" she added, and she felt him shrug. She returned her hand to her lap, gazing down momentarily while she wondered whether he'd be there in the morning when they woke up.

As if he'd somehow figured out her thoughts, he told her, "I'm not going to take off," and the relief relaxed her. Looking up, she smiled in his general direction; though he probably couldn't tell in the darkness.

"I hope not," she whispered. "It sort of sucks..."

"It's not the family."

She placed her hand gently on his arm, and this time he didn't move one muscle. "Just so you know," she began. "And it's always so much easier said than done, but...you really _can_ talk to us about anything. You're a part of this family, and we just want you to be happy. So, please, don't feel like you have to deal with things on your own."

It was probably a bad idea, but she wanted to convey her words with something more meaningful, something that mattered and something that was easier to relate to. She didn't pretend to understand boys all that much, but Renée always told her actions spoke louder than words, and one of the best things Bella knew, were hugs.

Before the part of her brain that insisted she should respect his boundaries could win, she reached around him and gave him a tight squeeze, arms and all.

Jacob had stilled completely, and she wondered if he had stopped breathing, too.

Then she felt the beat of his heart where her arm was pressed against his bare chest. At the same time she realized that it was racing, she thought that it hadn't been such a brilliant idea. Maybe she was freaking him out? (That would be just the kind of thing she'd do; give him another panic attack while you're at it. Good going there, she mocked.)

She shifted, stiff from having sat on the hard floor, and withdrew her arms before she braced herself against the wall while getting up. Clearing her throat, she quietly announced, "I'm going to check on mom...we were watching a movie and, well...she fell asleep." She hesitated, looking down at Jacob thoughtfully, and she found herself wishing she could see his face to be sure she hadn't scared the absolute crap out of him. "Um...are you okay?" she asked lamely, wanting to make sure he was still alive and could talk.

Silence.

"Uh...yeah."

"Okay..." She turned to escape, then remembered her manners and told him, "Night," over her shoulder before padding down the hallway toward the living room in a restrained pace.

"Night," he replied awkwardly.

She nearly yelped at Renée's soft voice when she came through the archway.

"Is everything okay?" she wondered, and Bella, with her hand over her heart, rolled her eyes.

"You scared me," she scolded, then narrowed her eyes. "Wait...you were awake?"

Her mom grinned. "I woke up when I heard you fall over, but then I saw that you had it under control and, honestly, baby; I think it's good he's talking to you – I didn't want to interrupt."

"You wouldn't have interrupted...what if I'd been all wrong and he was having a heart attack or something?" Bella said, half-serious, making her mom shake her head.

"You're not silly, baby. I think he'd be in pain if that were the case. Which he's not, is he?"

She shook her head no, a sheepish expression on her face. "Guess not even I can be that dumb, huh?" (No. Because she induced heart attacks. But that wasn't dumb; it was epic failure.)

"No, not even you." Renée smiled and got off the sofa, picking both mugs up on her way. "I'm going to go to bed, and you should, too. Remember that Christian and Mary are coming here tomorrow. We've got to get that grill cleaned so dad can make us his famous steaks."

"Are the cousins coming this time?" she asked, following her mom into the kitchen.

Christian was Charlie's older brother and Mary was his wife. They had three kids; two boys – one and three years older than Bella – and a girl, one year younger than her.

"I think Megan and Daniel are coming. Kevin's in college as you know, and doesn't come home very often now that he's got a girlfriend."

Bella might be the only child to Charlie and Renée, but the family was tight-knit, so she had basically grown up with her cousins. Lately, however, they didn't see each other very often. But that wasn't only due to getting older. Charlie's brother had gotten a job on the other side of Phoenix a couple of years ago, and they'd moved further away. They used to live only a few blocks away.

But then the fosters came, and they were, in her opinion, her siblings, too. She wasn't so sure what it would feel like if Jesse's mom finally got her act together. He had been with them for ten months now, and the average time a kid would stay with a foster family was about six months. Usually.

Ashley's parents hadn't wanted her – they'd been charged with severe neglect, on top of it all – so they'd already signed a surrender and Bella's parents were in the process of adopting her. Ashley was hopefully with them for good now. Renée couldn't stand the thought of sending her off when she had already lost one family.

Not only did she have difficulties due to ADHD, but she was doing well in therapy, and didn't break down daily anymore over not being wanted by her mom and dad. Renée didn't dare to think what it might do to her were she to be sent off yet again; no matter how good a prospective adoptive family was. Any child needed stability, but Ashley even more so. It would have been highly disruptive to her progress to have her moved again.

Then, of course, there was Jacob who didn't quite fit the norm. Not only due to the different circumstances and lack of knowledge of his background and family – basically he'd had no record, not even a birth certificate. But only a few months after he'd come into custody, the judge handling his case had unexpectedly retired, and the resulting backlog in cases had made Jacob slip through the cracks.

The system wasn't perfect; that's just how it went.

Bella hoped that all three of them would stay. She really did love them as much as her cousins and parents, and she hadn't been trying to make Jacob feel better; they truly would do anything for anyone in the family. And a name didn't make it; what was within did.

After she'd said good night to her mom, she sneaked down the hallway and slipped quietly into her room and crawled into bed. For a few minutes she tossed this way and that way, not able to stop worrying that it had been too much to hug Jacob after all.

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Sooo...I did it again, didn't I? Well, don't look at me. Look at mysterious!Jake; he's the one who talks to me and makes it impossible for me to think of anything else. ;)_

_All right. I need to thank **MeraNaamJoker** again for helping me authenticate stuff, and everything else. Thank you so much. :) Also, thank you **bellaBBblack** for being with me in the process. I think I like sending you stuff to pre-read as much as you like receiving it! And, as always, **cretin, **thank you so much for helping me keep this clean. (FFn ate half my Author's Note last chapter, so that's why my thanks to y'all were left out. Totally. Not. Cool.)_

_Soulmatter's next chapter is stuck on 5000 words, but I **am** still working on it. It's just going slowly. Just know that I haven't forgotten. :)_

_Last but not least, thank you so so SO very much for all the absolutely **adorable** reviews. I love y'all muchly. And. I've started getting my shit together; I actually reply to the reviews without too much slackage!_

_Still moving. Weather is teh suck, but at least spring's just around the corner! Whoop. Bring it on, I say._

_Lots and lots of love, Bella- (ohmigosh) hugs (throwing some mysterious!Jake ones in there, too) and stuff._

_See y'all next time!_


	4. Leap

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Leap<strong>_

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><p><em>Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. <em>/ _Eleanor Roosevelt._

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><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

The light that filtered in through the window was dim and it took several tries for her to get her lids open. Not only did her eyes feel grainy, but they also ached – it seemed to radiate all through her – and then she lifted her head, only to drop back down on her pillow.

She threw an arm over her face and croaked a miserable sound.

_So not fair._ Of course she had to catch a bug or a cold when her cousins were coming to visit. For some reason she always caught the flu around Christmas, too. She was cursed, and this was just another piece of evidence before the final verdict from the jury.

Then she sat up, ears perked, as she recognized the muffled sobs. She waited all of two seconds before she clambered out of bed; her head spun a little and she steadied herself with a hand to her forehead.

"Great," she breathed, then went to pull her door open and pad out into the hallway. It couldn't be more than four a.m., and the door to her parents' bedroom was closed, so she went to the one next to hers and cracked it open.

Jesse had – as she'd suspected – wet the bed again. How he sat, curled up on the gathered pile of bed covers and blankets, hugging his legs close, was the tell-tale sign for that.

"Hey, Jesse," she said gently.

He shook his head violently and refused to look at her.

Bella moved up to the bed and hunched down on the floor to reach out and stroke the blond mop of hair.

"Don't want to talk to Bells, huh?"

Again he shook his head.

"Can she talk to you?"

Silence.

"Bells," she told herself. "Don't you get that it's quiet time? Huh? _Shush_." She sank down on the floor, crossed her legs, and waited.

Not too many moments went by, before Jesse's sniffles quieted down. "I smell _bad_," came his barely audible whisper.

"Not as bad as Dad's boots," she pointed out casually, following the lines in the wooden floorboards with her fingertips. "Especially when Mom makes him dig in the yard when it rains."

"_Yes_. Worse."

"Well...okay, but-" A brief pause. "–_definitely_ can't beat Jacob's socks." She bit down on her lip, stopping the grin in its tracks.

Jesse made a ragged hiccup-noise. "Ew."

"Or _mine_," she said, horror-struck, and glanced up at him. "Anyone who dares touch my socks deserves some serious prize."

"Coco-puffs?"

Bella gasped. (Okay. That hurt.) "No _way_," she managed in a cracked voice. "Those are _mine_...but, um – maybe I'll let you have _some_..." She looked at him with squinting eyes when he raised his large blue ones to hers. "...if you can beat me to the kitchen," she tauntingly whispered.

When she saw he was about to protest, she stood up abruptly, ignoring the sharp pain that cut through her cotton-stuffed head. "Seriously. I _swear_ I just heard Ashley wake up! She's going to steal our coco-puffs. This needs to be defended."

"No! _My_ puffs!" Jesse exclaimed and scrambled out of bed, darting so fast for the door she fleetingly worried he'd slip.

"Yours?" she squeaked after him, disbelieving. "Mine!" She made a dive for the door, nearly tripping herself, and saw her mom come out of their bedroom. Bella jerked a thumb over her shoulder and Renée gave her an affirmative nod.

Jesse stood, with his feet planted, in the middle of the floor, and frowned at her when she came into the kitchen.

"My pants are wet," he told her as a matter of fact.

Bella smacked her forehead. (She seriously needed to stop that.) "Duh...how silly am I?"

"Silly Bells."

"Yes. Absolutely." She held her hand out to him, and nodded carefully back down the hallway. "Shower first?"

He nodded his "Yes" vigorously and wiped the pajama sleeve at his nose, then took her hand and let her lead him down to the bathroom.

This wasn't the first time she'd helped with Jesse. Actually, she pitched in more often than not lately, as they'd figured out she was good at distracting him. She knew she was a dork, and probably she wasn't so terribly funny, but it worked with Jesse. And it made her feel good that she could ease his embarrassment in some way.

She knew all about embarrassing situations, and the best medicine was to redirect. (Though it didn't really work when doing it for yourself. But, oh she had tried, strange girl that she was.)

While helping Jesse shower, the previous night popped into her head, as did that hug. Before she could really think about it, though, her thoughts scattered with the swipe of Jesse's hand through the shower spray. The water dotted her front and half soaked her pajama bottoms.

She paused, and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see..."

Jesse covered his mouth and said something, but the words were all muffled.

"Uh huh. Bells needs a shower, too, I think," she agreed.

With both hands now covering his mouth, he nodded.

"Thought so...and that means I'll be stuck in here, and you'll be out there eating _all_ my puffs! Smart." She sighed dramatically, pretending to not be very happy. "Guess it's toast for me..._again_. Oh well..." Her bottom lip came out as she continued rinsing the soap off him. Jesse chortled behind his hands.

Renée poked her head in, handing Bella Jesse's clothes. She tilted her head to peer at her then reached out to touch Bella's forehead. "You've got a fever, honey," she said and stepped into the bathroom. "I can take over-"

"Mom," she cut in. "I'm not _that_ sick."

"All right, all right – do you want some milk and honey?"

Bella rolled her eyes, but smiled. "Sure... Thanks."

Once Jesse was dried and dressed she ushered him out into the hallway, and he took off for the kitchen while she returned to her room to get a pair of sweatpants and a tee. A bra might be good, too, she thought while digging through her drawers for a comfy pair of cotton panties.

Oh. Whoops.

She just realized that, didn't she?

Glancing at her reflection in the full-length mirror, she could see... well... _everything. _But that wasn't what made her pause. Instead she was thinking (again) about the fact that she'd hugged Jacob and – oh, yes; she had most definitely had her bra-less breasts squashed against his arm.

Her face burned, and she knew it wasn't all the fever's fault.

Here she'd been thinking – no. That was exactly what she hadn't done. Not about _this_. And now her thoughts were spinning a million miles a minute (making her headache even worse, by the way) while she tried to make up all sorts of excuses as to why she was suddenly obsessing about her theory as to why he might have reacted to her hug the way he had.

Because he wasn't really her brother, was he?

And, no, it hadn't necessarily been due to her breasts. But it was _something_ to do with _her_. She had seen her mom hug Jacob, and he hadn't reacted this way. He had seemed uncomfortable, sure, but he hadn't acted all awkward, which is exactly the term she would use to describe his behavior last night.

She, in turn, had acted strange, too. Just like now, when she was _still_ thinking about it.

Oh. _Also,_ she didn't try to hide from people. Not family – because there was nothing _to_ hide.

And... Since _when _did she (even by mistake, for the love of God) hum Justin Bieber?

Okay. This was a dilemma.

Bella held her clothes to her chest and poked her head into the hallway, looking both ways, and then tiptoed toward the bathroom. Only when the lock clicked behind her did she relax.

_Baby, baby, baby oh... like... _"Stop." _Baby, baby, baby no, like- _"Just no." ..._thought you'd always be mine-_

Bella groaned and tossed her clothes on top of the hamper and stripped off quickly.

"Go away, or I'll spam dislike on all your YouTube videos. I swear." _And I'm like, baby, baby, baby oh... like... baby, baby, baby no- _"Like baby, baby, baby oh... thought you'd always be mine... mine – _ugh!_" (Why was it that the songs you really didn't want stuck in your head always took up residence to bug the crap out of you anyway?) She'd take anything, any day, over that skinny and cheesy kid invading her brain with his _Baby, baby, baby oh... like- _"Oh my God, I'm so lame."

After one too many attempts to sing along to something else, and constantly slipping back, she just gave up and hoped she'd be over it by the time she was out of the shower. (At least by the time Jacob woke up.)

There he was, in her head, again.

She thought about that while brushing her teeth and sorting out the mess that was her hair, and concluded that she, by some chance, _somehow_, had gone from thinking she had a brother – or something close to it – to singing _baby, baby, baby oh... like... baby, baby, baby no... like-_

"Yeah, keep it up," she warned her reflection before unlocking the door and walking out into the hallway.

On the way past Jacob's room, she noted that his door was wide open, which was strange; he was up early (and she was spending far too much time mentally commenting on Jacob related things), but she shrugged it off. She continued to the kitchen and went straight for one of the overhead cabinets to pull out a glass.

"_Baby, baby, baby oh-_"

"No!" Bella exclaimed, turning to shake her head at Renée, who pressed her lips together with a look of feigned innocence on her face. "I _just_ got rid of it and-" She groaned. "-now it's back!"

Her mom pulled an apologetic grimace, but it didn't last long, as she burst out laughing when Jesse started chanting _baby, baby, baby oh _where he sat eating his coco-puffs still. They looked soggy. Just the way he liked them. Strange kid.

"I need Tylenol," she thought out loud when her head decided to start spinning again, then added, "And The Lion King." Her mom was already getting the pills out for her. "Simba will make me feel better."

"I want Simba, too," Jesse hurriedly said and started shoveling the jiggly-looking chocolate blobs into his mouth with impressive speed.

"Great minds," Bella told him with a grin, tapping her temple and then wincing. _Gently._ No more sudden movements or assaults to the head, unless she wanted to spend the day in bed. With the assistance of Tylenol and some Disney, she should be able to rest up a little before her cousins arrived. She just didn't want to have to stay down like a baby.

When she came into the living room she had to stop, because on the sofa, where she had planned to _lie down_, sat Jacob. Sort of. Half watching the TV (she barely heard it, it was turned that low), half asleep by the looks of things. His whole body had scooted down so far that his butt almost slipped off the edge of the seat cushions – legs sprawled and crossed at the ankles – and his arms were folded across his chest. Any disappointment she might have felt toward her mentally dibbed upon spot being occupied flew out of her head and was replaced by something else.

Inwardly, she just said: _aww. _

She stepped lightly across the floor, and set the mug of hot milk and honey down on the coffee table before settling into the opposite corner of the sofa. He didn't even notice when she shifted – _carefully_ – to get comfortable.

The considerate gesture was useless however, as Jesse soon came bounding through the archway and Bella knew what he was going to do, probably before _he_ did. As accurately predicted, Jesse launched himself onto the middle spot, and then dropped down like a sack of potatoes, startling Jacob awake.

With an adorably (Bella thought) disorientated look on his face, while blinking lazily, he mumbled, "Mwha?"

Jesse pointed at the TV while she tried not to giggle. "We're watching Simba," he informed him, taking obvious pride in this fact.

Only now did Jacob seem to realize she was sitting there, and he squinted and blinked a few more times, as if to force sleep out of his eyes, then dragged himself up into a sitting position and rubbed his face.

"Good morning," Bella quietly said.

"Good morning," Jesse repeated after her, then persistently let Jacob know that, "We're watching The Lion King."

"If that's okay," she interjected, in case he had plans for a show already. But he shrugged and stood, his sweatpants so low she could see a good portion of his boxers. She realized it might seem like she was staring at his butt, so she reached for the hot milk before he noticed.

"Want me to put it on?" Jacob asked, and she nodded up at him over the cup, sipping the hot liquid.

"Thanks," she said after swallowing, her voice cracking from the heat burning her sore throat, and watched him while he hunted for the DVD.

Well. He appeared to be okay. And he wasn't giving her strange looks. This was good. Although, she couldn't help but acknowledge that she was looking at him very differently from the way she usually did.

More _closely. _Like someone had messed up the switchboard in her head, and now her eyes lingered on the back of his neck, where the softer and thinner hairs curved only just slightly when he tilted his head to check the titles on the movies. Also she remembered she had touched that hair, and she found herself wanting to do so again.

The strangest flutter welled up from nowhere and poured into her stomach, and she knew she was so busted when he glanced over his shoulder at them, holding up The Lion King while announcing, "Found it."

She wanted to hug Jesse to pieces when Jacob's seemingly all too intense eyes shifted from her to where the little boy bounced in anticipation on the seat. Though it was useless to pretend, she still tried to talk to Jesse to avoid getting sucked into another staring-fest.

This was quickly becoming harder and harder to do.

"Daniel and Megan are coming here today," she told Jesse. "And guess what."

"What?" Jesse wondered, giving her his undivided attention.

"Dad's going to fill the pool later," she revealed like it was the greatest thing ever. And it was, since Jesse's eyes lit up. She was left to wonder if he'd come apart from the excitement that made his entire little body tense up.

"Yay!" The delighted cheer bubbled out of him, making it impossible not to smile. But then she pursed her lips, as he was off the sofa and she heard him bounding down the hallway, crowing about the pool.

Crap. That backfired, didn't it? She dropped her face into her hand, knowing that Jesse wouldn't stop asking about it until it actually was put up and filled with water. And now he was waking Charlie.

Why did she have to speak first and think later? Moreover, how selfish had she just been? No. Not selfish so much as wanting to _hide_ again. Like a coward. Okay. That was still self-centered.

"You okay?"

Not only hadn't she realized she was scowling at her mug, like it was _its_ fault, but she'd also managed to successfully distract herself from the fact that Jacob was there still. She looked up at him now though.

Before she could answer, Renée was in the archway with a questioning look on her face. Bella groaned while shame heated her face.

"I'm sorry," she said and slid her legs over the edge to get up.

Then Charlie appeared, too, disheveled and groggy looking. "Someone just volunteered to fill the pool," he said meaningfully, and looked directly at her.

"Sorry! I didn't think..." Sighing in frustration she pushed off the sofa.

"She's sick, Charlie," Renée gently said under her breath.

"A bit of fresh air never hurt anybody," he replied simply, closing the subject and continued into the kitchen.

Renée sighed, softly telling Bella, "He's not trying to be mean, sweetie, you know that."

"I know," she said.

Stupid didn't even begin to describe how she felt. This wasn't the first time she'd run her dumb mouth though, so she obediently, while shaking her head at herself, strode past Jacob and Renée, not even daring to look at either of their faces.

Jesse was trying to get the child-proof lock open to the screen when she came into the kitchen, and he glanced up at her when she unlocked it and slid the door open while sticking her feet into her sky blue Crocs.

"Hey, hey, hey," Charlie called after them, and Bella stopped, turning a questioning look at her dad from the bottom of the steps.

"I'm going to fill the pool..." She trailed off, confused.

"Not you, Bella – Jesse, buddy. What did we say?"

Oh.

She glanced at Jesse who instantly slouched his shoulders. "But Bells-"

"Bells is getting it ready for _later, _remember? Come on – come inside."

Jesse dragged his feet, starting back across the terrace and said, "Okay," with sullen resignation.

Bella continued outside. When she reached the shed and pulled the door open, her arm collided with something warm and soft. She glanced up just as Jacob grabbed the door and held it open.

"I've got it," he said and, slightly stunned, she silently stepped to the side to let him pass.

Did he just smile?

Not quite sure what to do with herself, she stood there, staring and blinking. She heard shuffling from inside as Jacob moved things around, but it sounded really far away.

It was quite warm already for being so early, but it was late May, so that wasn't so strange. However, she'd never really been affected by the blistering heat that would sometimes hit Phoenix. Not like this, in any case.

Bella grabbed her head and steadied herself as a wave of cold and hot flashed through her.

Oh no. She was going to be sick.

Next thing she knew she was rushing for the house, stumbling up the steps to the deck and over the threshold. She didn't even concern herself with kicking the Crocs off, and just as she'd flung the door to the bathroom open her stomach heaved.

By the time Renée was there, holding her hair and pressing a damp washcloth to her forehead, she was in tears. This _always _happened. Not because she was really upset, but she freaked out and almost always had a panic attack – or something similar – when being sick. She thought it had something to do with the lack of control. Stuff would just come up relentlessly and she wouldn't get enough time to suck a breath in before it started all over again.

She hated this helpless feeling with a passion.

But then, as always, Renée was there rubbing her neck, helping her to focus on how good _that _felt, as opposed to everything else.

"This sucks," Bella choked out. "I never learn."

Renée's hand moved expertly to ease the tension in the tendons and muscles. "Sure you do, sweetheart," she comforted and repeated, "Sure you do."

It wasn't uncommon for her to spiral downward during one of these episodes, and she hated that, too. All she wanted now was to curl up in bed and sleep until the bug was out of her system.

Once she was certain the heaving had stopped, Renée helped her up. Bella turned the tap on and rinsed her mouth several times before grabbing her toothbrush and paste.

Three times she reapplied toothpaste to her brush, and she rinsed and gurgled thoroughly between each round.

She hadn't made too much of a mess, but enough for her to have another shower. Meanwhile, Renée cleaned up and brought Bella some clothes.

Feeling slightly better – though still shaky and feverish – she went straight to her room and climbed beneath the covers after she pulled the curtains closed to soften the now bright light illuminating her room thanks to the pale paint on the walls.

She had almost dozed off when there was a knock on her door. "Yes?" she called out, her voice muffled by the pillow she had over her head.

"Bells," came her dad's voice from the other side of the door.

"Come in, dad."

He opened the door and came into her room. "How are you feeling?" She knew that tone – sort of sheepish but wary – and it instantly made her feel so much better.

"I'm okay."

Charlie loved his family fiercely, but it wasn't always easy for him to show it the way Renée did: with an overwhelming amount of warm hugs, or by peppering kisses all over their faces. Instead he would take on more shifts at the power plant than any human should be allowed to make sure they had what they needed and a little bit extra. Or he would stay out until late and work on building a sandbox for Jesse, or a terrace for them to sit and enjoy the sun, or a pretty fence for Renée to plant flowers to climb on, because she _loved_ planting and growing things.

He would work _so hard,_ until he was trembling from lack of energy because he became obsessive with his projects and forgot to stop and eat. But either she or her mom would bring him a sandwich and a drink to make sure he didn't keel over.

And he never, ever complained. Bella hadn't once heard her dad express one word to suggest he wasn't content. Not even when she could see from the dark shadows under his eyes because he was doing _too much._

All he did was for them, so even if Bella sometimes felt he was too harsh, ultimately she knew that he, as Renée also reminded her of constantly, wasn't mean.

"I didn't know you were feeling so sick," he apologetically told her, and she pulled the pillow from her face to peer up at him with squinting eyes.

"It's okay, dad. I'm so slow sometimes – sorry you didn't get to sleep in." This she felt really guilty about. Much more than making Jesse all happy, only to watch him get sad when he couldn't swim yet.

"I'll just let you go to work for me on Monday," he jokingly said. "I'll go sit in school and sleep on the bench with all the other delinquents – my name can be Barley. Isn't that the name of that dragon Jesse likes so much?" He grinned when Bella groaned. This is where she got it from; her highly odd sense of humor.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it?

"Dad..."

He laughed. "No?"

"It's _Barney. _And he's a dinosaur." She rolled her eyes. _Ow. _That hurt.

"Oh...I thought that's what I said." He smirked.

Bella shook her head carefully back and forth. "You're a cake, dad."

Charlie shrugged and gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. "All right, I better go get started on the marinade before Mom hurts me."

"So unfair... I was looking forward to those steaks." She sighed, unable to hide her disappointment, and Charlie chuckled.

"I'll save you one and we can throw it on the grill when you feel better."

Bella's responding smile was instantaneous. "Thanks, Dad."

Once her dad left the room she returned the pillow to cover her face and curled up as best as she could. Maybe if she hadn't been so thoughtless she could have been watching The Lion King with Jesse now. Instead, the only thing she'd managed to think about was how she didn't want her changed perceptions to be found out. How silly was that?

Not that it would matter either way. She shouldn't be looking at him, even if he so obviously _wasn't _her brother. Not only did he have a girlfriend (had she not told Nina that she was a slut for disregarding those boundaries when she became interested in someone?), but – and this was another valid point her friend had pointed out – Jacob lived with them.

A big no no. She should guard her curious eyes better.

Though, when no one was looking, what harm would it do to peek, if only just a little?

There was no harm in that, and it wasn't like she would ever dare to do anything else but look, was there? She hadn't even kissed a guy – apart from that stupid Truth or Dare game at that birthday party she'd been to two years ago now.

They had made Edwin kiss _her_, only to watch her face light up like a fire truck, and she had been convinced that had her ears been equivalent to sirens, wails would have come out of them. The mere thought of it now sent a wave of humiliation through her body.

Embarrassed or not, she still had secretly wished he would do it one day of his own free will, but wishful thinking was just that: it never went anywhere. But Bella being Bella had kept watching him for two years; she had such a hard time letting go of things.

Just like Renée.

And she was slightly obsessive – no. A _lot._

She could lie there for hours thinking about things. However, what she wanted was for sleep to take her and ease the ache, and for the fever that made anything touching her skin painful to go away. So she grabbed the iPod her grandparents had bought her last Christmas, plugged her ears and started scrolling through the songs. She settled for the Forrest Gump main theme and closed her eyes.

The melody was so beautiful, and the notes that flowed through her turned her limbs to mush. Apart from watching and observing things and writing about it, music was a big passion of hers. It wasn't so odd that songs (even the ones she truly didn't want there) stuck in her head so easily.

She'd been in the church choir for a couple of years, but when her friend that had talked her into it moved away she had slowly but surely eased out of it. That was a year ago now, and singing with her mom was enough for her. The songs in church, admittedly, hadn't all been so great always, anyway.

Before long her thoughts became more and more difficult to control, and she felt herself drifting, until, finally, she fell asleep.

Her dreams, as always, were incredibly weird and made no sense whatsoever.

Either she was running and running but never moving or she was flying – higher and higher with each push – then falling and jerking awake.

Was her subconscious trying to tell her that she really was made of fail? Or was that just a reminder that it was what she really thought of herself, deep down? Scenario one was sad to consider, but the second one could be remedied.

She hoped it was the latter, feared it was first, and with that concluded it was definitely a case of number two.

**o~*iii*~o**

To her great disappointment, she slept through the entire barbeque. Almost.

Megan and Daniel did come into her room at some point to give her an update on what they were up to, though it all happened in a blur and she could only remember half. She did get an invite to Megan's birthday party, but that wasn't until the end of the summer break. That part she _did_ remember, thank God.

Sometime late in the evening she managed to pull herself out of bed, after much encouragement from Renée, so she could try to eat something. Her fever was down for the time being, so she took her drink and plate with grilled cheese outside to sit on the steps to the terrace.

Because of the city lights, it wasn't possible to see anywhere near as many stars as you could away from civilization. At the age of seven she'd been camping with her mom, dad and cousins, and _that_ had been far, far away from lights, and from the sounds of traffic and bustle – the sky had been _so _breathtaking. Not to mention how quiet everything had been, allowing the night to be filled by the crackling of a fire and cicadas.

Now, the only things she heard were distant voices from a neighbor's yard, a dog barking somewhere and cars driving past out on the freeway, which was a fair distance away, but it could still be heard.

Until a car pulled up somewhere close to their front yard, and metal whined and slammed before shouting erupted. Well, a _girl_ shouted.

Bella tilted her head, and then decided that it was definitely Hannah yelling. She tried to block it out, as her voice went nasal whenever she pitched it high. She certainly had a temper on her, but that wasn't surprising, since she was all over the place.

Try as she might, it was impossible to shut it out, and just as she was going to get up, everything went quiet. She relaxed and lifted her toast-

-the gate slammed down the side of the house and Jacob came into the backyard – and so did Hannah.

"Jake! Please! Come on – why can't you tell me? Why won't you let me in? I'm so sick of this!"

Bella froze with her toast to her mouth. Shit. Couples fight. She didn't want to hear this, so she stood quickly to escape.

"Bella, wait!" Hannah called out.

Pausing to turn, still on the steps, she gave Hannah a questioning look. "Um, okay?" What did she want with her? Couldn't she just be allowed to go? This was none of her business. One eyebrow lifted expectantly as she glanced at Jacob, following Hannah's narrowed eyes. "I'd just like to go, if that's okay with you?" she added, getting dizzy quickly from standing.

Jacob's face took on a disbelieving expression. "Don't go there," he warned Hannah. "This has nothing to do with her." He looked at Bella and lifted his chin slightly in a gesture toward the house. "Go inside. You don't have to stay."

"Yes, she does!" Hannah exclaimed. "You still haven't told me why you took a punch for her, just like with every fucking thing else that you don't tell me, so what am I supposed to expect, Jake? Everything about you is just one big secret!"

"Keep your voice down, dammit!" he hissed at her.

"No! Not until you answer me."

"Um, please?" Bella timidly asked. "My parents are kind of sleeping in there and Ash and Jesse, too, so..." Her words trailed off when Hannah just glared at her in disgust. "Right. Okay, I'm going inside – so, yeah, I don't... I'm sorry..." Bella stumbled on the steps but caught herself and hurried across the deck, wondering what she'd done wrong _this _time. As far as she knew she hadn't done anything to her.

Apparently Hannah had her own thoughts about that, which she let the whole neighborhood know as she loudly blurted, "You fucked her, didn't you?"

Bella choked and faltered, the plate and glass slipping out of her hands and clattering noisily on the deck on impact. A small part of her mind registered that her toast landed upside down.

"What – _no_," she heard Jacob sputter behind her. Someone approached then, and her arm was yanked to spin her back around, putting her face to face (sort of, Bella was shorter) with Jacob's girlfriend while he, in a raised voice, protested, "Hannah! What are you, crazy?"

Hannah's brows almost disappeared into her black hair as she stared down at Bella in disbelief. "Oh my G – you have! What – did you think I wouldn't find out? God, you make me sick," she finally told her in a harsh voice.

Bella's face burned impossibly hot at the implications while her mouth opened and closed. She was too stunned to form words.

"Leave her alone," Jacob said under his breath as he moved toward them.

"God! See?" Hannah cried in a broken voice, on the verge of tears. "It's so obvious, Jake. Stop lying to me!"

"Get a grip – she's got the _flu_. Just let her go inside. We haven't fucking done _anything_."

Bella pulled to get her arm free while hoping she could just disappear, and Hannah let her go with a snort. Instantly she dropped down to pick up her mess. While she tried not to let the dizziness overwhelm her, she prayed she could keep the threatening tears inside. Also, if she didn't lie down soon she was, without a doubt, going to hurl again.

"I can't do this anymore, Jake."

"Do what?"

"This – us – you not being honest with me – keeping secrets – fucking your sister, for crying out loud!"

"I'm _not_, so fucking stop saying that," Jacob bit out in frustration, but underneath it all there was a strain, like he was fighting hard to keep something reined in.

With a firm grasp on the glass and plate, she shakily stood and moved for the screen door. The whole world was spinning and she just _had_ to get a horizontal position. _Now. _

They were still arguing back and forth but she shut her ears to it and pushed at the door. It came open far too easily, and she looked up to see her dad's eyes move from her then focus behind her.

"Hey, can you keep it down?" he told them with an undercurrent of authority. "People are trying to sleep."

"Sorry, Charlie,"she heard Jacob apologize as she slipped past her dad.

Hannah blubbered something incoherently.

"Christ, you kids...sort it out," her dad said tiredly and added, "And do it quietly," then she heard the door slide shut as he evenly inquired, "You okay, Bella?"

"I'm fine, dad." Not completely, but she would be as soon as her head was on a pillow. "Just a bit dizzy...is it okay if I watch some TV?"

"Yeah, sure. Just keep the volume down though."

Had it been Renée, she would have been able to tell from her voice that she was upset, so she was thankful that it was Charlie who'd come to interrupt and not her mom. He did place a kiss on her hair though, and told her good night after expressing he hoped she'd feel better in the morning.

At that, the tears became _too much_ to hold back.

She stayed silent though, only wiping at them while rinsing her plate and throwing the toast into the garbage. She turned the tap off and wiped her hands on a paper towel, then threw that into the garbage, too.

It had been a heat of the moment thing. She hadn't meant it, she told herself. People said things when they were angry or upset, and Hannah might be hyperactive and weird but she wasn't mean. She was just _hurt_. Bella hadn't done anything; it had nothing to do with her.

There would probably be nothing of interest on TV, so while she had a look through the movies, she kept telling herself that it was the bug, or _flu_, and lack of food that made her all emotional. She wouldn't let Hannah's words get to her and mess with her insecurities.

Besides, who cared what she'd said about _her_ when Jacob had to stand there and have all that thrown in his face? How could she think that he – that they – no. Unthinkable.

Jacob _was _secretive. He _did_ keep things inside, and that would be hurtful when you just want to be there for someone, right? Hannah had a right to be upset and angry.

It wasn't working. No matter what she thought to try and cover everything else up, it just wouldn't _stay down._

How could she be so hurtful to him? How _dare _she?

She needed to break up with him and leave him the hell alone.

Bella sank down on the floor, cross-legged, and stared at the DVD's through the blur of tears. Where did _that_ come from? Who was she to wish such things? Since when would she want that? Jacob probably cared a lot about Hannah and would be very hurt. What she _should_ wish for was that they worked it out and hugged and that Jacob was _happy. _She did want him to be happy, and if Hannah made him happy then that was a _good _thing.

But that would mean that he had a girlfriend that thought she was sick in the head and had no right to want to hug him. Because that would be disturbed.

Everything she had come to think and realize suddenly made her feel like she was disgusting and not well at all.

She just wished Renée was awake so she could curl up on her lap like she did when she was six and that snotty boy in the grade over her had socked her in the mouth for defending this _other_ boy that she liked to play with. But this bully had tried to hit him and Bella had shoved him. _Hard_. And then, out of nowhere, a chubby fist had caught her in the mouth.

Maybe she _was_ just sick in the head? Girls shouldn't fight with boys. They should giggle and wear pink dresses and play with Barbies at that age. But not Bella. She drew and painted and sat in the driveway and watched Charlie repair their car – handed him a spanner or a wrench when he needed one – and thanks to that she knew how to tune a car.

She was a sixteen year old girl now, and she knew how to fix a car. Well. _Some _things.

Yep. The jury was back from recess, and the vote was unanimous: she was _far_ from normal.

And she wanted to deck Hannah for potentially being outside their house right now, breaking up with Jacob and hurting him.

"Hey."

Bella nearly jumped out of her skin. "Shit!" she hissed under her breath and wiped quickly, but discreetly, at her face before she looked up at Jacob standing in the archway. "You scared the crap out of me," she whispered a bit more harshly than she'd intended.

"Sorry... Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she replied slowly.

"She shouldn't have said that," he continued and walked into the living room. Bella followed his movements until he slumped down on the sofa. Not sure what to say, she simply returned to pick through the movies.

Oh. Now she knew what she wanted to watch: Transformers II. And Shia LaBeouf was... _hot_. That was just what she needed right now. _And _he was funny. She seriously loved that dog on crack. Not to mention the little robot that humped Mikaela's leg.

Never mind that she was nervous as hell, as Jacob had brought _something_ into the room with him that made that flutter return to her stomach.

At least he didn't look hurt, so that was a good thing. Hannah couldn't have broken his heart, which – her skinny arms be relieved – meant she wouldn't have to bash her up.

Okay. This wasn't healthy.

"What are you watching?"

Huh? She twisted so she could look at him, and held up the DVD with a demonstrative wiggle. "Transformers II – um, do you want to watch it? Or you can pick something else if you want." Who said he wanted to watch it (or _anything_ for that matter)? Maybe he was just trying to be polite or something.

_Stop obsessing, Bella_, she told herself.

"I'm easy," he simply said with a light shrug.

This would be different. Jacob had watched movies with the entire family before – with Jesse and Ashley at times – but he had never, ever watched a movie with just her. Alone.

She wasn't going to think about what that meant. Instead she took the disk out of the cover and placed it in the DVD player.

"Have you seen it before?" she wondered, but instantly wanted to smack herself. Who had not seen it? What a stupid question.

"Yeah, but I wasn't really watching..." An image entered her head and she deflected it right away.

"Well," she said and got off the floor stiffly. "It's an awesome movie – _and_ the soundtrack's great, especially Linkin Park." She sat down on the sofa and pulled her feet up to tuck beneath her. "I really like their music." _Oh my God, will you shut up already? He's going to take off if you can't be quiet._

"They're all right." Out of the corner of her eye she saw him smirk. Oh. Great. She'd made an idiot out of herself. "Definitely a step up from that shit I heard coming from the bathroom this morning."

No way.

She groaned and dropped her face into her hands. Not fair. This wasn't happening to her.

Jacob let out a quiet chuckle and she turned her head to look at him. The tiniest smile tugged one corner of his mouth up just so, and just like that she couldn't remember what remark she'd been about to make. When she lifted her eyes, his met hers as though he'd been watching her as closely as she had him.

She tried to look away, she really did, but it was no use. He held her there, and in the back of her mind she wondered what moved behind those dark eyes of his. It was as though an invisible barrier had been dropped, and for some reason, unbeknownst to her, he was letting her see a glimpse of all that he seemingly tried so hard to hide.

Then he dropped his eyes and she felt the remote disappear from her hands, which made her look down.

"Do you want text?" he asked, and she blinked incomprehensibly.

"Huh, what?"

"Since we've got to keep it down... do you want subtitles?" he clarified.

Oh. Duh. "Nah, that's okay. I've seen it more times than what's healthy," she sheepishly admitted. "I know the lines by heart."

He gave a slight nod before pressing play, and she couldn't help but take note of something, which made her brain pause in confusion.

All she'd known so far of Jacob was that he could be almost cold at times, a small part hard, but a big part unapproachable. So that she was convinced he was blushing beneath that smooth, coppery skin of his, had her drawing up blanks.

Jacob wasn't shy. Not at all.

But something was definitely different. She just couldn't put her finger on what. And again she wanted to give herself a smack for investing too much thought into it all.

Not _everything_ needed to be analyzed.

As the intro scene started rolling, she forced herself to not keep looking at him. It was getting a bit...awkward. Or maybe even rude was the better term. He had, for some reason, decided to watch a movie with her, and she wasn't going to show her gratitude by making him uncomfortable.

Immersing herself in the movie, in spite of being the umpteenth time she'd seen it, wasn't difficult, and though she didn't forget Jacob was there, she soon relaxed. Her stomach was settled, and the fever hadn't made a comeback (yet), but she was still so very tired.

She glanced over to where Jacob had scooted down, taking the same position he'd had this morning. "Hey," she said to get his attention, and he looked at her. "Are you using that pillow?" She pointed and he grabbed the throw cushion wedged between him and the armrest.

"This?"

"Yeah."

"No," he said and handed it to her.

She smiled. "Thanks. I'm building a little nest here so I can lay down, sort of, without kicking your ass." Did she seriously just say that? "Um, well... Sorry, I'm a dork." She rolled her eyes at herself and propped the pillow on top of the other ones then tried to find a comfortable position.

"Doubt you could do much damage with those tiny feet."

Bella paused her wriggling and quirked a brow at him. She stuck her feet out and rested them on the coffee table (thank God her dad was asleep, he'd tickle them and she'd die from lack of oxygen. He always did that), then tipped and wiggled them demonstratively.

"Oh, I bet _they_ could."

Jacob gave her feet a suspicious scrutiny. "Are we talking ground force or biochemical warfare?"

Laughter bubbled up from deep inside, and she pulled her feet back to quickly hide them. "As the defense minister of these headquarters, I believe it's in the best interest of domestic security that I don't reveal the specifics." She grinned.

"You're going to have to do better than that," he told her.

"Oh, um, let me talk to my advisers..." With a finger held up she grabbed her cell from the pocket of her sweatpants and feigned a low and authoritative voice. "Uh huh – why, yes sir – Absolutely not. You're talking national security now. These – and excuse me for saying so sir, but-" She coughed and cleared her throat. "-these senoritas will be busting our balls before we even get a chance to reach under the skirt, if you know what I'm saying – yes, you've got that right. Yes, sir. Will do."

Bella pretended to hang up and turned back to Jacob who was shaking his head at her, and the smile, which by now was pretty big, almost made her lose track, but she managed to retain the illusion of a masculine tone (her voice wasn't particularly girly normally, anyway) and told him, "It is our belief that to win this war, we need the advantage of surprise attack on our side." She winked at him.

Jacob did a soundless whistle, as if to say _well, this is embarrassing_, and when he laughed, she knew for certain she was an even bigger dork than she'd thought. She could tell by the sound. Somehow though, to her relief, it didn't make her wish a hole would open up and suck her down. If anything, she felt proud of having made him laugh and smile in spite of possibly making _him _cringe a little on the inside.

The geek-stamp she was sure she'd just earned herself was so worth it.

A part of her, though, hoped he would still dare to watch movies with her in the future, as she was _really _enjoying this.

"Yeah," Bella finally agreed with the silence that followed. "That was lame, but – you did laugh, and a laugh's a laugh, right?"

He was still smiling when he shrugged. "I guess it is."

Satisfied with that answer, she happily told him, "Good. I'll keep the bad jokes coming then," and slid down while burrowing into the cushions as best she could, then turned her attention back to the movie.

She'd been so sure she'd fall asleep, but she balanced on the edge, and just as her lids drooped closed she jerked back awake. The position wasn't too beneficial for her neck so she decided to sit up like proper people.

"I can move if you want to lie down," Jacob quietly suggested, and she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Nah, it's okay." As if she would make him move. She'd rather move herself than make him go. Besides – and she'd never admit this, least of all to him – there was something so very nice about him sitting there. He looked relaxed and comfortable. The wary facade was gone, and she wasn't about to mess with that.

When she'd picked Transformers II, she had of course thought it'd only be her watching. Still she hadn't remembered that she _always_ cried when Sam was all banged up and then went into the spirit realm to restore the power to the Matrix.

And she was all too wrapped up in the movie without distractions, so she tried to keep the tears in to the point where everything was a blur. But then Sam woke and Mikaela was in total disbelief that all of that crap had to happen just so he'd tell her he loved her and then he reminded her that she _said it first_ and that was just _too much._

She tilted her head so her face was angled away from Jacob, and then discreetly swiped at her wet cheeks. If her geek-stamp hadn't done it, she knew this didn't go much in her favor. Guys couldn't handle crying girls, and she was _so_ crying.

"Uh... are you okay?"

_You've done it now. How are you going to fix this, huh?_ "Yeah," she said, and then, there it was – the embarrassing sniffle when she tried to breathe in normally, but she was all choked up and now _she _wanted to run away and hide.

More hiding? Could she be more silly and obvious?

"Are you sure?" he asked in an uncertain voice.

She wouldn't have been convinced had she been him. "Uh-huh." So she cried about a movie. Big deal. Fess up. "It's just the movie," she clarified and turned to him, then let out a shaky laugh. "I do this a lot, it's my thing."

Jacob had this fearful expression on his face that she'd seen on guys faces before when they witnessed a girl crying, and she honestly couldn't blame him.

"Want a tissue or something?" he asked awkwardly.

See? Now he needs an excuse to escape because he's too nice to tell you what an idiot you are. Way to go. The least she could do was to give him his escape route. "No, I'm okay, I've got this," she said instead and pulled the neckline of her shirt up to wipe the last traces.

Cool air hit her stomach and she paused, then cringed. Oh my God. She was an exhibitionist now, too? Shit. The temperature in her face was at once so much _higher, _but not only that, for the life of her she couldn't lower the shirt to show her face.

How was this going in his favor for minimizing the awkwardness?

She was freaking out and it wasn't like her at all. Not this bad. (This was definitely one of those moments where she'd be damned if she did, and damned if she didn't.)

"Um..." Hesitantly she lowered the shirt and tugged at the bottom self-consciously. "I'm getting a drink, you want one?" _Say no. Please. And escape. I won't hold it against you_, she begged silently, not daring to look at him.

"I can get it – what do you want?"

Huh? Did he enjoy embarrassment? She'd turned to look at him before she could consciously catch on. She was too surprised. But now she was also confused. She had absolutely no idea how to read his expression, but his eyes seemed to have a direct line to her heart and stomach, causing both to flutter in a very real and very scary way.

And it was crazy how she couldn't form words. "Uh... water?" _Water?_ The least she could've done was make a complicated request that would take a _lot _of time. Enough time for her to put her face in a pillow to indulge a one hundred percent girl-worthy squeak-fest.

But he was off the sofa and out of the room before she could change her mind.

"Seriously?" she whispered to herself. "What's _wrong _with you?"

She strutted, she sang Justin Bieber, threatened to knock him dead with her smelly socks – she wouldn't regret the dorky humor; it had made him smile, after all – and now she'd just flashed her stomach? What was next?

Maybe she should quit while she was ahead – _ahead_? Could she get any further _behind_?

With a groan, she grabbed one of the cushions and dropped her face into it, then shook her head, back and forth. A small voice in the back of her head pointed out that at least she was feeling better whereas she _could_ be coughing and snotting all over herself and him.

Gross. Had she been that sick she wouldn't have left her room and none of this would've happened. (Like this was the end of the world? Where did all this melodramatic crap come from?)

"Stop, just stop," she mumbled into the cushion.

"Uh..."

She froze.

No. Freaking. Way.

The sound of a glass being put on the table made her lift her head a little, then she felt the seat cushion incline _next to her. _Jacob, obviously, didn't get freaked out easily.

"Thanks," she said to the pillow.

"No problem."

Still to the pillow. "I'm sorry for being so strange, I just...I don't know, it's the fever, it messed up my brain..." She really shouldn't talk before serious thought had been put into it first.

"Hey. It's cool... don't worry about it."

That made her turn her head so that she was peering up at him, still hunched over. "Really?" she wondered with heavy skepticism. "I'm thinking you should be, kind of, backing away slowly by now, do the whole nervous laughter thing and... make a run for it."

Jacob's laugh was soft but came from deep within. Like he wasn't laughing _at_ her, really, but something else. It was a strange feeling.

"Nah," he finally said. "You don't scare me."

Slowly she pulled herself up and realized she had never been this close to him before. Not in this kind of light. Just a couple of inches closer and her leg would touch his – _again_ her stomach felt like it had been invaded by a whole army of butterflies.

"Not even the tears? You're supposed to get all... I don't know ...no?"

He made a scoffing type of noise. "Nope. Sisters prepare you for that sort of stuff..." His expression changed, like the flip of a switch, and Bella wasn't sure what to think or how to react or what to say.

Too many things swept through her brain at the same time.

"I, uh..." He looked away, focusing on the opposite wall, and under his breath bit out, "_Fuck._" Then he quickly turned back to her. "I didn't mean..." He didn't continue, but he didn't look away either, and all she could do was stare at him.

Sister_s_? He had more than one?

Oh.

Of course.

Wait – what?

"Didn't mean what?" Once she was in her room she was literally going to smack herself for not being able to hold her tongue silently in her damn mouth.

With a heavy sigh he pushed a hand into his hair, and then dropped forward with an elbow on one knee. Several times it sounded like he was about to say something, but he caught himself. Then it all came out in a rush. "Rebecca, the girl I mentioned – and was an ass about when you asked – is – _was_... fuck... she _was_ my sister-"

Then he pulled both hands to rub his face roughly and made a wordless sound of frustration. "_Dammit_... No – no that's not it. I lied," he admitted and exhaled, then under his breath said, "_So fucking tired of these secrets_..._she doesn't give a shit anyway_..."

He sucked in a shaky breath.

"Rebecca's who you think's Rachel, and Rachel's actually her twin...but she died when I was nine...she...it was cancer."

He was cold and hard again, but even more so than she had ever seen or heard before, and that together with his confession made her stomach twist almost painfully.

"I'm so sorry..." Her words felt so stupid and hollow and weak. In the face of all that he had been through, what could she say?

"It sucks... but it's... Don't be sorry." He turned his face toward her and he looked so defeated the breath caught in her windpipe. "She thinks it should've been her, you know?" The helplessness and naked vulnerability in his eyes made her reach out, but she hesitated when he visibly tensed up.

"Sorry," she only just managed in a meek whisper. She should stop thinking he wanted her comfort. As if anything at all could make this better – nothing that was within her power anyway. She withdrew her hand and trapped both under her arms to keep them to herself.

Jacob looked away, then down while supporting his head with his hands in his hair. She watched them curl into fists then flex as he ran them through the strands.

"Everything's so fucked up I don't even know where to start," he said in a broken voice, and she squeezed her arms tightly against her sides.

"You don't have to...it's okay...just, whatever you want...I'm probably not the best choice to tell. If mom asks – and trust me, she sees right through me – it's so... I'll slip, I'm not good with that..." If she shut up, that would be good. Here he was, opening up, and it was probably so _very hard _for him to do. If she couldn't keep quiet, that was her problem, and she needed to learn.

She blew out a breath.

"I won't say anything, I'll just... I'll try? If you want – I mean-"

"Bella," he said then, and he had never, ever called her by her name before. Her heart reacted to it but she pushed that away. "You should never lie. No matter what, you should never do that. It'll eat you up."

He had straightened now, and his dark eyes pierced right through her with a burning intensity.

"Don't do that for me – I don't want that. I don't want you to feel like this..." Again he turned from her and she saw the muscle in his jaw tense before he shook his head. As if to himself, he breathed out, "I shouldn't have said anything," then turned back, and his face seemed to fall.

She had to swallow against the building ache and accompanying burn in her throat when his eyes teared up.

"I've tried to leave, I shouldn't've come back. I should've tried fucking _harder_ to stay gone."

Bella shook her head mechanically. "No. Don't leave," she whispered. "You don't have to... Don't go."

A noise came from him and he looked away before standing up. Everything inside her knotted and the sinking feeling in her stomach was overwhelming. Without thinking, she reached for his arm to stop him. He couldn't leave. There had to be something they could do. But he didn't stop and her hand slipped down until she made a last attempt to grab his hand.

"Please," she begged, not able to help how desperate or scared she sounded. In the back of her mind, Hannah popped up, and when her fingers couldn't find purchase she forced herself to stay down. Against all comprehension, and disregarding her frantically beating heart, she watched him leave the room.

She wanted _so badly _to go after him. Her brain was practically screaming at her to follow, to assure him everything would be okay. But then she thought that it _wasn't _okay. For three years he'd kept all this inside – and who knew for how long before that? – and all to protect his sister? Obviously something was changing though, and she would be willing to bet that he was scared to death.

And something told her there was a lot more to this than what he'd told her.

But if he'd started telling her, of all people (it couldn't be made to make sense; she didn't know how to keep her mouth shut), then maybe there was a reason for that?

How did that saying go again she'd heard so often? Was this one of those silent cries for help? Though it hadn't really been silent – could it still apply? Where did you draw the line when tearing yourself down to protect someone else? And when did you go against the grain to help when your heart told you it was the right thing to do?

She didn't have all the answers, but she did know that this wasn't right. Letting him go wasn't right. Jacob didn't have to go through this – whatever it was – alone. He _wasn't_ alone. They _would_ help him.

Whatever it was that kept insisting she just let him be, she squashed it down; this wasn't the time to second-guess herself. If he left this time, he might not come back. They might not find him, and then what would happen? The mere thought of never seeing him again had her hurrying down the hallway to his room as quickly, but soundlessly, as she could.

"_Jacob?_" she whispered to his door.

Silence.

There was no way of knowing if he was still there. He could've left through the garage, or jumped out the window already and she might be speaking to empty space, but she leaned her forehead against the wood anyway, hoping he was still there. "Stay," she asked. "Don't go. We'll figure this out, in whichever way...and I know we'd – mom, dad, me...we'd help in any way we can. You don't have to do this. Please?"

Then a thought occurred to her, and she added, "Or if you want to wait – if you need more time – I swear, I don't care if I have to keep my stupid mouth shut. I will. I pro-"

She fell right into him with an "Oof" when the support of the door suddenly disappeared, and then, warm and firm, arms caught her to keep her on her feet. Just as quickly she was out of them, but a hand wrapped around her arm instead, and pulled her into the room before the door closed behind her, shrouding them in shadows.

"You have no idea what kind of mess I could drag this family into," he told her harshly. "I fucked up when I promised to keep _my _mouth shut, so don't you do that, too."

No. She didn't know, but she had to do _something_ to keep him there. He had to know that they – _she_ would do whatever it took to help him. So it was with heartfelt sincerity she told him, "Whatever it is – we'll be there. I know we will."

"You can't be serious." His voice was low and disbelieving "How can you say that when you don't even know anything about me? For all you know I could've killed someone. Would you be that stupid and risk your family getting murdered for a stranger?" His voice had cracked, ever just so slightly, on the last words.

The breath in her lungs had turned into a suffocating fog of dread that now seeped into her veins and spread through her slowly, leaving her immobilized.

"You..." She faltered, but tried again. "You're not a stranger," she refuted weakly.

His reply wasn't hard, but hollow and tired. "Yeah, I am. You don't know me, and I haven't exactly been nice to you..."

In a trembling voice she challenged, "Well, then..._did_ you kill someone?" not able to fully understand she was actually asking this seriously. Jacob wasn't violent, he wouldn't..._kill_ someone. He _hadn't_ killed _anyone._

But then he didn't answer right away, so while she tried not to think about what the silence meant, she instead focused on finding his face in the dark.

What if he _had_, though? He _was_ right: she didn't know anything about him. As much as she wanted to trust that he was just a sixteen year old guy with a really, really unfortunate past like so many others, she did know – some part of her did – that life wasn't always so simple.

She'd started backing up without even realizing.

"I might as well have," he finally replied, but he sounded so broken.

"Jacob," she pleaded quietly. "That's not the same as _doing._"

"No, maybe not, but you have _no idea..._"

Something hard made her retreating steps come to an abrupt stop, and as she felt behind her she knew she'd backed into his desk. She continued searching across the surface until she found what she was after and flipped the switch.

Blinking once, then twice, she could finally see him where he stood in the middle of the floor. He wasn't what he, for some reason, had wanted to imply. She just couldn't see it.

"I'm really sorry," she said. "And maybe I don't know you so well, or anything about your past, and I just can't imagine what you've been through, but I want to help. Okay? So if I'm not doing it right, tell me what you need...let me help, let mom and dad help. Please? Don't leave... Whatever it is, we'll find a solution... We'll try to help Rach – Rebecca," she corrected. "And we'll fix this. Somehow... At least, let us try?"

"You can't fix it. It's too late – it's just too fucked up."

"Okay..." She puffed air out. Could she get anything right? "I can't fix it," she acknowledged in defeat. "Okay," she repeated just to keep him from – what? she didn't know. She was grasping at straws and feeling she was going to lose this argument. But she couldn't have that. "Just...can you just not leave? How will that make anything better?"

Jacob shoved a hand into his hair and grabbed it roughly, then dropped it and stared at her for a long moment, as though that would somehow make her understand what he so desperately was trying to get through to her.

"I shouldn't even be here," he said frustratedly.

"_Why?_"

"I can't tell you why! _Fuck_...I wish I could, 'cause, believe it or not, I hate lying to you. You're so fucking-" He cut off with an aggravated groan and she flinched just a little.

"Sorry... Just... I'm sorry. I'll, um, be quiet and just... Please don't go. I won't push, and I won't ask anything, just _please _don't leave." He was right about one thing: this was seriously messed up. She couldn't even begin to wrap her head around it. Not only all the unspoken things that simmered just beneath the surface, but also how strongly she felt about him leaving.

In an entirely different way from not just wanting him to feel like he didn't belong.

She found she just wanted a chance to get to know _him_. Not so much his past, but who he was. (If he told her freely, that was fine, too, but she really didn't _want _to push.)

Then, suddenly, he was right in front of her. "Hey, don't," he said in the gentlest tone she'd ever heard.

Huh? She lifted her gaze to his – though he was tall, he wasn't a flagpole, thank God, or she might snap her neck – blinked at him and realized he was all blurry. Crap. "Sorry," she mumbled and wiped quickly at her face until he made her pause by taking her hand to lower it. "What..." She didn't get much further than that when softly he brushed the backs of fingers down her cheek.

As if her heart going absolutely insane in her chest wasn't enough, he leaned in tentatively. His dark eyes, reflecting an emotion she couldn't read, flickered to hers briefly before she felt his breath on her cheek. Then his lips touched her skin there, ever so hesitantly, and her lids immediately fluttered closed.

Possibly her stomach behaved even more crazily than her heart.

What had she been thinking? She was pretty sure she shouldn't be liking it _this _much, and especially not with all the conflict, but she still did.

And when he pulled away it was all too soon. (She guessed she and Nina had something in common now. She was such a slut for enjoying that, and disturbed, too.)

He let out a hopeless sounding kind of sigh which made her eyes open to find him looking past her, focusing on a spot over her shoulder. Just before he spoke he shook his head and took a deep breath. Exhaled. Then, "I shouldn't've done that..."

Probably not. But she couldn't wish it away. Though she was sure she'd try.

For his sake.

As she just couldn't see how she'd be able to actually forget about it. But that was her issue.

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong> First things first. To **MeraNaamJoker **and **cretin**: thank you both so very, very much for beta-ing and proofreading. It means so much to me! Also for the encouragement and making me smile a LOT. Love you both! And to **bellaBBblack**: thank you for being so adorable with your comments. Love you muchly! Y'all make my cheeks hurt! (No, not those ones. Jeez. Mind out of the gutter, eh?)_

_And then about the review-replies. I slacked again this time. (Did I jinx myself by getting all proud for having answered in a somewhat timely fashion last time?) I started going through them while the chapter got some love, but then I had to do something and lost track..._

_I just want y'all to know that I appreciate each and every second you take to leave a few words. They're like...awesomeness times a billion. Makes my day. :) :) :)_

_Some things are slipping out of the shadows and we're getting a peek into mysterious!Jake's past! But not only that; Bella's so cute. I really love this Bella (if I **may** say so myself). :P_

_Oh. And I'm sorry for not including any guitar-playage in this chapter! I totally meant to, but then there just wasn't any space. Next chapter. Promise. Pinky-swear?_

_Well... I give y'all lotsa love and hugs and cuddles and kisses._

_See y'all next time! (Runs to car to go get silly boy drunk in the woods.)  
><em>


	5. Faith

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Faith<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr._

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

"_I'll stay."_

He'd said he would stay. He wasn't leaving.

It was the only thing she could think about while she randomly scrolled through songs on her iPod.

Well... there was that other thing, too, and once again she touched the tips of her fingers to her cheek, as if they would find lingering proof to convince her she hadn't just imagined it.

But the hard thuds against her ribs, the hot burn in her cheeks, and the crazy flutter in her stomach was too real to deny. She was still slightly overwhelmed in the aftermath of it all, not sure what to think, let alone what to feel.

What she knew, though, was to repeat to herself that he had a girlfriend, that he lived with her family, and to hope and wish and pray that she could keep things to herself. As much as she knew her parents were understanding and not quick to judge, she didn't want to get _him_ into trouble.

After all, nothing like this had ever happened to her before. As such, she wasn't sure what the protocol for being kissed on the cheek by someone everybody else probably viewed as her brother would be.

That's how she'd spoken of him, after all – or as good as.

Not that she didn't try to come up with an answer as to _why _he'd done it. The cheek was neutral territory, after all, and a kiss there could mean a number of things. It didn't _have _to be more than a gesture of comfort. But because her perceptions had shifted, she saw it all in a different light.

Jacob hadn't shown signs of being a touchy feely person. Not with the family, at least. But what did she know? Just because she _wished _it meant more than whatever it probably in actuality_ did_, didn't mean it was true.

She had no clue when it came to guys. Not in regards to... non-friendship-y things.

And then, of course, she hadn't forgotten that he told her about Rebecca. If she slipped up on one thing, the rest would be revealed immediately afterward. She had no doubts about that.

So he had told her not to lie, that he didn't want her to do that for him. But he hadn't told her it was okay to tell her parents either.

Whether intentionally or not, he had confided in her, and she needed to not ruin it. For all this time he'd carried it around inside, and if he wanted her parents to know they would know by now.

Until he was ready, she would do all in her power to keep her lips sealed. Anything else was secondary to making sure he _could_ trust them – trust _her._

**o~*iii*~o**

The following morning all symptoms of whatever bug she'd caught were all but gone. Only a slight fatigue remained in her system, but it didn't prevent her from getting up earlier than everyone else, which made her almost purr with satisfaction.

It was time for freshly baked scones.

They were easy to make and took no time at all to bake, so after she was dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a tank top (it was so warm! And on Wednesday school let out for the summer!) she tiptoed down the hallway to get started on one of her dad's favorites.

With the second batch in the oven, it occurred to her that she hadn't checked the fridge to make sure they had lemon marmalade – and of course they didn't. She smacked her forehead and closed the fridge. "So typical..."

She glanced at the clock on the wall and wondered if she'd be able to make it to the supermarket and back before anyone got up. Not likely. "Balls!"

"Sure hope not."

She choked and gave a start. One hand fluttered to her chest as she steadied herself against the bench top with the other. "Don't _do _that," she snapped under her breath.

Jacob bent down slightly to peer into the oven. "Ah... _scones._"

"Duh." She shook her head while taking a deep, calming breath. Everybody knew how extreme her reactions were to being snuck upon, and she swore they took perverse pleasure in doing it on purpose.

Well... probably not Jacob, as they hadn't spent enough time together for him to know that. Silently she forgave him, and then she glanced at the time again (though she'd only _just _checked) and raised a brow questioningly.

"You're up early... again."

He was at the fridge, getting the milk out before closing it with his foot. He came over to where she stood. "It's the heat," he clarified simply while pouring himself a glass. "Can't stand it."

"Maybe you should look at colleges in Alaska, then," she said jokingly. No, he shouldn't. That was way too far away. Like she even had a say in the matter. _Hello?_ _Someone's showing signs of heatstroke_.

He shrugged.

Wide-eyed, she watched him down the entire glass without breathing once, then he put it down and smirked at her, no doubt, owlish stare. "Want some?" he asked, and then gestured to the fridge. "Before I put it back."

She shook her head no.

"Okay then."

After another glance at the time she gave a start. "Oh, crap." Quickly, she slipped the oven mitts on and waved the heat away before getting the scones out of the oven.

"What's wrong with the bread we already have?" he asked with a downward glance at the pan she placed on top of the stove.

"Nothing. I just felt like making scones."

Not that she minded (not at all), but she couldn't help acknowledging how talkative he was. Although, it did put her mind at ease about the night before and everything that had happened. Moreover, it was very obvious now he'd dropped that front that made him so unapproachable.

She started smiling without even realizing it, and it didn't occur to her that he might question it as she looked directly at him while doing so (something else she hadn't meant to consciously do). But then he quirked a brow, and immediately she was aware of staring at him like a crazy person.

"Sorry... I'm, um, going to my room," she stuttered and turned. Her face burned impossibly hot, and she conjured up an image of herself, banging her head repeatedly against her desk. It was exactly what she would do once she was safely back in her room, before she could embarrass herself further.

How did she continuously get herself into these situations? Oh, that's right. Now she remembered. She was an idiot.

"Hey, you don't have to go," he said, but she could hear the humor (all too obvious) in his voice which made it all so much worse.

She paused to turn. "Oh yes, I do," she told him seriously, then assured him, "But I'll be back – oh, and, um... if you hear banging noises? Don't worry. It's just my head." Then she escaped. _If you hear banging noises? Seriously!_

He was, without a doubt, laughing at her. Maybe it was best she knocked herself out while she was at it. Or at least make sure she didn't come back out until she was past the melodrama.

She never behaved so incredibly stupidly, not even around the hottest guy in school. Then again, maybe she just hadn't really _noticed_ the hottest guy in school before?

Oh no. She did not just think that.

In her room, she closed the door and leaned back against it. "This is a problem. A serious problem." Was it too early to send a text to Nina? But it was an emergency, and the protocol for emergencies overruled decent hours, right?

With her phone in hand, she sank down on the chair at her desk and typed out her message before putting it to the side. Then she dropped her head on the wooden surface. "Stupid." She lifted slightly, then dropped down again. _Ow_. "Total." _Thud._ "Epic." _Thud._ "Failure."

_Beep-beep._

**[From Nina:** OMG r u serious?**]**

"No. It's just a joke... Ha ha ha – see?"

**[From you:** Yes? Don't kill me? Please. Eye-roll at you OMG-ing.**]**

She sent the text, then reached up to rub her forehead. That probably wasn't such a smart thing to do, but the freakout was ebbing, so she could take the pain in exchange. Hopefully Nina's oh-em-gee was the surprised and gushy kind, and not the cringe and _I'm-totally-going-to-disown-you_ kind. Although the question mark overload did make her worry just a little.

_Beep-beep._

She almost didn't dare to look. _Almost._

**[From Nina:** ok but just hot right? not like ur falling or smth? that is so wrong girl**]**

Was she serious? Falling? _Yikes._

**[From you: **No! Crazy much? Just really ogle-worthy. I'm sick, aren't I? :(**] **

As a mental note to herself, she would remember not to mention the butterfly sensations or the cheek-smooching. Especially not after reading Nina's latest message. Not that she liked him or anything. Apart from generally caring, since he _was_ part of the family... in some way – _what a mess._

_Beep-beep._

**[From Nina:** only if u drool and hump his leg lol srsly chill girl I luv u. Want me to come over later?**]**

She ignored the humping comment, typed out her reply, and pressed send.

**[From you:** We're going to see my grandparents today. I'm totally taking the tractor for a spin. :D I'll see you in school. Love you too!**]**

Just as she was getting up-

_Beep-beep._

**[From Nina:** :( boooring! GEEK!**]**

She sighed. "I know."

When she got back into the kitchen, Jacob wasn't there. She shook her head. Alaska probably wasn't far enough. Maybe he'd consider a student exchange program and go to England? They had relatives there, after all. Renée's parents were British – hence her general paleness and the reddish reflections in her brown hair. Her mom's hair was that strawberry blonde and she had a sprinkle of freckles in her face.

And green eyes. Bella wished she'd gotten them, too, but no such luck.

The coffee was almost ready and the table was set when her dad came into the kitchen. "Well, well – what do we have here..."

She turned with a wide grin. "Tadaa!"

"I thought I could smell something cooking – ah, and coffee, too." Charlie gave her a smile and messed her hair up while walking past. "Excellent service – thank you, Bells. How's the cold?"

Still grinning, she leaned on the back of a chair. "It's gone. Which means I get to see Gramps and Grams, too."

"If mom gets out of bed – she's got a migraine, so she's not feeling so great."

"Oh." She frowned. "Has she taken medicines?"

"Yep. Just a moment ago."

She decided it best to go get Jesse before he charged into their room, which he very often did in the mornings. Bella'd never experienced a migraine herself, but she knew they weren't pleasant. Seeing her mom's face was enough to make her wince.

**o~*iii*~o**

Breakfast was a success, and once Bella was done clearing the table and filling the dish washer with Ashley's help, she went outside to help change the water in the pool. Jesse had wanted to turn it into a Jacuzzi, and decided the quickest way to get bubbles was to dump half the dish washing liquid into the water.

There were bubbles, all right. _Loads._

"You're so dumb," Ashley said with a scowl while she stared, unimpressed, at Jesse's unfazed expression. He was far too proud of the results to let Ashley's mood discourage him.

"Silly, perhaps, but pretty smart, I'd say," Bella offered and ruffled his thick, blond hair. "But dish washing liquid is for plates, Jesse, not people."

"I know," he said indignantly.

"So why'd you put it there?" Ashley demanded.

He let out a loud sigh and looked at her like _she _was the dumb one. "I wanted bubbles – _stupid_."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Ugh!"

Jesse poked his tongue out, made a sloppy noise, and then turned away while folding his arms with an "Are too."

Bella looked between them.

"_In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight_," a rough but very pleasant voice sang from behind, and then it continued, accompanied by guitar chords. "_In the jungle, the __**mighty**__ jungle, the lion sleeps tonight – ah-__**wee**__-oh-__**wee**__-oh-ah-__**wee**__-am-bamba-__**wey**__!_"

Jared stepped across the deck and came down the stairs, winking at her when she just blinked at him. To Jesse's delight, he continued both playing _and _singing.

"Yay!" he exclaimed before he, too, sang along.

Ashley could only stare.

"Nice save," Bella complimented. "Thanks," she added and smiled.

Jared gave her a slight shrug, but grinned down at Jesse.

Ashley and Jesse both had a knack for getting locked in these never-ending _did-not-did-too_ battles, and it was a bit of a challenge to break up at times, so she was immensely grateful toward Jared.

Now then, how would she get the water out? She could fold the edge of the pool and let it out on the lawn, but that could leave stains on the grass (not to mention, make it soggy). Did she really have to run back and forth with buckets?

Not finding a better solution, she went into the shed, fetched a bucket and got started.

Half way through, she noticed Jared was fully occupied with acting as entertainment for Jesse. Ashley even stuck around, though she hung back slightly, gazing at him like he was the greatest thing in her world. This made Bella chuckle quietly to herself.

_Better than Bieber._ No question about that.

Then she wondered where Jacob was, since Jared was out here. Maybe Hannah had come around? Her heart did a strange stumble in her chest, and she tried to ignore how part of her didn't like that thought at all. It was none of her business and she had no right to dislike it.

By the time she'd finally finished running laps between the pool and the drain down the side of the house, her top was sticking to her. She grimaced at the beads of moisture tickling along the skin between her breasts.

Charlie – shaking his head – came outside with a cup of coffee and a cigar when she got started on filling the pool. "Hey, Dad?"

"Mom's up," he announced, coming down the steps, dodging Jared and the guitar.

"I need a quick shower – can you check the pool?"

"Sure, Bells."

"So, are we going?" she asked on her way past him.

"Think so, she said she'll just wear a bag over her head." He laughed.

"Where are we going?" Jesse piped up.

"To Herb and Peggy's farm," she heard Charlie tell him. Ashley's groan was instantaneous, but the rest was cut off when Bella slid the door closed behind her.

Jacob's door was closed when she passed it, and she could definitely hear Hannah's voice from inside, slightly raised, though she didn't sound angry. Bella hummed a tune to herself so she wouldn't be able to decipher words and went to get some clean clothes before she jumped in the shower.

Nina's words popped up in her head while she continuously tried to deflect a strange feeling of disappointment – or something close to it. She was sure Jacob wouldn't come with them now that Hannah was here. Jared wouldn't care; in fact, he'd been out to her grandparents' farm a couple of times already.

That was the thing with their family: friends became more like extended family, due to Renée's openness and down-to-earth personality. It didn't matter if it were Bella's friends or Jacob's or even her parents' – she was able to strike up a conversation with anyone about anything.

People just gravitated to Renée naturally. Bella bet her dad hadn't stood a chance.

Dressed in a pair of well-worn jeans and her favorite hang-around-the-house t-shirt, she plodded down the hallway while alternating between her fingers and a brush to untangle her hair.

"Hey."

She paused, then reversed two steps to lean back a little and peer into Jacob's room. "Yeah?" Almost losing her balance, she straightened her posture, but raised an eyebrow when she heard sobbing coming from the living room.

"Hannah's talking to Renée," he informed her a bit awkwardly, and she got the impression he didn't want her to hear it. Well... she'd have to hang in her room until they were finished then.

"Okay." She went to turn, but then she tilted her head. Jacob seemed a bit off. "Um, are you okay?" Really, _really _off. If she didn't know better, she'd say he was freaked. That didn't go with her impression of him, but, again, what did she know? Not much.

"Yeah. I'm cool."

No. He sounded anything but cool, but she wouldn't push. She'd pushed him enough.

"Okay."

She disappeared into her room and had just gotten her laptop open when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," she called out and turned on her chair... to see Jacob hovering in the doorway, looking... Yep. Still off.

"Uh... can I come in?"

Her heart did a traitorous flip, and again she ignored it. "Um, sure..." This was just getting weirder and weirder. Hannah crying to her mom, and now Jacob wanted to hang out in her room?

He closed the door behind him, but stayed where he was.

"You can sit down if you want," she offered, then realized the only place to sit was the bed. Quickly she got off her chair and turned it for him before plopping herself down on the edge of her mattress. "Go on, you cake. Sit. I don't have cooties," she joked.

She was terribly confused, but tried to play it off with her usual babbling. Maybe that made it all worse.

Jacob sank down on her chair and leaned his elbows on his knees. He glanced toward the door, as though he expected someone to come bursting through it any minute. "You haven't said anything to your parents," he said in a too-casual, slightly distracted tone.

This gave her a pause. "Um... no? Was I supposed to?"

"Well, no – I mean, yeah – I just... no."

She leaned forward a little to see his face. "That didn't make any sense," she said half-teasingly.

"Yeah," he exhaled. "I know – sorry."

Chewing her lip while deliberating, she watched him lace his fingers, then – _crack._

"Don't!" she exclaimed and covered her ears. That noise sent shivers through her entire body. One of the guys sitting behind her in English did the exact same thing and she cringed. _Every. Single. Time. _"Sorry," she apologized in a tiny voice when he looked up at her in slight shock. "Please?"

This made one corner of his mouth lift. "That bad, huh?"

She nodded vigorously. "Yeah," she confirmed under her breath and took her hands from her ears, lowering them slowly to her lap.

Jacob shook his head and actually smiled. He sat back and scooted down a little, looking more relaxed. "I'll try to remember."

For some reason, something in his voice made her cheeks prickle, only just slightly, but enough for her to curse at it in her head. "So – are you hiding or something?" she wondered while hoping he wouldn't notice her blush. _Red blotches on white is obvious, doofus._

"Something like that," he agreed.

"Where's Jared?"

He jerked his thumb at the window. "Talking to Charlie."

She gave an affirmative nod. "Ah." Then she grinned. "Philosophizing again, huh?" They both laughed. Her dad was good at that. Talking about all sorts of ideas and why things were the way they were and 'what if this happened...?'

Once, when they watched The Day After Tomorrow_,_ he said that everyone carried air pillars around on their heads, and if all the water in the oceans were to suddenly disappear those pillars would squash people flat like pancakes.

"You don't believe in the air pillars?" she teased.

Jacob laughed again. "Nah, I'm not convinced."

She donned a serious expression as she leaned closer, and then in an ominous tone said, "Hey, it _could_ happen. We don't know that it won't."

He shook his head, but the smile didn't waver.

Jacob was off the chair with impressive speed when there was a knock on the door. "Bella, honey – we're leaving soon."

"Okay, mom!" she called back.

"Have you seen Jacob?"

"Um-" She looked at him in question, and he shrugged. "He's in here!"

"Are you coming with us, Jacob?" she asked, and Bella wondered why she didn't just open the door.

"Come inside, mom, geez."

Renée cracked the door open and poked her head in. "Well?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, I'm going." He exchanged a look with her mom.

_Okay..._

"All right. Five minutes," she told them and closed the door.

Bella wondered if her mom was trying to downplay the headache, or if something else was bothering her; she wasn't her usual, cheerful self. She looked to Jacob. "Is Hannah coming, too?" In an instant she wanted to tie her own tongue. What difference did _that _make? Like she wasn't allowed.

But then Jacob shook his head. "Nah." He went for the door and, with his hand on the knob, paused to add, "We broke up."

Her initial reaction was out of her control, as something in her swelled with satisfaction at this piece of information, but, like with all other similar emotions, she pushed it down and back and _far_ from her conscious mind.

She watched him leave her room without a backward glance. "Well," she told herself, "at least he doesn't seem crushed, right?"

The _look_ he and her mom had shared still preyed on her mind though.

**o~*iii*~o**

Her grandparents' farm was situated about a two hour drive outside Phoenix, and before Jacob came to live with the Swans', Bella used to spend a few weeks there every summer.

Grandpa Herb had wanted one of his boys to take over, and while Christian had first dibs, he wasn't interested. Charlie had been a bit of a party animal back in the day, and since he'd been under the impression his big brother would take over at some point, it hadn't even entered his mind to go study agriculture.

Grandma Peggy had been a stay-at-home mom all her life, and when Charlie'd brought Renée around, her mom had at first been intimidated by the Iron-Lady as they called Peggy. She could keep many balls in the air at the same time, and the woman never, ever sat still. She always had something going on, and Bella figured her dad got it from his mom.

And he was a mama's boy, most definitely.

Bella would hide her smiles at the way Peggy still treated him like a five year old. Charlie could behave like one, too, at times.

Ashley absolutely adored Peggy (though she hated the long drive), and the feeling was mutual. Jesse, on the other hand, still was wary of them, but once Grandpa Herb got his collection of tin soldiers out, he was all smiles. He watched with wide eyes as the pieces were lined up and their story (almost each piece had its own) was told with animated fervor.

To Bella's disappointment, the tractor was undergoing repairs; however, she was handed the keys to her grandpa's old Chevy and given permission to drive across the property to the lake for a swim.

"Do you want to drive?" Bella glanced over at Jacob who shook his head.

"Nah."

"Oh, come on – it's fun," she insisted, but he just shrugged. "Ah, well."

"I'll drive back," he suggested after a pause. She turned a big smile on him. "If you keep your eyes on where you're going," he added. His tone was almost teasing.

Of _course _she had to blush.

"I know I do and say a lot of stupid stuff, but not even _I _can crash in the middle of nothing and nowhere."

Jacob chuckled quietly. "Don't tempt fate," he told her and smirked.

Huffing, she tried to ignore the increasing difficulty of not ogling him. "Right." It was supposed to be okay, according to Nina. Looking was fine, but no touching – _no touching?_ And why would she do that? She shook her head at herself.

They'd been swimming here before, but as she caught glimpses of the glittering surface of the approaching lake she found her stomach knot nervously. Not only would he see her in a bathing suit, but she'd see _him _in just swim trunks... or whatever it was he planned to go swimming in.

This would take some getting used to.

**o~*iii*~o**

"So weak."

"Okay, okay... another try?"

Jacob folded his arms expectantly and quirked a brow at her as she turned the rock in her hand. She snorted at him, then turned to squint in concentration. How did she suck at this so badly? She totally knew how to get it to skip three times; it wasn't _that _hard.

Just as she pulled her arm back to prepare for the throw, he made that same noise to distract her. She let out an exasperated groan.

"Seriously, Jacob, that's so unfair. How am I supposed to concentrate when you're toading around?"

He sputtered. "Toading?"

"Yes." Pulling her brows down into a frown, she eyed him. "Toading," she confirmed. "Toads make that sound, and I'm making it into a verb, which means you're _toading_, and it's very distracting."

"All right." He shook his head, but pretended to zip his mouth and held his hands up in surrender.

She shot him a skeptical look. "If I fail now, it's so not my fault. You've ruined my focus."

He just grunted in acknowledgment.

Not fully convinced he'd stay quiet, she turned back to the water anyway and chewed her bottom lip while experimentally swinging her hand a couple of times.

She pulled her arm back; then, as she whipped it forward-

"_Ribbit._"

"Balls!" she cried as the rock skipped once, then cut the surface and sank.

His laugh was barely contained, like he was trying really hard not to bust out into a fit, and she turned on him with an unimpressed stare. His laugh cut off and he cleared his throat. "Sorry," he apologized sincerely.

"Uh-huh. I just bet you are."

"So, uh... what's that called then?" He moved in close to the side of her face, and then quietly wondered, "Frogging?"

He dodged when she aimed for his shoulder, and then he burst out laughing for real. He tsk'd and shook his head, still laughing. "So _slow_, too."

"Yeah. Mock me. It's fine."

"Aw, come on. You're just too fun to tease. Want a tip? Don't give a guy the satisfaction of getting to you. Once he knows he can do that, he'll never stop."

It was her turn to fold her arms, and she studied his face intently. "Oh, yeah? And what else should I know about guys? That they're a pain in the ass?"

"That's a given."

"Oh, really?"

"Really." His eyes were on the ground though, scouring, as if in search for something, then he moved away a few steps before bending down to pick up another flat rock. "Okay," he said, serious now. "I'll be quiet this time."

"Ha. And I'm Donald Duck's grandma." She accepted the rock, gave him a look of warning, then prepared herself and repeated the motion.

Jacob's words were unexpectedly soft. "Pretty cute for a grandma."

The rock didn't make it to the water. Well... not _exactly_ the way she intended, at least. Instead it bounced a couple of times across the rocky sand, stopping just shy of the waterline.

This wasn't good. (Not necessarily the failed throw, but how she was generally rooted to the ground.)

She was making a complete idiot out of herself – _again._ And she was being so obvious about it, too. What she really wished in that moment was that he'd just done another impression of a slimy amphibian.

Too late now.

She coughed awkwardly. "Um..." _Fantastic._ She had absolutely no idea what to say, but still she had to open her mouth and that just worked wonders. _He's just humoring your bad jokes. Get real._ "So that kind of failed," she muttered. "Do I get another try?" Not waiting for an answer, or looking at him, she started scanning the ground.

"Bella..."

"Yeah?" She swept her hair back and held it while walking around hunched over, letting her hand brush at the rocks, lifting one here and one there for inspection. It was ridiculous really, and she knew her attempts at nonchalance failed horribly, but she just couldn't stop.

Anything was worth avoiding his face.

Damn it. She cared too much, didn't she?

"Ah ha!" She straightened all too quickly and didn't notice he was right next to her, let alone that he'd been on his way to bend down. When her head connected with something hard it made a disconcerting noise-

"-_fuck!_"

"Ow!" she yelped; the rock dropped and she cradled the back of her head in her hands.

"Shit," he said in a muffled voice, and then laughed. "Are you okay?"

Shaking her head, she asked, "Are _you _okay?" and glanced up at him just as he pulled his hand from his mouth. "Oh my God!" Could it get any worse? "You're bleeding!"

He brushed at his mouth and looked at her. "Uh... actually..." She paused when he took her hands in his. "Yeah, no – it's you," he told her and held her hands in front of her face.

"Oh." Well, that was a relief... "_Oh – ew!_" Without even thinking, she pulled free to wipe at his lips with the outer edge of her palm. "I'm so sorry," she stuttered, and for once didn't care that her face was burning with humiliation.

"Hey- hey... It's okay," he assured her in a funny mumble against her palm and she paused.

_Oh_.

Her brain blocked the inappropriate action of putting her hands on his face (she'd just touched dirty rocks – _ick_) and instead got stuck on how soft and warm his lips were. (Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she noted that her prioritizing skills needed updating.)

Then he _kissed _her palm, and her stomach flatlined – _huh, could a stomach flatline?_ she wondered dazedly. No wait, it was her _brainwaves_ that died (momentarily), but they seemed to work now andher stomach felt all strange and tingly and knotted. _Weird._ Nothing seemed to function the way it should, and she was helplessly staring at him, too.

She swallowed. "I, um..." Blinking, she finally managed to push her intentions into her limbs and slowly dropped her hand.

"Yeah. Should've thought that one through, probably..."

Not knowing how else to respond, she simply nodded.

Warmth: soft and smooth and gentle against her palm. It made her look down. Apparently, he hadn't let go of her other hand and now she saw his thumb drawing circles there.

Whatever he was doing felt _so nice _but confusing at the same time, and her eyes kept flickering between his face and their hands.

Wrong.

But nice.

Wrong.

But still right.

She shouldn't like it so much, or be so completely captivated by his eyes – had they always been that kind? Or the lashes so thick and curved?

One thing was for certain: they'd never been that close before... focused on her mouth.

"Mashed potatoes," she blurted when his breath tickled her lips, "and pork chops and- _oh!_ Grandma Peggy's all-famous black pepper gravy." She withdrew her hand from his and gave him an apologetic half-smile, though it didn't lessen the guilt that washed over her.

"Sorry," he said.

Her smile wavered, and she frowned when he pulled back. "Don't be," she quickly told him. The look on his face suddenly made her wish she had stayed quiet, but it was too late. She should have banged her head a few more times and a little bit harder, then maybe she would've been able to prevent this and he wouldn't be closing up again.

Jacob's eyes tightened as she helplessly watched his expression smooth into that cool mask she only hours before had been so happy was gone. _No. No, come back, _she wanted to say. _I'm sorry._

She had never, ever felt so horrible.

_Happy __**now**__?_ Oh, yes. Of course she was. Never mind that she had absolutely no experience with these things or that she was scared of doing the wrong thing – _too late._

She sucked in some air and bit the bullet. "Jacob...? Can I ask, ah... Am I like, um, sister material to you?"Why, yes – he had just tried to kiss her (_that wasn't just a little out of left field, by __the way_), and that's what guys did: they tried to kiss their _sisters_. Wow. More points for stupid. He'd turned from her and she couldn't see his face anymore. "I mean... this isn't- I don't know... weird?"

Jacob blew out a breath. "You're definitely not sister material, Bella," he said simply and she wondered if he'd just shivered.

Okay. "Well..." So that made things... _different._

"I get it though," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets while shaking his head. Then he continued as if to himself, under his breath, "_Dick._"

She winced. "Hey..." He looked down at her hand on his arm, then at her face. "I didn't..." _Genius. Pure brilliance_. "Do I go bang my head on the steering wheel, or can we like, um, backpedal for a minute?"

Silence.

"I've got to ask... what am I?" He was hesitant, his face guarded.

"Huh?"

"I'm guessing I'm brother material, right?" It was like he couldn't decide on one emotion as several expressions crossed his face.

Oh that. Well. She grinned a little. "You play the protector role pretty well, but I don't know. No. Well, yes, you are, but not to me... if that makes sense?" Did she make sense? Most of the time, no. Probably not now either. How she wished she could just... shut _up._

Jacob looked helplessly confused. Well... crap.

"I think about you way too much, in way too many un-brotherly ways... so, no. You're not my brother, Jacob." There. That should've done it, right? Wait... oh _no_. Some of that could be interpreted in a really bad way. _Oops._

"What I meant was, um, I mean, it's not like I think anything _bad _or whatever... I... just..." Oh, crap oh balls – what if he thought she'd meant she fantasized about him? _God._ "Wait, wait, I didn't-"

"Bella?"

"Um, yep?" More mental kicking. It sounded all too nice and made _something _skitter across her skin when he said her name. Her face burned, too, but all she could do was stare at his eyes.

"Relax."

Okay. Relax. She could do that. A nervous giggle. "Sorry, I'm having a serious case of word vomit, aren't I?" Right about now she could start searching for a rock or something – _anything_ – to crawl beneath for cover before the words _mental case _appeared on her forehead. Not like that was needed when it was so blatantly obvious she was a nutcracker... _Deep breath. _"Okay. I'm good."

He shook his head, but smiled. "Can I check your head now?"

Her mind went blank. "What?" _Not like that. Oh – oh!_ She laughed at herself. "Sure, but it's nothing. It doesn't even hurt."

Now _he _rolled his eyes at _her_. Obligingly she turned though, and fidgeted with the hem of her tee as he surveyed the damage, or lack thereof. It had only been a _tiny _amount of blood – _oh boy. _She remembered how much she'd liked it when her mom used to brush her hair (years ago), but this was _so much better_ than that.

"You're right. No major damage," he said, sounding relieved.

His hands disappeared from her hair and she turned, trying to refrain from sounding discontented. "Told you." She grinned.

"So... mashed potatoes, huh?" His mouth curled into a wry smile.

"Yeah. Did you still want to drive back?"

He gave half a shrug. "Guess I can do that."

"You guess?" Rolling her eyes, she started for the truck. "A little enthusiasm, please. You'll hurt her feelings." She patted the hood affectionately while rounding the front to get to the passenger side. "It's okay, Greta, he's just shy." Her eyes flickered briefly to Jacob and she quirked a brow meaningfully at him.

"Greta?" he wondered like _you're kidding me._

Bella nodded. "Yep. Like Greta Garbo, you know, the Swedish actress? She was big back in, um, the thirties or forties or something like that – the golden age of Hollywood." She winked. "Grandpa had a bit of a school-boy crush on her – or that's what dad says..." At Jacob's strange expression she trailed off. "Okay. So not a fan of the oldies, eh?"

He didn't look at her, but he moved for the driver side, replying, "Nah."

"What about later legends? Like... Clint Eastwood? You've _got _to love him, all guys know about The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, don't they?" And she cleared her throat, faking Blondie's gruff tone, "Put your drawers on and take your gun off."

They settled into the cab, and Jacob still didn't look at her as he turned the key in the ignition. He didn't say anything, either, when he put the truck into gear and turned it around.

Okay. So Clint Eastwood was a no-go. She leaned her elbow against the door and cupped the side of her neck, watching the lake disappear in the side mirror and let out a defeated sigh. _That'll teach you not to babble so much._

"I'm an ass," he said.

She looked over at him and frowned. "What? No you're not."

"Yeah, actually, I am."

Right. Where did _that_ come from? "Better back that statement up with a good defense," she said half-teasingly, hoping to lighten up the somber mood settling between them.

The silence stretched on as she watched his profile; he seemed to be thinking deeply on something, so she stayed silent, waiting for him to speak.

"Mom loved Frank Sinatra," he finally told her, and the effort behind the words was _too much_. Then he let out a strange laugh. "–and I kid you not when I say she'd play that stuff to death. But not only that – _shit –_ apart from being a mean cook, she could've told you anything about all those old movie stars. She hated modern Hollywood, and I mean _hated_ it... She'd glare at the rest of us like we were the worst traitors... Man..."

Her throat had closed up, making speech impossible. She didn't understand how this made him an ass, but as much as the unfathomable expression on his face stabbed at her, she couldn't help but be in awe at the pieces of his past he'd just shared.

"Dad's-" He cut off at the same time as he slammed his hand on the wheel _hard, _making Bella jump. He sucked in a shaky breath through clenched teeth. "It's not... I can't say... I'm sorry."

She swallowed past the obstruction in her throat and scooted closer. Without thinking, she reached out to touch his shoulder and rubbed it gently. "It's- you don't have to. You've got nothing to be sorry for... Hey-" _Please please please don't cry_. She raised her hand, hesitated, then brushed his wet cheek cautiously, not wanting to freak him out.

Jacob exhaled and shook his head before his eyes regarded her briefly then refocused ahead. "I'm an ass 'cause... there's so much I could say, but don't. And I'm a total dick for all the stuff I _should_ say, but... _can't._" He snorted, as if to himself, while wiping at his face, making her drop her hand onto her lap.

"Well... for what it's worth, I don't agree-"

"If you knew, you might."

Her brows knitted together. "Is that what you want? I can call you an ass without knowing, if it makes you feel better."

He breathed a laugh. "No – is this some kind of weird reverse psychology?"

Humming, she appeared to think. "I don't know... That de_pends_." She grinned. "Is it working?"

"Aw, shit..." Again he looked at her, then forward. "You're so fucking_ cute_."

Heat burst into her cheeks, but she forced herself to not look down and instead narrowed her eyes. "Maybe we should check _your _head next?"

"Sure, but you're not going to find anything," he deadpanned. She groaned and smacked his shoulder, but only very lightly, causing a smile to spread across his face.

"Just so you know? Your head is not a vacuum. We'd find air at least." When he shook his head, she added, "I'd go so far as to say you're in danger of catching the Swan-humor... empty space and all." She leaned in and pretended to peek into his ear. "Yep. Plenty of room for bad jokes."

Jacob chuckled. "The Blacks' aren't much bett-" He snapped his mouth shut as panic flashed across his face. "I mean..." Groaning. "Aw, _fuck._"

Wow. That was a major slip-up. She was almost one hundred percent sure (judging by how freaked he looked) that he'd just referred to himself, as in, his name was not Jacob Brown, but Jacob _Black _– huh, if Rebecca made that up he wasn't kidding about the Blacks' having a bad sense of humor... _Damn it_. "Next thing you know you'll be preaching about air pillars," she said lightly, and hoped the comment was enough to put the point across.

She _would _keep his secrets.

**o~*iii*~o**

After the Chevy was back in the garage, they walked up the porch steps; Bella glanced at Jacob fleetingly with her hand on the door knob, wanting to reassure herself as well as him that everything was okay.

"Bet those pork chops aren't getting any hotter," he said with half a smile.

She nodded, taking it as a sign it was all good. "Probably not." Pulling the door open, she returned his smile and walked inside.

**o~*iii*~o**

Dinner, as always when Grandma Peggy cooked, was no less than awesome. Whereas some would consider the cuisine at a fancy restaurant five-star worthy, in Bella's opinion, nothing was better than a home-cooked meal. This was especially true for her grandma's food.

Since they had school the next day, once Bella finished helping her grandma and Renée clean up the kitchen, Charlie announced it was time to start the drive back home. Apparently, Ashley was going to come stay at the farm for a week in June (Jesse had adamantly refused), and on the way home she couldn't stop talking about how Grandma Peggy had promised to teach her how to conserve pickles, make strawberry jam, and fry donuts.

Bella had done the exact same things at that age, and she couldn't help but share Ashley's enthusiasm. She really was theirs now, wasn't she? (Once you knew how to preserve mini-cucumbers in old glass jars – well, you couldn't get much more Swan than that.) And about the same time she thought that, it hit her – _really_ hit her: Ashley was _her sister_.

"Yeah, pickles are a sad, sad business," Ashley said where she sat, half-turned to look back at Bella. "You're weird. Only you can cry about vegetables."

She let out a choked giggle. "I know."

"Are you okay back there, honey?" Renée asked from up in front.

Wiping discreetly (though she knew it was pointless) at a tear, Bella replied, "Yeah, mom." Then, from the corner of her eye, noticed Jacob shaking his head. "Hey. You heard Ash: pickles are a sad business."

"Uh-huh."

Jesse was slumped awkwardly, his chin resting on his chest – _that can't be comfortable. _When she leaned forward to reposition his head so he wouldn't wake up with a stiff neck, he drew in a breath and made a weird noise before his head lolled back into the same position.

She sighed. "Ugh."

Ashley snickered. "He's so out... I think he drove Herb insane with the tin soldiers."

"Wait until he figures out how easily meltable they are," Jacob warned.

"Oh, I'm sure gramps would love that... not."

"Hey," Ashley said and reached out quickly to grab Jesse's hand. "Oh, dude... He's so busted." She was unfolding his fingers when Jesse startled awake.

"No!"

"Ugh, it's not yours, it's Herb's."

"Not! He gave it to me! He's mine!"

"Hey, hey – what's going on back there?" Charlie cut in with a stern voice.

"Jesse stole a tin soldier-"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Jesse started sucking his breath in, then burst into tears. "He- he's mine! I got to keep it 'cause he's a comfederate and Jasper Whiplock is cool and mine mine _mine_ give it back!"

Renée twisted in her seat to reach out. "Hey, Jesse, baby, it's okay." Then to Ashley. "Ash. Don't make accusations when you don't know the whole story. Okay? Herb gave it to him to take home."

"Give 'im back, he's mine," Jesse cried.

"Sorry! I didn't know..." Ashley sighed and handed it back, mumbling, "Sorry, Jesse. I shouldn't've said that. Ash was being mean."

"Fanks," he replied in a cracked whisper.

Jacob leaned forward as Jesse clutched the tiny piece of tin protectively. "Hey, Jesse, buddy – what's the story with this Whiplock?"

After a ragged breath and a hiccup. "He's a- a comfederate n' a souvern hero."

"Uh-huh... Like, an officer or?"

"Yeah, n' he fought many many battles... Herb told me he did."

"Can I see?"

Jesse craned his neck to peer up at Jacob, and then back to the tin soldier before he reluctantly, with a suspicious glance at Ashley, handed it over. "Don't give 'im to _her_."

Jacob smiled. "Just looking. Don't worry."

Ashley huffed. "Whatever. I don't want his stupid soldier."

"Ashley, that's enough," said Charlie, and she slumped back with crossed arms and stared out the window.

Bella let out a sigh of relief and leaned back to pull out her iPod and plugged her ears. The van was far too cramped for a _do-not-do-too_ drama.

While she couldn't hear what they were talking about, she still watched Jacob (nodding from time to time) as Jesse told him about Jasper... _Whiplock?_ She doubted it was it's real name, though that's what she'd call it, too.

**o~*iii*~o**

Half-way home, she'd nearly nodded off when one of the earbuds fell out. As she attempted to catch it she bumped against something warm.

"Sorry," Jacob whispered, and she gazed at him sleepily as he held out the earbud. "Here."

"Oh... um, thanks," she mumbled. "Want to share? Not that you'll like my music, but..." Oh, _ew._ No, he would not want to share something that'd been _in her ear_ – ew, just _ew_. "Sorry. I'm a bit out of it." She hoped her smile was apology enough.

"What're you listening to?" he wondered quickly.

Her smile turned into a lazy smirk. "Nickelback at the moment."

"Not too bad," he offered and held out his hand expectantly. She peered at it, then folded the ear piece into her shirt and wiped it as best she could while Jacob gave her an _oh please_ look.

"It's gross," she pointed out with a grimace, but, satisfied enough, she handed it to him and switched the one in her ear to the other. "Um, the cord's not long enough though," she noted quietly and unfastened herself to move to the middle spot before buckling up again.

The iPod suddenly disappeared from her hands. "Mind if I look?"

"You're already looking," she teasingly said, but shrugged. "Go ahead. You can change if you want- and no, there's no Bieber on there."

"Don't even _mention_ Justine- my poor ears."

She stifled back a giggle, but said nothing.

Of course it didn't escape her how their arms touched as he leaned slightly while going through her playlists, or how her leg was squashed up against his, though she did wonder if it was inappropriate. Then she reminded herself that she'd squeezed in between Jared and Jacob on several previous occasions, so it would be okay, right?

Nobody had to know how much she liked being close to him; that was something she'd keep locked inside and off her face. Besides, if she _did _slip, no one could tell in the dim light, though the light from the tiny screen of her iPod lit up both their faces – if only just a little.

_Sorry, Nina. Can't help this one._ And she couldn't. She didn't want to.

Jacob paused scrolling, and she peered up into his face when he turned to her in surprise. "Green Day?"

"I have wide tastes in music," she whispered in her defense.

Scrolling more slowly now, as if searching for something specific, she watched his face until he, in a barely audible whisper, told her, "This song is fu- uh... I mean great," and before she looked down she recognized the song he'd chosen.

"21 Guns," she acknowledged in quiet approval. "Yeah, it's pretty awesome."

The casual front didn't quite hide the emotion (though she couldn't pinpoint its meaning) behind his words. "If you want, I'll play it for you... some day."

She, however, had no skills to hold back, and all too quickly gushed, "Sweet!" Then cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks prickle. "I mean, um, that'd be really nice." _What are you- a fangirl now? _

"What are you whispering about?" Ashley glanced up from where she rested her head.

"Music," Bella instantly answered. "Sorry for waking you."

Ashley lifted her hand to hide a yawn, then turned away with an undecipherable mumble. The radio was on up front, but too low for Bella to make out what they were listening to. Another sign flashed by them. They'd probably be back home within the next thirty minutes.

Jacob kept shuffling through the songs while they listened to Green Day. Bella hoped she wouldn't fall asleep, though the fuzziness kept pushing at her lids, making it a challenge. The warmth from Jacob's body certainly didn't help any, either. What if she nodded off and leaned on him? Even worse... started drooling on him? It happened (a persistent and disgusting habit of hers), and while it was okay to desecrate her own pillow, she couldn't see it working in her favor if she left stains on his shoulder... _so classy._

Wow. Her brain was in need of some serious zees.

Mentally, she shook herself and just focused on the lyrics, silently mouthing the words and singing along in her head. Until, soft and warm, something ran across the top of her hand... and again, back and forth in slow motion. As her heart answered approvingly with a series of skips, she looked down to find Jacob's pinky tracing patterns on her skin.

When she looked back up, his face gave nothing away. He appeared to be fully immersed in the song search, so she decided to, for once, keep her mouth closed and leaned back against the headrest, closing her eyes.

_Don't fall asleep don't fall asleep don't_- _**don't wanna be an American idiot-**_

Bella jerked upright-

"Shit," Jacob hissed under his breath. "Sorry."

-and burst out laughing.

"_Hey_," Ashley croaked miserably, and then Jesse made a muffled noise.

"What are you doing back there?" Renée asked and peeked at them curiously over her shoulder.

"He's trying to blow out my eardrums," Bella quipped in reply, grinning as Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Accident – having a minor disagreement with the iPod."

"My ears would beg to differ," Bella teased lightly.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," he muttered. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah. An _American _idiot," she retorted playfully, grinning.

Jacob groaned but laughed anyway, though he was probably just humoring her.

Renée raised an eyebrow at them, and then, with a knowing look and a smile on her face, she turned back around. Suddenly apprehensive, Bella watched as her mom shook her head at her dad; though she couldn't see him clearly from where she sat, a nervous weight settled in her stomach.

She bet her mom was onto her. Maybe they both were (she wasn't one for subtlety, as it were). She could feel the questions brewing already, and no doubt they'd be fired at her the moment they got home. Or maybe once she was in bed. Either way – whether her predictions were accurate or not – Bella had two questions of her very own: was keeping a secret the same as lying? And what if it wasn't her place to say?

Funnily enough, the prospect of telling her mom what she thought of Jacob wasn't nearly as scary as accidentally blurting out the things he'd told her about his past. Whatever she did, she wouldn't say his name. She _couldn't._ The panic on his face still clear in her mind, and remembering his plea in the cab that she not, under any circumstances, tell anyone was enough for her to stay resolute.

_Your secret's safe with me_, she thought as their eyes met, vaguely registering the lyrics to Time of Your Life: _It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. _

She hoped so.

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Firstly, to **MeraNaamJoker** and **Cretin**: you two girls totally rock my socks off and then some. Thank you for your time and skillz. I haz a blush. :D (I need to chill out with the zeds- I mean zees- I mean... Okay. That was something else. Never mind.) And to **bellaBBblack**: I'll be sending more snippets next chapter! _

_Secondly, for all the reviews, I go outside and do somersaults and end up flat on my ass in your honor. Thank you. They make my day. (I say that a lot, but it don't make it any less true!)_

_Thirdly, an apology for being a slacker. It happens sometimes. I just bum around like that. I hope the chapter-bribery worked to make up for teh suckage. Am I forgiven?_

_Fourthly, serious groveling for (again, and against my own promise, dammit!) slapping another hiatus on Soulmatter. An indefinite one to boot! I'm so sorry. Seriously. I'll bring tons of drama in the next Unspoken chapter, or fluff or cutesy-ness or guitar-playage or flatlining-stomachs or... I don't know. (I am pointing at the book which shall not be named and any movies made in it's honor. Blame them! Blame that bloody thing! It's their fault- it's **her** fault and the devil-spawn and I want to gag on it all and... ugh! And a certain actor's fault for making such heartfail faces and making me cry. Damn you, dammit. :(. )_

_Okay. Emotional whiplash temporarily in regression. I hoped you enjoyed the chapter, for I certainly loved writing it._

_Lotsa love and hugs and stuff and smooches. Hearts y'all so much._

_See you soon!_

_PS. Yeah. I'm... hyper. Too much caffeine? O_O ← me._

_(Update: I'm sorry if you received another alert. I just had to fix something in the document that irritated me. As per usual. Bonk bonk.)  
><em>


	6. Shimmer

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Shimmer<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.  Eleanor Roosevelt_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Okay.

She slowed the brushing motions and studied her reflection absently; all the while carefully picking things to pieces in her head.

Hannah crying to her mom. Could mean... anything. Still no clarity on that.

Jacob and her mom exchanging a look. Could mean... something not concerning Bella.

Okay. Moving on.

Renée shaking her head at Charlie, following that look and a _smile?_ That could mean... Right. Well, apart from how obviously open and talkative she and Jacob were, and how that _could _(she supposed) appear suspicious, she had no idea. _Work, brain. Work._

_Charlie _and Jacob exchanging a look – now _that _was just plain weird. Not to mention that the three of them were in Jacob's room right now. _Murmuring. _She felt just a little bit sick at the way her stomach kept churning, sort of like an _I'm-starving-feed-me!_ type thing, except she knew she wasn't hungry.

As much as she wished it was all about Hannah crying earlier, she knew it wasn't.

"_Go get ready for bed, honey, I'll talk to you in a bit."_

The intentions were all too clear. It had _something _to do with Bella, too, and the longer she waited, the more minutes that passed, the slower time moved. She swore she could hear the cogs of time whining and grinding as they pushed second by secondforward.

Her palms were all clammy, too – _nice. _

Irritated with herself, she sped up the toothbrush and all but violated her teeth, scrubbing thoroughly (she'd been brushing for the past _ten _minutes, but never mind that) before spitting and rinsing. "Happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts," she commanded herself and faked a toothy grin. _Wow..._ Her eyes widened and she stared at herself. "You need help. Just so you know? Talking to yourself isn't healthy. That's why we have mental institutions. Okay? Suck it up or get locked away."

She cringed and fled the bathroom, closed the door to her room with barely controlled haste and dove onto the bed. She buried her face in the pillow. _Stop talking. Stop thinking. Stop everything._

For the next – however long she waited, she stared at the paint on the ceiling, forced herself to find the brush strokes; she focused on that alone for a while. She didn't think. Just stared. At the ceiling.

_Knock-knock._

"Come in," she squeaked._ Breathe, Bella._

As soon as her mom stepped inside and closed the door behind her, she realized her dad wouldn't be there; this caused confusion, suspicion, and immense relief to clash inside her, producing a strange sensation. It was as though Flubber had invaded her midsection. _Gross._

"Where's Dad?" She sounded disappointed. She wasn't disappointed. Why did she sound disappointed?

"Aw, honey," Renée soothed and came to sit down on the edge of the bed while Bella rose slowly. "Besides giving us girls space to talk? He's got work in the morning and was really tired so he went to bed."

"Makes sense," she acknowledged with a nod as she sat up fully to cross her legs. "Poor Dad," she added. If this was about what she thought it was, she could appreciate why her slightly emotionally awkward dad would escape a boy-talk with his sixteen year old daughter.

Renée knew her so well. "He trusts you, Bella, and he's not upset. Okay?" Yep. She was an open book – how silly to think she could keep anything from her parents – her _mom_, especially.

"Yeah," she agreed under her breath, "okay." She looked at her mom. "I didn't- I had no idea, I mean... I'm socially inept and have no awareness whatsoever when it comes to guys, mom, you know how weird I get. I mean, seriously? You know about my unhealthy Peeping-Tom crush on Edwin Locke. I'm such a dork, and he's... I mean, Jacob, he's..." Words escaped her. Where was she going with this?

Renée let out a soft laugh. "Baby, for starters, you're not a dork. All right? Yes, you're awkward with boys, but we've all been there, and it's normal, honey. It really is."

Bella lowered her gaze and picked at her blanket, making shapes and caves. "Yeah, I _am_ awkward. I don't think it really bugs me so much though. It's just... I can't shut up; I'm like a babble machine – constantly, _constantly_ talking-" She cut off with a deep breath and gave her mom a grin. "See?"

"Jacob doesn't seem to mind," Renée said softly, searchingly, as if fishing for a response.

Cue the burn. Her face would spontaneously combust – any minute now. "Well... Apparently his head's a vacuum so... go figure." Oh balls. She said that out loud, didn't she? _Watch what you say._

"What?" Renée clearly tried to hold back but laughed in spite of herself.

"Eh..." An answer would be good. When she _should _be talking and explaining she couldn't say a damn thing. So typical. "We were just flexing our bad joke muscles." _How's that, mom? The Blacks suck at jokes, too. Yeah, his name's Jacob _**_Black_**_. Uh-huh. That's that _**_I _**_thought. What do you know, huh?_ She could pretend. That wouldn't hurt. Though it wasn't the same without her mom's real reactions. _Suck it up. Imagine what it's like for _**_him._**_ You don't even know a fraction of it._

"Bella?"

Duh. "Huh?" Imaginary conversations held less priority in the face of _actual _ones, and she needed to pay attention.

With a _what do we do with you_ kind of sigh, Renée patted the spot next to her, then held out her arm. "Come here, baby," she said, and Bella knew this was it. No going back now. It was the opener for the speech.

"Call the paramedics, just in case," she joked, followed by a nervous laugh directed at herself.

Her mom scoffed. "Don't be silly. I think you're forgetting one very important part."

Bella scooted forward, swung her legs over the edge and let Renée hold her. "You mean, like, the part where you lock me up in the basement and throw away the key?"

Renée laughed. "Maybe not that drastic, unless your name's Rapunzel and Dad knocked the tower down in a fit of unbridled rage."

"Ha. Is it disturbing that I can see that happening, like, in some weird and twisted alternate reality?"

"Aww." Renée gave her a series of squeezes. "Dad's strict, but not _that_ bad... Is he?"

Bella grinned up at her mom. "Nah. Dad's okay. I'm just single-handedly stalling my impending doom with random babbling – you know, the usual." She couldn't help laughing when Renée closed her eyes and shook her head. Sometimes it got to be too much, even for her mom. "Sorry, Mom. Go on." She pinched her own lips together to keep herself quiet.

"I was more thinking about the fact that you were half-way toward a meltdown before I even came in here. You know, _that_ part." Renée gave her a gentle smile and winked.

_Oops. Double busted. _All Bella could do was offer her mom a sheepish grin. But then her mom dropped the killer line, and she was, yet again, amazed at how she insisted on trying to keep it all in.

"So, do you have something you want to talk about?"

Yep. She still stalled. "Um..." _Danger. Collision imminent. Abort. Abort. Abort. _"Jacob's kind of hot," she blurted, then immediately dropped her face in her hands with a groan. Okay. So that wasn't what she'd intended to say, but it was better than _Jacob told me some stuff about his past and I really wish we could help him somehow._ Points for keeping his secret. She could do this. She _had _to do this.

Renée waited for her to continue. Her mom didn't push, and she didn't like to pry. She usually left things until the very last moment before she bombarded Bella with interrogative questions. Unless it involved serious matters, which made Bella finally turn her head to glance up at her mom's patient smile.

_Huh. So... Um._ Her mind was a blank.

"He _is _a good looking boy. There's nothing wrong with you seeing that, sweetheart," Renée softly comforted while patting down her daughter's hair. "He _isn't _your brother, after all, and we- Dad and I knew of the possible consequences when we took him in. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

He wasn't her brother. They saw this. This was _such _a relief – _oh boy, _she was going to cry now, too? Bella sucked in an unsteady breath and wiped her nose with a wet noise. _Ew._ "I'm such a drama queen lately, I don't know what's happening to me," she confessed in a tiny, stuffy voice.

Her mom continued to stroke her hair. "Oh, baby, I think you've got an idea. But... maybe you're so focused on trying to figure out what's right and wrong, that you don't stop and let yourself feel? Perhaps...? What do you feel, honey?"

That _was_ a good question. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "I mean, it's like... I don't know- about things in general or about, um... Jacob?" His name came out like a teensy whisper. It only occurred to her now how much she _liked_ saying his name.

Damn. She was totally crushing on him, wasn't she? _Duh. Late, much?_ _Crap. Nina..._

"Whichever, sweetheart. I just know you have a habit of putting others first, and while it's good to be considerate, we all have a responsibility toward ourselves to be honest. If we can't be honest with ourselves, we can't be honest with others."

"Yeah," she exhaled, and squashed the twinge of guilt. _So messed up. _How was she going to do this? "Well..." _What do I feel? _"I don't really know, mom. It's confusing, and I don't know if it's because I've, sort of, you know, told people he's my brother, and now... well, now..." _Crap and balls. _"I can't look at him like that, and I get all nervous and stuff around him and babble- I bet he thinks I'm a nutcake- I _am _a nut."

With a quiet chuckle, her mom reassured her, "Cake or no, he _really_ doesn't seem to mind, honey. Don't worry so much. You're super cute, and maybe I'm biased, but he's opened up, hasn't he?"

_-You're so fucking cute-_

"Mom," she protested, giving her a light shove with her shoulder while looking at her lap. But Renée had managed to make her smile (and, admittedly, so had the memory of Jacob's words), so that was a major plus. He _had _opened up, and he _had_ bounced back after her stupid outburst with the mashed potatoes – quickly she made a mental note to never do that again. _Like he's going to try to kiss you again after that? Get real._

"Well?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah. He has."

"So it's a _good_ thing," she went on, "even Dad agrees... But-" The 'but' was almighty. There was always a 'but.' "I don't want to embarrass you now, sweetie, but all Dad and I ask is that you be – shall we say, discreet? Ash and Jesse just aren't old enough to understand, baby. You get that, right?"

Discreet... Bella studied the crossed lines in her checkered pajama shorts. _Oh wow, what a fascinating pattern._ "Yes, Mom." _And, um, do you need anything fried to go with that? _Her face was definitely up for the task.

"Okay," she said and patted Bella's knee, continuing with, "All right. I'll be good now and not embarrass you-" She gave a kiss to her daughter's temple. "More than I already have."

When her mom got up, Bella chewed her lip, wanting so desperately to ask about Hannah and the crying earlier, but managed to keep her curiosity to herself. _It's none of your business._ "Did you talk to Jacob about this, too?" she asked instead, making her mom pause to give her an affirmative nod.

"Yes. And- _oh_... Another motivational thought for discretion?" Renée seemed to be considering her next words with great care. "If DCS finds out..." She didn't need to finish, as she could see from Bella's suddenly wide-eyed stare that she understood all too well. "Don't freak out, baby. Just... keep it in mind?"

"Yeah," she breathed. "Or they come save him from the Wicked Witch of the West..." Not the time for jokes. Blinking, she added, "Sorry. I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Renée held back on her laugh and nodded. "Love you, sweetie. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

"Night," she added in a whisper before closing the door.

"Love you, too, Mom."

If she just kept a paperbag with her at all times, life should be swell. Starting with the next day at the breakfast table; if she made it through the night without going into the Guinness Book of World Records as the first person to die from freaking out.

Make that the biggest drama queen based on the most ridiculous terms. _Death from freaking out? God._

**o~*iii*~o**

To both her disappointment and relief – no precautionary actions were required for the breakfast table – Jared swung by, and as such, by the time Bella came into the kitchen, Jacob was already gone. She shoved all insecure thoughts away and ate her toast and drank her juice in relative silence.

Jared stopped by often to pick Jacob up, it had nothing to do with the possible mortification induced by her parents talk the night before. Besides, _she_ was the obsessive one, and needed to get a grip, or Nina would be able to pick the implicating thoughts straight off of her paler-than-usual face.

When it was time to leave, Renée walked her down the porch steps and out to the sidewalk. "Please don't worry, honey. It'll be okay."

"Yeah," she said, not fully convinced. "Until I have another case of word vomit and screw up." She winced at herself and her dry tone of voice. "I'm okay, Mom, really. I'll get plenty of ass-kicking on the bus. There's this guy that always sits behind me, and he kicks my seat repeatedly." At her mom's frown she hurried on to explain, "Not on purpose, he's just got tics or something."

She swung the bag over her shoulder and flashed her mom the best smile she could muster, then started her walk to the bus stop.

"Knock 'em dead, babe!"

"With my smelly socks!" she called over her shoulder, and with that her smile grew genuine. Never mind that she wore sandals today. Maybe she would wage biochemical warfare on Fish. _May the best man win._ Too easy; he was a fish, after all. She shuddered. _You're a total weirdo, Isabella Marie. _"Yes. Yes, I am," she voiced her thought out loud, proudly, but glanced around, just in case someone witnessed her schizophrenic tendencies and alerted the men in white coats.

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella realized that day just how big the shift was.

While she usually merely observed a fraction of the school grounds (and did so quietly), she now included areas that she hadn't before in her scan. And the normal talking she'd indulge Nina in got blown into epic proportions. To top it all off, she found herself joining her friend in checking out half the male student population. (As a ruse, of course, in hope she would spot who she was continuously looking for.)

Briefly, on her way to English with Nina, she and Jacob passed each other at the lockers. _Don't look don't look-_

"Hey," he said as his mouth twitched just a little bit – _you fail so hard, _she told herself – and it was enough for her insides to go completely crazy.

She replied with a quiet "Hey," of her own, and ducked her head to hide her smile (futile as the effort was). Not even a few seconds passed before Nina gave her a light shove.

"_'Hey'_? What was _that _all about? You never say hi to each other in school."

Whoops. Crap. "I don't know," Bella said with what she hoped was a casual tone and gave a nonchalant shrug. "Beats me. But I can't be rude and _not _answer, can I?"

"Sure," Nina drawled.

Redoubled efforts. That was what was needed. Nina wasn't as observant as her parents, but they'd been friends since elementary school; she knew Bella well enough to see right through her poor attempts at playing it cool.

**o~*iii*~o**

At lunch, things got weirder.

"Hey," said the all too familiar voice of Edwin Locke, and she gave herself a mental kick, forcing a smile onto her lips.

"Hi."

He gestured with his tray toward an empty spot at the table where she and Nina sat with a couple of other girls (Carla and Stacy) from their class. "Mind if I sit?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the other girls (including Nina) pause to stare at him, then at Bella. It wasn't awkward. Not at all. _Say something. _"It's a free country," she managed in a less than sure voice. "Need some fresh air?" She nodded toward Edwin's usual table where Fish sat, giving her a dirty look, and wanted to slap herself. Her non-existent-filter-situation needed a serious reviewing. _Stat_.

Edwin laughedas he wedged himself between chairs and set his tray down next to hers. "It's not too bad – we've had worse." He winked at her, making her traitorous blush flare up. _Damn it._

Just as long as she didn't start babbling about socks, this should be survivable.

Nina leaned forward on her elbows and tore off a piece of bread roll, pointing it at Fish. "He doesn't look too happy about you joining the geek-squad." She looked at Edwin expectantly.

"He'll get over it."

"Sure he will, until he grabs my girl again and actually _does_ yankher arm off."

"Nina, it's okay – I mean, it's not _okay_, but he hasn't given me any crap since last week. If I ignore him long enough, he'll go away, right?" Bella didn't believe that, but saying it out loud made her feel slightly better.

Nina just snorted, as though insulted, then her eyes narrowed as she studied Edwin. "So why _are_ you here?"

He shrugged, and then smirked. "She said it."

Bella rolled her eyes at him. "There're plenty of tables to sit by. Ours isn't beneficial for your rep, Captain Locke." It wasn't, and after a week of his sudden and unexplained interest in her, her suspicion was beginning to turn into sheer curiosity. Surely he hadn't taken her seriously when she'd suggested he talk to her in school. It's not like she had expected him to, after two years of continuous teasing.

"Haven't you heard the term 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'?" His smirk stretched into a full, broad smile when they all (in unison) huffed indignantly.

"You're so full of yourself," Carla muttered.

Bella ignored the comment. "That's all true, but you're supposed to be discreet about it," she told him matter-of-factly. "And you're kind of failing at that pretty hard now," she added in a teasing tone, sparing Fish another glance. The way he kept looking at her was really beginning to bug her. Then he flashed her a cocky grin that made her put her own bread roll down. In a flat voice she announced, "I think I just lost my appetite."

Nina, who had eyeballed Fish, turned a question to Edwin. "Did anyone ever figure out who beat him up?"

"Not really, no."

"My bets are still on Jacob Brown," said Stacy, who'd been silent so far. "I mean, not only does he hang out with that Jared guy, but... See? Just _look_ at him..."

They all turned in the direction of her gestures, just as Jacob stepped into the cafeteria. His eyes went directly to Fish, who turned to see what Bella and the rest of them were looking at.

Nina's lips curled into an all too appreciative smirk. "He's just one of those bad boys you want to take home and tame."

Bella nearly choked on her own tongue. She was glad she had been too busy staring to take a sip of her drink. _That could have gone very wrong._ The other two girls joined in Nina's snickering while Edwin's eyes flickered to Bella's. All she could do was hitch her shoulders as if to say _don't look at me – I've got no idea what they're talking about_.

Jacob could be a bit intimidating; this she wouldn't refute. But a bad boy? She wanted to tell them he really wasn't, but held her tongue; there were things she didn't know about him, after all. But more than that, she wasn't about to share things she shouldn't, let alone _couldn't_.

"I think Jared said he was with his girlfriend," Nina mused, her eyes still glued to Jacob in such a way that made Bella wish she could put a bag over her friend's head. _Wow... Issues, much? _Then she realized they were all looking at her.

"What?" she said, a bit too defensively.

"He lives with you, so you'd know, right?" Stacy asked and they all kept their eyes on her, waiting for answer.

Her entire body flushed. "Um, well, Mom said he was at Hannah's place, so yeah, I guess so."

"They broke up," Edwin said as a _by the way_, and Bella looked at him, wondering how he knew, but also what it had to do with anything.

"Really?" Nina wondered, extending the word in a conspiratorial manner as they watched Jacob walk down one of the aisles to join Jared and a few other guys and girls. Hannah was among them, but didn't look at him. "So he's back on the market, in other words," she thoughtfully added and winked at Bella and their two friends.

_**No**! He's not..._ Okay. She needed to calm down. More points for not blurting it out loud, at least. It didn't matter much, though, as her dislike for Nina's intentions probably showed clearly on her face, since her friend raised an eyebrow.

Edwin cleared his throat. "So, Bella," he began, "you work at Petco, yeah?"

Not looking at him, but at Nina's suspicious scrutiny, she confirmed with a nod and a distracted "Yeah..."

"I'm headed there after school to pick up some stuff for our dogs, so I can give you a ride if you want."

Bella gave him a surprised look, and then, just as she was about to decline, Nina kicked her under the table. "Ow?" she complained. "Geez. What's up?" At Nina's attempted discreet gesture toward Fish, she thought about what happened on Monday the week before, and decided that it was a very generous offer. Maybe she could ask him why he was being so friendly to her lately (friendly in Edwin-terms, that is). "Thanks, that'd be really nice of you," she finally accepted graciously before turning a stern glare on Nina, whose satisfaction could be compared to a cat's that just ate the canary.

"Great," he said.

Then something occurred to her. "Wait." Bella turned to him. "How long have you had your license?"

Edwin rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "A few weeks give or take? Almost six months. Besides, my dad's a detective with the Avondale Police Department. The patrolling officers in the area know I'm a good boy." His eyes were just a bit too mischievous.

"It's still against the law," she insisted stubbornly.

"You could pass for eighteen," he bargained in an outright flirtatious manner. She gritted her teeth when his smile widened at her blush. "Well, you _could_ cake some makeup shit on your face – that'd put you up at twenty-ish."

With a snort, she relented and told him, "Okay then," only so she could look away. He was the son of a policeman; it was on him, not her. At least, she hoped she wouldn't get into trouble.

"It's a date," he said cheerfully and stood. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a reputation to maintain."

Bella and her friends gaped at him when he strode off to join Fish and his other football buddies.

"What an _ass_," Nina hissed under her breath. Bella returned the kick, making Nina turn an incredulous stare on her. "What the hell?"

"You're the one who kicked _me_ for wanting to say _no_," she reminded her.

"Bitch."

"Love you, too," Bella quipped.

"It _is _kind of weird that they haven't figured out who did it," Stacy mumbled, her mouth full of salad. "I mean, Fish's dad is Detective Locke's partner, you know?"

"Nick Kirkland is pretty hot – for an old guy," Carla said and they all turned to her with various grimaces of revulsion.

"You're seriously disturbed," Bella told her. "I mean... just, wow."

"He's got a _mustache_," Nina pointed out, as though this was the worst part about it.

"Ex_actly_. It's so... _sexy._"

Bella and Nina burst out laughing while the girl without the sick mustache-fetish still looked too disgusted and shocked to react.

So her friends were slightly odd; at least the hilarity factor made up for the disconcerting things they came up with from time to time.

**o~*iii*~o**

Of course everybody (by the end of the day) would know that Edwin was driving her to work after school. She hadn't counted Jacob one of those _everybodies_, however, and she wasn't sure how to act at first when he came toward her where she waited down by the parking lot for Edwin.

"Hey," he said and shoved his hands into his pockets.

Bella couldn't help the humor bubbling up from deep down (the nerves did well to assist). "Hello," she laughingly replied, then added, "I win."

Jacob's brows pulled together in confusion. "Huh?"

"I said _hello_, since we've done the whole '_hey_' thing today already." She winked at him. "So I win... for breaking the habit, you know?"

He shook his head but smiled. "A little more's required for a habit, don't you think?"

"Oh, everything has a beginning, so we can't really know, can we? It might've just been a one-off, or it could've blown into this _ongoing_ thing..." She let her words die off at his strange expression and inhaled. "Um, sorry, I'm babbling again." With a sheepish smile, she exhaled and stuck her own hands into her jean shorts. _You're off to a great start..._

"It's cool, don't worry about it," he said, then hurriedly went on to ask (while still looking strange), "Hey, uh... Jared's giving me a ride to work, and he said he'd take you, too, since it's not really a huge detour, so..." He visibly tensed up and a muscle in his jaw worked as Edwin walked up next to them. Well, she thought it was due to him, until _Fish_ appeared in her peripheral, explaining Jacob's suddenly stiff posture. _Oh shit. _

"Wow. Just, wow," Fish said.

_Don't be stupid. _She would keep her mouth shut this time around, and, as such, she bit her tongue.

"Not here, man. Seriously, I mean it." Edwin gave him a look of warning, but he just responded with half a grin and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"I'm not here to pick a fight, Ed, I just had to see if you were serious about taking her to work. I mean, come on?"

Edwin grabbed Fish's arm, flashed her an apologetic look and told her, "Give me a minute," before he pulled his friend to the side.

Looking away from whatever silent conversation went on between them, Bella glanced at Jacob, whose face (in spite of the wariness) still held a quality she couldn't place. If she didn't know better, judging from the way he kept eyeing them, it was as though he knew something she didn't, and was waiting for an unexpected action.

"I, um, kind of already told him he could take-"

"Please?"

Her stomach twisted at the emotion that somehow slipped through the cracks, and for reasons unknown, she got the feeling he was showing her everything. She desperately wished she could only understand what it all meant. Apart from the naked vulnerability, in the fact that he'd just said _please, _it was all so very confusing. As if going with Edwin would be a huge mistake.

"But I..." Bella turned her head toward Edwin and Fish who were locked in an animated debate, and then back to Jacob. She certainly didn't _want _to go with Edwin, but she told him she would, and she didn't want to be rude.

If only Jacob didn't look so... Well... it was intense, whatever it was.

A horn honked, and she jerked with a start. "Shitballs!" She burst out laughing from sheer nervousness. "_Yikes_. What's up with him?" She took note of Jacob's eyes still on her and raised a brow. "He's totally got a serious OCD thing happening with that horn, I'm telling you."

Jacob let out an awkward laugh. "Yeah, he's pretty good at that," he agreed.

"C'mon, babes. I haven't got all day," Jared called out to them, then focused on Bella. "Pulling you out of trouble's becoming a habit-"

"See!" she triumphantly said. "He gets it."

Jared looked between her and Jacob, and then grinned widely. "Uh, yeah!" he concurred, like he knew what she was talking about; though clearly he didn't, and still confused, he coughed discreetly and added in a lowered voice, "Absolutely... So, uh, I get that studded collar now though, right?"

A groan came from Jacob.

"Sorry 'bout that," came Edwin's voice, carrying an undertone of irritation, though she guessed it had to do with whatever he and Fish had discussed. "Are you ready to go?" he asked.

Jared's brows shot up. "I thought you didn't have a ride?" His brows came back down and scrunched up as he studied Jacob.

"Um..." She supposed somewhere lines had gotten crossed, but when Edwin, again, asked her if she was ready, all she could see was that guarded wariness in Jacob's eyes. It made her mind up before she could fully catch on, and she turned to Edwin. "Sorry for stalling you, but I forgot I had a ride lined up. I'm sorry. I'll see you at Petco?"

Edwin eyed Jared and Jacob, and then, seemingly appeased (was he sizing them up?), nodded at her. "All right. Sure thing."

"Thanks anyway," she added, smiling genuinely before scooping her backpack up, and went for Jared's car.

She heard the smile in his voice. "Anytime."

**o~*iii*~o**

On their way to the Gateway Pavilions, like the week before, Bella sat quietly while Jared and Jacob talked. She had to admit she was considerably more relaxed this time around, and while she tried to read Jacob's face, she avoided shameless staring. Not that it was an easy feat, and her eyes lingered just that little bit longer than usual.

Jacob had _freakishly _long lashes for a guy. Not to mention how flawlessly smooth his skin looked, apart from – extending from the edge of his upper lip, slightly outward, ran the slightest faded line, and she was positive it was a scar.

_Way too much ogling, _she concluded and turned to gaze out the window before she was caught. That she hadn't noticed it until now told her she definitely hadn't paid him much mind. That she wanted to _touch _it told her she was positively a wacko. If she thought of food when his lips were about to touch hers it would only make sense her brain didn't function normally.

Liking a guy and looking at his mouth should spark the wish to kiss, not to put ones hands there. _Geez. I have no words for you right now._

"Earth calling Bella."

Oops. At least she had been staring at the _buildings_ outside the window. "Sorry. What's up?"

Jared laughed. "You're like my little sister, off in your own world."

She gave a little huff. "Maybe I like my world? There's faeries and everything – you should come join me and Tinkerbell for coffee some day." Not the type of thing to say to a guy. Crap. "Um... Never mind."

Jacob coughed, but it sounded like an attempt to cover up a laugh. Jared, on the other hand, was quite happy to play along.

"Yeah? Want me to bring some sparkly cookies or something? Or wait, shit. Maybe cotton candy is better?"

Laughter bubbled up her throat. "_Cake_."

"Sure, I can bring cake."

Jacob busted up. "She's calling _you _a cake, you idiot."

"Oh." He grinned. "Skipping formalities and going straight for dessert, huh?" A beat. "Ouch!"

_Oh no. _She swore actual flames were licking her face, and she dipped her face to hide behind her hair. _Bingo. You just hit the jackpot, baby. _It couldn't get worse than this.

"You're an ass," Jacob said under his breath.

"Maybe she needs to get me a leash, too- _ow! _Kidding!"

_A leash? Get **him** one...?_

"Jared."

Her mind worked as they continued their bickering.

"_Okay!_ Okay, okay. Je_sus_."

Oh – _oh! Holy crapballs!_ Suddenly it all made sense. _Now_ she got the whole studded collar joke. "You're... sick," she managed to quietly say with slow disapproval. "_Dude..._"

Jared guffawed, not at all fazed by her rebuke. "Took you long enough, sweetheart."

"You know-" She paused, chancing a peek at Jared in the rear view mirror, then continued meaningfully, "I think I know someone who'd appreciate your dirty mind. First I've got to ask, though... Are you willing to grow a mustache?" She smirked, immensely pleased with herself when his face smoothed into a complete blank.

A mental fist-pump. _She shoots, she scores. Oh yeah, baby!_

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella rounded the front of Jared's car while hooking the backpack strap over her shoulder. "I think you need to give him an intervention or something. Like, _urgently_..." She glanced over her shoulder at Jared who was on his cell. He touched his fingers to his lips and blew her a kiss. "Yeah," she reiterated, happy she, (miraculously) just this once, didn't blush, "the sooner the better."

Jacob who'd gotten out at the same time as her, shook his head and ran a hand through his hair as though mildly embarrassed by his friend. Or something else. "I'll just snap a couple of strings on his Fender." His lips curled into a smirk, like he was imagining just what reaction he'd get.

She started to chastise him, "Jacob_..._!" then realized she didn't know his middle name, which was kind of required for effect. "Well, that sort of backfired a little, didn't it? I mean, what _is _your middle name? It's kind of lame without it, you know?"

That appeared to bring him up short. "Uh..." She raised an eyebrow when he seemed to scan the parking lot. Well, that was... _weird._ Appearing somewhat appeased (_that bad, was it?_), he then stepped _way _into her personal space, but before she could react, his breath tickled the side of her face. "That _is _my middle name," he quietly revealed.

She knew he'd just told her something major, but his close proximity had lowered mental functionality to about fifty percent, so she had to give herself a few mental slaps to kick-start the old brainwaves again. _He's probably questioning your sanity right now, you know, while you're totally flatlining._

_Oh. _"Oh..." Mental eye rolling. "Huh. So... Okay."

He'd pulled back and his eyes searched hers. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah," she assured him quickly. Too quickly – enough to make her squeak. "Great. I'm just fine. But, um-" A bit more effort to at least _try _acting normal. Like, now. "-what's the first then? I mean, I can't go 'bleep_ Jacob,_' now, when I'm chewing you out, can I?" She burst out laughing. That sounded completely freed of intelligence on even the most primal levels (which was where she was headed at the rate she was going). "Sorry," she chortled.

This should teach her. One of these days she'd learn when to open her mouth, and when not to. _And pigs shall fly._

Jacob was doing that soundless whistling again while rubbing his hairline. "Too much faery dust?" he finally wondered, and looked at her with a wry smile.

She was about to protest, but gave him a firm nod instead. "You know what? You're absolutely right, and I'm going to be late, too, so..." Her words slipped into nothingness when his smile seemed to grow, for reasons completely unbeknownst to her. _Huh?_

"You really are too damn cute," he said in that soft tone that messed with vital functionality.

Clearing her throat in an attempt to redirect, she tried with a streak of esteem, "Well, Mr. _Bleep_, it's all _your_ fault," but failed. She dropped her gaze and studied her nails. _Say, maybe you should let Nina give you one of those manicures, after all?_

He was really treading a fine line, and she deflected a weird urge to turn her head and sniff him (whatever shower gel he used smelled absolutely awesome) when he leaned in close again. She was still inspecting her nails. _Oops. _Nina's neon pink marker had left a smudge.

"It's Ephraim, but I prefer Rimmy... When it's _safe_, of course." Safe? In other words, when it was just the two of them, she gathered. Oh. _Of course. _If Rebecca went by a false (sort of) name, and he was using a false _last_ name, then it would make sense that he'd not use his real _first_ name.

She had just turned her head to catch his gaze when the blare of Jared's horn made her choke back a startled cry, and both of them jolt apart.

"Fuck's sake," Jacob muttered under his breath.

"Your ass is gonna end up in Tony's burritos if you don't hurry up," Jared called from the drivers side.

"Yeah." He gave her a smile. "Gotta go."

"Uh-huh. Me too," she replied, still dazed, but working to snap out of it, _diligently._ "Have fun. You know, minus the ass-in-burrito-thing, I mean."

This time he just snorted. "Unavoidable. Tony's sadistic. Where'd you think Jared gets his ideas from?"

Tony was Jared's step dad and owned a fast-food business where both Jared and Jacob worked.

"Ah. Yeah, I see what you mean." Not really, but she could imagine now – what with being enlightened by Jared. _Thanks so much, Tony?_ "Well, just... have fun, then. Or something."

"_Fried_ ass in burrito," Jared hollered. "Clock's ticking and it'll only get worse!" Jacob rolled his eyes but got into the car while Jared winked at her. "Au revoir, mon cheri!"

"Je m'apelle _Bella!_" she corrected laughingly. So her pronunciation wasn't the greatest, but at least she wasn't stuttering like an idiot.

And Jacob – _Rimmy? _Too cute, she decided – couldn't have been too frightened by her parents the night before, so there was always that, too.

Many pluses. This day was just getting better and better.

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_First I'd like to thank my betas, **MeraNaamJoker** and **Cretin**. You girls are just amazing. Love you hard. And to **bellaBBblack** for pre-reading and spoiling me with adorableness. Much love to you, honey._

_To everyone else reading, reviewing and aboard for this ride; you're all kinds of awesome, and your words would make me pass out from the unhealthy amount of blushing-fits I go through, had I not already had some 30 years experience to learn how to overcome it. :D Thank you so much for reading. I can't tell you how blown away I am that you're all so taken by these characters. Brings me a ton of happy. _

_This chapter was originally a **lot** longer, but due to major info dumps, it was necessary to split it in half, and, as such, the next chapter (being half finished already) should be up around Wednesday next week. Give or take. (I reserve the rights to be chased down with sticks should this turn out to be wrong.)_

_I heart y'all **hard**, and give you a ton of cuddles and smooches. Until next time! _

**oOI\\_ IMPORTANT NOTICE _/IOo**

_For the past (nearly) two weeks I've been working on a companion piece for Unspoken. It's a prequel-esque multi-chapter story with Rebecca Black as the main focus, but also it stars our favorite, mysterious boy Jake (or should I say Rimmy?)._

_I'll say this now. It's not a **necessity** that you read it to understand Unspoken (all needed info will be revealed in due time, just in less gruesome detail). The reason I say this? It's not for sensitive types, and if you're sick to death of angst and heartfail, the life of Rebecca and Rimmy before Unspoken is not a happy place to visit. Very possibly it might be disturbing to some, and I just want to give fair warning: read at your own risk._

_Why am I posting it then? It's for those who **might** be interested to know about their pasts in more detail. Initially I wrote it for my own help as a cross-reference for Unspoken. (I have the story in my head, but writing it all down helps to keep track of things, as I can be a bit scatter-brained at times.)_

_The prequel will be posted bit by bit as to not give too much away. The Preface and Part One will be posted now, and the rest at regular intervals. _

**oiOio**

PS. If you received double alerts, I'm sorry. I had to fix some things that **really** irritated me. I fail so hard sometimes. Ugh.**  
><strong>


	7. Augury

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Augury<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.  Dr. Seuss_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Edwin arrived at Petco about ten minutes after she walked in, and they spent a good twenty minutes debating the minuscule differences between the bigger brands of dog feed. In the end, Bella managed to talk him into a slightly cheaper version than the one he usually bought, and it made her feel pretty awesome.

She assured Edwin no one so far had complained about the food upsetting their dog's stomach – it could happen sometimes when switching brands. It was more often than not dependent on the breed of the dog – the purer the breed, the more sensitive they were.

Her boss didn't approve too much, but she'd worked there long enough to get sufficient feedback from customers, which helped her draw the conclusions to back up her argument.

What she didn't do, however, was ask Edwin about the out-of-the-blue spark of interest in her. She decided it could wait and gave him a friendly smile after she rang up the sale. He wasn't that bad – once he separated from the beef-squad. Yep. She had her very own name for them: meat heads, as it were.

It would never leave her lips, though. She'd never live it down.

All in all, by the time she walked in the door at the end of the day – still glowing a little from the talk with Jacob in the parking lot – she was relaxed and in a really good mood...

...until she entered the kitchen, and walked straight into bedlam.

Her jaw dropped.

The first thing that registered, once she managed to get past the ringing in her ears that Jesse's banshee-like shrieks caused, was blood dripping down Ashley's chin and onto her t-shirt. Then Ashley's split lip, and Charlie, trying to capture the flailing limbs belonging to Jesse.

"She slipped..." was all Renée managed to get through to Bella (the rest drowned in the chaos) before returning her attention to a crying Ashley. "Get him to his room, Charlie," she ordered.

Bella dropped her bag and went after her dad, slipping past him to make sure the door to Jesse's room was open.

"It's all right, buddy, it's okay. I've got you, it's okay..." He kept the mantra on repeat in a low but steady voice. Her dad was a rock. Nothing fazed him. _Nothing._ She was amazed.

"Can I do anything, Dad?" she asked, but he shook his head.

"Go help Mom, I've got him."

She left the room while pulling the door closed behind her, hurried down the hallway and back into the kitchen.

"Hey, Ash," she said soothingly and pulled a chair up next to them. She stroked her hair and watched Renée work expertly to clean away the blood. "Does she need to...?" ..._go to the_ _ER_ was left implied.

"I don't think so," she slowly replied, her brows knitted in concentration.

Bella continued combing her fingers through Ashley's hair, alternating to brush a few strands from her face. "You're doing great, Ash. Mom'll have you fixed up in no time."

The door opened and closed. A beat. "What the hell happened?" Jacob quickly appeared next to them.

"Ash slipped," Bella informed him in a calm voice and gave his face a brief glance before turning back to Ashley. _Hang on... _Her eyes flitted to his. "Are you okay?"

His face appeared a little drained of color. "Huh? Yeah... yeah. Is _she –_ uh, are you okay, Ash?" The concern in his voice tugged at Bella's heart.

Ashley gave out a tiny whimper that sounded like "Yes," then flinched, no doubt the movement of her lips marred the split.

"Okay." He shifted, as though he wasn't sure whether to leave or stay, until he abruptly just turned and left the room. Huh. She didn't have him pegged for being squeamish at the sight of blood – judging by previous incidents, anyway.

"All right." Her mom stood. "Ash, honey? We don't _have _to go to the ER, but-"

"No," she choked out.

"It'll leave a bigger scar if we don't," Renée told her gently, but Ashley shook her head.

"Surgical tape?" Bella wondered out loud, already off the chair and scanning the First-Aid kit folded out on the kitchen table. "If we get it cleaned well enough, and cut small pieces, we can do it here, can't we?" She didn't wait for confirmation, and turned for the sink instead to wash her hands.

Ashley's parents had left her in the ER. Bella didn't know the details or what, exactly, was the cause, but it didn't really matter, did it? They just _left _her there.

"My hands aren't steady enough," Renée regretfully said behind her.

"That's okay. I can do it – I'll do it, Mom." If she could help, she would. Not that she could fathom Ashley's fear, but she couldn't _not_ try a different solution. If it made a visit to the ER unnecessary, that was a good thing.

Her mom cleaned the wound while Bella boiled the scissors. After having rubbed a generous amount of disinfectant gel into her hands, she cut as thin strips as possible of the tape. Ashley watched her, wide-eyed, when she leaned in close to carefully pinch the edges of the wound – it wouldn't be too unlike the shape of Jacob's scar, once healed, she noted.

She bit her lip as Ashley's eyes teared up all over again. "Sorry," Bella whispered.

Thirty minutes later, nearly dying from relief, she sat back, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead and skeptically studying her handy-work.

"Okay – _voila_. It's done," she announced, stuttering from the tension leaving her body in waves. For once her perfectionistic tendencies had been put to good use (applying mascara didn't count). Plus, Ashley's smiling (though wet) eyes were _so worth it._ "Try not to laugh or smile, I mean, that'll be a challenge, right?" She winked and received a couple of nods as a reply.

Renée watched her daughter, a smile playing around the corners of her mouth. "Are you sure you don't want to go to nursing school instead of becoming a vet?"

Bella grinned a little. "No. I don't think I could, um – I don't know. Maybe pediatrics?"

She would never admit it out loud, but ever since she'd done those few weeks of candy striping in the Assisted Living Facility (a couple of years back), and that old lady had peed on the floor in protest when the nurse had introduced them, somehow she'd developed a fear of dealing with old people. It was a completely irrational one, and she would, in a heartbeat, take care of her grandparents – but strangers? It made her feel horrible, but she couldn't help it.

Well, there _was_ that old man, Mr. Gibbons (when he insisted she call him Art, and she protested with 'it's just not polite to call your elders by their first name, unless they're relatives,' he'd become more adamant and told her 'with that attitude it would be an honor to have you call me Art, little darlin'').

So, for the few weeks she was in the complex, she would go to his small apartment, tell him "Good morning, Mr. Gib- I mean, Art," and then read him the newspaper since his sight just wasn't what it used to be. Mr. Gibbons was an exception to the irrational fear.

Bella and her mom cleaned up while Ashley crept away and disappeared down the hallway to change her shirt.

"Thank you, honey."

She gave her mom a bright smile. "No problem, Mom."

"So, how was your day?" Renée busied herself with portioning the beef stew into Tupperware containers.

"Pretty good." After a pause, Bella put the customary plate of her dinner into the microwave, set the timer and turned to lean against the bench top. "Edwin Locke wanted to give me a ride to work, but I ended up going with Jared and Jacob." She snorted a laugh. "I've said it before, but I'll say it again: he's got something wrong with his brain."

"What? Who?"

Oh. Specifying might be good. "Jared."

"Aww. He's a sweet boy, isn't he? What'd he do?"

She shook her head. "He didn't _do _anything, he just, I don't know – his mind's a bit twisted, I think. Like, he asked me last week if we sell studded collars at Petco and I totally didn't get it at first, but-"

Renée's laugh shook her entire body. "Oh, sweet Jesus," she managed between breaths.

At this, Bella frowned slightly as her lower lip jutted out just a fraction. "Geez. See? I'm so dense. It took me _forever_ to get it, and there you are, cracking up." It really wasn't fair. Who knew what other things went right over her head?

"I'm so sorry, baby, I'm not laughing at you," her mom apologized sincerely, though still chortling like a little girl.

"No, I know. You're laughing at what I _should _have gotten the first time around-" Her pout became more prominent. "-you know, if I had any clue at _all_ what moves inside a guy's head."

Renée took in a breath and cleared her throat. "I don't think you're missing out on much, sweetie."

"Oh, I think I am," she refuted. "But I'm pretty sure I'd steer clear of Jared's, though, I mean-" A shudder ran down her spine. "Yeah, um. I don't think it's a healthy place to be. Not that my own brain's all that much better, but, you know?"

A slow but teasing smile curled half of her mom's mouth. "You could inform him – though I think he already knows, but for a good retort? that there _are_ shops dedicated to that sort of thing."

"Mom!" Bella covered her mouth and flushed with chagrin.

"Sorry!"

"What shops?" Charlie asked, curiously looking between their faces as he came into the kitchen.

There was only so much a girl could handle. "Um, bye." Bella instinctively fled the room, her dinner momentarily forgotten. Nothing was sacred in the Swan residence, it seemed. Well, admittedly, sex shops and sacred did _not _belong in the same train of thought (in her opinion, at least – but what did she know?). Still..._ Holy craperonies. _

**o~*iii*~o**

After typing up a (in part) pretty hilarious satire (staring Jared, Tinkerbell and a leash made out of dental floss), and forcing down the (re)reheated dinner – _won't be doing that again _– she settled onto the sofa to watch some TV.

She tried to keep up with the dialogue but her brain constantly lagged behind. It didn't take long for her eyes to droop, and she stood to go get ready for bed.

Renée spoke quietly. "Hey, baby?"

"Ye-" She covered the yawn with her hand, and while stretching, she tried again, "Yeah?"

"Was everything okay with Jacob today?"

Bella's brows rose a fraction. "Mm, yeah. Why?"

"He hasn't been out of his room since he came home," her mom said as concern pinched a line on her forehead.

"He seemed pretty okay to me – well, apart from when he came home and saw Ash – I didn't know blood made him queasy." At this, Bella added, "Well, I'm going to bed anyway, so I'll check on him to see if he's okay."

It seemed to be enough to make her mom relax. "All right, sweetie... Sleep tight."

"Night, Mom." She left the living room to pad down the hallway, while yawning repeatedly. "Ugh." She paused outside the door, and after a soft knock she quietly called out, "Jacob?"

The usual silence followed, and she hesitated. Not two seconds later the door came open, but just to leave a small crack.

"Come in if you want," he said. His voice told her he wasn't in the best of moods, but she was relieved he was there, at least.

Some small amount of deliberation later, she slipped into his room. She caught herself before she stared and closed the door behind her when she guessed that's what his gesture toward it meant. He'd been lifting weights again, and – yep. He was totally without a shirt, though in the process of getting it back on. She'd seen him like this a million times before, but now she had to mentally kick herself repeatedly as to not stare.

Of course, there was the unavoidable blushing. _Thanks so much, heritage._

"What's up?" he asked, and she tried not to flinch at the indifference in his tone.

Okay... She looked down at her toes. Oops. Touch-up was needed. It probably appeared a bit tacky to walk around with chipped nail polish... And she should really answer. _Wakey-wakey, brain._

Not looking up, she quietly said, "Just wanted to see if you were okay." Eventually gathering enough courage to raise her head, she found him with his shirt on, sitting on the edge of the bed, but looking at the window. A funny feeling spread through her chest and she moved forward without meaning to do so.

"Yeah- no-" A pause. "Yeah, okay enough, I guess."

"You guess? I'm not convinced," she offered, half-teasingly. When he made no visible attempt to look at her or to answer, she carefully hedged, "Is something bothering you?" A stupid question – obviously something was preying on his mind.

He shook his head. "You know Kirkland – Steven or Fish or whatever the fuck he calls himself – well, the ass tattled to Hannah's mom about... stuff. I guess Jared's comment last week motivated him to be a dick, and, well – long story short?" His eyes were still glued to the window. "Statutory rape isn't exactly the kind of thing a girl wants on her record, you know? But what's worse-" A heavy sigh. "This is where _I'm _the dick – it could've caused some serious problems for the whole family-" A beat. "_Your_ family," he finished and exhaled.

_Oh._

So that definitely cleared up a lot – though it came a bit out of the blue. "Well, I sure don't like him – Fish, I mean. Not one bit," she admitted severely. She wondered what brought all this on as he'd seemed so relaxed earlier. Moving a little further into the room, she placed her hand on the back of his chair and asked, "Can I sit?"

With a non-committal shrug, he confirmed the _whatever-_intent with a verbal "Sure."

Unable to push back the resurfacing curiosity about Hannah, the question was out before she could stop it. "Is that why you broke up?" Quickly she tried to backpedal. "Sorry, it's none of my business. My stupid mouth and all, wreaking havoc again."

Jacob heaved another sigh and pushed a hand through his hair while briefly meeting her eyes, then lowered his gaze to the floor. "Part of it? But it would've happened sooner or later." He shrugged again, but the gesture seemed more hopeless than casual. "And, uh – it kind of _is _your business."

The air halted in her lungs. Say what? Oh no. Was this about what Hannah had accused her – _them _of doing? She couldn't help feeling a little sick. "Is it-" She swallowed. "Does she think we- that you and I-" _Holy crap. _There was no way she could form the words. Instead she only watched him, prayed he'd understood her disjointed babbling and would give her some form of an answer.

"No," he reassured. "No, she didn't really think that. She was just angry." He kept his gaze averted and rubbed one hand across his eyes before supporting his forehead.

"Okay." That was at least _partially_ good. The crying in the living room, however, still eluded her. _Take the bull by the horns._ "Okay, look. I know this is totally not my business so, you know, just tell me to shut up, but – why was she crying to Mom?"

How she wished he'd just look at her... But he didn't.

"To give her a heads-up? And to apologize, in case that weasel decides to start trouble." She cringed a little at the curt _duh_ implication, but she understood now, and she couldn't begrudge Hannah. In fact, she felt really bad for her. Jacob, as if to himself, breathed out a rough, "_Idiot_," and added more clearly, "Sorry, I'm being a dick again."

Her heart gave a squeeze. "It's okay, I underst-"

"It's _not okay_," he snapped, and her eyes widened as he finally turned to look at her. Something beyond her understanding flickered in his eyes. "I shouldn't've said it like that. It's not your fault and it's just _not fucking okay – _you know what? You should tell me to shut up."

She shook her head slowly – taken aback by the temper and a bit confused – but stubbornly told him, "No way."

"If I'm an asshole, why not?"

"You're _not_. You're just, I don't know _exactly_, but – you're just upset, or something, and I get it. It's _fine_."

His eyes tightened as he sat up straight. "Yeah? And where do you draw the line?" The implications behind the question were pretty clear, and ice trickled down her spine. She didn't understand, however, why he thought she should be drawing lines with him, but she guessed this had something to do with his previous warnings.

One thing was for certain: she wanted him to know that she didn't believe for a second there was one bad bone in his body. "With you, or in general?" she countered carefully. "I mean, if you're implying you're going to actually _be _an asshole as opposed to make me _think _that you are, well – you're not. Okay? _Fish_ is an asshole. You don't even throw a punch when it's called for."

He made some noise. "You're just..." He didn't finish and looked away, appearing defeated. She was all but overcome with the urge to hug him, but with the distant and unapproachable front firmly in place – she just didn't want to overstep her mark.

"Just, what?" she pressed instead. "And why do you want to convince me you're a butthead? I can see that you're not, so please stop trying to tell me what to think of you."

"Not to be a jerk, Bella? But you really don't know me yet, so you can't say that."

She closed her eyes. Took a deep breath. Opened them."Okay," she said to be agreeable. "So I don't know you yet, but that doesn't automatically qualify you for the asshole club, you know?"

After a long moment of silence he exhaled, "_Fuck – _this is so difficult."

She felt the frown on her face, wished so _badly _she had something smart or comforting to say, but all she could do was give him time and space.

He shook his head. "Okay. I'm probably not going to make much sense, and I've got no idea what the right thing to do here is, but if I'm to be honest – which I _should be_ – then I just gotta come out and say it, right?"

No. He didn't make much sense, but she could appreciate that it was complicated. _Obviously. _One look at him told her there was so much there than she could truly understand. "Jacob," she began gently, "you don't have to say anything, you know? I mean-" She paused. Should she continue to call him Jacob, or would he feel better if she called him Rimmy? _Get on with it._ "Well, it's really great – miraculous, even – that you want to trust me with things, and I'll listen to anything- _any time_ you want me to, but _please_ don't feel like you _have to_, okay?"

Finally, his dark eyes met hers again, and the naked vulnerability there stole her entire lung capacity. "But I _do_," he insisted quietly. "I've already said so much – _too_ _much._ I keep slipping up, and it's just fucking _impossible_ to shut up around you."

For a moment she thought she might never resurface if she let his eyes hold hers any longer. But when he reached up and his thumb brushed her cheek she was ready to collapse. Thank God she sat down, as her limbs, waist down, had turned into jelly.

There was that issue of breathing, too (and doing so without difficulties), so when tiny dots started dancing in her line of vision, she sucked in an embarrassingly shaky breath. "I'm, um – sorry? I mean, for whatever it is that makes you blurt stuff out – I don't mean to."

He shook his head. Something in his eyes softened, which, in turn, melted everything inside her and left one big, gooey mess. "Hey," he said, still touching her cheek. "Don't be, okay?"

All she could do was nod. His eyes narrowed a tiny fraction as they searched hers.

"You're not going to throw today's menu at me if I try to kiss you, right?"

_Um... huh?_ Not only had her lungs been shot to all hell, but now her brain malfunctioned, too. This wasn't good. "Huh?" Nope. Definitely not good.

"Yeah," he agreed to whatever he discerned from her facial expression, which she couldn't for the life of her figure out what it was telling him. "Get what I mean? I can't..." A frustrated noise. "Sorry." He withdrew his hand.

"Don't," she blurted out. _Nice – just as a question? Don't what, exactly?_ "Don't be sorry," she complemented quickly. "I fail so hard, please don't-" She cut off, irritated with herself. What he'd asked her not to do she'd totally just done.

This wasn't a mess anymore; it was like mashed-potato-syndrome, and she hadn't even opened her mouth. Somehow, without really acknowledging the movement, she managed to end up next to him with her hand on his arm.

In an almost painfully slow motion, he took her hand between his two; they were _so warm_ and her entire abdominal area appeared to be directly linked to his tentative caresses across her palm. That is, until he brought it up to his face and the tip of his nose brushed against her skin before he placed a soft kiss to her lifeline.

She stopped... _everything._

_Oh boy. _So _soft._

And just so, so _nice._ She blinked slowly, fairly convinced she came across as a lunatic, but not able to take the required measures to snap out of it. He lowered her hand though, all too soon, but another _totally_ delicious warmth burst against her ribs when he weaved his fingers through hers and stroked along her thumb with his.

No doubt, her heart would take off at any given moment. It behaved as though it could.

When her eyes zeroed in on the faint smile, she again found herself wanting to touch the scar there, and as was so typical of her, she just did. His reaction was the most puzzling yet. He closed his eyes and visibly relaxed his entire posture, as though he'd been all tensed up until that very moment.

While tracing the barely there ridge with the tip of her index finger, she whispered, "How'd this happen?"

His thumb rubbing hers paused the fraction of a second, but other than that no noticeable reaction registered. "Becca shoved me into a bookshelf," he replied, like it was a confession of which he was relieved to berid. She lowered her hand. "Not on purpose, but-" Whatever else he'd been about to say was left hanging, and she waited a while, in case he was going to continue.

He didn't.

In quiet contemplation, she said, "You must really miss her." What a conclusion to make after he just told her he'd been pushed into a bookshelf by said sister. It was Bella's turn to shake her head, though at herself. "Not the pushy part, I mean – okay. I'll shut up now." While zipping her lips, she mumbled, "Mum's the word."

Jacob's eyes were open but unfocused. "Trust me." There was a bitter edge to the directive. "She's not pushy. But there were times I just fucking _wished-_" He swallowed the rest.

She didn't hesitate this time. She pulled her hand from his, but wrapped her arms around him instead, though she had to stretch a little to reach up and circle his neck. He tensed up, but only just slightly; his arms came around her waist, so hard she almost couldn't breathe, and he held her there.

Not that her breathing had worked so well before that, anyway, but this was _so good _that she stayed silent. In this moment, words seemed lame and completely insufficient in comparison, and as such she squeezed him as tightly as she was able. _You're not alone,_ she thought.

For an immeasurable pass of time, all she heard were the things he tried to say but ended up dying before they became words. Each attempt cut her. She could feel the conflict vibrate in his chest.

When the first words made it out, her arms tightened in reflex. "I do miss her – I miss who she _was_, and I know she does, too. It can't be fixed though – I tried... I tried, but I was so fucking stupid, I had no idea – you've got _no idea_ how badly I fucked up."

Were his arms to hold on tighter she might break, but still she said nothing, and just gave him whatever time and outlet he so desperately seemed to need.

He startled her a little when he turned his face into her neck, breathing heat and tears against her skin. "I can't shut up. I _need_ to shut up, but I'm so fucking tired. I'm sorry for laying it all on you- on your family, but I just can't..."

"It's okay," she said, though it came out all choked up. "We're here for you – _I'm here._ Whatever you need, just-" Making her whisper as quiet as she could, she continued, "It's okay, Rimmy." She moved her hands over his shoulders, up to his neck and rubbed soothingly. Oh crap. He'd stiffened and she wanted something large and blunt to beat herself up with. She stumbled across the words in her rush to apologize. "I- I'm sorry..." _Dumbass._

His face rubbed over her wet skin as he shook his head. "Bella? It's cool – don't freak."

No freaking. Sure thing. "Okay," she readily agreed.

When he exhaled, his breath raised goosebumps all over. "I told you to call me that – it just caught me off guard." He released her and automatically she filled her lungs with much needed air, though discreetly so – at least, she hoped he didn't notice.

She couldn't help but reach up to wipe her thumbs across his cheeks. "So, um, between Jacob and Rimmy – which one do you prefer?" She avoided eye contact as she focused on the action of drying his tears.

Somehow she knew he waited for her to look at him. When she finally worked up the courage to do so, she wondered how his eyes alone could make such a big mess of her insides that she didn't know up from down or what was what.

As they sat there in silence, his eyes moved over her face, tightening and relaxing as if he were trying to figure something out. Eventually they came to settle on hers. "Say it again," he asked.

Her smile was there in spite of herself. "Which one first?"

"Either," he said and rolled his eyes.

She confirmed with a nod and suddenly felt very silly. Though she had a hard time remaining serious, she started with, "Jacob." As soon as she'd said it she gauged his reaction. "It's pretty normal, right? I mean, people do this all the time-" He hushed her with a finger to her lips and where she was sure her stomach _should be_, existed only the strangest skitter of energy. _Bummer. _She hadn't seen that one coming.

As he traced her bottom lip she could only stare at him. "Again?" His husky voice did weird things to her heart.

A whisper was all she could manage when she spoke his name into his fingertip. "Jacob?"

"Yeah." His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "Let's stick with that."

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella's breaths were labored and it made talking a challenge. "They do it to torture us, didn't you know?" It _was_ torture to run in this heat, but their schedule (and the teachers) paid little mind to the fact that today was the second to last day before summer break.

"It totally blows," Nina half-muttered, half-panted.

"I don't mind." Cara slowed down to keep their pace. Not everyone could have long legs, and not that Bella begrudged her friend or anything, but it was totally unfair all the same. And she swore she had a transmitter in her head, broadcasting her every thought to the world. "How's it going, shorty?"

Bella blew at the strand of hair constantly falling into her face. "Down here as opposed to up there, you mean?"

"Edwin's radar seems to have you covered, that's something, right?" Stacy comforted.

"I don't want to be covered by his radar," Bella replied with finality.

"Maybe you just want to be covered by _him_," Nina said in a low voice. The wicked grin curling her lips made Bella groan.

"You're a dirty slut."

Nina let out an airy laugh. "You know you love it, babe." She inclined her head toward Bella. "Humped anyone's legs lately?"

She ass-planted before she could catch herself. "Balls!" Her friends stopped. Nina was bracing herself on her knees, sputtering, coughing and laughing, all at the same time. "You seriously suck-" Nina's grin widened and she winked. "_Holy shitfire, _Nina!" Her friend had _not _just implied that. But, oh yes, she had, and the others were laughing now, too. "I don't know you," she said under her breath and pushed off the ground, dusting off her shorts.

"Nice ass!"

Bella froze, still bent over. The only positive thing right now was the fact that her face already burned from exertion. Everything else was just too humiliating for words. She straightened but didn't look in the direction where the shout had come from.

"Andy," they informed her in unison. She knew it already, which was why she'd refrained from looking.

"He's much nicer than his brother," Stacy defended.

"He's related to Fish, that's all I need to know," Bella said, adding, "Please tell me there's no major stains on my ass."

The sound of approaching footsteps crunching the gravel. "Looks pretty good to me."

Bella made a frustrated noise and smacked her forehead.

"Hey, Andy, did you dump that skank already?" Nina lacked a filter, too, just in a rude way. Admittedly, Bella had picked up a few things over the years. Not so good.

"Sweet of you to ask me out, but nah," Andy answered with heavy sarcasm.

Nina laughed once, then cut off and retorted flatly, "Too funny – a true comedian."

"I try – hey, Bella?"

She closed her eyes, counted back from five, and then turned with a smile she hoped didn't look as fake as it was. "Yep?" Andy Kirkland was short (of course, still taller than Bella, as she was a midget) and while he _looked_ friendlier than Fish, she was always stand-offish with the guys that teased her repeatedly.

"My bro wants to talk to you after sch-"

"God!" That was Stacy.

"Are you for real?" And that was Nina.

Cara was crass as usual. "You're a 'tard."

"What does he want?" Bella asked, and her friends turned to stare at her. "_What?_"

"You're not-"

"Absolutely not, Bella. Come on, girl – get real!"

"Babe, seriously – just no."

"Geez, calm down." Bella let out a sigh. "I haven't said I will yet, but I want to know why he wants to talk to me."

"Because he's a _psycho_?" Cara spat the words out and grimaced as if she had just eaten something rotten.

"Hey, that's my bro you're talking about-"

"And?" Nina cut in. "Did you even _see_ what he did to _Bella's_ brother? You're such a dick."

Bella winced, and not only at how rude they were, but at the brother comment. She couldn't correct them, though. This was how it had to be. That didn't mean it didn't feel all weird and awkward. "I'll be at my locker after this if he wants to talk," she finally suggested, "I'm not going to get dragged across the street again." She tried to ignore the incredulous looks she got from her friends.

Strangely enough, Fish didn't scare her so much as he made her uncomfortable. Bugged the hell out of her? Oh sure, without a doubt. Pissed her off for having hurt Jacob? More than words could say. Maybe she should start working out with Jacob? In case a bit of face-punching needed to happen.

The thought brought her up short. Why _did _he pump all that iron? It wasn't only the weights, he also went to the gym. For someone who was neither vain nor interested in defending himself when attacked, it seemed odd.

Or – and this was a more logical explanation – it probably came down to that little issue where she just didn't know what went on inside a guy's head, let alone understood what those elusive goings-on produced as a result.

Well, she'd have to be extra observant, and put every effort into figuring Fish out. Her gut told her something (cheesiness aside) fishy was going on here. Sometimes she was so hilarious, she didn't know what to do with herself. _Closed ward. Just saying._

**o~*iii*~o**

He wasn't going to show up, was he? Bella had been at her locker for five minutes already while Nina continuously tried to convince her to leave.

"This should tell you something," Nina said in a low voice. "Come on, girl, let's go."

"Two more minutes," Bella pleaded. She really wanted to know what he had to say. "Then we'll go."

With a defeated sigh, Nina rolled her eyes and dropped her back against the lockers with a loud thud. "Fine. But I'm not going anywhere, and if he's got a problem with that, well – he can kiss my ass." She folded her arms and stuck her chin out.

Bella grinned. "Thanks – I mean it. Probably he's a serial killer or something," she joked, "but my brain's too dumb to detect it."

This made her friend laugh. "At least you're aware." When Nina's face fell and settled into a hard mask, Bella turned to see Fish coming toward them.

A jittery sensation settled in her stomach. _Oh, hello_. Maybe she wasn't totally lacking intuition, after all.

"What's _she_ doing here?" His tone was flat, and he was definitely not happy about the chaperone service.

"To bust your balls," Nina informed him acridly. "So keep your hands to yourself."

The smile he gave them made the jitters solidify and twist. "Aw. And where's the Chief? Did he run off to do the rain dance or what?"

Nina lashed out with a hiss, "Asshole," while Bella shoved both hands into her jean shorts before she broke both her fist _and _his face. _The things I would like to do to you...,_ she thought viciously.

In a barely controlled voice, she demanded, "What do you want?"

Fish gave them both a dirty look, but his eyes settled on Nina. "This doesn't concern you, so I would appreciate it if you ran along now."

Nina laughed. "You're deluded – what? You seriously think I'm leaving my girl without backup? You know, for a detective's son, you're a dumb shit."

"Look around you," he told her with ease as he gestured to their surroundings, a cocky smirk on his face. If Nina's provocative mannerisms irritated him, he didn't let it show. "We're in school." As though that would be enough to set them at ease. Not likely.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Something flashed across his face, and then, just like that, it was gone. He shrugged with indifference. "Ah well, guess we're done here, then."

"Wait, what?" Nina called after him when he turned to walk off. "You send your brother after her for a talk, and this is it? Guess it can't have been that important, huh?" Nina, apparently, was as curious about what he had to say as Bella was. As such, she carefully deliberated.

Turning to her friend, Bella said in a quiet voice, "He can't do anything here – he's right: we're in school... Five minutes?" She gave her friend her best puppy dog-face. "And if I'm not in the lobby by then, you come get me – yeah?"

Nina shook her head. "No way, Bella."

She lowered her voice into a whisper as she leaned in. "_Please?_ I really want to know..." A pause. "Don't you?"

Her friend glanced at Fish, who observed them knowingly with his thumbs hooked in his jeans. She narrowed her eyes – a secret kind of smile curled one corner of her mouth. "Okay, then. Five minutes," she agreed with a meaningful quirk of her brow.

Huh. That was easier than Bella'd thought it would be. "Five minutes," she reiterated.

Before Nina walked off, she paused next to Fish. "My dad drives trucks for a living – you know what semis are, right? I'm talking several tons here... and I'm a kick-ass driver." With that she left.

Bella couldn't help the smile; she loved her friend. _So much._

"You've got psychopathic friends," Fish told her, a rare smile on his face when he came closer again.

Ignoring the jab, she told him, "Three minutes," and threw the bag over her shoulder as she looked at him and waited.

He did the strangest and most unexpected thing: he apologized. "Look, I'm sorry about your arm and your brother's face." He appeared completely sincere.

Slightly taken off guard (and while her brain stumbled to catch up) she mentally scrambled for a reply. "Uh – okay." The word extended, still lagging as it were. "Sure. Fine. You're sorry, but you're still rude." _Good girl._ She handled it much better than she thought she would. "That's not what you wanted, though, right?"

"No." A beat. "How well do you know Jacob?"

Immediately, she was back in defensive mode (one of these days she'd give herself mental whiplash or something close to it). "Jacob is none of your business," she told him in what she hoped was a convincing tone.

"Maybe not, but it's obvious the kid's damaged." Was it really _that obvious_, or was he playing games with her? Now she wished she'd paid more attention to Jacob in school – she had no idea what vibes he gave out while here.

-_everything about you is one big secret_-

Bella swatted at the Hannah-rerun-pixie in her head and insisted, "It's still none of your business," but her voice didn't carry the words very well. If she weren't careful, she'd end up blurting things out – _implicating_ things – that no one but her should know. Especially not Fish.

The most unnerving part yet was that he didn't seem hostile at all. He was almost... concerned? Before she could give herself a good mental shake, he opened his mouth again.

"You know my dad's a detective," Fish went on, "so I think it _is_ my business. I'm just giving you an outsider's observation here – you know? Like a heads up."

"A heads up for what?" she bit back. _Easy now._

His face grew serious. "I'd hate to see those kids pulled out," he said, his voice having dropped low in warning, "You know – when it comes to abuse or neglect, if kids don't get help for it in time, it fucks them up pretty badly."

Suddenly, she found it was considerably harder to breathe, and when she went to set him straight she couldn't talk past the stifling thickness in her throat. _Get a grip._ What was he saying? That Jacob had been abused in some way? Did he know something she didn't – her _parents _didn't?

Nick Kirkland, Fish's dad, _was_ a detective, she knew this. But if anyone had any new information on Jacob, wouldn't DCS or CPS have told them that? _Yes. Duh. Hello?_ Of course they would have – her _parents _would know and that was the only source she needed to trust. Beyond that, there had been no signs of abuse.

But then again; he had barely talked the first year – only when spoken to, and only few sentences. Up until recently he'd been closed off from everyone. Those _were_ signs, weren't they?

So what was Fish insinuating? That Jacob was... messed up? She couldn't deny that there were many things she or her parents didn't know, nor could she deny that Jacob _did _have some sort of traumatic past.

_-you have no idea what kind of mess I could drag this family into-_

What did she _really_ know-

_Stop stop stop it._

"Stop it," she hissed under her breath. "Stop messing with my head – _you're_ an abuser, and I know what you're trying to do and I'm _done_ listening." She went to walk around him, but his arm came out to stop her.

"Not so fast – I'm _trying_ to help you," he calmly told her, but she shook her head and looked up at him.

"You know what? Yeah, I'm dense, but I'm not _stupid_. Okay?" She _was_ slow, and she hated it, but what could she do? "You apologized only to throw me off, didn't you? And then you point out the obvious, you know, about your dad? To make me think you know what you're talking about. And _then_-" She took in a breath and gritted her teeth. "And _then_ you throw a _low blow_, threatening with Ash and Jesse?" She swallowed and whispered fiercely, "Don't you _ever_ threaten them again, or I'll-"

"What?" The steel in his eyes pierced her brain, and next thing she knew she found herself backed up against the lockers – her bag fell to the floor with a dull thud. "You _are_ dense," he agreed. "Or you'd see that I'm just trying to help – I'm not saying anything, 'cause I don't know anything, but neither do you – _do_ you?"

She wanted to close her eyes and turn her head, but he grabbed her chin. "Don't touch me," she snapped and pulled at his hand to try and pry him off.

"Just hear me out, okay?" She stopped struggling momentarily, but glared at him. "I get into a lot of shit because I've got issues with my temper, that's no news flash, but what about Jacob? He _looks _like he could fuck anyone up, but he doesn't. I'm just sayin' – one day he'll snap... _Think_ about it." Fish let her go, but didn't step back.

Voices filled the corridor-

"Mr. Brown!"

-as well as hurried footsteps approaching.

"What the _fuck _is your problem?"

_Jacob. _

Just as she'd thought it, Fish disappeared and she jumped back when he was shoved _hard _into the lockers right next to her.

Fish, who made no attempt whatsoever to even _move_ while Jacob stared at him incredulously, was _smiling_. "Are you done?" he wondered with humor before glancing at Bella. "See what I mean? Think about it."

Jacob's question came out low and fast. "See what?" His eyes flitted briefly to meet hers – she couldn't read the emotion there – then back to Fish.

"Mr. Brown. Take your hands off of Mr. Kirkland right this instant." Jacob did as he was told, let his hands drop and stepped back, but his eyes were still on Fish. Despite his calm, she could tell from the all but non-existent tremble in his hands as he tucked them away that he was anything _but_ on the inside. "I want all of you in the principal's office- _now,_" said Mr. Lucas with stern finality.

Not good. This was _definitely _a problem.

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Yes! I totally just did! (Tries not to feel too pleased with herself, but fails.) I'm a meaniepooh. _

_All right. As always, **huge** thanks to **MeraNaamJoker** and **Cretin** for all you do. Love you girls so bleeping much. (I need to stop it with the swearing.) _

_To everyone else: I love you. Seriously, I do. Please don't hurt me! No, no – I mean it. Thank you for all the absolutely **adorable** reviews. They truly do make my day. (And rock my socks off.)_

_The next chapter, if all goes well, should be ready in a week. (Hopefully!)_

_Also, I will be posting **Part Two** of **Fragmented** tomorrow. Again I am giving y'all fair warning – from hereon out, I really **do** mean that you continue reading **Fragmented** at your own risk. Now's when stuff starts to get somewhat disturbing. Don't say I didn't warn you. _

_Much cuddliness and lovey-ness and stuff._

_Hearts times fifty-eleven._

_See y'all next time!_


	8. Tenacity

_**Important Notice**: As y'all know, Jared plays guitar. Well. Jared is bending in this chapter. "Bending?" you might ask. "Is he *flexible*? YES! Hot bendy Jared." NO! (Well, yes, sort of, but that's beside the point! Huh? What? Oh. Yes, yes - head out of the gutter. Got it.) It's a guitar term for "bending" the chords. Y'know, the high pitched, whiny sound you hear a lot from skilled guitar players? Yep. And that was all. You may proceed with caution. Hot bendy guitar playing Jared, ahoy!_

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Tenacity<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Everyone, no matter heritage, background or internal conflict, has a fundamental right to be loved and cared for. Like a fire needs glowing embers to be ignited, we need compassion; we'll suffocate without it.  Naranwien._

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

"_Now_," Mr. Lucas repeated more forcefully as neither of them had made any attempt to move. "You, too, Ms. Swan," he added when she couldn't will her feet to obey. While Fish was already on his way down the corridor by now, Jacob hung back as if to wait for her. He didn't look at her, though, which caused a weird, pinch-like sensation to settle somewhere behind her ribcage.

"Yes, Mr. Lucas," Bella said and kicked her own butt – mentally, of course.

Nina, who'd only just gotten there, fell into step next to them as they followed the teacher. They were all silent, but Bella caught Nina continuously throwing cautious glances in Jacob's direction. Judging by her friend's face, she guessed she wanted to say something. She didn't, though, but finally pressed her lips into a tight line.

When they arrived in the waiting area, Mr. Lucas pulled Nina into Ms. Schultz's office. Only a few moments later, they re-emerged, Nina looking near tears. She shook her head slightly as she passed Bella on her way out. "We'll talk later. Good luck," she whispered sarcastically to her before slipping away.

_Okay...? _That didn't sound very comforting. She sure hoped Nina was okay. _What the hell did that old bag do this time? _Not that it would've been the first time that woman brought a student to tears . . .

Only Ms. Schultz (one of the three assistant principals at Agua Fria) was still in her office. Like Bella, she was a midget, but that's where any resemblance stopped. For such a small woman, she was pretty intimidating, and more feared than the entire faculty put together. Bella would even go so far as to say the woman was more unnerving than Fish.

"Well, well," she drawled (sort of like a high-pitched donkey bray), and leaned forward between stacks of papers. She clasped her hands and let her eyes wander between their faces as she studied them over her ridiculously narrow glasses. "Mr. Kirkland. How nice of you stop by – this is, what? The third time this semester, or is it fourth?"

Arrogance emanated from him the way a furnace gives off heat. "Believe it or not, Ms. Schultz – I'm one of the innocents this time around."

With a skeptical snort, she looked to Mr. Lucas for confirmation. "Is this true?" When he nodded her brows twitched with obvious surprise.

"Yes, ma'am."

"How about that..." She sat back with her elbows perched on the armrests, her hands still clasped as her eyes came to rest on Bella. "Ms. Swan." Bella cringed, unable to distinguish the meaning of her tone. Probably disappointment, judging from what came next. "I'm curious to know why you are in my office."

_Me, too,_ she wanted to joke, but Ms. Schultz didn't have a sense of humor – not that she would have appreciated Bella's, even if she'd been so inclined. "Things got a little out of hand," she offered, thoroughly grateful her nerves hadn't jumped up her throat in the process.

At this, a black brow arched to bunch up a few lines on Ms. Schultz's forehead. "What things?"

Fish cleared his throat. "With all due respect, Ms. Schultz, it's a private matter."

She leaned forward. "Oh – is it now?" When Fish tipped his head to confirm, her eyes narrowed. "Well, Mr. Kirkland, this is my school, and not your playground-" As though it had just occurred to her that Jacob was there, she turned to him. "And what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Brown?"

"I stepped out of line. This is all on me, Ms. Schultz."

This time both brows shot up. Bella studied Jacob's face. How was this his fault?

"And this is 'all on you,' _how_, exactly?" Ms. Schultz wanted to know.

Bella protested reflexively. "It's not." Just great. Awesome timing. Of all the places to have a case of foot-in-mouth disease...

"Ah, yes," was all Ms. Schultz said while looking between them, which made Bella frown. Now what? The woman turned to Mr. Lucas. "Would you like to tell me exactly what happened, Mr. Lucas? It seems we have a conflict of interest here."

A conflict of interest...? What did that even mean?

"Mr. Brown here pushed Mr. Kirkland into the lockers, ma'am, but who knows what else might have happened if I hadn't been close by."

Wide-eyed, Bella turned to stare incredulously at the fairly young teacher. "Excuse me? He was just trying to _help_ – he wouldn't've done _anything_ if Steven hadn't been all up in my face." Oops. There she went again. _Shit._

"Ms. Swan," the assistant principal said with authority. "You seem to be quite talkative today, and while I'm pleased with this display of integrity from you – this is _my_ office, and you'll speak when spoken to."

Fish had interrupted _her_! A heavy weight settled in her stomach. If Fish managed to get out of all the trouble he got himself into and _not _be suspended from school – that didn't leave Jacob in a good place, and that, in turn, made Bella wish she could do horrible things to Ms. Schultz. "Sorry, Ms. Schultz," she apologized, but drew up a mental image where she shoved the trash can over her head. _Such an improvement. _

Ms. Schultz responding smile was more fake than porn star boobs and just as sleazy. (Of course Bella knew about such movies, she wasn't _that _clueless – not that she'd ever watched one... She bet Jared had a ton of them, though, dirty boy that he was – _oh no. Ew- ew- ew!_)She quickly swatted all sorts of disturbing images away. _You've lost it. _

"Well, then." Ms. Schultz had turned back to Jacob. "Mr. Brown – how about you tell me how this is 'all on you,' hmm? You may sit down-" She looked at Bella and Fish and gestured toward her door. "-and you two may wait outside my office – thank you."

On their way out, Bella stole a quick glance at Jacob. She still couldn't read much from his face or his eyes – of course, he hadn't looked at her yet, so that explained a little. Even if she had no idea what it meant, she didn't like the discomfort that messed with her stomach.

Some of that had to do with being alone with Fish again.

"I told you," he said as they sat down on the bench outside Ms. Schultz's office, as far away from one another as its size allowed. While she expected him to be smug about it, he wasn't.

She didn't like this side of him. As much as that made her question herself and her reasoning for _wanting _to dismiss Fish's accusations, some part of her demanded that she look at it objectively.

"Yeah," she agreed, but turned to fix her eyes on him. "But the fact that you're right doesn't make me ignore the _why_. If you really were concerned, how come you didn't say anything earlier, huh?" Fish opened his mouth to say something, but she wasn't finished. "You just want to mess with him, don't you?

His eyes didn't give anything away; neither did the neutral expression on his face.

"I know all about how you ratted Hannah out to her mom, you know," she tried, and gauged his reaction. Still nothing. _Damn it._ She needed skills she didn't have. "Why'd you do that? What's in it for you?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you really that fucking clueless?"

She clenched her jaw. "_Obviously_ – since I'm asking," she bit back. "Answer the question."

With a snort, he told her in a flat voice, "You'd have DCS on your ass, and like I said earlier – I'd hate to see those kids get pulled out. Your mom's got a lot of respect for what she does, but DCS don't give a shit about that – the kids' wellbeing comes first. You should know that."

"I _do _know, but why do _you _care? You hit him, Steven. You punched him and you pushed me and then you hurt my arm and you were really nasty and just now you _taunted_ him into reacting because you knew, didn't you? You _knew_, just like you knew he'd come help me before, you knew he'd come again. _Didn't _you? What's up with the one-eighty turn, huh? _What _is in it for _you_?" She sucked in a shuddering breath. _Take it easy._ She was getting way too upset and needed to calm down.

"I told you I was sorry," he retorted defensively.

"Yeah, right. I don't believe you."

They stared at each other.

Mr. Lucas appeared from behind the opened door, then Jacob. Well, that was fast.

"Mr. Kirkland, you're next." Fish got off the bench and as he passed Jacob they exchanged a loaded look that made Bella give an involuntary shiver. "And don't leave yet, Mr. Brown – Ms. Schultz might want to talk to you again after she's spoken with Mr. Kirkland and Ms. Swan."

Jacob merely gave him a vague nod before positioning himself at the wall opposite Bella with his arms folded. He wasn't just unapproachable, he was completely closed off again.

As soon as the door closed and they were alone she opened her mouth. "I'll set her straight."

"Good luck with that," he replied indifferently without looking at her. Her heart was being dunked in cold water. There was no other explanation for the strange icy sensation.

Quietly. "Jacob?"

He turned his face, but further _away,_ to look out one of the windows. A defeated voice in her head noted that he did this a lot. "Yeah – what's up?" There was no change in his voice, but he appeared a bit strained.

She frowned. "I'm sorry," she said with a sigh. "Quiet time... Right?" One thing was for certain: it was the last time she'd talk to Fish. Obviously, no good would ever come out of it.

"It's not your fault – this, I mean – in case you think that."

"Not really," she told him earnestly, though wondered from where he'd draw such a conclusion. "Okay, sure, it was a bit dumb to talk to Fish, you know, like anything good would come out of that? And yeah, it could've been avoided, I guess – but hey, on a positive note? Lesson learned, right? _So_ not doing it again."

Jacob opened his mouth, closed it and then swallowed before he hedged, "...What'd he say?"

"Well." She paused. "I think he was trying to convince me you're going to, you know, come home one day, snap or go mental or _something_, and hurt... some... one... " Her words sort of wilted along with the look on his face, but more so it was his eyes, now locked on hers, that blocked the communication lines between thought and physical response.

She may as well have stabbed him – he looked like she had. This outshone the mashed potatoes and her guilt in regards to that screwed up kiss – by far. She was the worst scum on earth, yet this time she had absolutely no idea – _oh._

"I don't believe it for a second, Jacob, I _don't_ – _he's_ the mental one. Hey, don't-" Both of them froze when she'd somehow transferred herself to his side and placed a hand on his face to stop him from looking away again. "I- I'm sorry," she stammered. _Genius. _She was just about to pull back when he pressed his hand over hers and leaned into her.

"I'd _never_ hurt your family," he told her with such fierce sincerity the words burrowed into her skin.

For a never-ending moment (in reality only a few seconds) she couldn't talk, completely taken as she was by how desperate he seemed to be for her to believe him. But also by his warmth beneath her palm, around her entire hand.

She wriggled her fingers a little so he would release her, but instead of withdrawing, she traced up along his cheek, feeling the muscle there flex and relax as she trailed back down again. When she finally managed a reply, it was barely above a whisper. "I know you won't."

In one beat his relief fanned across his face, and in the next she thought she'd have her insides squeezed out of her as his arms all but crushed her bones.

"_Vital_—_parts_—_dying_," she wheezed.

Humor vibrated against her forehead which was trapped to his throat. The words tangled in her hair. "Cute _and _so weak." He loosened his arms to allow her to inhale much needed air. _Oh boy. _He smelled _so good_. If she could just stay there, uninterrupted, for any amount of time of her choosing, that'd be great.

Possibly _she _was the mental one, but that was a minor detail.

Reluctantly, knowing this was definitely a compromising position, she extracted herself. It didn't escape her how Jacob seemed just as unwilling to let go, which caused a bursting sensation in her chest. Convinced she'd be a total mess if she met his eyes, she slipped back to the bench while smiling to herself behind the protective curtain of her hair.

Yep. Of course she knew she was obvious, but as usual she just couldn't help it.

"So, um, Tony isn't going to do something too nasty to your ass now, right? I mean, you'll be late for work and all and..." _No no no! _"Oh _shit._"_ Damn you, Tony! Or Jared or – grossness!_ Oh yeah. Jacob was laughing at her, of course he was, and her face was on fire and she had _totally_ just said that _and _caught onto its double meaning. "I- I didn't – I mean-" She dropped her face into her palms and mumbled, "I fail so much I can't..."

Between chortling. "If Jared—fuck—oh _man_-" Jacob didn't say anything else. He was probably crying with laughter, but she didn't dare to look up. Horror had paralyzed her.

"Please don't tell him," Bella begged into her hands. She knew her cluelessness, at times, produced comedic relief without her meaning to. She could just imagine how badly Jared would tease her for this one.

Jacob exhaled. "Yeah. No. Okay, I won't."

When she lifted her head a little to peer up at his face and was given a wink, she groaned, "So mean," and dropped her face back into her hands.

The door opened. "Your turn, Bella."

She sat up straight, and just as Fish sat down next to her she was off the bench. Jacob was looking out the window again, only now the faintest trace of amusement played on his mouth. _Oh, it's on._

Mr. Lucas and Ms. Schultz let their conversation die off when Bella stepped into the room; with a slow and deep breath she went to the witness booth – chair, as it were.

"So, Ms. Swan," Ms Schultz began. "As I understand it, this isn't the first time you and Mr. Kirkland have had a disagreement – am I correct?"

Huh? "No," she replied slowly and then, at Ms. Schultz's raised eyebrow, corrected, "I mean, no, it's not the first time so yes, that's right." _Wake up._

"Right," Ms. Schultz conceded. "And during P.E. you requested that Mr. Kirkland meet you at the lockers after last period, yes?"

Slightly puzzled, Bella confirmed with a "Yes," but went on to add, "His brother-"

"Ms. Swan," Ms. Schultz interrupted, "According to Mr. Kirkland, you and your friend, Ms. Summers, were at the lockers when he arrived, and the two of you had a silent conversation, after which Ms. Summers walked off to get Mr. Brown."

Bella stared at Ms. Schultz as her brain processed it all. "I- I didn't-"

"Ms. Swan. Did you, or did you not, intend to have Mr. Brown give Mr. Kirkland some form of payback on your behalf?" Their eyes locked, and Bella tried not to shrink back at the sharp accusations of Ms. Schultz's words and stare.

How _could _he? "No," she replied automatically. "No. He- why would I do that? He wanted to talk to me, and, like I admitted to, we've had some arguments before, so Nina came with me to make sure he didn't grab me or something again, I didn't know..." _How_ was this even _possible_?

"We've spoken to Ms. Summers, and she, like you, was given the chance to explain herself. Ms. Swan... all I want is the truth. Lying to cover someone else is still lying."

_Ouch. _That one struck a chord. _Damn it. _She'd just flinched, too.

Gathering all scattered thoughts, she sat up a bit straighter. "I'm not lying," she told Ms. Schultz. "I didn't plan for anything. Steven wanted to talk to me after school, but since he's hurt both me and Jacob before, I didn't want to be off school property – his dad's a policeman, after all, so he wouldn't be that... silly." Reading Ms. Schultz's reactions was about as easy as getting blood from a stone: impossible. "I swear, I didn't plan it. Neither of us planned anything. Things just got out of hand. That's all."

Ms. Schultz gave out a heavy sigh and shook her head. "All right." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I think it would benefit you to join Mr. Brown, Mr. Kirkland, and Ms. Summers in detention after school tomorrow. Bring something to read, Ms. Swan."

Bella's chin hit the floor. _What?_

"Next time I won't be so lenient." She was still staring at Ms. Schultz and, when she couldn't seem to unglue herself, Ms. Schultz gestured toward the door. "That'll be _all_, Ms. Swan. You may leave now."

**o~*iii*~o**

When Bella walked in the door, she went straight for her bedroom. Renée threw out the usual "Hey, honey, how was your day?" but for once (okay, so it had happened on a few other occasions, but it was rare) she only muttered "Hi, Mom," in reply, and continued down the hallway.

Both of Renée's shapely brows rose, but that was all Bella had caught sight of.

The moment she had her door closed, she flung her bag into a corner. She stood as she'd arrived, with both arms limp at her side. "Okay. All right. We're going to take a few. Deep. Breaths... and calm down."

One breath. Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Second breath. Inhale. Hold – _hold it... hold it... Okay. _Exhale.

Bella dove onto the bed, buried her face in her pillow, and let out a muffled growl.

_Knock-knock._

To her pillow, "Mphm." She sighed and turned her face. "Come in!" _That's enough, Isabella Marie. Stop being such a drama queen. _Instead of sharing her general emo-ness with her pillow, she pulled herself up to face her mom as she entered the room. "Sorry, Mom. Today sucked ass."

Renée gave her a hesitant smile. "I figured as much." Stepping closer, she gently prodded, "...What happened?"

Bella pursed her lips but, after a pause, confessed. "You're looking at one of the lucky few Agua Fria students to be kicking off summer break in detention."

Yeah. Renée didn't miss a beat. She sputtered a laugh, but caught herself when she saw Bella was being serious, and cleared her throat. "What?"

"I'm a schemer," Bella declared. "I'm out to get Steven Kirkland, and I hired a hitman – Jacob. He, too, by the way, will be keeping me company in detention. He half-carried out my order to eradicate the evil Fishmeister." (So she snagged it off American Pie, and it was a cheesy thing to say, but she didn't care right at that moment.) Bella lifted her arms, flexed, and beamed at her mom. "Aren't you proud of me?"

There was a brief pause.

"Well," Renée finally said and pushed the door closed behind her. "Let's see first if I got this right?" She moved a little farther into the room. "So... Sir Steven of Angstwood is angry with the world – angst, angry, you know?" Bella dropped her arms and rolled her eyes as her mom pulled the chair out, paused and meaningfully added, "_Again._" She sat down. "Fair Maiden Swan-" Bella groaned. "Shush. _I'm_ telling the story now."

Bella zipped her mouth.

"Fair Maiden _Swan_," Renée continued, "as she always does, let her curiosity get the better of her, _and_ Sir Does-not-say-a-lot let _his _weakness for said Fair Maiden Swan get the better of _him_... and challenged Sir Steven of Angstwood to a duel at dawn?"

"Mom." Bella groaned again as she grabbed a pillow and shoved her face into it.

"What? You don't like my stories? You used to love them when you were little – remember? You'd even play along-" A dramatic sigh. "They warned us of this. One day y'all grow up and become embarrassed of us – oh well."

Bella pulled a corner of the pillow down to peek at her mom with one eye. Renée pouted and swiveled the chair so that her back was turned. She let out a fake sniffle.

"Aw, Mom," Bella said and put the pillow down, patting it back into shape. "You're the coolest, but I'm serious. They really think I want to give Steven hell." Suddenly she had The All-American Rejects playing in her head: _When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell- _"Okay. So maybe I don't like him – he really _is_ a butthead – but I just don't get how they can think I'd go out of my way to, I don't know – hurt him?" Bella shook her head. "Even if I _wanted_ to punch him in the face or something, I wouldn't ask someone to do it for me, you know? Let alone _Jacob..._"

Renée had pivoted, and now faced her daughter. "So, what exactly _did _happen?"

"It's really dumb." Bella let out a hopeless sigh. "Okay. So Andy told me during Phys Ed that Steven wanted to talk to me after school – I should've just told him where to stick it. But no. I told him I'd be at my lockers if he wanted to talk, you know, in case he was going to take my arm off for real?"

Her mom nodded.

"So Nina came with me to make sure he didn't do anything, but he was a total jerk about it, and refused to talk while she was there. Well, in the end Nina left... and _then-_" Again, Bella clenched her teeth together. "-he started saying some really nasty crap about Jacob, but this is the killer – he was all-" She mimicked in a mocking tone, "_I'd hate to see those kids pulled out, so keep an eye on Jacob. One of these days he'll snap_ and blah blah blah – _such _an ass."

Renée closed her eyes. "That kid...," she said with a sigh and rubbed her forehead. "All right – go on, baby." She gestured for Bella to carry on, which she did while her fingers curled around the pillow on her lap.

"Yeah, well, it gets worse." She shook her head. "So Jacob shows up while Steven's all in my face, yeah? Which he totally was, by the way, and – oh boy – he _did _push him into the lockers, and it must've hurt, I bet, but here's the part that makes me think _Steven_ knew exactly what _he _was doing-"

She scoffed. "He looked at me with this stupid, cocky smile and was all-" Again she mimicked, "_See what I mean? Think about it_ like _he _had been the one to plan it, and that I- _we _should be worried Jacob would do that here? Seriously. I _want_ to mess him up, but you just don't do that – but I can imagine it, right? I kind of like the mental image of Nina in her dad's semi, you know? Running him down..." Bella's mouth curled grimly.

"That's not nice, honey," Renée chided, but then she sighed and leaned back a little. "Well, baby, if Jacob did that, he's earned himself detention, you realize – right?" Bella confirmed with a nod. "But I don't understand how – wait-" A pause. "Who gave you detention?"

Bella rolled her eyes heavenward. "Ms. Schultz."

"Ah," was all Renée said.

_Everybody_ knew Ms. Schultz.

"She gave _all _of us detention – even Nina."

A humorless laugh was out of her mom's mouth in an instant. "Sweet Jesus, that woman-"

The door flew open as Jesse burst into the room. "The water's going _all over_ the place!" His eyes were wide with a mix of horror and excitement.

"Oh, _God!_ I left the water on the stove! Sorry, sweetie-" Renée was off the chair and out of the room, leaving Bella staring after her and the blonde streak that followed like a tail.

Bella slid the pillow off her lap and got up to follow. At least her mom hadn't raged. Not that she'd expected her to, but she was grateful all the same. Her dad might not be so laid back about it, however. She supposed she'd find out when he came home.

In the meantime she'd help her mom with dinner.

Bella found herself watching the clock in the kitchen far too often, and kept an ear out for the sound of Jared's car or for the door to open and close. (She could usually tell who it was by how it closed.) So that's what she did (listened), while rolling meatballs with Renée and finishing the story of what got Bella and her friend into detention.

**o~*iii*~o**

Charlie paused his chewing, and then slowly continued until he, after he'd swallowed, set the fork down. Focusing on refilling his glass with water, he repeated slowly and skeptically, "So... detention, huh?"

Bella opened her mouth-

"My fault," Jacob quickly cut in.

"Again?" Bella shot him an unimpressed look.

He shrugged. "Well, it is. If I'd-"

"Seriously, Jacob," she stopped him. "I got detention 'cause Ms. Schultz is a bitter old bat. That's not your fault."

Jacob cocked an eyebrow. "You wouldn't've been in that office if I'd laid off of Fish, would you?" She closed her mouth. "Yeah."

"Don't look so pleased with yourself," she said grudgingly to the satisfaction that settled on his mouth. "It's nothing to be happy about." She turned her attention to Charlie and Renée who both scrutinized their little banter with faint amusement (well, her mom appeared amused, whereas her dad just studied them with that all-knowing look on his face, at which she frowned). "Sorry – yes. I got detention 'cause Ms. Schultz thinks I've got some personal vendetta going and sicced Jacob on Steven – geez, I don't know."

Her dad made some thoughtful, grunting noise. "Huh." He let his eyes wander to Jacob's face and they narrowed. Bella cringed on Jacob's behalf, since he didn't so much as move a muscle. "You and this Kirkland kid seem to have it in for each other," he commented in a questioning manner.

"He's a jerk," Jacob said simply.

"Uh-huh. So he had it coming, did he?"

_Yikes. _He didn't beat around the bush, that was for sure. This time Jacob tensed up. Bella dropped her gaze to spear a lone piece of meatball left on her plate. She was glad Ashley and Jesse were in the backyard.

There was a short pause. In an unsure voice, Jacob receded with a "No," and then added in the same tone, "It was a dumb thing to do – I guess I lost it." The last part was said quietly and with difficulty, which made Bella look up from chasing leftovers.

"I'm not pointing the finger here, Jake. I just don't want you kids getting yourself into trouble with the Kirklands, all right?"

"What's wrong with the Kirklands?" Renée gave Charlie a surprised look. He had sounded a bit wary the way he said it, and Bella watched, curious now, as she waited for her dad to answer.

"Nothing," he quickly covered. "But that kid's father is with the Police Department, and I don't want them sniffing around my family with a magnifying glass. You know they'll make a mountain out of a mole hill, Renée, that's what they do." Her dad threw Jacob a quick glance. "That includes you, buddy. You're in this family and I don't want any trouble. I'm serious. Try to keep your temper under wraps around that kid – I don't trust him."

Bella peered at her mom discreetly and they exchanged a knowing look. _Dad has spoken and laid down the law. _Charlie, as a rule, didn't verbalize his dislike for people, but when, on the rare occasion he did, it meant business.

"Yes, sir," Jacob affirmed.

"Good. _Now_. I want that damn number." Charlie looked between them, as if to make the point clear to dig up whatever number he was talking about. "It's not my girl's problem if Marissa Schultz didn't make it to law school." Her dad got up with his plate.

With a conspiratorial half-smile, Renée told Bella and Jacob, "They went to the same college-"

"That's right," Charlie cut in and turned. "Christ, the woman's got a complex..." His mouth snapped shut, and he resumed rinsing his plate.

Bella mouthed, "Oh." So Ms. Schultz had her very own vendetta, then? If she said her curiosity wasn't piqued, she'd be lying, but she wasn't about to ask. _Gotcha, Ms. Schultz._

**o~*iii*~o**

When Jared showed up, not too long after dinner, Bella couldn't help throwing him and Jacob a few curious glances while helping her mom clean up the kitchen. Apparently Charlie had given Jared permission to bring his Fender over, which meant they'd all have free entertainment for the evening. (Thanks to the guitar amp, the sound would reach through the walls.)

Until Jesse and Ashley had to sleep, anyway. But they were both on summer break now, so their bedtimes were pushed back a little.

Jared tipped his hat (a black fedora) toward Bella when he came into the kitchen. Between the hat, the barely-staying-together-jeans, the tee and _tie – _well, he sure had his own style going. (The ponytail was kind of cute though, she noted.)

"Hey hey," Jared told her just as Jacob came up the hallway. "Hey, man," he said and paused.

"Hey – look, about the no show-"

Jared put his hands up. "'S'all right. I explained it to Tony and he says you can make up for it this weekend."

Jacob let out a soundless whistle of relief. "Ah. That's cool of him."

"But," Jared said and dropped back against the counter where Bella stood, a serious expression crossing his features. "He'll enchilada your ass-" He winked at Bella. "-if you pull this no call, no show shit again."

Jacob coughed, then cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. Definitely don't want no nasty business goin' on near my ass." He, too, winked at her.

Jared busted out a laugh.

Her face burned, but who cared, when just like that, the spatula she'd been drying clattered to the floor. "Oh, whoops." She dropped down to pick it up – _oh, what do we have here? _Who would've known an old, dried piece of spaghetti had been missed last time she vacuumed?

"Found something?" Jared asked in an amused tone.

"Oh, yes. Tons of stuff – this might take a while," she managed, not fully squeaking, and picked at the rare occurrence of crap left after her cleaning fail. _Please, move along, there's nothing to see here. Just shriveled leftovers and the worst hiding effort of all time._

"Fair enough."

When their footsteps announced they were leaving, she pulled herself back up. She leaned back from the counter a little to peer after them, not stopping to consider how it might appear to an onlooker. Maybe it was time for a visit to her grandparents farm? That stunt she just pulled would need some time to blow over, after all.

Of course, she was a hopeless case, though. Huh. Not much to do about that, was there?

Renée whispered so close to Bella's ear, she felt the breath before the words came out. "Minus the tie and hat, he's not too unlike Dad, twenty years back."

"Mom!" she squeaked and only just managed to cling to the counter before falling backward.

Laughingly, her mom teased, "You're so jumpy, baby."

"Well, geez." Bella gave her heart a few pats. "I swear – one of these days I'm _literally _going to have heartfail."

Renée threw a mischievous glance down the hallway. "Mhmm."

"Oh please," Bella breathed and felt her cheeks prickle. "Mom? I was just _looking_."

"Sometimes, that's _all _it takes," Renée said, insinuating things Bella was sure she didn't want to know.

"Mom?" she said again, this time in a lower voice. "I don't want to know."

"What? I was just saying, honey." Her mom feigned an innocent expression and continued drying the pot with the towel.

"Uh-huh."

"You sound just like Dad," Renée teased and bumped Bella with her hip. "And sometimes you're both so clueless – it's adorable."

For good measure, she imitated one of her dad's non-committal grunts, which coaxed a bone-warming laugh from Renée. Bella grinned.

A high pitched, drawn out sound came from down the hallway. Bella and Renée paused to look at each other, and then they both smirked. Jared was bending again.

"You should go ask him to teach you how to do that," Renée leaned in to say. "You've got a musical ear," she went on, trying to convince her daughter.

"Geez, Mom – no. Just no."

Her brows knitted. "Why not? I'm sure they won't mind."

"Trying to get rid of me, huh?" Bella laughed at her mom's frown. "Kidding." She shook her head, and explained, "I'll put my foot in it and say the wrong thing, you know? Like, something with a double meaning, which Jared'll have a field day with and then I'll be Miss Tomato, so yeah. No. No, thanks."

"Aw. But guys like that," Renée reassured.

Bella made a noise. "Yeah, right." At her mom's skeptical look, she sighed and added, "Okay, so maybe they like it. But _I _don't. It's humiliating, and I'm so obvious. It's really not nice."

With a defeated shrug, her mom relented. "All right, baby."

"Hey, we can watch a movie – oh! I know." Bella darted out of the kitchen to go rummage through the DVD's. She found what she was looking for pretty much right away. In an awful imitation of a Texan accent, she shouted back toward the kitchen, "_Leila! Get back in your cell! Don't make me get the hose!_"

Grinning widely, Bella could hear her mom singing already, and as she drew closer she made out the words and sang along. "..._dude looks like a lady! Du-duh-du-duh – dude looks like a lady!_"

"Time for Mrs. Doubtfire, is it?" Charlie came into the living room with Jesse in tow.

"And Pierce Brosnan is in it," Bella told her dad with a wink. "He's probably the only one who managed to live up to the Bond role without being ridiculous – I mean, after Connery and Moore." A pause. "In my opinion anyway."

The Swan family knew their Bond trivia – all thanks to Charlie.

"Well, if we're watching a movie, we need some popcorn," her dad said matter-of-factly. "Come on, buddy – let's show these girls how it's done." He chuckled a little under his breath when Bella and Renée simultaneously crossed their arms.

"I get the oil, right? I can do it." Jesse was already skipping for the pantry.

"You sure can." Charlie threw them a glance over his shoulder, as if to say _I've got this. Don't you look at me like that._ "I'll get the pot and corn," he announced, loud enough for them to hear. No doubt he wanted to reassure Renée he was in charge of the actual popping.

"I'll go get Ash," Bella informed her mom and started for the hallway.

"Ask if the boys want to join," Renée called after her.

"Okay!"

Bella slowed her steps when she passed Jacob's room and perked an ear as it registered what they were playing. That one she knew – Santana's collaboration with Rob Thomas. She shrunk a little and tiptoed to the door, supported herself with both hands on either side of the door and leaned in.

_Oh._ By the sounds of things, Jacob was using his acoustic guitar as a drum. It was possibly a bad idea to linger. Knowing her, she'd fall into the door and give herself away in the worst way imaginable. Quickly, though carefully, she pushed away, whisper-singing to herself. "_Give me your heart, make it real, or else forget about it._"

She did a two-step, reversed, then moved forward and repeated the combo all the way to Ashley's door while snapping her fingers to the beat. If someone saw her now she'd blow her college fund on a one-way ticket to the Galapagos Islands and never return.

Still on terms with the escape plan, she faked (in her inexperienced opinion) a sultry voice, and sang, "My mu maquita. My sweetest Ashley Mona Lisa," to Ashley's door, while knocking.

The door cracked open, and Ashley watched Bella with mixed emotions, the most prominent saying _this is so totally not happening._ Wide-eyed, she wondered in a mumble, "Uh, what're'y'doin'?"

"_You've got the kind of lovin' that can be so smo-ooth, and – give me your heart, make it real, __or else forget about it._"

"You're'a'tot'l geek."

Bella slung her arm around Ashley's shoulders, shook her head and sighed. "Oh, yep. I know, sweetheart, I know. Want to watch another, even _bigger,_ geek?"

"Y'know how't'space-jump?" Ashley said, her words floating together as she tried not to jar her lip too much.

"Ha," Bella huffed out, but pulled her sister along. "Even with a messed up space continuum, _no girl_ could ever end up _that _hairy." She halted outside Jacob's door. "You know, you're probably the first to compare me to Robin Williams," she added thoughtfully and knocked on the door.

"No! He can't see me like this!" Ashley exclaimed and then flinched. "_Ow._" She shrugged out from under Bella's arm and took off toward the living room.

"O-_kay_..."

Although the singing cut off (a different song now which she recognized but couldn't place), the strumming continued as Jared shouted, "_Come in!_"

"Please have forgotten," Bella prayed silently in regards to all ass-punishment inducing jokes. A deep breath, and then she cracked the door open.

Jared was sitting on the desk, one foot on his amp, while Jacob was on his bed, leaning against the wall in what looked like a not so comfortable position. The kinks he'd get in his neck would be near impossible to work out – _and who's going to do that? You? _

So her thoughts were a bit strange lately. What could she do?

Talking would be good, although it would most likely be word vomit now as they were both looking at her, and there were no questions about her genetic flaws. Yep. She was Miss Tomato. _Friggin' balls!_

And never mind that the two guys looking at her – and smirking, too – were thoroughly (and unfairly, as it were, since it induced shameless ogling) blessed in the looks department. _Houston, we have a problem. I seem to have misplaced my tongue-_

Jacob made a cough-like, sputtering noise while Jared told her, "Need help finding it?"

_No way._

Something hit the wall.

_No. Freaking. Way._

"Sucker!" Jared laughed. "Missed."

_Did she...? _Heat flashed across her face and spread like wildfire, crawling along her skin. Her eyes were glued to her feet as she, finally, under her breath said, "I can't believe I just said that out loud." She shielded her face and pretended to rub her forehead. "Today is like the fail of fails." Still not looking up, she stammered, "Okay. Anyway, um, I just came to ask-"

A low-keyed and pretty impressive solo vibrated through her bones, thanks to the amp sending the sound waves into the floor.

"This'll cheer you up, pumpkin," said Jared, suddenly appearing next to her.

"Uh-huh. Wait, what? No..." ..._it'll only make it worse _drowned in the words he started singing.

"_Some people call me the space cowboy... Mm, yeah – some call me the gangster of love..._" _Oh God. _Could she dive under Jacob's bed? It sure looked inviting. She was pretty sure she could fit there. But Jared wasn't having that, and ducked down to look up at her, still keeping up with the chords, though not singing.

"Jared," Jacob said, sounding a bit awkward, and her eyes flickered up to look at him. He looked it, too (not due to the position, as he was sitting up now). He shook his head and gave her a wry smile.

Her responding one, shy as it was, faltered when Jared startled her.

"_Some people call me Mau__**rrr**__ice_..." He bent the cords, making the sound go all funny, which _nearly_ had Bella laughing. "..._'c__ause I spea__k-__ of the pompitous of love._"

"Jeez, man..."

"_People talk about me, baby... say I'm doin' you wrong – doin' you wrong..._" Bella tried to step around Jared. It would be best to get away from the way he looked up at her from beneath the brim of the hat, with a teasing, lopsided grin curling his lips."_Well don't you worry, baby, don't worry – 'cause I'm right here, right here, right here, right here at home._"

Jacob cut in and, with a brow cocked at Jared, sang, "_'Cause you're a picker, you're a grinner-_"

And Jared took over. "_I'm a lover and I'm a sinner... I'm playin' my music in the sun-_"

"_You're a joker, and a smoker, and a midnight toker._" Jacob complemented by plucking the strings in a well-suited rhythm.

Together, they sang, "_We get our lovin' on the run._"

Bella had managed to gain a satisfactory distance from Jared, who chuckled when she backed right into Jacob.

"Oof." The air rushed out, half catching in her throat, when she landed in an ungraceful flail, half on the edge of the bed. "Oh my God." _Not happening. _She giggle-squeaked at herself as she grabbed through thin air for something to stop her from slipping off completely.

Jacob's hand came to the rescue. "Whoa—_hey_—careful," he laughingly instructed. Apparently (and humiliatingly so), he must have seen the accident coming.

Her skin on fire, she mumbled, "Thanks," and dropped her hand to the mattress, righting her posture to sit up straight. Only she could get herself into these situations – _oh, hello_. It wasn't her intention to put her hand _right there_,next to Jacob's butt. _Hum... What to do?_ If she moved it, he might think she tried to touch his ass, but if she _didn't_ move it, he might _still _think she did – like a sneak-attack or some-such-thing. _Wow... Somebody dial nine-one-one._

"You're something, aren't you, Bella?"

_What? _"Huh?" _Brain, a little cooperation would be, you know, helpful maybe? _She looked up at Jared. A tiny laugh. "Uh...Yeah – _something_ just about says it, right?" There was no chance in hell she'd ever live this down. In fact, it was so bad she couldn't get herself to look at Jacob. "_Anyway_," she began again. "We're watching Mrs. Doubtfire, and, um, I was going to ask if you wanted to watch it, but I totally think you should stay here so I can go hide... Like, um, now." She'd stood up as she said it, happy to have her hand back in safe territory.

"Hey, Mrs. Doubtfire is pretty sweet," Jared said sincerely.

Why couldn't he say no? "Okay." Finally she made herself turn to Jacob. He had his guitar standing on the floor between his knees while fiddling with the strings. "What about you?" _Say no. _

"I'll watch it."

She was mystified by the little smile he wore, but still replied happily (and somewhat with relief), "Great." A pause. "Well, um, that was all." As she went for the door, Jared did, too, flipping the switches to the amp as he left. She heard Jacob get up to follow as well.

_Hello, awkwardness._ She wanted to kick herself for being so typical, but at the end of the day, she'd keep embarrassing herself, so why bother?

She felt Jacob behind her, and the whisper stirred her hair before his words really registered. "You're the silliest but the cutest fucking thing ever – don't be embarrassed." So there went all crucial functions again. But who needed the ability to speak or unhindered breathing? Jacob obviously agreed with this, as he all but killed her coordination by letting his fingertips ghost down the inside of her wrist, across her palm. Finally he wove his fingers through hers.

He gave her hand the gentlest squeeze before he let go again, leaving her palm tingling and her entire body glowing. She found herself wondering if it were possible for a human being to literally melt. In any case, the feeling as though she might was there all the same.

Melting still in question, she did walk straight into Jared just as he turned. And tripped. Right into his arms. She needed a synonym for fail, as it just didn't cut it anymore.

"Geez, I'm _so_ sorry – I think I just flunked out of life," she muttered under her breath as Jared steadied her, grinning.

"That's all right, cutie." To Jacob he said, "All these women throwing themselves at me...," as though it really was a daily occurrence. Not too unthinkable. She could see that happening, even if _she _would rather throw herself at Jacob – _okay, what? _Obviously, she needed an intervention of some kind_._ "I could teach you a thing or two, Jake. It'll take you places."

Jacob stifled back a groan. "Seriously."

She didn't want to know what these things and places were. Unfortunately, thanks to recent events and Jared, her mind was getting some sort of malfunctioning education and she saw things she never before would have. _So wrong._

"Oh, _everyone _gathered," Renée gushed when they walked into the living room where she sat on the sofa with Ashley curled into her side. She patted the seat. "Go on, sit down – sounds like the popcorn will be ready any minute."

Bella hurried to plant her butt on a stable surface before another unfortunate event struck. _You never know._ Which she predicted fairly accurately, as next thing she knew, Jared plopped down beside her. She wanted to make a joke but decided against it.

Another form loomed over them. "Scoot over," Jacob said and both Bella and Jared looked up at him.

"Who?" they asked simultaneously, and then Bella decided to squash herself into the corner of the sofa, giving Jacob enough room to squeeze in between her and Jared. _Oh. _Her stomach did a funny flip when his arm brushed against hers. _Nice_. She wasn't going to complain. Not at all.

When Charlie finally came into the room with Jesse, both carrying a bowl each of popcorn, he raised an eyebrow at the trio.

"Hey, Charlie. How goes?" Jared asked.

Her dad set down one of the bowls on the coffee table in front of them. "Can't complain," he replied distractedly, eyeing them. "So you all like Mrs. Doubtfire, huh?"

"Oh, she's _fine._" Jared grinned widely.

"_He's_ pretty cool," Jacob corrected, shrugging a little.

Jared elbowed him. "Smartas- Alec," he amended quickly while Jacob coughed.

"Huh. Yeah – thought so," Charlie said, and then glanced at Bella and Jacob. He didn't need to even open his mouth; Bella could pick the words from his face – _behave yourselves._ Jacob shifted next to her.

Renée came to their rescue. "Charlie, honey – mind handing me the remote?" _Thank you, Mom._

He made a discontented noise, but released them from his scrutiny to give Renée the remote. "You could've reached it yourself," he pointed out grumpily.

Renée looked like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar, but she gave him an innocent smile. "Of course, sweetheart, but you're so good to me – what would I do without you?"

"Well." Charlie looked a bit awkward, but then a sheepish expression came over him. "Make some other lucky guy happy, I guess."

"Aw," her mom said, extending it enough to make even Jared shift where he sat. "I think _I'm _the lucky one, but if you say so." Renée winked and then laughed at the three teenagers suddenly fascinated by various invisible spots at floor level. "All right, let's put this movie on before y'all disown us."

All in all, the situation was nothing out of the ordinary. It was pretty normal for them.

**o~*iii*~o**

About half way through the movie they had to pause for a short break, since Jesse had fallen asleep on his human recliner, Charlie. While her dad went to get him ready for bed and tuck him in, Bella announced she'd go get herself a drink.

"Does anyone else want one?"

Jared was off the sofa. "I'll get it-" He turned to them. "What do you all want?"

Bella paused on the edge of the seat. "Um..."

"Water?" Jacob wondered, and winked at her.

She laughed. "No – I'll go for something more complicated this time," she told him, "to, you know, give you a challenge, and all," then hummed a little while deciding.

"We've got a couple of bottles of soda," Renée suggested, and then to Jared, "They're in the bottom of the fridge – and you know where the glasses are, right?"

Jared confirmed with a nod.

"Soda sounds good," Bella agreed.

Jacob got up to follow Jared to the kitchen. When they were out of the room, Renée turned to Bella with a quirked brow and a knowing smile. "Mm-hm."

"_What?_"

"Oh, nothing, baby."

While her mom said nothing more, Bella still studied her expression.

"They're bein' weird," Ashley mumbled after a while.

Bella gave her a nod. "Boys always are."

"They suck," Ashley agreed, but looked down and hitched one shoulder to her ear. "Well... Jared doesn't – he's cool."

Renée exchanged a look with Bella. They grinned.

"He _is_ cool – the hat's awesome." Bella reached out and grabbed it off the coffee table. She held it in a gentlemanly gesture toward Ashley, and lowered her voice, "Here's looking at you, kid."

Her mom let out a dreamy sigh and fanned herself, while Ashley groaned and hid her face, making both Bella and Renée laugh. "Sorry, baby," she said and gave her tiny shoulders a little squeeze.

"Maybe I need to go with a more modern approach?" Bella faked a sly smirk, shaped her thumb and index finger into a gun to point at Ashley and clicked her tongue while winking. "How _you doin', _eh? The name's Joey Tribbiani, babe. Y'know what I'm sayin'?"

Renée choked out a laugh, but then covered her mouth quickly as her eyes darted toward the opposite side of the room. _Uh-oh. Crap and balls._

Ashley's lips twitched and she placed a hand carefully over her mouth.

"Hey, put it on," Jared said, nodding toward Bella.

"No way," she protested.

"Yeah, way. Go on, chicken."

"Don't be shy, honey," Renée encouraged while she tried to keep a straight face.

"You guys are so mean," she said with a sigh, but did as she was told, put the hat on, and let out a halfhearted "Tada."

"_Hey,_" Jared drawled. "How _you _doin', gangsta' chick." He winked.

Jacob returned to the spot next to her, set down the bottle of soda and handed Bella her drink before he plucked the hat from her head. He put it on his own head with a shrug.

Bella snorted a laugh, but couldn't help liking it. "Oh, hi. Not too bad." When she kept smiling at him – _getting dangerously close to ogling again, you dork_ – he just gave her a discreet wink.

Jared placed a few glasses on the coffee table, and then went to flick his hat off of Jacob's head. He flopped down on the sofa and slung an arm over the back. Ashley gave out a surprised noise when he dropped the hat on her head instead. "Perfect." She blushed bright pink.

"Totally," Bella agreed with fervor when she leaned around Jacob to peer at Ashley.

"Shush," she whispered.

"I think it's gorgeous." Renée fussed with it a little. "Right?"

"Very cute," Jacob agreed.

"We're blessed, man," Jared said with a contended sigh. "All these pretty ladies – just sayin'."

Jacob stretched his arm out behind Bella to rest on the back of the sofa and gave a casual shrug. "Guess there's some truth to that," he allowed.

Renée was chuckling. "Oh, wow. You boys are smooth, aren't ya?"

"The only way we know how to be, ma'am." Jared flashed her a huge smile.

Charlie paused in the archway. A couple of discreet coughs and the clearing of throats made him finally just shake his head and move to sit back in his recliner. "A man can't turn his back." A beat. "Just saying."

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Firstly, thank you **so** much, **MeraNaamJoker** and **Cretin** for absolutely **everything** you did for me with this chapter. I love you. SFM. These guys rock, y'all.  
><em>

_Secondly, to everyone who left reviews: I'm **so** sorry. I should be ashamed of myself, and I **am**. This past week has been hectic, so as much as it's embarrassing to admit, I simply forgot to reply. But I read and absolutely effing adored each and every word. Thank you. Thank you. **Thank you**._

_Thirdly, about the next installment of **Fragmented**: It won't come out this week. We shall see if I can get the story to the right place in next chapter, if not, it will most likely be a few weeks before I post **Part Three**._

_Fourthly, how'd you like hot bendy guitar playing fedora wearing Jared? What about guitar playing Jacob? He's opening up and relaxing, little by little. A piece here, and a piece there, just hopefully no pieces of his ass will go missing!_

_Love you all to, uh... pieces! **So much**. _

_Until next time!_


	9. Embrace

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Embrace<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>And such in searching wounds the surgeon is  As we, when we embrace, or touch, or kiss. / "The Comparison," by John Donne_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

A buzzing noise.

Bella's face was lit up by the whitish glare from her cell.

**[From Nina:** ikr? ms. schultz is such a whore. but srsly babe i'm so sorry. I didn't know jacob was gonna hump-i mean jump fish lol. at least we got detention together right?**]**

Leave it to Nina to make Bella laugh (soundlessly) about the day's many, _many_ fails. Quickly, and holding back another giggle, she typed up her reply and sent it.

**[From you:** Yes. We can throw gum in Fish's hair. I'm totally tempted. Anyway. I had no idea, either. Ms. Schultz probably had the hots for Dad and was shot down so now she's all 'Oh noes, ze world hatez me, haaaatez me! I must have ze rrrrevenge!' Oh and what's with you and all this humping crap?**]**

A shadow moved in her peripheral and she gave a start. "Holy bananas!" she choked out, the sound muffled by her hand. She scrambled off her stomach where she'd been sprawled across the sofa, and sat up. Only one of the puny decorative lamps on the TV unit was lit, shrouding the living room in a dim but cozy glow.

"Sorry," Jacob apologized quietly from the archway.

Bella looked over at him. "Why are you still awake?" She hadn't meant for it to sound like an accusation and quickly added, "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was. But it's too hot so I'm just getting a drink." He jabbed a thumb toward the kitchen.

The very same reason she wasn't in _her _bed. "Ah..." Giving him a discreet once-over, she realized it had been a silly question – what with the obvious lack of clothes, bar the customary abs—_sweatpants!—low-_riding sweatpants_... Yeah, okay, that's... Uh-huh._ She had started to say something (hadn't she?). Most likely. Wow. She was such a weirdo... _Earth to Bella._

A buzzing noise.

She nearly jumped, but held up a finger. "Just a sec," she told him.

**[From Nina:** LOL too funny. I bet edwin would let you hump him ;) srsly. Don't u wanna at least cop a feel? He's hawt and must like u if he keeps talking to u right? I'd be on him like white on rice. Know what i'm saying?**]**

The laugh bubbled out of her before she could stop it, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Whoops," she whispered through her fingers and shot Jacob a sheepish look.

"I'm gonna-" With an unreadable expression on his face, Jacob gestured again toward his desired destination. "-go get that drink."

"I'll get one, too," Bella quickly said, and got off the sofa while Jacob continued to the kitchen. She typed out her reply to Nina, and gave herself a few mental kicks on the way.

**[From you:** Just so you know? I've recently discovered a fetish of mine, and I'd take Jared's fedora over Edwin. Any day.**]**

She checked for accidental typos (like "abs," or something...) but, once satisfied she at least could type without mental stumbling, pressed send. That ought to leave Nina thinking for a while. Bella shook her head at herself and dropped the phone into her pocket-

"_Mierda_," she grumbled quietly when her cell clattered across the floor in the kitchen. Why didn't her pajama shorts have pockets? Who came up with pocket-less pajama shorts? This person needed to be sued (because she hadn't worn these shorts for the past _6 months_, at _least_, so it wasn't like she should know there were no pockets. _Nuh-uh._)

"_No es bueno_," Jacob commiserated.

"_No_," Bella agreed as she went down on all fours. Of course the phone had to find its way under the table. "Murphy's Law." She shook her head, sighed and maneuvered between the chairs to grab her cell. "This day can't get worse, I swear." When she'd wriggled herself back out, Jacob held his hand down to her. "Thanks."

"Technically it's Wednesday." He pulled her up. "But hey – I didn't tell Jared. That's good, right?" What had started out as a tiny, playful smirk turned into a wide smile as her eyes grew into owlish orbs.

"But he laughed when you told that ass joke-"

"That's just Jared – Tony, remember?"

Oh. He hadn't told him. _Oh. _"_That_ is _such _a relief," she breathed, gracing him with a ridiculously happy grin.

"Hey, I told you I wouldn't," he reminded her and faked a sulk.

_Duh. _Jacob had, since the afternoon in Ms. Schultz's office, done a complete turn-around and now he was even _playful._ Like that day at her grandparents' lake. (Not _actually_ their lake, but no one else ever went there, and it bordered to their land, so it was as good as theirs.)

_Don't touch the sulk. Don't touch don't touch – shit. _She was staring at his mouth.

_A buzzing noise._

Jacob's low voice did strange things to her insides when he spoke. "Are you gonna get that?"

She swallowed. "Um... yes," she replied in barely a whisper. Miraculously she managed to work out the hand-eye coordination, dropped her eyes (they were, just like their owner, of course, disappointed to leave their previous distraction) and brought her phone up to look at the screen.

**[From Nina: **so -that- is what you call it? And how big is his "fedora"?**]**

Bella sputtered and clutched the phone to her chest. At a time like this, it didn't matter that they were in partial darkness; her flaming cheeks must stand out in contrast to her pale skin either way.

A nervous noise that probably would have been a laugh (if it hadn't gotten distorted in her throat) came out. "Midnight pranksters," she explained with a dramatic eye roll.

"Yeah?" Jacob's brow arched with obvious skepticism.

"Yep." She popped the 'p' and rounded Jacob to get herself a glass from the overhead cabinet. Her mouth could benefit from a little water. A teensy voice tried to suggest another remedy, but Bella shrugged it off. Until she was absolutely certain she wouldn't somehow screw it up again, she wouldn't put herself in such a position.

She was fairly certain Jacob could only take so many knock-backs. It couldn't be good for a guy's ego to have a girl deflect his attempts at kissing her, time and time again. Sooner or later, he'd give up.

And no. She wasn't ready to initiate it. He'd do or say something that would turn her into a stammering, uncoordinated mess, and it would be a fiasco. Probably her knees would give out and she'd fall over, and as such, it would result in yet another failed kiss. She knew she was pathetic. It was okay. But if she could save him the rejection (as unintended as it would be, since she _did _want) she would.

_Eh._ She'd just admitted to wanting to kiss Jacob, hadn't she? Oh, good. At least she wasn't in denial. That could be even more disastrous. Acting without thinking was an ingrained trait of hers, but with the added tension of denial that could possibly end up really badly.

She felt Jacob come to stand next to her, and watched him from the corner of her eye while he filled his own glass.

"I'll assume you're from a more northern state, if this heat is so bad you can't even sleep." That wasn't a foot-in-mouth statement. She did wonder, and the general direction of where he came from wouldn't give anything away, so it wasn't that bad a question. At least she hoped not.

He was quiet for a few moments before he answered her. "It's not only the heat that bugs me... not as badly, anyway. It's the ocean I miss."

"Crashing waves and all that, right?" She gave his side a light nudge with her elbow. It was as though she'd somehow said the magic word, and suddenly his face visibly brightened, like the breaking of clouds. In that moment, she caught a splinter of understanding for just how much he must really be weighed down by all he tried to hide.

"Aw, hell yeah," he readily agreed. "And we've got a pretty decent surf going – I was too little at the time, but I kept hounding Dad, begging for a surfboard-" A strained laugh. "I got on Quil's once – trust me, it was fucking embarrassing..."

Another name she had never heard before – a friend, she surmised. Before he could reflect too much on the revelation, she jokingly said, "Ass first, into the water?"

Jacob snorted. "Didn't even get _that _far." He turned to her briefly. "Embarrassing, right?"

She grinned a little. "But funny to watch, I bet."

"Ah." A smirk. "You're one of those, are you?"

"What?"

"One of those people who like having fun at others' expense?" His smile was teasing. She rolled her eyes and gave him a shove before she grabbed her glass and walked toward the door.

"_Please_... Like you, you mean? You know, laughing at my word vomit and stuff?" She sniffed indignantly at his chuckle and unlocked the sliding door to pull it open. "Come on – if you're hot, the air's pretty nice outside."

"Do you do this often?" he asked as he followed, seeming genuinely curious.

Bella slid the door shut behind them. "Sneak out?"

"This isn't sneaking out, is it? We're in the backyard," he pointed out.

"It is if we're meant to be in bed. Sleeping. But hey -" She went to sit down on the first step and put her glass down before she leaned against the railing. "I can rebel, too. Right?"

Jacob laughed. "You call this being a rebel? Man, you _are_ too fucking cute, aren't you?"

She gave a nonchalant shrug and ignored the warmth in her cheeks. "Pfft. To me it is, okay?" He took a seat next to her, one step down. "And no, I don't do this often."

Jacob nodded slightly, but said nothing. Instead he twisted his glass between his palms while leaning forward and away from her, elbows on his knees. "Washington state...," he hedged after a long stretch of silence. The admission was hesitant, like he was still testing the impact it would have on its way out.

Not wanting to interrupt, in case he was going to say more, she just watched him as he continued turning the glass. Around and around.

"The reservation covers about a square mile, not very big, but it sits right on the coastline -" The twisting stopped and his hands were suddenly, just like that, visibly trembling. Without too much thought, apart from worry he might shatter the glass, she reached forward to grab it.

It may as well have been super-glued to him, as her fingers merely slipped away without finding purchase. "Jacob," she whispered and scooted closer, letting her hand brush up over his shoulder, reaching to circle the other, until she had her arm around him. "It's okay."

The night was fairly calm and quiet. Only the whirring of air conditioners, some cars and night critters communicating with clicking noises were discernible, so she easily picked up on the splintering sound. In a beat, he let go of the glass and instead dropped his face into his hands. The glass broke and the pieces scattered everywhere, but she could only feel relief it hadn't been in his hands.

He was shaking, but she had her arm firmly around his shoulders.

Jacob made a choking noise, and then, as if overcome by the loss of ability to hold it all in, it tumbled out in a rush. "I can never go back there – I can never go home. Not ever. Becca is out there 'cause I fucked up and no matter what I do, what she does, what you or anyone else does – _he's_ out there, and it just... _can't be fucking fixed._"

"He?" _Shit. _She _had_ to slip on something. _God._

"Yes," Jacob bit out through gritted teeth. "_He..._ he..." Reflexively, both of her arms were around him, tight, and she laid her cheek against the back of his neck.

She said nothing. Didn't move. Only held him as hard as she could.

"—_fuck—_I_ can't._"

"You don't have to," she reassured quietly.

"Fucking _stop_ being so agreeable," he snapped. They both flinched.

"No." She shook her head. As if to make the point clearer, she positioned herself with both legs on either side of him, all of her touching his back. She pressed the side of her face to his and locked her arms around his neck. "No," she repeated more forcefully. "I'm not being _agreeable_, Jacob, I'm just _here_. For _you._"

While she held him so tightly her arms ached, her heart pounded in her ears with fear she might have pushed just a little too far. But she'd gotten so mad when he seemed to think she was just trying to be agreeable, like she was only saying things to be nice. She _cared_, damn it.

The shaking somewhat subsided – only the occasional tremble persisted now. With extreme hesitation, Jacob ran his hands up along her arms until they reached to squeeze her shoulders. He hugged her even tighter to him, like he couldn't have her close enough. "Sorry for snapping," he whispered.

Bella managed a slight shrug, causing his wrist to press into her cheek. "Don't worry about it," she told him gently.

Something occurred to her. If she were to turn her head, only just a little, her mouth might _un_intentionally touch his skin. The thought alone had her stomach doing weird flips, but she rationalized that it would be the only fair thing to do. Jacob had kissed her cheek, after all. Not only that. He had kissed her palm, too.

Surely she would be allowed to return the favor in _some _way. Right?

That's when it hit her. Maybe it really _would_ make him feel better. All the chaotic and strange internal organ reactions aside, it was a _very_ _nice _feeling. If she could somehow create something similar for him, that ought to help.

Because he had kissed her when _she _was upset.

_Only one way to find out._ Slowly, she turned into his wrist. When, as predicted, her mouth brushed against the smooth skin there, she heard his breath catch. _Wow. _She hadn't even _kissed _yet. Admittedly, her heart was going a bit crazy, too, at the mere light touch, but now she was intrigued. Of course, she also _wanted _to feel the softness there, pressed more firmly to her lips.

"Bella..."

_Oh, hello, flatline. Nice of you to stop by._ She swallowed. "Mm, yes?" she whispered into his skin. A shiver ran through him and into her. Oh, he was _very_ responsive. Well, things were going better than expected. Unless he was cold, which she doubted. (It was a warm night. Plus, she wasn't silly – not _that _silly, in any case.)

When no answer came, she brushed her lips over the soft warmth and placed a tentative kiss there. She was fairly sure she heard him exhale through his nose. "Is this okay?" she wondered quietly.

Jacob turned his head a little, and his shoulder lifted, almost as if he were trapping her there. In a cracked whisper he said, "Again?"

Oh. She definitely approved of that. Once more, she touched her lips to his wrist, a little closer to his hand, but this time she lingered there and closed her eyes. _You smell so good._

A snorty chuckle made her open her eyes. "What?" Her question was partially muffled.

"Thanks," he said, sounding amused.

What_ – oh. No no no. Why? _Bella dropped her face so that the bridge of her nose pressed into his wrist. "This is so unfair."

"To you? I bet."

She groaned. "Glad to be of service," she whispered with mock-sincerity.

"Whatever happened to your tongue, by the way? I mean, you found it obviously – it'd be pretty hard to talk without it, yeah?"

"Ha—ha—ha." She shook her head, making her forehead rub back and forth against its support. When she stopped, her face in his direction, she met his eye. "You. Are mean. It's not my fault you and your guitar induce speech impediments."

Jacob sputtered, and then laughed. "Say what? Speech—aw, fuck."

"Balls," she muttered and straightened. She still had her arms around his neck, and his arms were still around hers, but she was safely hidden behind him. A sudden flash of juvenile inhibition hit her, and she poked her tongue out at the back of his head.

All things considered, and humiliation aside, he _was_ smiling, though, and as such it was a mission accomplished. She leaned forward again with a sigh. "Hate to rain on your parade, Jake, but we've got school tomorrow... _and _detention. Am I a total bore if I say we need to sleep?"

"Nope. But-" He let her go and half turned as she leaned back. His eyes searched her face. "First..." Bella didn't even have time to react or see his intention until she felt warmth fan against her cheek, followed by the brush of his lips there. "Night," he told her quietly.

And this was where her conclusions were backed up with extra proof. Everything was upside down and she was absolutely certain her stomach just switched places with her heart. Until she could get her reactions under _some _semblance of control, lip-to-lip kissing was out of the question.

"Night," she replied in a breathy whisper as he stood up with a wry smile and shook his head. Yes. She knew she was obvious_._

**o~*iii*~o**

The last day of school wasn't any more significant than any other day of the year, not in Bella's mind anyway. At least they only had a half-day, and that passed without noteworthy incidents. Well, a fair few detentions were assigned throughout the course of the day to students who got a bit rowdy and acted like summer break had already started.

Silly, really. Was it that difficult to stay in line for a few hours?

Detention was held in the school's cafeteria, with two supervising teachers. As Ms. Schultz had instructed, Bella brought something to read. Nina was caught up in the latest vampire trend and had recommended The Southern Vampire Mysteries. Her friend had lent her the first book, and when Renée had seen it lying on Bella's nightstand, she'd ordered her own copy.

Bella had her mom's copy today, and Nina her own.

Nina gave her a look from across the table. Discreetly, Bella peeked at her phone in her lap, hidden beneath the book.

**[From Nina: **what? They're totally hawt what r u talking about?**]**

Bella rolled her eyes and threw Nina a bored look. She grimaced at her friend's obvious _I don't understand you_ expression. Exasperated, Bella took stock of her surroundings before she began to type out her reply.

**[From you:** 1. Vampires are supposed to be creepy crypt-dwellers. 2. They don't hang out with people, they vant to suck our blooood. 3. They're dead. Smelly, stinky dead things. Decomposing DEAD things. As for hawt? Just no. Disgusting. Sorry, honey, but no.**]**

Just as she'd sent the message, a new one popped up. She'd turned the buzzer off earlier, since that made noises, too. The smile that crept onto her lips was impossible to intercept.

**[From Jake:** No grumpy faces allowed :(**]**

She pretended to read for a bit, then glanced at Nina, who seemed occupied. Somewhat convinced she could be sneaky about it, she peeked to her right. A couple of tables over, Jacob was slumped back with a book, and he had it held up so high it hid his face. _Meanie. I'll show you._

Quickly she typed up a reply.

**[From you: **You know chickens? The sound they make? I'm totally making it. At you. In my head.**]**

She smirked and pressed send. When she saw him check his phone, she began to count. _One—two—three—four—five._ She let the tip of her tongue poke out the corner of her mouth. Before she returned to read about composts with feet and fangs, she pulled her brows down in a scowl.

After a short silence Nina quietly cleared her throat, which made Bella repeat her security scan before tilting her book to check her cell.

Two messages.

**[From Nina: **bite me NOW**]**

Bella choked back a laugh and shook her head while opening her other message.

**[From Jake: **Aw. Too bad you didn't let that one slip. It woulda been fucking awesome entertainment. Btw, keep poking that out. I dare you. ;)**]**

_Hello. Miss Tomato is my name. _Had she been wise, she would have waited until _after_ detention to exchange numbers with Jacob. Bella grunted when something hit her shin. She looked up to find Nina scrutinizing her with a raised brow. _Crap._ Shrugging, she resumed reading (pretend-reading, anyway). She couldn't enjoy this. No way.

A good ten minutes had probably passed when Nina, once again, cleared her throat. Bella looked up first, instead of checking her phone. Her friend was glaring, and when Bella followed the glare she found herself looking at Mr. Asshole – _oops. _Of course, she meant Fish.

He flashed them a wide grin. Possibly she would have vomited a little in her mouth, if she'd been squeamish enough. That's how bad her opinion of him was. Instead, she leveled what she hoped was a scalding stare at him. Of course, it didn't faze him in the least, not that she had expected it to.

She shook her head and hadn't even read one paragraph when suddenly Nina stood to weave her way toward one of the teachers. Bella watched her, puzzled, until her friend threw a meaningful downward glance at Bella's lap before disappearing through the doors.

Bella assured herself the coast was clear, and peeked at her phone.

**[From Nina: **pee pee**] **

She rolled her eyes and was going to put the phone down when it flashed.

**[From Jake: **Fish left**]**

What? After a quick check to her left, she could confirm that Fish wasn't in his seat. Instantly, she shot a worried glance in Jacob's direction. The book was on his lap and his eyes were on hers. Surely it was just coincidence. Fish was human and needed bathroom breaks, too—_ew._

Hurriedly, she typed out her message and pressed send.

**[From you: **Just a coincidence, right?**]**

Suspicion nagged at her brain all the same, and Bella kept fidgeting impatiently while waiting for Jacob's reply. That was when something occurred to her, and she typed out another message for Jacob while constantly making sure she didn't get caught. After all, she didn't want to start next year in detention, too.

**[From you: **He probably expects us to come after him so he can pick a fight again.**]**

As soon as she'd sent it, her phone flashed. She needed to be careful as, no doubt, sooner or later, she'd get caught.

The message made her smile. _Great minds..._

**[From Jake:** Not coincidence. I bet you he wants you to follow and me to go "mental"**]**

Another message popped up.

**[From Jake: **fuck him**]**

_No thanks. _The automatic thought made her snort a laugh, and she quickly stuffed her phone beneath the book. When she heard footsteps and saw someone approaching from the corner of her eye she knew she was busted.

Except she wasn't, because the person quietly slipped onto the chair across from her, and resumed his reading. She took a quick look at the spine of the book since its cover was missing. _To Kill a Mockingbird._ Her eyes went back to her own book with a small smile teasing the corners of her mouth. She sneaked in a few words and sent them to Jacob.

**[From you:** That's a good book. :)**]**

After another glance around, hoping to find Nina or Fish back in the cafeteria, plus chancing a peek at the big clock above the doors—she needed to suffer through another thirty minutes of Sookie—her attention returned to the book on her lap.

Something nudged her foot, and she peered up to find Jacob seemingly consumed in his reading. With a light shake of her head, she resumed with her own. Again it happened, but he was still unperturbed by her inquisitive eyes. She decided to give him a careful kick with the toe of her sandal. No reaction. _Oh, you're asking for it. _This time she put a bit more force behind it. Startled, she nearly squeaked when he locked her ankle between his.

Only his faint smile gave away how she'd "walked" herself right into that one.

She got her phone out again to send him a piece of her mind and found two new messages. _Oh._ Maybe that's why he'd kicked her. Was it just her, or did the room get a bit warmer suddenly? _Oops._

**[From Jake:** sentimental value ;) R n R made me read it**]**

**[From Jake: **"She seemed glad to see me when I appeared in the kitchen, and by watching her I began to think there was some skill involved in being a girl."**]**

If she were to smile wider or bigger, her cheeks would cramp for sure. Jacob watched her, that much was obvious, and then he winked at her when their eyes met. _Oh, yes. It's totally hot in here._ She momentarily froze, hoping and praying that hadn't come out in spoken words, but the lack of laughter or any other reaction had her relaxing back into her seat. _Whew._

Bella had her phone and was half way through typing out a message when Jacob squeezed her ankle, making her look at him. His eyes were over her shoulder, and she followed. She felt her brows scrunch up at the sight of Nina, and she was still openly staring when her friend brushed past her shoulder.

Nina bent down to implore in a whisper, "_Don't_ ask." She wasn't fast enough to pull away for Bella to take note of her red and swollen mouth. Nina's eyes tightened and that was when Bella realized her hair was messed up, too. Jacob must have stared as well, since her friend turned a warning glare on him.

Bella and Jacob exchanged a look. Concluding, after his silent whistle and her mouthed _oops_, they most likely didn't want to know, they spent the next twenty minutes with their noses buried in their books.

Jacob kept her captive in his ankle-embrace for the remainder of detention.

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>_

_So this was a very short chapter (for me anyway), but I just couldn't let more than two weeks go by or leave you guys hanging for any longer. I hope you enjoyed it all the same._

_In regards to review-replies, again I fail so hard there are no words. I shall go stand in a corner now. I love them, though. I love **you** guys and, just so you know? I suffer endless humiliation when checking reviews on my phone in public. I squee, and it isn't pretty. _

_Last but not least, as always, supermassive thanks to **MeraNaamJoker **and **Cretin** for proofing and all else you do to keep me sane. Love you girls, and all other pretty ladies on Twitter, SFM. (hearts)_

_After next chapter I will post **Part Three** of **Fragmented**, so stay tuned if you still dare to read more about Rimmy and Becca and their tumultuous past. _

_Until next time! _


	10. Surrender

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Surrender<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Now that we're here, now that we've come this far, just hold on.  There is nothing to fear, for I am right beside you. For all my life, I am yours. / "What About Now," by Daughtry_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Finally out of detention, and after being told off curtly by Nina, "I _don't_ wanna talk about it," Bella walked to the bus stop by herself. Nina always talked. About anything and everything, so it was with reluctant resignation Bella had let it go. When she was ready, she'd spill.

Work was quiet, and she busied herself with straightening out shelves and reorganizing things that didn't really require her attention, but she settled for the activity for lack of anything better to do. When it was finally time to go home, she checked her phone for messages and missed calls; she had one from her mom.

**[From Mom:** Hey, babe. Would you mind picking up a few things for a Greek salad on your way home? You'll get the money back when you get here.**]**

Bella sent a quick reply to confirm and made her way to the bus. There was a grocery store closer to home; the Gateway Pavilions, apart from Petco, was crowded, and the last thing she wanted right that moment was to dodge sweaty bodies in a packed food shop.

While she purposefully whipped through the aisles, wanting desperately to get home and have a cool shower, she worried about Nina. She got her cell out when she stood in line at the check-out and sent her friend a message.

**[From you:** Did Fish hurt you? I'm sorry for being pushy, I just can't stop freaking.**]**

Realizing she'd forgotten to turn the phone off silent, she activated sounds and got her purse out while she waited her turn.

Bella was already on the bus with her backpack and the grocery bag cradled on her lap when her phone went off.

**[From Nina: **we made out**]**

_Failure to comply..._ All she could do was stare at the message. The words were simple and straightforward and there was no way it could mean anything else than it said. Nina made out with Fish? How was that possible? Who would want to—_gross._

After erasing and retyping several times, Bella finally got a reply sent.

**[From you: **With Fish? Steven Kirkland? You kissed and stuff... with FISH?**]**

Well on her way home, and almost time to get back off the bus, she finally received the answer.

**[From Nina: **yes! and dont ask for details cuz u rly don't wanna know. didnt u see him when he came back?**]**

After Bella stepped off the bus, she tried to recall anything weird about Fish (apart from the obvious, which went without saying), but all she could remember was Nina's red mouth. It dawned on her, though, that if Nina didn't tell her, it had to be something with a strict R-rating—_no!_ Of course her mind went there, why wouldn't it? _Shoo, shoo, shoo . . ._

She was still feeling a little nauseous when she got home and walked in the door.

"Bells! Bells, look!" Jesse was in front of her with his open hand stretched out; a bug of some kind was crawling lazily across his palm.

Her eyes went wide with wonder. "Oh, _wow._ Neat."

Jesse's face fell. "It's _yuck. _Ash says it's yuck."

Puzzled, Bella peered at his disappointed scowl. _Oh. _She was supposed to be creeped out. She let a serious expression settle on her face instead. "At a closer look," she said, studying the insect, "it _is_ sort of icky." Jesse's eyes narrowed suspiciously, and then a little smile tugged at his mouth. "You better get it back outside," she added in warning. "I wouldn't want it on me—_that_ would be _beyond_ gross."

Jesse grabbed it in a pincer grip and stuck it in her face. He made a snarling noise. Bella squeaked in surprise, but started laughing. "You cake," she chided with a chortle and ruffled his hair. She shook her sandals off and pretended to squirm away from Jesse when he followed closely behind her while making impressions of a fierce, growling monster.

"Hey, honey, how was your day?" Renée asked, and looked up from where she sat at the table, leafing through what appeared to be bills. Jesse sailed past Bella and continued out into the backyard. She slumped down on a chair, joining her mom at the table.

"So _hot_," she replied, set the bags on the floor and threw her hands up dramatically before she let them fall back onto her lap with a smack. She leaned forward while resting her chin on her folded arms. "Yours?"

Renée sat back, collecting the papers. "Ditto," she offered as her eyes crinkled, and then she winked. "Which is why we're having a salad and some more of Dad's grilled masterpieces."

At this, Bella grinned wide. "_Yes._" She pulled a discreet fist-pump and got up. Renee was chuckling. "So..." Bella grabbed the grocery bag off the floor and went for the bench, next to the sink, and started unpacking. "I even got red onion." Throwing a brow-wiggling glance over her shoulder, she playfully added, "Go me, right?"

"Excellent," Renée complimented. "I'm putting these away"—she waved the bills—"and then we'll get started. Dad should be back any minute now."

"I'll prepare stuff," Bella said, and continued unpacking.

"By the way," her mom said suddenly, and Bella waited while she got the tomatoes out to wash. "Why was there broken glass on the steps in the backyard?"

_Oh balls._ "Um..." Bella turned to lean back against the counter, hitching one shoulder. "I meant to clean that up," she said carefully, and then hurried on to give half the truth. "It was really hot last night and... well, Jake and I had a drink and a chat and you know what a klutz I am, so..." Her mom was so not going to fall for it but, to Bella's surprise, Renée only shook her head with the faintest smile on her lips. Huh. "Sorry, Mom," she said before turning back to the vegetables.

"It's okay, babe."

Very unlike Bella to forget things like that, but she justified it by putting the full responsibility on Jacob's shoulders. It _was_ his fault, after all. Had he not distracted her... _Sure, Bella, sure._ She rolled her eyes at herself and resumed the self-appointed task.

They were halfway through making the salad when her dad came home. "Hello and good afternoon, my fair lady and daughter of mine." After planting several pecks on Renée's cheek, making her swat at him, he steered for the hallway, chuckling. Bella heard him knock and call out to Jacob, "I've got a job for you, Jake!"

"Uh-oh," Renée said and cocked a conspiratorial brow at her daughter. "What_ever_ might that be?"

Bella smirked. "Poor guy," she sympathized. Not that she suspected any gruesome chores awaited him. Most likely Charlie was just going to ask him to help with the grill.

And she was correct.

While setting the table with her mom on the deck, she found herself fussing with the cutlery, only so she could observe Jacob and her dad from the corner of her eye.

"You've got to keep an extra eye on chicken, though, or it'll get too dry. Flipping burgers and hotdogs is easy peasy."

Jacob gave her dad an affirmative nod, and looked just slightly out of place, but then, out of nowhere, he busted out a laugh. "Except for when the hotdogs explode," he pointed out.

Charlie grinned. "That requires skill."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed, and it looked like he was going to say something else, but he caught himself while a strange expression passed over his features. For a moment, Bella thought he would turn away, but instead he poked at a steak with the tongs. "Looks ready, right?"

"I'd say your skill-level went above explosive," her dad joked and gave Jacob an approving look. Jacob shook his head, but the smile was back, and Bella made for the door before she was caught ogling. Realistically, it took only so long to line up forks and knives before diagnosed with OCD. (She could always blame the influence on Jared.)

**o~*iii*~o**

With dinner out of the way, the dish washer filled with Ashley's help, and after accidentally overhearing her parents discuss something that sounded suspiciously like a trip of some sort coming up, Bella finally found the time to jump into the shower.

Each summer, Charlie took a week off work and her parents usually used the opportunity to plan something with the family. The year before they had spent at home, however, so the prospect of possibly going somewhere this year had Bella bursting to bombard her mom and dad with questions. She squashed it, though, reeled in her overly eager self and spent way too long in the bathroom after the shower, removing the chipped, tacky nail polish from her toes instead.

Feeling refreshed and dressed in shorts and a tank top, she made it to the living room with a few minutes to spare before Modern Family started. Both Ashley and Jesse were in bed already, so was Charlie, but Renée sat curled up in his recliner with a cup of tea when Bella flopped onto the sofa.

Bella stretched out like a cat and started laughing at her mom when she shook her head. "What? It's soft!" Propping herself up on one elbow, she faked a purring noise, and then, "Meow... No? Okay." Still laughing, Bella shrugged at Renée's eye-roll, because she _was _being a total dork—_so, what else is new?—_but turned her attention to the TV.

"Wanna pass me that magazine, babe?" her mom asked. "The latest." Bella peered at the coffee table where a few gardening magazines were spread out.

"When are we making those flowerbeds next to the terrace?" Bella wanted to know while handing her mom the latest issue of Fine Gardening.

"How about this weekend?" she suggested.

"Sure," Bella agreed with a big smile.

One day, when she had her own house, she wanted a huge strip of land at a forest's edge where she could plant whatever she wanted. Nothing well organized or too prim and proper, but more with a wild look to it, like those English gardens she'd seen in some of her mom's magazines.

"Lavender," Bella thought out loud. "Lots and lots of lavender bushes and perennials, and it has to be messy, like it's overgrown and old and stuff."

Renée smiled, her eyes focused on the magazine in her hands, but still listening. "And a cottage? With a mossy roof? And shutters?"

Bella sat up straight. "Why not? And we'll totally dig a well and dad will have to come fish me out every week—like, we'll have to install an alarm, 'cause I'll be falling in... constantly." She grinned.

"Just have those things—whatever they're called—attached to the sides of the well so you can climb back out." Jacob came to sit next to her and gave her a little smirk when she smacked his arm lightly with the back of her hand. "Don't like rock climbing?" he teased.

"I'll fall back down and break my neck," she pointed out matter-of-factly.

"It might be good training for your balance," Renée encouraged, sounding just as teasing as Jacob.

"Uh-huh, that's fine. Gang up on me." She folded her arms and pouted, not very convincingly as Jacob chuckled at her poor attempt.

"We all gotta start somewhere, sweetheart. Crawling before running, and so on." Renée winked.

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Guess I'll just crawl for the rest of my life. Wouldn't want to endanger people."

"Aw," her mom crooned. "You're not _that_ hopeless."

Jacob made a funny noise, like he was trying to redirect a laugh by clearing his throat.

"See?" Bella said. "He knows all about it. I can't even walk across a level surface without coming down in a heap of flailing arms and legs."

Renée perked up in interest. "Oh?"

"Don't you say anything," Bella warned and turned to him, wagging a finger in his face. "That was so not my fault."

He laughed. "Yeah right... And whose fault was it, then?"

"Um..." A small blush crept into her face. _Jared and his stupid fedora—oh God, no. No no no. _"You..." She thought hard. "You need a bigger room," she finally offered lamely, and then burst out laughing at the comical look on Jacob's face.

"Uh-huh."

"I'm thinking I'm missing the funny part here," Renée said, eyes back on her magazine.

"You're lucky, you would've seriously considered disowning me," Bella told her importantly. She was going to say something else when her cell beeped. It was Nina, and Bella tilted the face of the phone away from Jacob, just in case.

**[From Nina:** will chlorine fry my mouth?**]**

Bella thought about that for a moment. No. She didn't want to think about that, but it was too late, and she was already pulling a face at the unwanted visuals.

**[From you: **I'm pretty sure it's not healthy. Do I dare ask why you want to know that?**]**

Not that she needed to ask, as she already had a fairly good idea.

Modern Family had already started, but Bella found it difficult to focus, intent on blocking all manner of disgusting mental images as to why Nina wanted bleach in her mouth. _Ew._

"I'm going to bed," Renée announced, halfway into the show. Bella and Jacob, both with their eyes glued to the TV, mumbled a unified "Night," without looking away. Bella thought she heard her mom let out a little laugh, but couldn't be sure.

And then her phone beeped. Again.

**[From Nina:** idk what happened. one minute i'm in the bathroom, and then fish's outside waiting and being a total dick, so i told him to get lost and so i push him, right? cuz he's in the way and then he grabbed me, right? and i really tell him where to stick it and then he was SO close and looking at me weird and next thing i know i'm all over that shit, u know? god! i'm such a whore i kissed him first and then he was in my pants or maybe i was in his whatever and fuck that was hot but JESUS! and he's got a HUGE fedora like OMG**]**

Bella promptly choked on nothing, and then Jacob spoke next to her. He sounded confused and intrigued at the same time. "What fedora? Hey, let me see that—"

"No!" she exclaimed—_Balls! He saw!—_and extended her arm away from her body to keep her phone out of his line of sight. "Seriously, Jake," she protested with a nervous half-giggle.

"Aw, come on—since when did Fish have a hat?" He had a playful grin on his face when he reached across her—_oh, whoops, hello—_and then it was as if he were leaning into her before he froze.

Not sure how to react, she tried for cluelessness (bound to fail, since she was so obvious). "What?" She searched his eyes (which were very close and unfairly gorgeous, by the way). When he neither moved nor answered her right away, she was alerted by an unfamiliar sensation in her stomach, but she tried to ward it off with awkward teasing. "Is this your new strategy? Like, to..." Okay. So there went all thought. What _had_ she meant to say? A complete mess under his intense gaze, she swallowed and instead asked, "Jake?"

"Uh, yeah..." He cleared his throat as he averted his eyes, finally appeared to remember how to coordinate himself, and then pulled back. While he did so, she felt his arm brush lightly over her thin cotton tank top once more, and gave an involuntary shiver. _Oh._ _**So** nice—um, what?_

Shaking herself mentally, she thought that maybe it was about time she stopped running around without a bra at night. Either way she had a dilemma on her hands now (at least her hands weren't _on_ the problem, although, on second thought, she should cover it up, but that would most _definitely_ draw attention to the, um, pop-up issue—_jeez, what's wrong with you?_).

"Sorry 'bout that," he said, and broke into her melodrama.

"Oh no, it's okay," she reassured him, which it was, "I just need to, um, probably go put on"—_red hot alert: _he totally _looked. _Did he want to touch, too—_wait, what?_ _Holy cheese balls!_—"wow," she breathed as they both looked away simultaneously. _Wow? _That was the best her brain could come up with? _What a fail._

Jacob reached up with one hand to mess his hair. "Yeah—I mean, sorry... Again."

She felt the seat cushions shift, and quickly turned her head, just in time to see him lift off the sofa and caught his wrist as he stood. "Hey, Jacob? Don't go. It really is okay, I mean, it happens, right? So it's no big deal..." Maybe not to her; at least, not enough to make her indulge in the usual internal debate in regards to her mental state. Jacob, however, was probably dying of mortification and _she _ran away to hide when she was too embarrassed; it would only be fair to let him escape, too, if he needed that.

A flush seemed to shiver across her skin, though, and she couldn't remember a time her face had burned _so much_.

His fingers flexed restlessly, so she let her own release his wrist to slide down and grab his hand instead. With gentle pressure, she rubbed soothing circles into his palm with her thumb, hoping to relay the message somehow that everything was fine. "Hey, it's okay," she whispered and looked up at his averted face, catching only a glimpse of a tensing muscle in his jaw.

For whatever reason, this wasn't at all a good thing to do, or maybe just not enough? Or too much? All the same, he was closing up _again,_ and it twisted her insides. Abruptly, he extracted himself, replying, "Sorry," in a strange tone. She watched after him, gaping, as he all but fled the room.

_Nice one, Bella. You're ace._ She was off the sofa, and quietly moving toward the hallway before she slowed herself and came to a halt. A long moment passed while she ran a list of the past couple of weeks' incidents through her head. She tried to come to a conclusion as to what would help him without her, again, going to knock on his door to be a meddling pain in the ass.

Still deliberating, she turned back to grab her phone and flicked the TV off before leaving the room. Nina was probably waiting for an answer and, that being the case, Bella typed up a reply, shaking her head as her eyes ran over the message one more time before sending.

**[From you:** Only you. Not saying he's gross to look at, but this had better be one of your horny "needtokissahotguynao" type things, okay? Fish is bad. BAD. Stay away from him, please? Thanks for the thingy visual, too = want to vomit. (And please please stop calling it a fedora... do you know how many times the words fedora and Jared pass through my head? So do NOT want that visual. Whoa. Just no.)**]**

She didn't. Her imagination was vivid and wild, and even though Jared _was_ a hot guy, she didn't want to envision any of his... thingies. _Please. Be nice, brain._

She pulled the door open to the bathroom, and her breath rushed out of her with an "Oof" as she walked right into her mom.

"Sweet Jesus, Bella," Renée hissed under her breath, one hand pressed to her heart.

"Sorry," Bella apologized quickly. "I didn't know you were awake still."

Her mom bent down to retrieve a packet off the floor that must have dropped when Bella nearly scared the living bejeebers out of her. "Just remembered I'd forgotten my nightly cocktail," Renée told her. _Oh. Yeah._ Her mom was on some preventive medication, supposedly meant to lessen the frequency of her migraines, and make them more bearable when they _did_ hit.

Of course, Bella hadn't noticed much difference. Her mom still was in agony when they struck. She found herself staring at the white little box, and then something occurred to her which made heat rise straight into her face before she could even finish the thought. And, naturally, the words were out of her mouth without her permission, making her face, if possible, hotter. "I'm not on the pill," she blurted, "I mean, I haven't even thought of it until now, but it's probably time, right? Oh jeez, not that I'm _doing_ anything..." _Holy shitballs. Where_ did that come from? She needed a more cooperative brain, one that made sense. _That's right. Behave or else._

One corner of her mom's mouth hiked up. "Aw, my baby's becoming a woman," she said wistfully, making Bella groan.

"Oh, Mom, _please_." She couldn't think of things going into places. Her mom was standing right _there_ and it was _such_ bad timing for the images that popped out of nowhere and made beads of perspiration break out instantly all over her skin. She was possibly freaking out in a big way... _I didn't see that—oh yes, I did see that—duh..._

Renée pursed her lips, as if to hold back the smile making her mouth twitch. "Sorry." A short pause, and then, "Are you okay, baby?"

Bella nodded furiously. "Uh-huh." Gulping down some well needed air, she added, "Okay, great stuff. We'll get back to that." She gave her mom an awkward smile and ducked past her. "I need to pee. Badly," was her only excuse for the sudden shift in her mannerisms.

Judging by Renée's small but knowing smile, nothing appeared to be out of place. All the same, Bella closed the door and turned the lock.

"Are you sure you're okay?" came her mom's voice from the other side.

"Oh, yes. Very. Mm-hm." She was backing up and gave a start when the cold ceramic of the sink touched her flushed skin. She choked back a squeak. "I'm fine, Mom. I'll see you in the morning, okay? Good night!"

There was a slight pass of silence before Renée told her, "All right, then. Night, sweetheart."

_Seriously? Snap out of it._ Unjustifiable freakouts weren't her thing, and she needed to stop making such a big deal out of it. The pill was just a precautionary thing, in case she ended up having sex—_sex!_ That was exactly right, and Nina did it. Jacob, too, and Cara and—did Stacy do it, or had she just talked about doing it but never told them what became of the guy she mentioned? Maybe Bella didn't pay attention that day. That was a higher probability, because until recently she hadn't thought about these things.

_Wait. _

She set her phone aside and gripped the sink to observe the wide-eyed girl in the mirror.

Not only had she thrown mashed potatoes in his face (not actually, but she might as well have), but when he—_probably,_ now when she thought about it—tried a different approach to give her fair warning about a kiss, she had once again screwed it up.

And just now she told him, when his arm touched her breasts (and obviously it affected him),that it wasn't a big deal. Now, when really reflecting on it, how had she come across? What if he had wanted to kiss her or make out and she laughed it off as _no biggie—_

"Isabella Marie Swan," she whispered to herself. "What is _wrong_ with you?" Apart from talking to herself, anyway, which was nothing out of the ordinary, really.

Still staring at herself, she sifted through all the things that were suddenly pressing and probing at her, demanding attention. _Okay. Right._ She got her toothbrush, applied some toothpaste and then stuck it in her mouth. She was just about to talk, but then decided internal debate had higher chances of success, what with the muffled incoherence she'd manage between fervent brushstrokes. _No. Not very beneficial._

So it was very likely she had knocked him back, yet again. That alone made her want to flail. Just a little (not much, because she only flailed accidentally, which Jared and Jacob knew all about—_awesome. Not_).

It was even more probable that, since she was a virgin and had absolutely no experience what so ever with... physical intimacy, and because Jesse crawled all over her all the time—her boobs got bumped, squashed and brushed constantly, so if Jacob did it, too, it really _wasn't _a big deal.

To her—it wasn't a biggie to _her._ No. No, that wasn't true. It meant _something_, but she failed to catch up until it was too late. _Duh. So dense._

It dawned on her now that not only was _she_ clueless, her boobs were clueless, too. _Yes. Clueless boobs, excellent theory, Ms. Swan! Somebody help me._

So... even if it had felt really nice (which it totally had, or she wouldn't be wondering now what his hands would feel like—_whoops. Focus? Let's not go there just now, okay?_), her automatic and visible reaction had in all probability appeared slightly... nonchalant? _If_ he was a healthy, normal teenage guy (he _was_, it was only Bella who didn't conform by standards of "normal teen"), most likely he might have expected a normal teenage girl reaction.

She thought of Nina and shook her head as she withdrew the toothbrush. "Yes, you would've thrown yourself at him. I know. You're a slut." She rolled her eyes and was just about to shove the brush back in when she paused to stare at herself for the umpteenth time. "Oh my God, you _want _to—you're _such_ a slut, too." Not that she would know what to do after that, but what did that matter? She wasn't about to throw herself at Jacob. Somehow the whole "Oh, yes! Take me—take me now!" wasn't her thing. _Whoa. Heatstroke again?_

The air got even hotter all of a sudden, and she glared at her red cheeks.

Bottom line: she _was_ a virgin and somehow she only just _now_ remembered, like she had forgotten? And with the (silent) verbal admission came a ton of other things by default, because that's what sex ed was for, right? Not that she didn't know about it _way_ before then. The only difference was that her approach toward the subject, as of just recently, wasn't so clinical anymore. In fact, she was very much all over the place.

Especially around Jacob. Well, namely flatlining stomachs and total body meltdown and such. _Yeah._ _Okay..._

She finished her brushing, rinsed and spit, and then sank down to rest her arms over the edge of the sink. "You _want _him to touch you. Admit it." She sounded like a sulky kid. "Because you're curious, right? And that's _so normal_..." Faking a damsel-in-distress-hand-flutter, she gasped, "Oh no, we're a little normal. _Such_ a disaster." With a deep breath, she got up and threw her reflection another unimpressed glance while grabbing her cell. "You're a cake."

By every definition of the word. Maybe not edible, but soft and mushy and completely unaware of its effect on cake-wanting people... _Wow._ _Cake-wanting people?_ The heat was melting her brain. Not sure what she meant by that comparison, she paused outside Jacob's door. Regardless of the minor crisis with the strange brain activity, and the resulting thoughts, she had to know he was okay. _Sure he is. In the safety of his room where cakes aren't teasing him. _

Bella covered her mouth to stop a laugh. She needed sleep before she started with the word vomit or, worse, thought out loud. _God help me if I do._ Instead, she knocked gently on the door.

Customary silence, as always. No surprise there. So she waited, stepped closer to the door, and wondered if he was sleeping.

"Jacob?" Almost sure she heard something, she leaned in and softened her voice, "Jake?" Her ears picked up on something. Now convinced he at least was awake, because she _did_ hear movement, she continued, "Are you okay? Can you just let me know you're okay and I'll go, it's totally fine, it's okay, I just want to know that you're okay, I don't want to be pushy"_—not pushy? _Because she definitely wasn't_. _She scoffed at herself_—"_well, I kind of am, right? Okay, so, um... Are you? Okay, I mean?"

Still no answer. Since she knew he was there, it sent a prickle of discomfort into her stomach when he remained silent. She lifted her hand to open the door, but stopped herself and let her arm fall limp to her side._ No._ She wasn't going to barge in there. Maybe he just wanted some space? Understandable, considering what happened only minutes before.

"Okay... All right, um..." She paused, deliberated what she could say to assure him without bringing up the mishap, and then went on to let him know, "If you need anything or want to talk, whatever, anything and anytime... a knock or a message is all it takes, or nothing, just... be okay... Okay?"

Only the briefest silence passed, and finally, even though he didn't sound it at all, he told her, _"I'm okay, I just... need... I'm just tired... Sorry." _A beat_. "Thanks, though."_

Bella exhaled, "Oh, of course, silly me." Happy to know he was there (previous runaway attempts worried her still), a little laugh slipped out with her relief. She strangled the underlying urge to open the door just to make sure he _really_ was okay when she heard a strange sounding shuffle. _He's tired and needs space_, she reminded herself, and that was a different thing entirely, so she shouldn't hover. "Of course you're tired," she allowed. _Duh_. "No sorries, okay? Good night, Jake."

She turned and slipped through her own door to close it quietly behind her. How would she be able to sleep? Classing it as a challenge, what with everything spinning around and around in her head, she shimmied out of her shorts and crawled into bed.

For nearly one hour flat, she stared at the ceiling. Slightly frustrated with herself, in the end she opted for music to lull her to sleep (hopefully) and grabbed for her iPod.

_Beep-beep._

She nearly dropped her cell while fumbling with the earbuds. It was Nina.

**[From Nina: **have u got the hots for him or smth? i kinda understand why u dont wanna get it on with edwin if u got a thing for jared. he is fuckhot.**]**

Bella groaned softly, but typed her reply while grinning.

**[From you: **Yes, he is, but I'm not into him like that. Why don't you come over tomorrow? Jared's almost always over, and you get to hear them play. They're SO good! And you get to see his fedora. Hat. His hat, Nina. Okay? And THAT is, in your words, f-hot Lol**]**

Nina's reply arrived at record speed, and Bella muffled a laugh with her hand.

**[From Nina: **u heard them play? OMG, wanna! what time? :D booo. you can't type fuck? lame-o**]**

She _was_ lame, but she didn't care. It didn't bother her so much if others threw the word around like it was going out of fashion, but that didn't mean she wanted to use it.

**[From you:** I don't have work tomorrow, so any time is cool. Just come over. I'll talk to mom and dad in the morning, but I'm sure it's okay. If not I'll text you.**]**

The sound of a door opening and closing made Bella half-sit up, leaning on one elbow, and she tilted her head to listen. The absence of any other disturbances of the silence had her nearly shrieking when her phone beeped twice in a row. She really needed to turn the sound off.

One was from Nina, and the other was from Jacob.

**[From Nina: **yes! can't wait. nn, babe. ;)**]**

**[From Jake: **I'm sorry about running and hiding, I'm a dick. I shouldn't have taken it out on you.**]**

First she sent a message back to Nina.

**[From you: **Nighty, Fish-lover. ;P**]**

And then to Jacob.

**[From you:** You're not a dick. Okay? And it's okay, I really mean that. You haven't upset me in any way. Are you okay, though? Did you just go out of your room, btw? I swear I heard a door open.**]**

She waited the longest time for a reply (also, she turned her phone to silent while waiting), and probably another ten minutes passed before the buzzing noise made her closed eyes flutter open.

**[From Jake: **Yeah, I'm outside. Sorry for waking you.**]**

Shaking her head, she typed her reply and pressed send.

**[From you:** You cake. I wasn't sleeping, and even if I was it's okay. :)**]**

Bella sat up fully and peered down to the floor where her shorts were, just the way she stepped out of them. _No._ If he wanted her to come outside, he would say, so she shouldn't just invite herself. But she was so very tempted; she wanted to see he was okay.

She sank back, with her head on her pillow, and folded her arms. _You're staying right where you are_, she ordered herself. When her phone buzzed again, a huge smile worked its way onto her lips.

**[From Jake:** Want to come outside?**]**

_Yes!_

**[From you:** Sure. :D**]**

Keeping the enthusiasm to herself wasn't something she had the skills for, but she tried not to rush when she pulled her shorts back on. Not until she was at the sliding door did she think to remember that she, again, wore no bra. _You're so dumb._ She went to turn, but faltered when she spotted Jacob.

He had his guitar with him.

"Oh, yes. Bra. Now." Quickly, before she couldn't unglue herself, she turned and hurried down to her room to throw on the first bra she could find. That was the initial plan, anyway, but for some stupid reason, she was faced with a dilemma: she couldn't pick one. _What difference does it make?_ "You're full of the crazy tonight," she chastised, rolling her eyes at herself before snatching up whatever her hand closed around, and hiked her top up to strap it on.

When she finally made it back and had the door closed behind her, she really got a better look at him. Judging by his slumped posture, she got the feeling he wasn't all right, after all. She suppressed a sigh and walked over to him to sit down a couple of steps above his spot. "Hey," she said quietly.

Jacob had a t-shirt on this time, and his sweats. When he spoke, he didn't look at her, and he sounded worse than he did earlier. "Hey..." Not only did he seem all choked up, but also there was a scratchy quality to his voice, like he had been chain-smoking, but he didn't smoke, so she couldn't figure it out. "I used to write stuff," he started, in a way that led her to assume he'd been planning whatever he was about to tell her carefully. "I wrote more the second Christmas after Rach died, 'cause I figured it'd help Becca..." A tiny pause. "She used to share everything with Rach, so if I wrote stuff for her—my thoughts, you know?—then she wouldn't feel so alone..."

Bella grabbed the railing to slip down one step, but paused there when he tensed up. _Ah. _Back to that. Her heart made for a tiny stumble, and while she wanted to reach out so much, she gave him space.

"I don't write anymore," he continued, and he was hard now. "I'm blocked or something, I can't... Not since _he_... Well, anyway. He found some of the things I'd written for Becca, and I was stupid, I should've known the controlling freak would go through her stuff. I should've gone to Dad right away, the moment I figured it out...

"There're so many things I could've done, Bella, but I didn't. And then when he came into my room that day to talk down on me, like he had the greatest fucking philosophy ever on love and life? A _seventeen-_year-old guy who slaps his girlfriend around _stood there—_he was serious, too, the sick shit—and told me I didn't understand but that I would, and not to stick my nose where it didn't belong—_fuck_..."

She watched him readjust the guitar in his lap and had to crane her neck a little, when curiosity wouldn't let her sit still, to see him give the strings a few brushes as he tuned it with his other hand.

Whoever this _he_ was obviously played a big part in the things Jacob fought so hard to keep under lock and key. How, exactly, she couldn't pin down, but at least she understood that this guy had abused Jacob's sister. That made her stomach constrict, and she frowned. Also, she could see how he must be blaming himself for it, and by his own admission he thought he should've done something about it.

She wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, but she knew that wouldn't make a difference. If anything, she was willing to bet it would piss him off. Now, however, her brain was running a million miles an hour as she tried to piece together the information she'd been given.

Jacob said _he_ was still out there, and that they could never go back. And nothing could be done about it. She assumed this guy hadn't been reported to the police, or surely they would have seen to it that he didn't bother Rebecca. So why not? Why run all the way from Washington State to Phoenix? And how had no one reported them missing? Okay, so Rebecca had told them they had no parents or relatives to look after them, but to run so far...

"What happened to your parents?" _Shitfire!_ Jacob flinched and Bella bit down on her lower lip, hard. "Sorry, it's my word vomit, ignore that."

"I told you I'd play for you," he said instead of dwelling on her slip-up, and shifted to straighten his posture a little. He then began, in a slow rhythm, to play a few chords, but he cut off suddenly with a "Fuck," and then shook his head, continuing, as if to himself, "I'm so fucked up tonight, I can't even play a few simple chords."

This time Bella scooted down to take her position as she had the night before. When he grew completely still, as her body pressed into the back of his, she sneaked her arms under his to wrap around him. "So we'll just sit here," she offered and laid her cheek on his shoulder. "Or you could teach me how to play some Bieber song?" she added as seriously as she could. "That'd be awesome, right?"

She felt the muscles under her arms and hands work and tense, and then he took a deep breath and let it out in heavy defeat. "Fuck no," he said, but he didn't sound irritated.

Pursing her lips to hold back a smile, she attempted to sound disappointed. "Aw. No?" This would be the most humiliating thing to date. And yes, it would outdo flailing, but geeking out to take the pressure off, and make him focus on other things, was worth it. With that in mind, she turned her head, and rested her chin on his shoulder as she looked at his profile. And then she sang, "_And I was like, baby, baby, baby oh, like baby, baby, baby no_—"

"Holy shit...," he breathed, disbelieving, and turned to stare at her.

"—_like baby, baby, baby oh—thought you'd always be mine, mine_..." The last parts came out between chortling; his facial expression was priceless (and somewhat puzzling, but mostly hilarious). "Uh-huh. You know you love it. Admit it," she taunted teasingly, squeezing her arms tighter around him.

While he continued studying her face, probably searching for redeeming qualities to forgive the atrocity, one warm hand closed over hers, and softly he stroked her fingers. Her smile had faltered a little, thanks to all focus now turned toward keeping her heart from jumping up her throat, that's how wildly it was beating.

Half a smirk lifted one corner of his mouth. "I knew you were a little fangirl," he said, but his voice was low and husky, and even though she was pretty sure he had meant to tease her, she couldn't bring herself to swallow enough nerves to give him a snappy reply. "Bieber, huh?" he wondered and let go of her hand to return to the guitar. It wasn't until she recognized the melody he produced by plucking the strings that she managed to snap out of it.

"Wow," she said, "You're desecrating that poor guitar."

He snorted as he pointed out, "You said you wanted Justine."

At this, she perked up, stretched a little and moved her arms to around his neck. "So if I say I want something played, you'll play it for me?" She waited, expectantly peering at his face, until he tilted his head away so he could look at her.

"I've just dropped as low as any respectable musician can go, so... you name it and I'll see what I can do."

Humming while considering his challenge, and pursing her lips thoughtfully, she finally smiled. "Will you teach me how to play?" Jacob's brows lifted ever so slightly, appearing surprised.

"You really wanna learn how to play?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged. "Yes, I mean—unless I'm not allowed to touch ze guitar." She motioned toward it, and his eyes left hers.

Instead of answering her right away, he took both her hands in his and guided her to stand. He then tugged her gently to step down, let go of one hand to lift his guitar out of the way, and pulled her closer to sit one step down, between his knees.

All she could do, when his arms came around her to place the guitar on her lap, was to focus on remembering which way was up and which was down. Also, she seemed to have misplaced that vital functionality again.

"Bella?"

She had the guitar, yep. That was all good, but her hands were hovering, not sure where to put them, even if she knew where they were _supposed_ to go, but somehow she couldn't get that information to connect with her body. "Uh-huh?"

Still with his arms around her to support the guitar, he leaned closer. She felt the warmth of him hit her like a flash across the bare skin of her neck, shoulder, down her arm, and then he lowered her hand, pressing it flat against the smooth wood of the top board. "It helps if you've got a hold on it," he told her gently. She couldn't help the shiver when his breath tickled the side of her face. He was so _close._ _Danger, Will Robinson..._

"Of course," she allowed after one too many attempts to swallow.

"And the neck," he instructed, removed his hand from, she guessed, the neck? and took her hand again to wrap it around the part where his had been seconds before. Settling closer, the soft cotton fabric of his t-shirt brushed her skin, and then his chest pressed into her as he adjusted the guitar again to position his own hands; one against the strings over the sound hole, and the other at the fingerboard, fingertips arranged. "So what'd you wanna play?"

_Play? Oh_. She was supposed to learn something here, wasn't she? "I don't know," she said, tried to think of something but failed, and finally just told him, "Why don't you show me something you like?"

His laugh was so light it came out as breath alone. He started to say, "You're...," but trailed off and she heard him inhale, only to exhale before amending with, "All right." For a moment he seemed to think, and then swept his fingers across the strings to give her a chord. "Did you catch that?" he asked.

She watched how he held his fingers on the fingerboard and moved her hand up to copy it; he helped her by folding his right arm around her and placed her fingertips correctly. "Ohh, that's complicated," she blurted. "Don't your fingers get all achy by holding like this?"

She felt him shrug. "Nah, but I'm used to it." He chuckled. "If you wanna do it on a regular basis, though, you've gotta expect your fingertips to get sore until they get used to the strings—here," he said and pressed one of her tips onto the string; not hard, but enough for her to get what he meant.

"Ow," she said without thinking.

"Sorry." He let go.

"No, no, it was just... Um, like, not hurty ouchy, just an observation of the prospect, you know?" _Genius, Bella._ She sighed at herself. "Can you do it again, I mean, the chord? Please?"

"Okay." This time she observed closely how he did it, and then he switched, his skin gliding over the strings making a _swishy_ sound. Unable to help herself, she moved her right hand to lightly touch his as it picked across the strings.

Soon she could tell he was playing something. The melody was unknown to her, but for some reason it made her insides bunch up, and then, when her eyes were about to flutter closed, his cheek touched hers. Like the caress of a butterfly's wing, and so very light she wondered if she had just imagined it. "It sounds so sad," she whispered, only just realizing her throat had closed up.

If at all possible, it was as if he had drawn closer. She felt his entire body against her back, and while she was trapped between him and the guitar, the more appropriate definition of their position would be an embrace.

And then, in a voice closer to a whisper than anything else, but not quite, he sang, "_Bury all your secrets in my skin... Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins... The air around me still feels like a cage... And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again..._"

He was still strumming it, letting the chords flow, and just as her eyes closed, his voice came a little clearer, but there was an emotion behind it she had never heard from him before. It had her heart stuttering in her chest. "_So if you love let me go... And run away before I know... My heart is just too dark to care... I can't destroy what isn't there... Deliver me into my fate... If I'm alone I cannot hate... I don't deserve to have you..._" There was a brief pause, and she heard him draw in a whisper of breath, and then, "_Oh, my smile was taken long ago, if I can change I hope I never know..._"

Her entire body gave an involuntary shiver, and while still playing, he turned into her to skim the tip of his nose fleetingly along her temple. He then breathed in again, before continuing with the song. "_I still press your letters to my lips... And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss... I couldn't face a life without your light... But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight..._"

And again his voice changed, more powerful now, but still quiet at the same time, and she was completely struck dumb by it. She couldn't fathom the depth behind what his words conveyed. "_So save your breath, I will not care... I think I made it very clear... You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough...? I only wish you weren't my friend... Then I could hurt you in the end... I never claimed to be a saint..._" Another breath, and then, "_Oh, my own was banished long ago, it took the death of hope to let you go._"

This time, when he fell silent, but kept playing, the chords came out harder, and all she could do was lean into him with her eyes still closed. The warmth from his body enveloped her completely, and she could make out the beat of his heart, thudding steadily against her back. His voice, however, when he started singing again, wasn't steady at all.

If she weren't so afraid that it would make him stop, she might've looked to see if his voice breaking was due to him being upset or just immersion. Instead, she let her hands come to rest on the outsides of his legs, hugging him the only way she could without jostling the guitar.

"_So break yourself against my stones... And spit your pity in my soul... You never needed any help... You sold me out to save yourself..._" Once more he took a breath, but this time she was convinced it wasn't immersion making it shaky. "_And I won't listen to your shame... You ran away, you're all the same... Angels lie to keep control... Oh, my love was punished long ago, if you still care don't ever let me know..._" His voice dropped off to that whisper-quality, and she knew he was done when the last words barely made it out. "_If you still care... don't ever let me know..._"

Jacob let the last chords die off, and it wasn't until the guitar disappeared from in front of her, only to be replaced by his arms folding her into him, clutching her impossibly closer, that she realized not only his voice had been shaking. All of him seemed unsteady as he held her, which made her eyes prick and burn. "Hey," she whispered. "Hey, it's okay, you're okay," she soothingly told him.

Repeating the words, over and over, Bella trailed the tips of her fingers along his arm, alternating between light caresses to feeling him with her palm flat to his skin. "Thank you," she said quietly, and let her hand shape itself to his, aligning each finger of hers to each of his.

As she did so, he remained as he was, but then his breath ghosted over the side of her face, followed by the lightest brush of his lips, all the way up to edge of her eyebrow. Back down, he paused at the corner of her eye, continued to her cheekbone, more and more of the softness pressing into her skin as he went. When he reached the curve of her jaw, she battled with her own breath that didn't want to cooperate on other than shallow levels.

He spoke then, or tried to, since it was a weak admission, or was it a request for permission? Even like a quiet prayer, she wondered. "I shouldn't, I really shouldn't, but I want..." After she heard him swallow, he continued in a cracked whisper, "Say I can, 'cause there's just no fucking way I will if you tell me no—please, let me kiss you—_here_." One of his hands had left her middle, and now fingertips trembled against the dip below her jaw.

As soon as she told him, "Yes," she wondered if he'd heard, but then warm pressure was at the junction there. His lips moved, gently brushing, until hot breath fanned her skin, followed by a subtle wet sweep_—ohh—_before his mouth closed over the tingling spot.

The air had stopped in her throat entirely. _Oh wow, I think I might die now. _Very possible, if she didn't figure out, _stat_, how to discipline the reactions he continued to draw from her body. But, as if her vitals weren't already in jeopardy, he skimmed his fingers over her shoulder, rounding it to slide down her arm until he reached her hand. Gently, he lifted it to his cheek, and left her neck to lightly trace the inside of her wrist with his nose and lips. Halfway to her elbow, he turned back, and stopped only to kiss her palm, at which point she was beyond a flatlining mess.

When she finally managed to say his name, she didn't recognize the breathy voice that came out as her own. "Jake..."

He pressed his lips into her once, twice, and a third time, before his reply washed warmth over her hand. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked quietly. "I won't do anything but what you let me."

Bella shook her head, and then turned to watch his face. _Okay, I did have a name just a moment ago—what was it again?_ Those eyes, now on hers, would make her come undone; she was sure of that. How did he do that? "How'd you do that?" _Oh, hi. So much for inhibitors—oh wait, I don't have any. _And there it was again: that look that she couldn't decipher, the expression of which she had no knowledge to read. All the same it was directly linked to the strange and unfamiliar, swelling sensation in her chest.

Jacob let her hand go, only to stroke her chin, cheek, jaw—it were as if he tried to copy each curve and texture to memory with the tips of his fingers as they drew across every millimeter of her face. "Do what?" he asked. His eyes never left hers.

Someone so gentle and careful, hesitant and patient with his hands couldn't be what he thought of himself, and then, before she knew she did it, she reached up to replicate his motions as she touched him right back. He leaned into her and visibly appeared to relax.

His face was so soft, and she must be going crazy; how could she be this close to him and want to get closer still? And this was when she remembered: she should answer—he had asked her a question, after all.

_A little help, brain? Or did you melt completely?_ "Um... Just the usual, you know, making everything inside me a mess?" _Oh no. Boo on you. _Nothing but air came out when she meant to laugh at her unfiltered words.

His voice awfully quiet, he asked, "Is that good or bad?"

Feeling her brows pull together, genuinely thoughtful and wanting to give him as truthful an answer as she could, she studied his face with her eyes and fingers. Of course, she was drawn to his mouth, and as she brushed over his lips, his eyes fell shut. Now caught up in an intense surge of curiosity, and still wanting to get closer, she turned until she was on her knees and lifted her other hand to his still closed eyes to lightly touch the dark lashes.

_Oh. _She just loved that._ So soft._ "It's good," she finally told him, and then she let her hands drop to his legs to push herself up. His eyes opened wide and that was what allowed her to catch on to what she was actually doing. "Oh, whoops?" Her face filled with heat, and she let her gaze wander to take in her new chosen spot to sit.

She heard Jacob swallow, but if she thought he was nervous, his hands that now moved to her waist contradicted that. "I don't mind," he said and looked up into her face as she was now just slightly higher up than he was. _How nice of you to invite yourself onto his lap. _It _was_ nice, she concluded. Very much so.

"Are you sure? I mean, probably I should've asked first, right?"

Jacob started to say something, but stopped himself. If she didn't know better, she'd say he was almost frightened. Not that it made any sense, but wanting to somehow make it better, she went to kiss his cheek just as he turned to look away, making her lips brush his ear instead. His breath caught and she felt his hands clench at her sides, bunching up her tank top in his fists.

Suddenly his entire body was tense like a bowstring, and she hurried to apologize. "I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"Hey... hey," he interrupted, and the way his voice had deepened sent _such_ odd tingles through her, but—_oh. _She was pressed into him now—_see, it was good you put a bra on_—and blinked incomprehensibly as he held her to him. "You don't ever have to apologize," he told her seriously. "Not to me."

"That's silly," she replied automatically. "If I'm an idiot, of course I need to apologize—you're such a cake, Jacob." If she hadn't shocked herself with her own actions so far, Jacob's response to this caught her completely off guard when he burrowed into the base of her neck where his face was now. His arms around her were impossibly gentle but firm at the same time.

In barely a whisper, he told her, "You can't do wrong by me." Something else was there, stirring just beneath the surface, and it made her throat close up. Before she knew it, she blinked against the wetness in her eyes.

His lips moved against her skin, and she shivered at the hot dampness that spread with his increasingly strange breathing.

And then she understood.

Instantaneously, her arms came around him, and she pressed her cheek to the silky mess of his hair. "Hey," she said, "Hey, it's okay. It's all right." Not really caring that it would be a compromising position, she unfolded her legs and slipped them to either side of his waist so that she was hugging him with each part of her.

Suddenly he was moving his face, back and forth, from side to side, as he shook his head. "I can't say it, I can't I can't I can't I just fucking _can't_—"

"Please don't hurt yourself like this," she blurted, unable to hold back her own emotions against the force of misery in Jacob's words that smacked into her. "I'm here, Jake. I'm here, okay? Let me help, lean on me, let me take some of it, just please stop hurting yourself—God, I'm sorry, I just..." She choked on the rest, unable to speak with him shaking in her arms, not from silent tears but sobs tearing at her heart and stomach.

"Can't do it, I can't do that to you, Bella, or your family, I'm—I don't deserve this, I don't deserve _you_, and—fuck, I'm so fucking _tired._" His hands were quivering at her back, and she could tell he was just on the brink of something—underneath, _something_ wanted to break free.

Not thinking anymore, she began to plant kisses across his hair while rubbing his back and hugging his waist as tightly as she could with her legs.

And then she managed to reach his skin, his temple and down to his ear. "Lean on me, Jacob," she quietly begged. "I'll hold you. It's okay. I've got you and I'm not letting go, I _promise_."

Jacob lost it then, and the broken words ripped into her. "He shot them," he told her with a shuddering breath. "I moved and Becca tried to protect me and he _shot them_ because I moved and I shouldn't've, I just _shouldn't've_..." _God... _It hurt _so much. _She squeezed her eyes shut against the sinking feeling of despair washing over her, telling it fiercely, _no. No you can't beat me, you can't have him_ at whatever wanted to pull him under. "It's my fault..." His voice trembling, "If I'd just stayed, if I'd just stood the fuck _still_—it kills me and he's out there looking for us and he'll kill _anyone_ who knows and I can't allow that to happen." Clutching her so hard it burned, as if she were his lifeline, he whispered, "I can't take it, Bella, it's fucking ripping me up and I just _can't_..."

Bella had to slap a hand over her mouth to stop herself. She swallowed her words and the breath that lodged there.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so fucking sorry, so sorry so sorry..." She dug her hands into his back, wave upon wave of grief defying her attempts to hold him as he shook with each sorry he couldn't seem to stop repeating.

Desperately wanting to comfort him, feeble as it might be in the face of what he must be feeling, she assured him all the same, "I've got you. You're not alone and I'm here. I've got you, Jake, I've got you."

Not even when her joints protested nor her arms and legs ached did she let up. There was just no way she'd let him go. And when her voice was hoarse with repeated words of consolation, she exchanged them for soothing kisses to whichever part of his head and face she could reach.

Her entire neck was a wet mess, and so was his face, not only from his tears but hers, too, and while it mattered little, she still alternated with gentle fingers to wipe at his cheek before returning her lips to soothe him.

Jacob stayed mostly hidden in the crook of her neck, and when the tremors in his body subsided, eventually calming down to the occasional shudder, he took in a shaky breath, exhaled, heat and exhaustion scorching her skin. For a moment she thought he might say something, and continued tracing his face with her nose (she couldn't help inhaling; he smelled so nice, just _so_ good), lips and fingertips while waiting.

And then, after what felt like forever, though barely audibly, "I need you... and I've got no right but I can't let you go..." He fell silent as his hands, somewhat unsteady still, moved with painful hesitation, tracing unfamiliar little paths up along her spine, retreating when reaching the edge of her bra, all the way down to linger just above the strip of exposed skin there. "—but... but if you tell me to, I will..." His voice broke entirely on the last words.

She didn't want him to let go, she really, really didn't, so he definitely shouldn't. "Then don't," she told him quietly. After some careful thought, she lowered to where his cheek met his ear, kissed him there, and whispered, "No way am I telling you to go _anywhere_... Stay?"

His arms tightened almost painfully, and she only just managed to restrain the rush of air that escaped her when he moved up her neck with desperate lips. Reaching her ear, he pressed his nose into her, right behind the shell there and paused only a fraction before surrendering a shivering whisper. "Then I'm yours."

This made her all choked up _all_ over again, but the smile that broke out on her face depicted nothing less than ridiculous happiness. Her chest was going to explode into a million pieces, she was sure of it, but she didn't care. Nor did it matter to her, at _all_, when she put her lips at his temple, that she probably could've said something more refined and articulate, because out of all things possible, she managed to make him laugh in the middle of all the mess. "Apart from your ass, right? 'Cause that's totally Tony's."

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>_

_Firstly, super duper huge thanks to **MeraNaamJoker** and **Cretin** for not only proofing this beast of a chapter like, whoa, brave, but also for taking my pain in the ass freakout and helping me through all the meltdowns. Love you girls SFM._

_And then there was slackage on the review-reply front as per usual. I know I suck (mind out of the gutter!), but I love to read them, **so much**, and these chapters are the best way I can show my gratitude and love for sharing your thoughts with me and letting me share mine with you. **If** you want to gimme a slap, like (smack), then send me a PM, and I'll answer any questions (within reason, of course—no, I will not tell you about his little happy time—wait, what? Good grief! Bad, bad!) you might have._

_I'll be posting **Part Three** of **Fragmented** later tonight, or tomorrow. Either way, it's just around the corner. _

_So much love and snuggle-snorgles to y'all, and thank you for reading._

_Until next time!_

_PS. For those of you who haven't heard __**Slipknot**__'s song "__**Snuff**__"? (which is the song Jake sang to Bella), you can find it on YouTube. Now, of course, I have his voice in my head already, and I'm sure you do, too, but if you're curious to know what he sounds like in __**my**__ head? visit this link: www (.) youtube (.) com/watch?v=TkXzi3epW0U (Ignore the visual in the video, even if the guy is quite adorable, too.)_

_Another PS. If you received another alert, I apologize, I was just fixing a couple of wording issues in the chapter. ;) _


	11. Curiosity

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Curiosity<strong>_

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><p><em>Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it  I try to be chill but you're so hot that I melted / I fell right through the cracks / Now I'm tryin' to get back / "I'm Yours," by Jason Mraz_

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><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

_Apart from your ass, right? _The line looped while she gathered the throw pillows. Bella was now convinced Jared's influence had altered her brain permanently._ You have an ass-obsession now. Nice. _As long as it remained within the confines of her skull (or, as it turned out, occasionally reared—_ha, rear, oh yes, you're so funny_—its ugly head in the form of spoken words), and never turned into grabbing-action, she couldn't complain.

"Uh, Bella?"

She stopped fussing with the pillows and looked over her shoulder at Jacob, eyeing her from the foot of the sofa with obvious amusement (and maybe a little confusion, too). "What?" she asked.

"I know you told me we should move to the couch, but when you said, 'it's more comfortable there,' I didn't think you meant, 'with a pillow fort barrier.'"

Oh. She let her eyes drop to the... pillow fort. He was right. _That's a lot of pillows._ "Um—" One warm hand wrapped around hers as he sat down; she gave an involuntary shiver at the tingles that traveled up her arm.

"You're so cute," he said and gently squeezed her fingers, asking, "Can I?" To clarify, he tugged her closer, so that she ended up curled into his side instead of against the mountain of cushions she'd prepared.

"You don't have to ask, you know?" she told him and shifted a little, wanting to find the most comfortable position before settling.

Jacob's voice was unexpectedly quiet. "I just don't wanna assume too much." After turning her hand palm up to draw his thumb along the lines there_, _he added, "You could still take it all back, and I would understand."

At that, Bella straightened to peer at his face, only then truly catching a glimpse of how much it had cost him to lean on her tonight. Softly, she said, "Jake?" The tiniest smile curved his mouth and he shrugged, but it told her a lot—all she needed to know in that moment. "I'm not taking anything back. I _like_ being close to you."Saying that out loud elicited a flare of warmth in her chest, and then he was shaking his head. "Yes," she reiterated.

He snorted. "No, no, that's not why I'm shaking my head," he said. She waited, unable _not_ to stare a little as she watched his face—eyes, more accurately. They were still focused on the patterns he mapped out on her skin that seemed to hold a strange communication with her insides. Hesitantly, he said, "I just..." but trailed off, took in a deep breath and exhaled. "It feels so fucking _good_ to hear you say that."

_Oh_. The warmth inside her intensified, and the smile that crept onto her lips was relentless. She was beaming like an idiot. _Wow, you're gonna freak him out again. Calm down, Bella. Jeez. _"I'm glad," she said, and one corner of his mouth lifted. He had to have caught the smile in her voice, she was sure of it (like it was possible _not_ to).

Wanting to keep him smiling, she leaned in to kiss his cheek, and told him, "I like you—" _Oh whoops. _That wasn't the verbal disclosure she'd intended, even if it was true. She wanted to smack herself. _Way to go._ "Um, maybe that was...," she let the words hang while searching for an appropriate term, "too much?"

Jacob's arm around her tightened and he closed his eyes, taking in an unsteady breath. "No," he reassured. "No, it's not too much."

Bella let go a sigh of relief. "Okay." His eyes were still closed, though, and she wished he would look at her. Not thinking too much, she lifted her hand to caress with gentle fingertips across his forehead, into his hair and almost reflexively he relaxed under her touch. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Skeptically, she let her eyes move over his face, concluding, "You're tired, though, right?" Which very likely was an understatement, what with everything he'd been through tonight. "You can go to bed, Jake, it—"

"No," he protested and then his other arm wrapped around her, pulling her into him even more. "Sorry," he hurried to apologize, all the while rubbing his nose into her hair. After a tiny pause, his lips ghosted along the top of her ear and he quietly said, "Let me hold you just a little while longer—unless you wanna go."

Bella pulled back, shaking her head slightly, to look at him. His eyes were open now and met hers carefully. "Hey," she said, smiling, "I wanna be here." An idea popped into her head, and she turned to fluff the pillows a little before patting them. "Lie down," she ordered. "That way you get rest, too, but I'll stay until you fall asleep, which, by the looks of things," she tipped her head meaningfully, looking at his face—"is bound to happen."

Jacob's eyes flitted to the spot she patted, and then back to hers. Surprised, he wondered, "You're gonna lie there, too?"

And that's when the good idea turned into a prospectively _not_-so-good idea. She grumbled inwardly at the heat in her cheeks. "I- if you want, I mean, I don't have to—I didn't think..." No. She didn't think. _Crap and shit. _Why did she have to be so clueless? But it wasn't a bad thing. Besides, not even twenty minutes ago she'd sat on his lap and hugged him with her legs. They couldn't get much closer than that—well, they could, but that wasn't what this was about.

Resolutely, she scooted back to lean against the pillows—_be a geek, it's always a win—_and made sure there was enough space for him against the backrest. She wiggled her index finger in a beckoning fashion and stifled a giggle at his strange expression. "Come here, you cake."

For the longest moment he appeared to be contemplating the mysteries of the ages, considering how thoughtful he looked, but his eyes never left her face. Finally, he asked, "Are you sure?"

Automatically, she rolled her eyes. "Yes. Come _on_, Cakester." Once more she had to hold back a laugh at the awkward grimace he made, telling her she was pulling all the winners out of her ass tonight (there she went again with the ass-OCD—_damn you, Jared_). But being lame had never felt so good; he was smiling again. "That's better," she complimented when he shifted to move closer. But then he paused, and that's when it dawned on her how he was positioned (maybe he just realized, too, and that was why he was now completely immobilized).

"Um, Jake?" Bella peered up at his face, now hyper-aware of his hands on either side of her waist. Never mind that he was half hovering over her or that the air was being exceptionally obstinate, not wanting to go down her lungs without great difficulty.

Jacob was visibly fighting his own battles, whatever those were, but eventually he lowered to stretch out next to her. Of course his entire body pressed into hers and then he sneaked his arm in to bury it somewhere beneath her head and all the pillows, while the other hesitated a moment before she guided it to curl around her. "This is okay, right?" she wanted to know.

Tilting her head so she could see him, she watched a myriad of emotions move behind the dark eyes now glued to hers. For the umpteenth time that day he was so incredibly close, and she couldn't help but like it much more than she, at this point, probably should.

All he seemed capable of was nodding, but then he whispered, "More than okay." As if to emphasize his words, he brought his hand up to skim the backs of his fingers along the side of her face. While doing so, his eyes left hers and she knew he was looking at her mouth.

She swore it was one of those things (like when someone yawns, whoever else sees will yawn, too) because for some reason her tongue chose that exact moment to decide that _oh yes, your lips require moisture,_ and came out of its own volition to wet them. Quickly, she drew her bottom lip into her mouth and prayed her heart wouldn't decide to jump out of her body.

Jacob moved his hand to pull through the messy black strands, and looked up at the ceiling. He let out an inaudible whistle and then a silent laugh. "I'm so fucking dead."

Bella snorted. "You feel pretty alive to me. Unless you're one of those vamps Nina likes, but never told anyone." Another snorty giggle. "You smell too good for being a mobile compost, though."

This time he couldn't hold back. He busted out a laugh. "Mobile compost," he repeated under his breath, shaking his head while still looking upward. "Shit, you're... something."

"A geek?"

She felt him shrug. "Maybe a little, but a pretty fucking adorable geek in that case." That made her stomach do a few tiny flips. He kept saying she was cute, and now adorable, too. The smile turned into another stupidly wide grin.

"Well, that's all right, then. Plus," she said, and paused to study his face; he looked fairly relaxed and not at all tired anymore. Huh. "I can't feel too bad about being a total weirdo sometimes, I mean, it almost always makes you smile, so that's a win."

His hand dragged down to cover his eyes, rubbing the spot a few times, and in a strained voice he said, "Aw, shit." If he hadn't been smiling still, she might have wondered if something was wrong.

Teasingly, she asked, "Is it getting to be too much? I mean, soon I'll be reaching geekiness of epic levels, so you better escape while you still can."

"So dead," was his only reply, which made her cheeks hurt from the grin she couldn't seem to tone down.

Swapping to her side, she reached to capture his pinky in a pincer grip, lifting it a little to uncover one eye. "How're you doing there? Still alive?"

"Nope. Apparently I'm an odorless—no wait, how'd it go? _Good_-smelling shitcan—holy fuck—" He chortled, and Bella had to clap a hand over her mouth to stop the sudden laughing-fit from waking her parents.

"Shitcan?" she managed in between a gasp and a snort.

Jacob was looking at her now, but laughing all the same. "Yeah, what?"

"Sounds more like—like a—a garbage disposal." A tear escaped the corner of her eye and she wiped at it with the heel of her palm.

"Nah, well—garbage disposal, compost—same thing, but shitcan's another word for toilet, right?"

"Oh God." She clutched her stomach. "Yes, but—how'd we go from vamps to scented shitcans?"

"I've got no idea—and it isn't even funny—but I can't fucking stop."

Bella swiped at another tear. "Me neither. Shit."

Tipping forward, she buried her face into something warm and soft and didn't realize where she was until another giggle-snort had him making choking noises; he gave a slight jerk and laughed. "Aw man, you're weirder than I thought—sniffing armpits now? Fuck."

She was beyond words and her entire body shook. Also, she was running out of oxygen, but couldn't for the life of her cut it out. "Death by armpit," she rasped out, but the words were all muffled by the pillows to which she was now saying her last rites.

"Holy shit, babygirl, calm down, you're gonna kill yourself." His hands cradled her head gently while trying to get her to pull back, but she shook it from side to side, making it her best effort to gulp down some air. In the end he settled for wrapping both arms around her, pulling her closer. "Hey," he coaxed, his voice having taken on a husky quality.

A few moments passed, and eventually, somewhat composed, she was able to lift her face to peer up at Jacob's. He was smiling, if maybe shaking his head at her, too, but there was something there in his eyes—that emotion she couldn't decipher. She sucked in a shaky breath. "Wow." His smile was contagious, and she was soon enough returning it. "I haven't laughed that much in—crap, who knows how long." She hitched one shoulder in a shrug.

Jacob moved a few locks of her hair that stuck to her wet cheeks. "D'you always cry when you laugh this much?" he asked, focusing on the task of picking at her hair.

"Not always, but this was one of those extreme 'must-have-air' moments, and I just couldn't _stop._" The tips of his fingers brushed over her skin, again and again, until he had her face between his hands, having switched to lightly stroking the last traces of tears away from beneath her eyes with his thumbs.

Bella hadn't noticed until then, but now she was aware of being perched with folded arms on his chest. And that's when _babygirl_ fully registered. How much could she smile like a complete fool before being committed as mentally unstable? He shifted a little, the movement jostling her, and let one hand slide down to her jaw, while continuing to caress her cheek. Ever so slowly, he lifted his thumb, only to lightly trail the curve of her lower lip, the upper, and finally swept across her mouth fully.

The gesture did the strangest things to her stomach, but that wasn't all: her heart seemed to have gone completely wild and that, in turn, interfered with her breathing again. Sure, she could breathe, but not deeply. _Hello, meltyness, mind going easy on me? I'm just a newbie._ "You—" She couldn't talk when suddenly the tip of his thumb folded the lower curve of her mouth only just so, but enough for her lips to part.

When he spoke, his voice, and the way he held her in place with that intense gaze of his, made her question the state of her bones. _Total liquid-y mess. _"I wanna kiss you so fucking bad right now but—" He swallowed, and weird tingles filled her stomach when he wet his own lips. "I won't if it's too much. You've gotta—" His breath caught when she kissed the tip of his thumb, and then he closed his eyes. He inhaled through his nose and held for a second before exhaling unsteadily through pursed lips. "Please, babygirl," he begged in a whisper that sent a jolted charge to spread delicious warmth through her entire body.

"Okay, um, just—" She stretched to kiss his forehead, making him lower his hands to her shoulders, where he kept them. When her mouth moved down the bridge of his nose, she felt him tighten his hold ever so slightly. She closed her eyes, brushed across the side of his nose, and his cheek, switched direction again, and hesitantly came to a full stop just above his mouth, at which point she wondered if he had stopped breathing entirely. Her heart was pounding so hard she felt it in her ears (but that was a minor detail). _Of course._

"Is this a yes?" he asked then, the words weak with something unfamiliar to her, but since her body seemed to understand, she listened curiously to each tiny tingle. As if drawn by magnetism, she felt him tilt his head and the softest texture _ever_ moved at the dip beneath her lower lip. Nothing within her allowed her to talk, but she wanted his incredibly sweet touch closer and relented to let him pull her in.

The moment that gentle pressure found the edge of her mouth, she gained some form of communicative abilities back, and quickly whispered, "Yes. Yes, it's—" The words failed her completely when his nose skimmed along hers, lightly back and forth across the tip until heat fanned her lips.

And then the warm softness of him connected and his hands moved up her neck. Jacob's mouth was slow and so very tender on hers, and while she tried not to get swept into a messy, melty oblivion by the way his kiss caused even crazier flutters to her stomach than her heart, it was a challenge.

With his thumbs tracing her jaw line, earlobes, and back over her cheeks, he coaxed her mouth to give him a firmer response. She knew she was clueless but, eager to learn each shape of him, she followed his lead without much effort or thought, taking note of the beat of his heart under her hands. _Oh hi, you're all revved up, too._ This made her smile into Jacob's kisses in spite of herself.

The motion parted her lips, and she went into a total flatline when she sank in wetness and heat and—_ohh. _

Seemingly reluctant, he pulled back—_no no, where're you going?_—only a millimeter at most, but enough to whisper in between brushing lips, "Is it too much?"

Bella reassured him it wasn't by clutching his shirt and pressing closer, and this time opening up a little more in time to feel the rush of air before his mouth closed over hers in a different way entirely than only moments prior.

Lightly, the tip of his tongue touched hers, which had somehow figured out to meet him halfway and then, with an experimental stroke, she searched along the smooth texture and it was so nice and she was positively certain she would collapse but holy _crap_ he _tasted_ good, too.

And instantly she knew swooning like an epic cliché was going to be the exact outcome when Jacob returned the favor, but unlike her, he knew _exactly_ what he was doing. He proved it with a firm sweep of his tongue that nearly electrocuted her stomach, the second she was miraculously able to match, and then another and another and deeper but not too much, yet far more than was fair.

A noise stuck in his throat when she pulled herself over him, wanting to be impossibly close. Suddenly his hands were no longer on her face, but just above her ass and his fingers dug into the material of her shorts. She stilled. _Um, that's precisely what you think it is and yes, you're totally turning him on right now and unless you're going to offer you better not tempt 'cause that's __**so**__ mean—whoa._

Jacob was turned on and it was all her fault...

...and there was no way she could make herself feel bad for it.

Except that she did, kind of, since she couldn't have sex on her parents' sofa under her dad's roof, and especially not when she wasn't on the pill and _holy shit_ she had just considered the possibility of it.

Bella shifted to back off, making her thigh nudge the wrong—right, depending on perspective—spot again. Jacob drew in a sharp breath. "Sorry," she apologized quickly. "I'll go headbutt my desk for it—repeatedly—_after_ you forgive me for being so dumb."

Jacob kept his eyes closed, and took what seemed to be a few carefully calculated breaths before finally meeting her slightly worried gaze. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she hadn't liked kissing him or being close to him this way. When his hands slid up her back, taking the bottom of her shirt with them, she shivered at the contact of his warm skin on hers. "Don't be sorry," he said. A wry smile shaped his mouth as he shrugged, quietly adding, "I'm not complaining."

Searching his eyes, she wanted to know, "So I'm not being mean or anything?" He shook his head and rolled, making her slide off him, but he kept one hand at her lower back and slipped the other behind his head.

"You're not mean," he reassured, and it made her relax. His eyes softened as he lightly stroked his hand up and down her neck, eventually threading fingers in her hair and pulling her closer. Her lids fluttered closed when he leaned in to brush her lips with his. Just once, and when he pulled back she blinked at him stupidly.

"Um, that was kinda mean, though," she said without thinking.

Jacob gave her a little smile, but it communicated so much, as did his eyes, and somehow her heart was stumbling beat by beat. It was impossible to look away. Whispering, "I'm sorry, babygirl," he returned his mouth to hers, parted her lips and kissed her with slow strokes, deepening each one, as if to apologize for the teasing peck. _Apology accepted... and then some. _

If he stopped what he was doing she might die, but if he continued, her chances of coming out of it with her head screwed on right were slim, so either way she was done for. Probably she should pull away, but there was no way she could make herself do it when all she wanted was to remain right there, pressed into him, utterly electrified by not only his mouth and tongue doing wonderful things to her, but also by his hand now drifting down her side.

In all sensibleness, when he shifted and somehow had her rolled onto her back, she should have protested, but as insistent as the little voice was, telling her he was a guy and could very easily take advantage of her, she fought back with _he could've done that ages ago, so shut up._ Instead, she sneaked her hands to explore his face, neck, back up and into the silky, wild mess he himself ruffled so often. She absolutely _loved_ how the strands glided so easily through her fingers, even with whatever product he had in there.

But then everything changed when he found his way beneath her top, gentle fingers stroking the curve of her hip. A contented noise hummed in her throat. Jacob's mouth left hers almost immediately, and for reasons unbeknownst to her, he withdrew his hand and pulled back, his breathing unsteady. "I'm sorry," he said in a strained voice, not looking at her.

Confused, she followed up to prop herself on one elbow, not the slightest bit wiser after taking in his frown. "What's wrong?" she asked quickly, squashing an irrational fear of inadequacy. _Stop it. He's had a rough night. _He _had_, and expecting him to throw it all aside and be a careless teenager with her was too much to ask. _What?_ She swore at her hormones and told them to back off.

Jacob still couldn't look at her, and then she winced, some of that hardness having leaked back into his voice, when he told her, "I'm a fucking idiot."

"What—_why?_" This. Right here. He kept doing it and she didn't understand it at all. Feeling a little frustrated, she pressed, "Why? You're not an idiot, Jake. Why do you keep doing this? I mean, all of a sudden you go all... cold. I don't understand."

"You're not supposed to make it so easy for me," he said flatly. Her eyes widened in response, and then he groaned. "Fuck—sorry." With a frustrated sigh of his own, he started to get up, but she pressed her palms flat to his chest to stop him.

"Don't," she pleaded. "Don't do this again—don't run away, let me help instead. Talk to me." _God._ She sounded _exactly _like Hannah. Instantly she pulled back and slumped her shoulders. _Let him have his space if that's what he needs._ Of course—freaking _of course—_her eyes had to burn with threatening tears. She shifted a little to face away from him. There was just no way she would get upset about this. She had to keep reminding herself that he'd been to hell and back and she knew better than to expect rational responses from people with trauma. _You. Desk. Headbutting-session. Now._

Jacob put a finger under her chin. "Hey," he said, but when he tried to turn her face toward him, she stubbornly refused.

"It's fine, Jake." But of course she _had_ to breathe in through her nose, making a wet noise in the process, so her effort to keep the hurt hidden was now redundant.

"Aw, fuck—" She felt him move closer, but then he stopped. "Bella?" The tone of his voice was unsure again, but something else was laced with the next words coming out of his mouth, "I'm sorry. I'm being a total dick. Look, I just don't wanna make you do something you're not ready for. I mean, I'm scared I'm pushing you and you're just going with it 'cause it feels good or you feel sorry for me or—fuck, I don't know, I just don't wanna make you do something you'll regret later on."

By the time he was done, she'd turned to face him, and now her eyes were glued to his, widened with incredulity. "You think I feel sorry for you," she repeated slowly. He opened his mouth but she pressed a fingertip to his lips. "Nuh-uh." She searched his eyes and saw nothing but genuine fear, which had her thoughts spinning. "And you're afraid that—what? That I can't stop myself if it goes too far?" Bella's brows pulled together, but she continued staring at him in disbelief. "I... Wow. Okay, I don't know what to say. Um..."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Yeah, I'm an ass, I—"

"Stop that," she ordered. "You're _not_ an ass, or a dick, or whatever else you can come up with—jeez." After a deep breath and exhaling, she scooted as close to him as she could without crawling onto his lap. With both hands she held his face. "Jacob. Look at me, please?"

Something told her it was one heck of an effort to do so, but eventually he opened his eyes. He didn't look nearly as scared anymore. Guilt seemed to be the prominent emotion, if she were able to decipher it properly, which wasn't necessarily the case.

"You're half right about some things," she began, carefully. "So I get that—not that I get the whole 'feeling sorry for you,' but, okay, um... Look. If I didn't wanna do something, I wouldn't do it. Sure, it felt good"—she was blushing bright red, she was sure of it—"to be close to you, like, whoa, but it's not like I was gonna let anything happen on my parents couch, you know? Like, if I was that desperate to get off I've got a vibrator 'cause Nina's pretty convincing in her arguments about those sort of things and—" _Oh God, no. No, please, no. You didn't just tell him you've got a vibrator! _Instantly she had her own face in her hands, muttering wordlessly into her lap. _Red alert. You're about to be consumed by mortification._

Jacob didn't make a sound, and there was no way in hell she would even _peek_ at him right now. Not even to make sure she hadn't shocked or scared him. But that wasn't possible. Not really. He was far more experienced than she was, so it was undoubtedly not a secret to him that girls used vibrators. She only had one because her friend had insisted it was a must-have. Not that Bella had missed it _before_, but now when she had one she did see its advantages.

Why was she sitting there thinking about her vibrator? _You need help—not __**that**__ kind of help. Oh yes, your mind just went there. _Why did her thoughts constantly have to take the gutter-dive lately?

Without looking up, she quietly told him, "Just... I can take care of me, okay? Please don't worry about that—not like that! I mean, sure, I can do that, too, but, um, oh crap I'm making such an idiot of myself I can't even... I fail so hard at this right now." _I can take care of me? Oh yes, just go into your room and rev it up—holy crap-balls! What's __**wrong**__ with you? _

Bella cringed, her burning face still hidden in her hands.

The seat cushions shifted, and automatically she looked up as he moved toward the edge of the sofa. "Jake?" She reached for his arm to stop him, half-expecting him to disregard her and leave anyway. He didn't. Instead he took her hand, brought it to his lips to press them firmly to her knuckles—his breathing wasn't very steady. At all. _Now you've really done it. _"Me and my dumb mouth," she whispered. "Sor—"

"Shh. Don't." And then he tugged her toward him. She wrapped her arms around him, but stilled at his breath catching when she pressed her face into his neck. A moment of silence passed. Then, "_I'm_ the one who should be sorry for being an insensitive jerk, so don't say sorry, 'cause you've done nothing wrong."

Tilting her head to peer at his face, she wondered, "So how come you're leaving, 'cause that's what you're about to do, isn't it?" He faced her. The expression he wore, and the way his eyes almost wiped her entire vocabulary from her brain, made the air thicken between them almost instantaneously. "I just—" He inhaled deeply and then exhaled one of his customary, soundless whistles before dropping his forehead to rub with the heels of his palms. "I really gotta go to the bathroom."

_Really? _Her mind just went there. Straight into the gutter. Again. If her face hadn't been burning already, it now definitely was. "You better go then," she offered lamely. Before she could stop it, she had an image in her head that had her nearly dying on the spot. _Don't think about it don't think about it—ugh._

Suddenly he was shaking his head, snorting. "Okay. I'm gonna, uh..." _So weird and so awkward... _But at the same time she was _way_ curious about the _real _reason for his leaving.

"I'll see you soon," she blurted, but added quickly, "Right? I mean, you're coming back?" Why in the name of all that was holy would he come _back?_ Hadn't she tortured the poor guy enough? "Um, never mind. It's okay if you don't, I'll just go to bed." Bed. That sounded... not so inviting. Lying there while wondering what he was doing in the bathroom—_dirty girl. Oh yes. _But that wasn't her fault. Bella blamed it on all the dirty-minded people in her life_. Of __**course**__._

Next thing she knew, before she could even blink, Jacob grabbed her face between trembling hands and kissed her mouth. Lingered. And then he was gone. She stared blankly, lips tingling, while wondering how he'd managed to leave the room so _fast. _Whatever the emergency was, it must have been, well... urgent.

When she heard a door close, she slipped off the sofa and tiptoed across the room to peer down the hallway. There was no telltale sign of the light usually streaming from the bottom of the bathroom door when occupied. In other words: Jacob was so busted. And she was a total freak for almost being overcome by renewed curiosity to sneak down and—_no._

But if she meant to go to bed, there was no unjustifiable reason to say she couldn't walk down there, because that was totally legit. _Uh-huh._ And she could pause, if only just briefly, to take extra care when opening her own door, just to make sure it didn't whine. She wouldn't want to make any... noises. Because that would be inconsiderate to sleeping people.

It sounded like a convincing argument. _Totally._

Bella made sure all the lights were off before she started down the hallway. _Such a perv._

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong> _

_**Oh my God they finally kissed!** (After ten chapters? Trust me—or ask **Mera** & **Cretin**—I live under a constant cloud of **argh-i-wanna-pull-my-hair-out** thanks to these two characters.)_

_As always, **huge** thanks to **MeraNaamJoker** & **Cretin** for betaing, and everything else that makes you the amazing women that you are. I love you both SFM._

_To everyone else: I was completely blown away by your reviews for the previous chapter and I hope that **this** chapter was some measure of **thank you & I love you** for taking the time to read and share your thoughts on these two adorable (and sometimes maddening) teens. (I squee myself into utter humiliation and care not one bit. ;).)_

_Yes, this chapter was all about Jake & Bella and some 5000 words of one scene. This won't happen often, so don't worry. Next chapter will see things moving forward again (at a snails' pace, as per usual. Heh)._

_Last but not least, **MeraNaamJoker** wrote an amaaaazing Outtake on what happened when Nina left the cafeteria at detention, so if you haven't done so yet, I definitely recommend that you read it. It's mindblowing & hawt, and One-Hundred-Percent compliant with the story. Check it out. ;)_

_Until next time, I leave you with a ton of snuggle-snorgles. I love y'all to pieces._

_**PS.** There was a question about who I see as Bella and also Fish (and Jake, I think?). I did post links on Twitter, but if you didn't see? For Bella, I see Emmy Rossum. For Fish, I see Ryan Gosling (not the beardy adult version, of course!). For Jake I haven't found a suitable match, even though I have T. Lautner on the banner. Y'all no doubt have your versions, just like I have, so keep on envisioning your very own mysterious!Jake. He **is** a bit of a mystery, after all. ;)_


	12. Fried

_Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The things I put them through (and my mind) I share openly with anyone who wishes to take part. Consider yourselves warned though; it won't be all rainbows and pretty colors._

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><p><strong>[WARNING:<strong> Have extra underwear ready, and do not read if not near lockable room. Also, make sure your lungs are in excellent condition. That is all.**]**_  
><em>

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Fried<strong>_

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><p><em>I need some supervision  I'm losing all control of my hands / They're at your command / "The Way You Touch Me," by Enrique Iglesias_

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><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Bella couldn't help herself. Against the self-accusatory thought of _you're a perv __**and**__ a total weirdo_, she slowed her light footsteps and came to a pause outside Jacob's door. _Go to your room right now._ But she couldn't. When she got curious... well, she got curious, and that was that. Not much, beside external interference (or her dad's stern voice in her head), was able to redirect her in such situations.

_Something_ hit the door from the other side and she nearly gave a start. She covered her mouth, just in case. Given the thin walls, and crappy soundproofing in general, a lot more could be heard than was sometimes appreciated anyway.

Quickly, and as soundlessly as she was possibly able, Bella tiptoed over to her own door and cracked it open—_crap._ Of course the door had to creak, even if it was such a teeny sound. Straining for any type of indication she'd been caught, she paused and waited.

Complete silence. Apart from her dad's snores further down the hallway.

Still, she stayed where she was, wondering why it _was_ so silent. Had she been mistaken? Maybe Jacob _didn't_ run away because he needed to do... stuff. Wouldn't he make some sort of noises? Or was he the quiet type? Or... maybe he deliberately tried to be silent because he, too, considered how well sound carried through the walls? Why was she obsessing about it so much? And why on _earth_ did the very thought of him touching himself have to be so appealing? She knew it was, though, because a somewhat familiar tingle had settled in her stomach.

Maybe, since the thought of him getting that turned on after making out with her, sort of, made it personal—_whoa._ What if he were thinking about her when he was doing it? What would he imagine? How did he see her and what was she doing? _Holy freaking melons_—

Jacob totally just made a noise.

The fluttering sensation in her stomach that instantly surged downward to settle between her legs surprised her so much she nearly gave her eavesdropping self away. _Wow._ _Um... hi. _Probably she should go into her room. _Yes._

After closing the door carefully, she stopped again, listening... listening harder. Again she heard something, and again her body responded to it, but it didn't catch her off guard this time. In the safety of her room, slipping the button to her shorts free and tugging them down, nearly stumbling while moving toward her bed, she finally managed to sit down. _Take it easy. Jeez._

She threw a quick glance at her nightstand.

But then, on second thought, she changed her mind and, instead of getting her vibrator, lowered herself slowly onto the comforter (it was way too hot to get under the covers), while straining her ears for sounds. With the thought of Jacob's hands on himself right now, she couldn't help but wonder what they would feel like on _her._ Down _there_. She knew already how soft they were and gentle and just so wonderful. _God..._ The beat of her heart was so fast and so hard and it was too much—her hand dove down between her legs to press against the unbelievably torturous throb of _want need gotta have..._

_...ohhh. _That felt so _good_. Momentarily, she paused, and then realized how damp the cotton felt. _Seriously...?_

Keeping her ears perked and letting her eyes close, she pulled her knees up and slipped her hand beneath the fabric of her panties. _Holy crap on toast!_ _Wow. Just... Um... _She couldn't... It was.._._ Had she been this wet before? No. No she hadn't. And it was... it was all because of _Jacob_. It had to be.

She ran her fingers upward, pressing lightly, but instead of her own she imagined his soft, warm touch stroking her right... _there—_she slipped and her hips gave a tiny jerk. _Oh God oh God oh God._ Another circle, the gentlest touch of her fingertips, and... _Again_, she hit that super-sensitive spot and drew in a tiny breath. Okay—_okaaaay..._ _Whoa._ That was—helplessly, she whimpered—_sooo_ nice. With her other hand, she reached down to assist, and now, when she was this wet and _so_ sensitive, hearing Jacob's occasional noises and knowing he must be getting closer, doing this with her hands was so much _better._

No. _His _hand, sliding down. _His_ finger sinking into her and farther and then curling... A little more and... _Oh __**God**__._ She was so _close_ and circling a little faster and all she could think about was Jacob; his sweet kisses and his gorgeous eyes and hesitant but awesomely amazing touch that had her heart trembling and her stomach dying and... _Oh yes._ Almost. She knew. She could _hear._.. _Jake... _Just a little more. A muffled groan carried from across the hall and she just _knew_ he was so close, too... _Please, Jake._ She barely realized she did but she begged him all the same, "Please, Jake..."

And then she heard "_Ssshi—_" cut off by a moan. _Ohhh yes._ He totally came and... _Yesss._

The whimper couldn't be helped, and she quivered at the jolt of pleasure that burned through her, making her clamp her thighs together and press against the delicious waves shivering down her legs. "_God..._," she breathed into the pillow, having rolled over, hands still pressed to the pounding pulse beneath them. _Whoa whoa whoa, Orgasm Police! pull over!_

She was _so_ strange. Did she just take an instant tumble? _Dude._

Dazed and utterly boneless, Bella stared at nothing in particular. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that that was the single most powerful orgasm she'd had. Even less did she question why that was; it was pretty obvious.

And she was suddenly so _tired._ "Ugh..." Before sleep she seriously needed to go to the bathroom. Unable to stop herself, she snorted a laugh. _Just like you, Jake._ Another stifled giggle escaped as she dragged her hands out from between her legs and pushed up on shaky arms, exhaling a whisper. "Whoa, I'm like mush." She was. _Gooey mush_. _How nice._

Peeking out her door, and checking to see the coast was clear, she then tiptoed across the hallway to the bathroom. She went about her business and ran the water in the sink at the weakest stream she could get. Once satisfied with her mostly quiet efforts, she made it back to her room.

Two minutes later, Bella couldn't fight her heavy lids any longer and let them win.

**o~*iii*~o**

She was still half-asleep when she sank down at the table the next day. Bella rested her elbows on the surface and cupped her face, squashing her cheeks together while trying to rub the last remnants of fuzziness away.

"Morning, baby," Renée said in a chirp-like voice. Probably it sounded more cheerful than it was. It felt like everything was glazed over by whatever strange and dizzy filter that hovered around her. Bella acknowledged her mom with an uncharacteristic mumble she, herself, couldn't decipher. "Were you up late?" Renée wondered.

Blinking and squeezing her eyes shut, trying to get rid of the grainy sleepiness in her eyes, she watched as her mom placed things on the table. Breakfast-stuff. "Mm, yeah. Kinda," Bella replied. "Sorry. Morning, Mom. Oh. And thanks," she added while pulling the bowl that suddenly materialized between her limp hands closer. Absently, she traced the edge, pausing at the visuals plopping into her line of sight. Vague sounds registered, too. Or more like echoes and not like she had a band-recorder set to playback in her head.

So much happened last night. Jacob finally allowing her a glimpse into his past, a taste of his lips and—_oh. _That was right. She had an amazing orgasm last night, and Jacob did, too. Well, she wasn't sure if his was as good as hers, but he had one all the same. It had sounded like he enjoyed it. Wow. Her mind was so slow and her thoughts weren't very easy to coordinate at all.

The cereal made clinking noises as they fell into the bowl, and now a glass had appeared out of nowhere. Juice. _Yummy. _She was so _thirsty._ Bella made a contented, humming sound while sucking down half the contents. It was amazingly cold and refreshing. Why couldn't she get her brain to work properly?

Post-orgasmic bliss wasn't supposed to last this long. Possibly she was just obsessing again, as was always typical for her to do. If it was this good while thinking about him and hearing him—how good would it be with his hands actually _on_ her during the process? _Duh..._

Still not fully alert, she grabbed the spoon and scooped up some milk and cereal. Huh. Where had the milk come from? She couldn't remember pouring it. A few crunches and she realized it wasn't sweet enough. Bella grimaced. "Mom, can you pass me the sex, please?"

Only silence answered her.

Someone snorted. "Shit. You serve sex for breakfast? I knew your parents were cool, babe, but fuck—"

"Nina. Language, please," her mom said, sounding like she was trying hard not to laugh. _Okay..._ Wait—what?

Bella looked up, meeting the curious, somewhat concerned, yet mostly amused expressions of Renée and Nina. "What do you mean..." She let the words die and her eyes widen at the same time as her face seemed to catch on fire. "Oh no—_sugar!_ I meant _sugar!_" Staring at them still, she shook her head from side to side. "I didn't say that, did I? I can't believe I said that—tell me I didn't say that—" Bella cut off with a groan and dropped her face in her hands. _You equal fail en brilliancé. _"Seriously," she breathed. It was a trick of her sleepy brain. She hadn't just asked her mom for sex. _Holy shit._ "I give up. I totally fail at even simple requests for sustenance. So bad. Oh God—" She sat up straight, but after a quick glance around her, she managed to relax. "What if Jesse had been here? I can't even..."

And they were just _laughing._ _So mean._ But wait. What was Nina doing here so early? Unless... "What time is it?" Bella craned her neck, trying to see the clock, but received an answer before she could get her eyes to focus.

"Almost eleven," Renée replied.

Nina pulled a chair out to sit down. "A really late night, by the sounds of it," she said, giving Bella an eyebrow-wiggle. She just rolled her eyes and reached for the sugar. _Sex. Honestly._ What was she thinking? _About sex?_ As if she didn't blurt out things badly enough already. Did she really need to add onto that? "What'd you do last night?" Nina grabbed the box of Corn Flakes and shook a few into her palm. While eyeing Bella expectantly, she chewed noisily.

Bella said a silent prayer of thanks her face was already red. It couldn't get worse. "Um... Talked, mostly. Oh..." A smile curved her lips as she thought about Jacob playing the guitar. That soon made other things mix and clash, and she got stuck forcing the smile to stay on her face, while the memory of her holding him as he clung to her wanted to pull it down into a frown.

Nina was observant enough to pick up on it. "What?" she demanded.

"Nothing," Bella replied with a shrug and put another spoonful of milk and Corn Flakes into her mouth, deliberately taking care to break the flakes between her teeth slowly so she wouldn't slip up. Instead, she asked, "When did you get here?"

"An hour ago. Maybe a little more." Nina smirked, and added, "I figured you weren't up yet when your mom looked surprised to see me."

Bella sighed. "I'm sorry," she apologized, both to Nina and her mom. "Didn't think I'd need an alarm to get up in time to ask." She turned to her mom then. "It's okay though, right?" Either Renée hadn't heard or she was thinking about it, which was odd. Usually she gave instant replies. "Mom?"

"Hmm? Oh yes, of course." Renée stood at the sink, picking potatoes out of a bag to peel. Bella raised an eyebrow at her mom's distracted motions and the thoughtful tone in her voice.

"You okay, mom?"

At that, Renée turned with a reassuring smile. "Yes, baby." After a brief pause, she asked, "When you've got time, do you think you could help me hang the washing? I need to get lunch ready. Also I need to dash out to the store, so if you two could keep an eye on Ash and Jesse, that would be really great."

Nina perked up. "Absolutely!"

Bella gave her friend a questioning look, but smiled back at Renée. "Sure, Mom." To Nina she quietly said, with accompanied air-quotes, "Too much 'sex' this morning?"

Nina burst out laughing, while Renée just shook her head. Leaning across the table, Nina whispered so faintly Bella barely caught it, "There can never be too much of that."

Of course not. This was Nina. What had she been thinking? _About Jake?_ That was true. Bella chased cereal around and around in her bowl. It occurred to her that she didn't really know much about Jacob's daily schedule at all, but since he was nowhere to be seen inside, nor outside, she finally asked her mom, "Is Jacob at work, or is he being a sleepyhead, too?"

It took a few beats for her mom to answer. Again. What was up with her? "He hasn't been out of his room... and I've been up since four."

"Whoa—was it Jesse?" Bella wondered if that was why her mom seemed a bit slower to respond than usual.

Another pause, which finally made Bella turn fully toward her mom, who was looking at Nina. "Could you give us a minute, sweetie?"

"Sure, Ren." Nina got up with a sideways glance at Bella, then went for the sliding door.

"Mom, are you okay?" Bella asked the moment her friend shut the door.

"Yes, baby, I'm fine," she reiterated. "But... is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

Bella's heart switched places with her stomach. "Um..." What was this about? Had she heard them last night on the sofa? Or worse... outside in the yard? She couldn't say anything about that. That wasn't her place to say. _Oh God._ She felt slightly ill. How would she reply without giving something away that could possibly ruin Jacob's trust in her? The absolutely hardest thing to figure out right this moment was how to respond without lying—she simply couldn't do that. That being the case, it put her in a sticky spot.

Renée was watching her with obvious concern. "Bella," she began, which instantly made warning-bells go off: this was business.

"Yeah?" she managed to quaver. _Oh crap._ Her mom was, like, the human lie detector. Not that she needed much skill where Bella was concerned.

Renée seemed to be debating something mentally. Finally, she said with a jerk of her head in the right direction, "Step into my office, please."

_Crap, crap, crappity crap._ Renée's "office" was in point of fact her bedroom, and she only pulled kids in there individually for Serious Talks. Face down, Bella trudged after her mom and stood in the middle of the room while Renée closed and locked the door. Silence hung between them for a moment, but then Renée walked over and pulled Bella to her bed to sit next to her. "Don't look so scared, baby. You're not in trouble."

Bella lifted her head to meet her mom's eyes. "No, I didn't think that, I just thought… Did you hear us last night?"

Renée laughed and pulled Bella into a hug. Bella relaxed against her shoulder as she replied, "No, baby. But I heard something later…" Later? Later as in...? "When did you go to bed last night? Was it before four?"

Oh. _Phew._ Puzzled, Bella sat back up again. "Yeah. I mean, I was up late, but it wasn't _that _late. Why?"

Instead of answering, Renée gave her a thoughtful look and brushed her hair back, away from her face. "Bella, I don't want to be pushy. You're a young woman who's smart and trustworthy and I know you do the right things. So… can I say something to you as a friend? But a friend who's way older and has seen a lot?"

Now Bella was even more confused. Of _course _her mom was her friend; she was her _best_ friend, tied with Nina, so why was she even asking that? "Sure."

Renée nodded and took a deep breath. "You're a very giving person. That's a great thing. You're compassionate, and you notice when people are hurt, and you do what you can to make them feel better."

Some of the tension drained out of Bella's stomach. Okay. So. She wasn't going to ask about Jacob's secrets. "Of course. Like you do."

Smiling, Renée patted her knee. "You come by it honestly. That's how I know that those kind of personality traits can have some drawbacks."

"Drawbacks?"

"Mm-hmm." Renée looped her arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her close to her side once more. "Sometimes, when people like us find out that we can make somebody who's sad feel better, about themselves, or about life in general, it's easy to start thinking that's the most important thing we can do for them. Almost like, if you see them sad, you _have _to do what you can to make them smile. As if it's your job."

Bella sighed. "Yeah."

"It's not your job, baby."

That made Bella frown. "But I thought you said—"

"It's a good thing to do, but it's not the only thing you can do. And especially when it's all mixed up with _liking _someone—some _boy_—some boy named _Jacob_—it can start to turn into The Way Things Work between the two of you. It's good to feel needed, I get that. But, him needing you isn't a good thing to base your relationship on. I feel worried right now, baby, because you've had a couple of very late nights and Jake's seemed very upset and off-kilter during those times, and I get the sense that you're helping him through that. Am I right?"

"Yeah, but Mom, it isn't like he's _making _me—"

"No, no, I wouldn't have expected him to do anything like that. And honestly, if you weren't interested in him, I wouldn't worry at all. But you're more than interested in him, right?"

Wow. Not only was her mom a human lie detector, she was a seer, too. _Freaky._ Now when she put it like that... She _was _more than interested. Very much so. Gulping, Bella finally nodded.

"So that can be kind of tricky when him needing you comes into play. I'm not saying you shouldn't be there for the boy you like. I _am _saying that the two of you—as far as I'm concerned, he has equal responsibility in this—should hold influence over each other because of what each offers the other, not because of what each takes."

_Um... what?_ "I'm so freaking lost right now."

Renée laughed. "Here's what I've seen happen. A boy is depressed. His girlfriend makes him feel better when they're together. Her influence on him extends from what she offers him—the ability to feel happier. Pretty soon, she starts to feel responsible if he's _not _better. If he doesn't want to come along and do something when she goes out, because he's depressed, she spends the entire outing worrying about him, texting him, calling him to see if he's okay, begging him to come out, and so on and so forth. His influence on _her_ extends from what he takes from her—the ability to feel happy—and not from what he gives her. See what I mean?"

Bella bit her lip in thought. "I think so. And you're worried that could happen with Jake and me?"

"Mm-hmm. I sure am. Jake's a good boy, and a sweet boy, but he's the temperamental artist type to begin with. Add that to the trauma he's experienced, and he's got a lot working against his mental health. I'm not saying he's bad for you, because if I thought that he wouldn't be here at all. I _am _saying that I would like to see you making an effort to keep at least some of your life separate from his. And I'd also like your permission to point out to you if I see you beginning to blur the line between girlfriend and therapist. Because I promise you, baby, that kind of dependence isn't healthy. Remember the _Seven Habits_? Interdependence is the goal. Right?"

"Right," Bella responded thoughtfully. What if.._._ Was this something similar to what Jacob was worried about? When he thought she was just doing things with him—kissing, touching—because she felt sorry for him? Well, whatever he meant, she knew she didn't, and she wasn't and never wanted to be _just_ someone to make him feel better—his _therapist?_ _Um. No._ Readily, she consented. "Okay. Yeah. You can do that."

"Thank you, baby." Renée leaned to kiss the top of Bella's head. "And, about asking for sex?"

_Oh no. She had to, didn't she? _Instantly, Bella died a million blushy deaths. Smacking her hands over her fiery-red face, she mumbled from beyond the grave, "I haven't asked _him_ for sex."

"Given that he's sixteen, I doubt you'd need to," Renée said with a laugh. "Sex changes things, baby. It makes you bond to the other person in ways I can't explain. And it's really, really strong, no matter what Nina tells you. You've got a different upbringing and personality from Nina, and sex means different things to different people. I can pretty much guarantee it's going to be a big deal to you, especially because I can really only imagine that you'd do it with a boy you loved."

_Yikes._ Still hiding behind her fingers, Bella nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Okay. I'm just giving advice here. It's up to you because it's your life, not mine. If you listen to me, though, I think you'll save yourself a lot of heartache. It'd be good if you had some healthy, functional patterns in your relationship with Jake before you take that step, if you want to take that step. Foundations you can lean on when those strong feelings start swaying you in one direction or another. Because believe me, baby, sex is powerful stuff. It's fun and it feels good but it's not just a game. I know you know that."

Bella dared to peek between her fingers. "Um. Yeah. I know."

"Do you want to talk about birth control? I know you know the basics from listening to me talk to the other girls who've lived here before."

Dropping her hands, Bella shrugged. This was way easier than talking about sex specifically with Jacob. "I think I want the shot so I don't have to think about it every day."

Renée smiled. "That's smart. And… you know that you'll have to use condoms for a while, right? We can take Jake in to get tested—it's time for his well child anyway at the Health Department—but it's not going to be a sure thing until six months after Hannah, you know?"

Bella abruptly couldn't stop picturing Jacob's… _thingy_… and rolling a condom onto it like she had the cucumber in Health class. _S__hit. Oh God._ She was going to die all over again. "Uh-huh," she whispered, very quietly this time. _How_ would she get that image out of her head now? She better, before she saw Jacob, or she'd end up in the ER with serious heart failure (or a fried brain, either of the two... or both).

"Okay. I won't embarrass you anymore. I know you know about throwing them away if you put them on backwards the first try and checking expiration dates."

Bella rolled her eyes and couldn't help but giggle. "Yes, but I appreciate you throwing that in there."

Renée squeezed her shoulders. "Of course," she said, winking at Bella. "All right. I need to get back to fixing lunch."

Just as Bella watched her mom unlock the door to pull it open, she remembered something. "Hey, Mom?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What did you mean you heard something... later?"

Seemingly deliberating, with her hand resting on the doorknob, Renée finally told her gently, "Jacob was upset."

"Oh." Bella frowned, but when she went to open her mouth, a sound interrupted her. Someone was knocking on a door in the hallway.

"_Hey, Jake! Lazyass, get outta bed."_

"Jared," they both said at the same time. Bella grinned in spite of herself. "Guess he's been trying to call him."

If Jared was here, that meant Nina would definitely get to hear—well, Jared, at least. Because when Renée and Bella came up the hallway, Jared gave them a quizzical look, asking, "Is he in a funk again, or what? I've been calling him for two hours straight and since he wouldn't answer I decided to come over." With a slightly lopsided grin, he added, "Ah, yeah. Sorry for busting in without waiting. I got worried, is all."

Renée laughed. "It's fine, sweetie. Mi casa es su casa." Giving Bella a look, she continued toward the kitchen. "Give him time. He'll come out," she called over her shoulder to them both.

With a quick jerk of his chin in the direction of Renée's room, Jared teased. "First day of summer break and you're already in trouble? Naughty girl."

Bella snorted, trying to downplay the slight mortification leaking back into her cheeks (it couldn't be healthy to blush this much). "Pssh. As if."

"Hey," he said, "don't knock it," his voice having dropped low as he waggled his brows, "It's the quiet ones you gotta watch out for."

_Quiet ones... _And her mind went there. _Oh for Pete's sake!_ "Sure. Whatever you say," Bella mumbled, turning for an escape route: her room. She shook her head while mouthing to herself _oh. My. God._ This was bad timing. _Such_ bad timing to be thinking about... all the things crawling into her brain while she, herself, wriggled her way through the gutter. _You are to report immediately to headbutting-duty. Like. Now._

"Aw, c'mon, sweetheart. I'm just teasin' ya."

"Uh-huh." Turning to give him a smirk, Bella suggested, "Why don't you, um, go tease Nina? She's in the backyard. You can, you know, entertain her or something while I have a shower." She even afforded him a wink before closing the door. Jared stared at her like she'd grown a second head or something. _Uh-oh._ What now? Oh... Probably she shouldn't have said she was about to have a shower. _No. Really? _Okay. So maybe it would be wise to start making an effort and use her brain, before something _really_ bad happened.

Whatever that might be, she didn't want to indulge the possibilities. _Your desk awaits you, Miss You Fail So Hard I Can't Even._ Hopefully she'd get it right this time. _Good luck with that._

**o~*iii*~o**

Showered and dressed in shorts and a tube top, also momentarily having given up on straightening out the knots in her hair (she would ask Nina to help—she liked that sort of thing), Bella stood from the bed. She stared down at her phone on the comforter.

"_...she spends the entire outing worrying about him, texting him, calling him to see if he's okay..."_

If there was no past of an unhealthy amount of repeated occurrences to define, that didn't apply. Not _yet_. (If ever.) Besides, Bella didn't feel she _had_ to, or was _obligated_ to, she just wanted to. There was a difference. Also, keeping in mind what Jacob had told her last night (which was the secret her mom didn't know about), she was willing to bet it had something to do with that. Jacob wasn't so much depressed as he was... hurting. Yes. And her mom had said he was upset. He woke up early and was _upset _(although Jared said Jacob was in a funk... again). All the same, it was a big difference. _Stop obsessing over it._

Rolling her eyes at herself, she snatched up the phone to shove into her pocket and purposefully strode straight to the laundry room. She noticed her mom must have left already, since no one was in the kitchen when she walked through. The radio was on though. "You've gotta be kidding me..." While getting the clothes out of the washing machine, she tried to keep the song on the radio from sticking in her head. "_You know that I love you boy, hot like Mexico, rejoice. At this point I've gotta choose, nothin' to loose... Don't call my name, don't call my name, Alejandro. I'm not your babe, I'm not your babe, Fernando_—" _Damn it. _

Balancing the basket with washing on one hip, Bella closed the sliding door behind her and walked across the deck, still singing. "—_don't call my name, don't call my name, Roberto... Alejandro, Alejandro... Ale-Alejandro, Ale-Alejandro... Alejandro, Alejandro... Ale-Alejandro, Ale-Alejandro... _Balls!"

Ashley and Jesse were in the pool as usual. Bella paused. Since when did Nina want to get in the pool with them? She blinked once and, noting that Nina was staring at her, seemingly amused, stepped around Jared's guitar leaning against the railing on the steps and down onto the lawn. Where was he, by the way?

"Hey, Nina," Bella called and set the basket down under the rotary washing line. "Where's Jared?" _Crap._ Her dad must have been the last to hang washing. Why did he have to put it up so high? "Welcome to the days of our midgety lives. Jeez."

"In the shed," Nina said, but laughed. "I thought you hated that song." She didn't _hate _it. Whenever Bella got irritated at songs, Nina automatically thought she hated them. No. That wasn't exactly it, she just had an affinity for hoarding melodies and then blurting them out at inopportune times. Nina zeroed in on Bella's attempt to reach the clothes line and snorted. "Aw, f—udge. You're so tiny, babe."

Bella poked her tongue out (so childish, but fun all the same). "Dude, it's not my fault all the women on Mom's side of the family are midgets. Besides, it's not like Dad's all that tall, either." Tall enough to make sure she had to stretch to reach the line. _So_ mean. It would be just like him to leave it up to tease her mom. _For shits and giggles,_ as Renée's dad would say.

Bella went for the lever and wound it down. She could hear Nina laughing at her. _Yeah. Just you wait._ "Wanna know something funny?" Bella asked and grabbed a shirt and pegs.

"Sure, kitty cat," Nina teased.

"Meow," Bella replied, and then paused mid-hunch, reaching for another shirt, when Nina laughed. "And you call me a dork? That's not what I meant was funny, I didn't even get a chance to say it yet. Freaking cake." Bella stifled back a snorty giggle.

"Here, kitty kitty kitty."

Bella stiffened. _Great._ Of course Jared had to hear that_._ Pointedly, she focused on hanging a pair of... boxers. _Um... Those are totally not Dad's._ Staring at Jacob's underwear was possibly not a good thing to do when she had an audience.

"Hey, stop playing with the boxers and catch."

Huh? Before she could fully turn, something hit her head. Pretty hard, too. "_Ohh—ow!_"

"Oh my _God_, girl!"

"Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry! Shit, are you okay?" Jared was next to her, trying to pry her hands away from cradling her head. "Man, you're supposed to catch it, you silly girl. Hey, let me see."

Bella was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. She sucked in a sharp breath. "Oh shit, it hurts," she gasped, and then continued straight into another round of fitful chortles, all the while repeating, "Ow—ow—ow," while Jared tried to hold back his own laughter.

"Insanity."

"You're a nutjob," Nina laughingly accused, stepping out of the pool and coming up to Bella to pull her hair out of her face. "You're a mess."

"I know, right?" Another hysterical giggle bubbled out of the bottomless supply of what Jared had accurately termed insanity.

"God. What'd you smoke? I want some," he joked, chuckling while Bella pulled back.

"It's all the natural stuff," Bella replied breathlessly. She held her hands up. "Okay, okay. I'm okay... I think." Reaching up to touch the slightly tender spot above her temple, she found the smallest lump. "Whoa. I've got a knot."

"Several," Nina added, combing through Bella's hair. "Shit. You need a haircut, like, pronto."

Jared shook his head. "Hey, I know. You can hit me back. Here." He turned his cheek and pointed at it. "I'll even squeal, or whatever, like a girl. Go on, I can take it."

That had Bella laughing again, even more so at Nina's eye-rolling. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not gonna hit you. Cake."

He winked. "Yes, please."

It was Bella's turn to shake her head, but then an alternative presented itself, and she nodded toward the steps. "You could always play something. I mean, if you want. You totally don't have to."

Perceptibly, his face brightened and he tapped Bella's chin from beneath. "Only if you tie me up first."

Bella sputtered. _Unbelievable._ Now she was sort of happy Jacob wasn't there. Even though it was obvious, she questioned his dirty-minded version of a compromise. "How're you gonna play if you're tied up?"

Jared promptly laughed, but cracked a mischievous smile and confidently assured her, "I'm sure we can work something out."

"Can I hit him?" This only seemed to make Jared happier. Of course it did. No wonder Bella's mind went diving lately. Maybe she _should_ tie him up? _Um, what?_ To prove a point, obviously. No other reason. "I want to. Where it hurts," Nina persisted. She looked first at Bella, who was blushing slightly at her weird mental-slip, and then to Jared. He couldn't seem to stop chuckling. "Seriously. Isn't your head big enough already?"

"Nah, not yet. But once I'm done you'll be begging for more, and then I'll be pretty complete." Slipping the guitar-strap over his head, he flashed Nina a grin and gave the strings a few experimental strokes.

Nina visibly switched gears. "You know what?" She inched closer, and Bella thought she looked like she was ready to pounce. Not to mention the expression her face held, one that Bella knew she, herself, would never be able to wear. It was too... bold and knowing. "I know just the thing for guys like you."

Naturally Jared was intrigued, and wanted to know, "And what's that?"

Bella watched with curiosity, which soon enough turned to suspicion, when Nina gave her a look that said _I've got this,_ stepped into Jared's personal space and went up on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. _Uh-oh. Hello, R-rated-ness._

Jared's jaw went slack, and he slipped on the strings. Even Ashley complained from the pool at the wrongness of the tune it produced. Nina, on the other hand, pulled back with an awfully smug expression on her face. When Bella's eyes flitted back to Jared, she could see him swallow. _Once... twice._ She didn't want to know what Nina told him. Ever. With his gutter-mind, for him to be so taken off-guard, it could only be... porn-level dirty. _Let's not go there, shall we?_

Wanting to steer her mind into cleaner and healthier thought patterns, Bella instead glanced at what Ashley and Jesse were up to in the pool. Jesse appeared to be engrossed in examining something in the grass, hanging over the edge of the pool at a strange angle. That couldn't be comfortable. Or safe. "Hey, Jesse," she called to him. "Whatcha doing?"

Bella started toward him, but Jared, and she could only guess, needing a diversion, beat her to it and hunched down, the guitar now on his back, with forearms resting on his knees while leaning closer. At first his brows pulled together. Then, "Ha." He busted out a laugh. "C'mere, Bella, you should look at this."

Nina was there in a flash, and she cracked up almost immediately. "Yeah, this looks like your area of expertise."

"What? What is it?" Ashley waded through the pool to peer over the edge next to Nina. "Ew."

The moment Bella crouched down and realized what they were all looking at she snorted in spite of herself, then shoved at Jared's shoulder. "You're such a—"

"Guy?" he filled in for her quickly, grinning happily.

"Y'all are disgusting," Ashley said with a grimace then flinched, the motion jarring her cut. Well, bugs mating wasn't really _that_ funny, but it was just one of those things that for one reason or another tickled the laughing nerve.

Not in Ashley's case, obviously.

"Yeah. Okay," Bella said finally. "I need to get that washing on the line. You can, um... Yeah. Have fun with the bugs." _Or with each other,_ she wanted to add, but thought better of it. All the same, in her mind, Jared was a lot better for Nina than Fish. She gave an involuntary shudder at the thought of Nina making out with Fish. _So wrong._

With Ashley's words—or word, rather—all she could think was _ew._

Once the clothes were hung, and after having gotten her brush for Nina, Bella sat down on the steps to the deck to let her friend sort out the knots. Jared was on the phone, which reminded Bella of her own, and realized she hadn't felt it buzzing. It was closer to 1 p.m. than 12, and she really couldn't help but worry now as she looked down at her hands, turning the cell over and over before shoving it back into her pocket.

Also, she kind of missed Jacob. Okay. A lot. That caught her by surprise. She did like him, after all, but taking note of the tiny pinch of discontentment in her stomach, she drew the conclusion that she just wished he was out here with them, rather than in his room.

And she really, _really_ wanted to kiss him, like, _so bad. _Well, that wasn't such a surprise. He was good at it. _Understatement of the year._

Suddenly Nina tugged her hair. Bella gave a start. "Ow?"

"What's up with you today?" Nina demanded, sounding slightly irritated, but continued with the brushstrokes. Then her tone changed, and she leaned forward so that her arms rested on Bella's shoulders. "You sure you don't have a thing for Jared?" she quietly wondered.

"Yes," Bella said without pause. "He's... not my type."

"And what about Edwin?"

Bella groaned like it was a knee-jerk reaction. "Nina. Seriously? Does it look like I'm interested in him lately?"

"Well, _who_ then?" Nina sighed. "You're acting like you're obsessing over some guy, but you're so damn secretive about it." That kind of made Bella smile a little. _Good_. It meant she wasn't totally useless at keeping secrets. Bella felt Nina freeze. _Uh-oh._ "Is it someone I've hooked up with and you're holding back because of some fucked up girl-code?"

Feeling herself relax, not having noticed she tensed up in the first place, Bella said, "No. But what do you mean by f-ed up girl-code? That's a big no-no, and you're what? Saying it's dumb?"

Nina shrugged, the gesture jostling Bella. "Not dumb. I just wouldn't care. I mean, it's not like just 'cause I fucked some guy or did whatever that I own him, right? Fuck that shit. I get other girls are like that, but then I'm not into all the corny, mushy relationship dramas. I don't get attached like that so I'd never give myself an aneurism, like, _oh my God, oh my God, that's __**my**__ ex, you stupid slut_. If they're so into the deep and meaningful, they should get that you can't help those feelings. _Idiots._" Nina was shaking her head. After a pause, she hugged Bella's neck. "Hey, you know you're my girl, right? So if you wanna bone some dude, go for it, okay? I don't leave evidence."

Bella couldn't help laughing, or that her skin heated up at the casualness of how Nina spoke about _boning_, and whatever else. "You're disturbed, but thanks. That's very... um... thoughtful? Of you."

"Anytime, babe. But, so are you. I mean, come _on. _Asking for sex for breakfast? Fuck, that's epic."

Oh yeah. She had forgotten about that already. _Whoops._ "Yeah, well, my brain was kind of dead. I was still half-asleep," Bella told her defensively.

"Naughty dreams?"

"Nina. Seriously—" _Oh hi._ Bella's heart skipped a beat in instant response to the buzz in her pocket. Of course, it could be Stacey or Cara, though.

"Oh, the plot thickens," Nina said and peeked intently at Bella's hand digging into her pocket. She wasn't so sure she wanted Nina to see what Jacob might say, in case it was something meant for Bella's eyes only.

Again, her heart stuttered when she saw it _was_ from Jacob. "Um... Nina?" Bella turned to see Nina's lips pursed and when their eyes met, Bella looked away from the all too knowing stare she received.

"Oh. My. _God_. You are _so_ fucking busted," Nina whispered.

"Shh!" Bella hissed, but then begged, "_Please_...?"

Nina's arms left her neck and she leaned back, giving Bella space. Slightly worried about her friend's strange expression, Bella opened the message while ordering her pulse to behave itself.

**[From Jake:** Linkin Park's on the radio in the kitchen. If you feel like singing along. ;)**]**

Bella nearly tripped, standing up too fast, and Nina jumped back from the sudden movement. "What the hell, girl?"

"Um, sorry," Bella hurriedly apologized. "Give me a minute." She stepped around Nina while slipping her cell back into her pocket, and walked inside at a barely restrained pace. _Jeez. Need someone to dial 911, too?_

Linking Park was most definitely playing on the radio.

"Hey—"

"Shit!" Bella gave a startled jerk, just having slid the door shut.

Jacob was getting a glass out from the overhead cabinet. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"_Jeez_, you..." She trailed off and knew she was blatantly staring. Probably looking pretty dumb while doing so, too. It couldn't be helped. Not only could she see he'd definitely been upset, but that was overshadowed by the smile he didn't seem able to keep off his face. That he tried, and the way one corner kept hiking up at the useless effort, was what did her in completely. Before she had a chance to intercept, she blurted in a whisper, "I missed you," and then, eyes wide, slapped her hand over her mouth.

It was _totally_ worth it, however, because Jacob's growing smile was as relentless as her inability to think before speaking. He looked sort of sheepish, too, which made her walk up to stand in front of him. "Guess I should've dragged my ass outta bed earlier, huh?" he said quietly.

Bella could only nod her agreement, because his hands were on her face and it felt so _good_, and the moment his eyes dropped to her mouth she stretched up to put it on his. His breath caught and then her arms were around his neck.

It was Jacob's turn to stumble a little. He kept himself upright though, and Bella felt his laugh on her face, through his chest and lips so tightly pressed to hers. For only the shortest moment he managed to pull back enough to tell her, "Take it easy, babygirl—"

"Nuh-uh." She kissed him again as warmth and general contentedness burst in her entire body. "No way." And once more. The best thing was that he didn't protest or tried to pull away, but instead enfolded her waist and held her closer as she buried her nose in his neck. There was that _amazing_ smell again. _Jake-smell,_ she decided. _Yes._ It was his now.

"Are you sniffing me?" he asked, a quiet chuckle vibrating against her face. She was seriously rubbing it all over his neck and it was stupid and a total geek-move, but he was so... _soft_ and cuddly and squishy. _Oh yeah, someone call in the emergency team._ _We've got a code red._

"Nope. It's your overactive imagination," she told him, then laughed at him shaking his head. He was probably doing his soundless whistling, too; she'd be willing to bet.

The front door opened and they jolted apart. Bella turned to stare out into the yard, one arm hugging her middle, the other resting on it as she pinched her lips together so she wouldn't smile or laugh. Never mind that her heart was beating a million beats a minute.

"Oh, hey, sweetie," came Renée's voice.

"Hey. Let me grab those," Jacob said—he was most definitely smiling—and Bella felt him move away from the counter, no doubt to help her mom with the shopping.

"Aw, thanks."

Bella was still studying whatever wonders she could find in the backyard. If she looked at her mom now she would burst out laughing, because her stomach was going crazy with nerves. There was still that little dilemma of her racing heart, but it was beyond control.

"What are you doing, baby?"

"Oh, you know, um... trying to visualize flowers climbing on the deck—stuff like that." _Lame. Boo. _It was a poor attempt, she knew, but what could she do? "Or, maybe not so much flowers as climby-plant-thingies—" Bella lost it and snorted before she burst out laughing. Also, her face was being attacked by an invisible yet vicious flamethrower. _Thingies, huh? Wow. _She had too many thingies in her head. _Oh God, help me._ No. She was beyond help. Cursed to babble nonsense for the rest of her life. _Yay. Go me._

Jacob snorted, too, but quickly cleared his throat from behind the fridge door where he stood, putting away whatever groceries her mom had found on her "quick dash" to the store.

A beat. "I see." Judging by the tone, Renée was smiling too. Big time.

"Any drama while I was gone? I see at least the house is still standing. That's good, right?" Renée was possibly the coolest mom. _Ever._

Finally, Bella dared to turn and face her mom. She then pointed to her head. "A frisbee hit my head. And while I was hoping it'd correct some malfunctioning parts in the good old switchboard, well... no such luck." Bella grinned when Renée laughed. Jacob's deliberately quiet chuckles came from where he'd paused, still behind the door to the fridge.

"All right. One house and one malfunctioning daughter intact—how about my other babies?"

"Oh, they're just fine," Bella assured Renée. "I think we need to arrest bugs for putting on an indecent public display, though. And not for Jesse's sake, but for Jared's. He was enjoying it way too much."

Her mom was shaking her head and gave Bella's cheek a light brush before walking outside. "You're something else, baby."

At that, Jacob made a noise, sounding like he just choked back on what could have been a loud laugh had he let it go. Bella threw him a look when he resurfaced with a couple of empty baskets. Unable to hold back, she laughed for the umpteenth time. "How cute. Those baskets totally suit you." Tapping her chin thoughtfully, she went up to him and finally shook her head. "On second thought, though... No. Your guitar looks better on you. Here." She held her hand out. "I'll put those in the garage."

"Is that a hint?"

"Sure. If it means you'll play, too?" Why was she blushing? "As in, the guitar," she added quickly. _It's only __**your**__ mind. _Without a doubt, and getting worse by the hour.

Some undecipherable emotion passed in his eyes, and then it was gone. Jacob gave her the baskets and a wry smile. "Okay. So what're you gonna ask me to play this time, fangirl?" Somehow, tiny flutters poured into her stomach at the nickname.

Bella tried to keep a straight face, telling him seriously. "Some Miley Cyrus, of course. What else?" At the genuinely frightened look on his face, she laughingly hurried to reassure him, "Just kidding. Um... I'll think of something while I put these away?" At his affirmative nod, she started for the hallway, feeling Jacob close behind her. "Well, actually," she began, and paused, making him walk straight into her. A muffled obscenity slipped out as he reflexively closed his hands around her arms as if to steady her.

"Sorry," he said. "Head in the clouds." It was almost as if he were about to roll his eyes, but he abruptly stopped himself.

"That's better than the gutter," she offered without thinking. With his eyes on hers, she felt her stomach do a few flips. _Can you behave for one minute?_ Apparently not. "Wow. I really should control my mouth better." Okay. That wasn't the best thing to say, either, and she should really be using her thoughts to prevent these situations instead of increasing the frequency of their occurrence. "Sorry. I've got a really rebellious mind lately," she confessed truthfully. Was there anything within the boundaries of her blush-prone skin that wasn't turning crimson? "Rebellious everything," she corrected while cringing. "I'll, um, see you outsi—" _Um..._

Where Jacob's fingers had suddenly brushed the hair from her shoulder, his lips now left a warm and tingly sensation that spread quickly down her arm, chest and back. _Too late for intervention. We need a mop instead._ If it were at all possible to remain standing _and_ be a melted mess on the floor, she might just have pulled it off.

Jacob touched a feather-light kiss to her dumbstruck lips. "I'm no better," he whispered. For a long moment she couldn't look away from his eyes. Her throat was malfunctioning now, too? _Nice._ It was impossible to swallow. _Earth to Bella._ Strange that. Could she be any closer to the ground? She swore she could feel each part of her gooeyfied self sinking down through her weak knees. Well, one thing was for certain: if she didn't supply her lungs with oxygen soon, she'd collapse, and with that thought, she drew in an unsteady breath.

"Lucky," she whispered back. "Maybe we'll end up in the same closed ward, then?" _Huh? _Did she seriously say that out loud? Must have, because Jacob snorted.

"God, you're cute."

Bella gazed at him stupidly. "Um, just warning you for incoming major cheesiness, but... can I have another kiss to wake me up? I think my gross motor skills just got shot to hell." She couldn't help it, but desperate times called for desperate measures. And maybe she was just all too happy to have his mouth on hers, even at the cost of coming across as the biggest dork in history.

With his hands gently on her face again, and chuckling as he did so, he kissed her without pause. His lips moved against hers as he wondered, "Better?"

"Uh-huh." She would never ever get tired of Jacob kissing her. She was sure of it. As nice as it was, though, taking the baskets into the garage, and getting back outside before Nina died of brain hemorrhage, would be the most responsible course of action at this stage. Or she might not be able to leave at all.

Bella turned to walk down the hallway... and promptly bumped into the wall. "Oof." It wasn't there a moment ago. Where did it come from? Flushing from head to toe with chagrin, she dared to peek at Jacob who had his face covered. His shoulders shook with his silent laughter. "Um. Yeah. I told you," she mumbled and quickly made for an escape. _Don't be surprised if he never looks at you again._

**o~*iii*~o**

Nina was no longer on the steps when Bella came back outside. Instead, she lounged on a Sun Chair someone must've pulled out of the shed for her onto the lawn. Bella sat down cross-legged on the grass next to her and leaned forward to rest her arms on the edge. Nina was fully immersed in her phone. Also, she was pointedly not looking at Bella. "Whatcha doing?"

With a shrug, Nina swept her thumb over the face of the phone and shut down whatever activity she'd been engaged in. "Googling crap."

_Shit._ Bella knew instantly what was up and sighed. "Hey. I'm sorry for not telling you, but... I didn't—"

"—trust me to understand, right? I get it." Nina folded her arms and looked at Jared and Jacob instead, where they stood in the opening to the shed. Jared was balancing another folded up Sun Chair while Jacob appeared almost uncomfortable. Bella wondered fleetingly what they were talking about.

Turning back to Nina, she folded her lips between her teeth, trying to come up with some way to remedy the situation. "If it came out that..." _Jeez. _She couldn't say that either, because then Nina would think Bella was afraid she'd tell someone, and it wasn't that at all. She did trust her friend, but it wasn't exactly a usual situation. They couldn't talk about it in school or while at the mall like they would in regards to any other guy.

"You don't have to explain," Nina said and finally turned to look at Bella. "I get it, babe, but I just thought you would've told me, you know?"

"I didn't know how," Bella said quietly, poking at the meshed fabric with her forefinger. Quickly, she added, "And I do trust you. It's just... so _much_, and so _fast_... and it wasn't until, like, this Sunday something happened. I mean, I had no idea... I didn't know he looked at me at _all_, and I wasn't exactly checking _him_ out either, you know?" All the while, Bella's eyes had dropped to the task of forcing the threads apart, making one of the tiny squares bigger. Probably she should look at Nina when saying these things, but she felt a little stupid.

"And he was with Hannah—shit, he dumped her fast, didn't he?"

That made Bella pause. "He didn't _dump_ her," she defended, and looked up at the flicker of surprise on Nina's face.

"Sure he did. The girl won't even look at him—didn't you see in the cafeteria?"

"Fish ratted them out to her mom. I mean, she turns eighteen next month. Think about it," Bella prompted. The mention of Fish had Nina rigid; she averted her eyes. Oh, right. They'd made out. "He's an asshole," Bella stated simply. "You're not, like, into him or anything... Right?" She'd die if Nina said she liked him. As Nina had told her before, she didn't _like_-like guys, not in that way. Which was fine; that was the way she was and Bella loved her no matter what. But if the first guy Nina _liked_ was Fish (it had to happen someday, she believed that; even Nina would eventually look at some guy some day and go all mushy) that would just be such a shame. A real damn shame.

"He's an _arrogant_ asshole," Nina corrected after a moment's silence. Bella swallowed nervously at the vibe of an unspoken _but_ left hanging between them.

Before she spoke, Bella made her voice extra quiet. "Please tell me you don't like him." Another long pause stretched out as she waited. Ashley squealed at something Jesse did, but Bella was too glued to Nina's face to make herself look. She knew the answer; it was obvious. Nina would have given her an instant reply if she didn't like Fish.

And then she confirmed it. "I kind of do."

Bella dropped her forehead onto Nina's stomach. "I knew it."

"It's okay, babe. I'm fucked up like that."

Immediately, Bella sat up straight again, all but glaring at Nina. "You're not—f-ed up." Nina hitched one shoulder. "You're _not_," Bella repeated, more forcefully. "Okay. I think he's... Yeah, okay. Never mind..." Looking at her friend, Bella slumped her shoulders and leaned back on the Sun Chair. Shaking her head, and glancing toward Jared and Jacob, then back to Nina, she noted she had two people in her life that she cared about that casually referred to themselves with harsh negativity. "Well," Bella said lightly, "You _like_ a dude. That's some impressive stuff right there."

Nina sighed and rolled her eyes. "I know, right?" Then she visibly perked up, and smirked at Bella. "And you've _totally_ got the hots for someone—oh my God, you've gotta tell me, like, everything. I want details. _Now._ Spill, don't spare."

Her life was going to end. Right here, on the lawn. And she hadn't even graduated from high school yet. Saying a prayer to the Sun Chair, she mumbled, "Do I have to?"

An all too delighted giggle came from Nina. "No sparing. Besides, I bet it's all Disney-rating. Unless you went for it out here in the middle of the night. I mean, your dad would've busted your door down. Nothing is sacred in your house, babe, I know that."

Bella was drawing close to her last breath. She could smell the dirt and the daisies. "We didn't _do it_ yet. Oh my God, Nina." She covered her face and burrowed into the crevice between Nina's waist and the meshed fabric of the chair.

Nina was too quiet and unresponsive to Bella's _If I Can't See You, You Can't See Me_ hiding attempt. Also, Bella heard approaching footsteps in the grass. And Jared's chuckling. _I thought there was supposed to be mercy in this world! _"Jesus. Cut the girl some slack," Jared said, not sounding very convincing so much as amused. "Got a chair for ya, cutiepie," he added.

"I'm very comfortable here, but thank you so much," Bella replied, words muffled. There was just no way she could look at either of them right now. _Awesomeness._ They were all laughing at her now. Her head got squashed with each laugh from Nina. "Your lives would be totally boring right now if I moved," she offered. "Right? So I wouldn't wanna ruin that. Laughter is the best medicine after all."

"Shit," Nina said, still laughing, while combing at Bella's hair to try and find a glimpse of her face. "Come outta there, babe. You're killing me."

Bella shook her head. "Nuh-uh. I just reentered toddlerhood, and I like it here. It's squishy and nice." Someone moved behind her and then she felt said person next to her. Rolling her head slightly to the side, she peeked out from her hiding place. It was Jacob, and of course he had to have a ridiculously huge grin on his face. _Duh..._

"Not your day, huh?" he said. It was and it wasn't.

"She secretly loves it," Nina said, petting Bella's head. "Don't deny it."

"Of course I love it. Especially the part where my face gets fried a million times daily. That part is like pure win." This time she couldn't help a tiny smile when Jacob kept looking at her.

"Are you gonna come out from there?" Jacob wondered. She deliberated for a moment, but then shook her head. "Okay then. You asked for it," he said, and then, as if to himself, "I can't believe I'm doing this," while shaking his head. He looked up, holding his arm out. "Give me your guitar, man."

"Uh-oh, nothing good ever comes out of that statement," Jared said, laughing.

"Yeah, well," Jacob said, settling the guitar on his legs where he stayed hunched down next to Bella. "I'm about to make a complete ass out of myself, so..." What was he doing? "Plus. She loves this song," he clarified with an overly deliberate tone of seriousness, but winked at her. _Huh?_

The moment he started playing, it didn't take Bella long to figure it out (Nina and Jared recognized it with a unified groan), and she sat up straight. "Holy shit, Jake, leave that poor guitar alone!"

"Aw. Yeah? Don't want me to sing?" Jacob asked, faking a sad frown, while still playing the melody. He cleared his throat. "_And I was like, baby—"_

"Oh, fuck no, Jake. Please, man," Jared begged.

"I'm with Jared," Nina said, but laughed.

Giggling, Bella chimed in, "I'm out, I'm out—please, stop."

Jacob, too, was laughing. "Okay, okay," he said, grinning widely and then, looking at Bella, he explained, "But... It'll be this thing now, you see. So, whenever you go into hiding—out comes Bieber."

Bella snorted. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"My poor baby," Jared said and came around to grab the guitar from Jacob. To the guitar, he continued cooing, "It's all right. The bad boy won't hurt you again." And finally he turned to Bella with a smirk. "Maybe you need to tie _him_ up instead—know what I'm sayin'?"

_Mercy. I yield. Please. _Today was turning into a blushing-fest. She was barely given time to recover between onslaughts.

Jacob shook his head while glancing up at Jared, threatening, "Do you want me to show up for the rehearsal or not?"

"What rehearsal?" Nina and Bella asked simultaneously.

"Sunday, my place. You girls can come along if you want. Each band needs groupies—ouch." Jacob had stood up and smacked Jared upside the head. "Man, I was just joking."

Jacob raised a brow. "Uh-huh."

Nina was sitting up now. "Band? What band?"

"Yeah. What band?" Bella wanted to know, too. She studied Jacob's face curiously.

"Jared and a couple of other guys have been bugging me about it for months," he said with a slight shrug.

"Yeah?" A smile crept onto her lips. "So you're gonna start a band?" As she watched him, feeling her smile growing bigger, he nodded. "That's seriously awesome," she blurted, unable to tame the enthusiasm. Judging by his expression, she thought she might understand now that the notion of getting involved with something was a bit scary. But if he was willing to try, that really was great.

It took just about everything not to tackle him. Somehow, Jacob's eyes softened and there was that melting sensation again, making her wonder if he knew how much she wanted to hug him at that moment.

"Well, fuck—count me in. We're going," Nina said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She looked at Bella, giving her a start as she shoved her gently. "Right? I mean, shit. You _are_ going."

Shaking herself mentally, Bella nodded. "Of course. This I've gotta... um, hear?"

"You can watch, too," Jared assured her, adding, "Or whatever," at a sideways look from Jacob.

"Oh, she loves to watch," Nina said in a low voice. Trust Nina to turn her curious nature into something dirty.

"I do, but not the way you're making it sound," she defended herself while trying to ignore the burn in her cheeks.

"Not yet," Nina teased, which Jared laughed at.

"I'm intrigued. Tell me more—"

"No! Honestly? No wonder my mind's a cesspool lately." Bella scrambled onto her feet, stumbling into Jacob on wobbly legs. "Whoa. Too fast." He had her by the arms to steady her. "Um. Hi..." _Don't look at his eyes... Bummer._ It was unfair, really. They were gorgeous. There was no other word for it. Gently, before letting go, Jacob let his hand slide down her arm and brushed his thumb over her fingers. _Hello, flatline. And, um, bye. Time to go._ Jacob's responsiveness was rubbing off. "I'm...," she stuttered, "I'm gonna go see if Mom needs help with lunch."

"What was that all about?" Bella heard Jared ask as she hurried up the steps and across the deck.

"Your overactive imagination," Jacob replied. Bella shook her head, smiling, when she pulled the sliding door open.

"Dude, you—"

"Shut up."

**o~*iii*~o**

"So no plans, then?" Renée asked.

"Kurt—Dad, I mean—has this contract, or whatever, with some company up in Seattle, so he's gonna be on the road all summer." Nina shrugged and grabbed a slice of bread. "Wanna pass me the—" She laughed once. "The butter. Please, Ren?"

Bella stared down at her plate, spearing a piece of chicken. _Your face is a permanent bonfire. It's all normal stuff now. _From the corner of her eye, she saw her mom's attempt to keep the humor out of her face while giving Nina the butter.

"You're welcome over here anytime, sweetie, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." Nina gave Renée a smile. "Thanks. It's never boring around here, that's for sure."

"You can say that again." Renée grinned in return. "Never a dull moment."

Ashley, sitting right next to Bella, stared while she kept stabbing the chicken piece. "Poor chicken. What'd it do to you?"

"It's not in my mouth," Bella replied matter-of-factly, then proceeded to pop it in. "Ha." She chewed it, mumbling, "I win." Finally looking up, she noticed they were all watching her. "What?"

Jacob cleared his throat discreetly, and continued to eat without further comment, while Nina smirked.

Jared's eyes dropped to Bella's plate. "Rebellious suckers, those chickens. Don't let 'em get away now."

Bella scoffed, and then distorted her voice. "You underestimate the power of the dark side," she told him darkly and stabbed another piece. "See?"

"Ah, yes. The force is strong in this one," Jared concurred.

"Understand you, I do not," Nina said and rolled her eyes, earning herself a laugh from everyone but Ashley.

"Jeez. Y'all are so weird—can I go watch some TV?" she asked, turning to Renée. "I'm finished." She showed her empty plate.

"Sure, baby." As Ashley left the table, Renée cocked her head to the side. She then let out a sigh and stood from the table. "I knew he was taking too long in there," she said, as if to herself, and walked quickly down the hallway.

"What?" Nina wondered.

Bella tilted her head and strained for sounds. "Eh. Jesse's probably turning the sink into a battle encampment for his boats."

Jared laughed. "Shit, I love that kid. At least it's not the shampoo bottles, right?"

"Mom's flour became the Sahara desert once," Bella told him. "Does that count?"

"One chair and a stepping stool became the Leaning Tower of Pisa, too," Jacob reminded her.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. But that wasn't Jesse, though, was it?"

"Nah—Kevin or what was it? The kid with an impressively nasty vocabulary for a four-year-old, right?"

Bella nodded. "Oh, him. Um, yeah. Frequent use of the f-word, and he even called me a... um, well, the c-word."

Jared's eyes widened as he let out a low whistle. "Jesus."

Nina laughed. "He won't save you."

"It's for the best. I'd turn heaven into hell." Jared shrugged when Jacob shook his head, shielding his face off with one hand and focused on his food. "I'm serious."

"And make everyone wear collars, right? And put them on a leash. Yeah, I can see how that would go." Bella stuffed a lettuce leaf into her mouth and chewed while grinning.

"You're like my little protégé or something," Jared told her proudly.

At that Bella flushed. "Don't even think about it."

Nina leaned forward on her elbows, interlacing her fingers beneath her chin. "You think you can teach her more than I can?"

"Um, hello? I'm right here," Bella interjected, but then noticed how Jared promptly looked a little like he had earlier, when Nina had whispered something in his ear. _Ohh. Nasty._ Again, she decided she _really _didn't want to know.

Renée returned a couple of minutes later, shaking her head. "I'm not sure if I should see the darned crappy soundproofing in this house as a blessing or a curse."

"Why's that?" Jared asked.

"Well, basically you can hear pretty much everything, so that works well with keeping an ear on your kids when your eyes can't—" Bella's eyes flitted to Jacob without really meaning to, finding he was looking directly at her. Something there made her face catch on fire instantly, and to her somewhat puzzled surprise she noticed he appeared to be blushing, too.

Abruptly they looked away at the same time.

"—activities, it's a curse." Obviously, Bella had totally missed part of that conversation. But then Renée laughed, and continued. "One of the first toddler fosters we took in repeated some _very_ embarrassing noises back to me one morning. I had to go check the room just to be certain, but sweet Jesus... After that, well, let's just say it was a lesson learned."

Jared was laughing, and so was Nina. But Bella could hardly unglue her gaze from the piece of tomato on her plate that had suddenly become an anchor to consciousness (and matched the color of her face, and possibly her entire body, probably, most likely). How had it not occurred to her until now?

Of course she _had_ to peek at Jacob again. Why not? Her curiosity was a curse, yes, but add onto that the realization of not only Jacob's noises carrying into her room the night before...

...her own noises must have been just as clear to _him._

When she said his name.

And when she begged him.

_Oh God..._ He knew. _Holy shit and crap... _Did he know she as good as came instantly the moment she heard...? And did he—when he heard her begging him—did that... make him...? _Shit. _It totally did and he wouldn't stop staring at her and she had no way of finding it in her to look away. She was going to die. Her heart was going to race right out of her body and her skin was going to disintegrate and her panties were going to melt and she was going to—was she even breathing?

"Bella?" her mom asked, sounding like she'd repeated it a million times already.

Mumbling so quietly yet so fast she barely understood it herself, "ExcusemeIgottagotothebathroom," she stood up and fled the kitchen. Instead of going into the bathroom, however, she darted into her room and shut the door. "Holy shit." Deep breath. "Holy shit." Another breath. "Oh my God." And another. "Holy _shit._"

There weren't enough desks in the world that could _ever_ fix this. Never mind that there wouldn't have been enough minutes left in her life to fit in a satisfactory amount of head-butting sessions either. _Let's see how far we get._

Bella walked over to the chair on shaky legs and sank down. Mechanically, she swiveled to face the desk, put her palms flat to the cool wood and dropped her head. "Ow." She was totally going to need an entire bottle of aspirin or _something _after this.

And a dry pair of panties if she couldn't get Jacob's intense gaze out of her head. _You're totally screwed._

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Y'all fried yet?_

_Oh. And. Just so you know? This chapter was an absolute hoot and a PITA to write. At first I wrote some 6000 words, ditched them and rewrote. Having said that, you now know why it took me so long to update. All in all, I've written about 20k almost in these past two weeks. That's a third of a small novel, right? Yes. I'm crazy._

_And so are these characters. But I love them so completely, as do **MeraNaamJoker**, who had her hands in this chapter by helping me write the Renée/Bella talk. So big thanks for that, bb. I love you SFM I can't even. Also, thank you, **Cretin**, for helping to beta this beast. Love you, too! Much inappropriate love to the both of you!_

_As for the reviews, and to everyone reading this—sharing the love, your thoughts, commenting on everything these adorable characters do—I love you all so much, and want to thank you for the million smiles you put on my face. _

_If you ever had a thought that you don't make a difference, be it big or small, just know this: you do. Very possibly you do so daily without even realizing it. And it can be something as simple as a smile. :) It isn't pushy, nor does it smother, and best of all? It has no expiration date. _

_Bottom line: I value smiles highly, and you give me tons. In turn, I hope this chapter paid some of those forward. :) (Some laughter, too, possibly? Teehee)_

_Until next time! (Yes, I'm getting to the guitar-playage. I slack. Forgive me. :P)_


	13. Surprised

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twelve<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Surprised<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Under my feeling, under my skin  Under the thoughts from within / Learning the subtext of the mind / See creation, how we're defined / "Innocent Eyes," by Delta Goodrem_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Bella brought her hands to rest in her lap and closed her eyes. She lifted her head a little, then let it drop, smacking her forehead against the hard surface. That didn't hurt. Not enough. Was she becoming masochistic now, too? _Great._

With a sigh, Bella folded her forearms on the desk and rested her chin to peer out the window. There was a big chance—okay, no—most _definitely_ she had overreacted. Just a little. _A lot._ But how could she have stayed when it was impossible to look away from Jacob? Sooner or later, if no one else, Nina would have caught on. Bella snorted. Nina would ask questions regardless. If Renée was the human lie detector, Nina was the teenage _hello, sexual tension_ detector. No. No matter what, there would be questions and Bella knew there was no way she'd get away this time.

Unless she stayed in her room. But she wasn't a baby.

Still, she wasn't ready to come out just yet. _A little while longer._ Bella sat up ramrod straight so suddenly she felt a stitch of pain shoot through her neck and into the base of her skull. She had said she needed to go to the bathroom... "Honestly," she whispered and then thumped her forehead against the desk. Hard. Jacob must be wondering if she was a closet nympho. "Oh God," she said while sucking a breath in, then snorting it out with giggle. If she weren't insane already, she would be getting pretty close at this stage.

A knock on the door gave her a start, but she stayed head-down. "Yes?" she called out.

"Baby? Are you okay?"

_Phew._ She could face her mom. _That_ wasn't too bad. "Come in!"

The door creaked a little as it opened, and then Renée stifled a chuckle. "You're going to flatten your face like a pancake if you keep that up."

"Yeah. That's the plan," Bella deadpanned.

Renée sighed, but Bella could hear the gentle smile in her voice. "Aw. Hey, listen," she said, as if she were about to deliver news, which made Bella sit up. She swiveled to face her mom where she hovered in the doorway. Pausing, Renée stepped a little farther into the room and pushed the door closed. "I wanted to talk to you—I called the ob/gyn while you were out in the yard earlier and they said they had a cancellation, so... do you want to go in today at 4:30? I can drop you off and go to McDonald's with Ash and Jesse while you're in there... Unless you want me to be there?"

Wow. _Um... Now? Today? Holy crap... Um. _Bella's pause gave the wrong impression.

"No?"

"No, no, I'm thinking," Bella quickly said.

"Okay then." Renée waited.

Today was as good as any day. _The sooner the better._ Not that she was planning on having sex or anything. But it was the responsible thing to do. Bella remembered how Cara had not been prepared at _all_ and had just been making out with her boyfriend and next thing she knew she was naked and everything happened, like, so _fast._ And then it was over.

Bella nodded her head a bit too vigorously. "Okay."

"So you're up for it?" It was a rhetorical question, but Bella nodded again and Renée added in a happy tone, "Great." A pause, and then, "And I'll sign the consent forms when I drop you off."

"Yeah. Okay, cool." _Cool? _Her brain was idling. The moment her mom walked out of there she would panic. No she wouldn't. Bella didn't panic. Not over these things. _Don't be so sure._

Renée opened the door, but stayed in the doorway. "Are you sure you're all right, baby? You don't have to go today. Anytime you're up for it. I can cancel—"

"Mom," Bella interrupted her. "I'm fine. Seriously. I'm just, um, a bit... nervous, maybe? I want to do this—I mean, get the shot." Her cheeks prickled.

"Okay, okay." Renée let out a quiet laugh. "All right. Be ready at four? That'll give us plenty of time."

"Sure thing."

"Don't forget you have guests, baby." With a wink, Renée pulled the door closed.

"I won't!" Bella stared at the door for a moment, then turned back to her desk. Just a few more minutes and she'd be ready for round two. Whatever that entailed.

When there was a knock on the door again, Bella just called out, "You don't have to knock!" and turned once more, only to, instead of her mom, come eye to eye with Nina. _Shit. Here we go._ But just as Nina opened her mouth, saying, "Dude, what was _that—_" someone—Jared, she guessed—playing the guitar, came down the hallway.

In a deep and somewhat distorted voice, "_Some**where**... o-over the rain**bow**... e-eagles fly-y!_" Okay. That was definitely Jared, and now he stood in the doorway with a grin on his face. "What's happening, cutie?"

Nina turned her head slowly, giving him a look. Bella couldn't help but feel a little grateful for the interference. She wasn't ready to explain her sudden departure from the kitchen. Grinning back, she said, "Nothing much—what's up with the opera-singing?" When they both continued to hover in the doorway, Bella got up. "Is this another rescue mission?"

"Sure," Jared readily agreed. "But we can come hang with you, if you need help to hold the fort." Winking, he stepped past Nina who folded her arms.

"By all means, invite yourself in."

"Oh, come on, Nina." Bella got up and crossed the floor to tug her friend farther into the room. "Um... by the way," she hedged, "where's Jacob?"

"He volunteered to be the kitchen-hand," Jared said distractedly. Bella turned to see him at her bookshelf, checking her CD collection. "Your taste in music is as crazy as you are," he commented. Pulling out one of the cases, he turned to her while holding it up. "Seriously? Nirvana?"

Bella flushed and walked up to grab the CD away from him. He held it just out of reach. "Hey," she protested. "What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing," he affirmed. "But it's sitting right next to... this." Jared stuck another CD under her nose, and this time she snatched it from him and quickly shoved it back into its slot. "_Shh_. That's a secret nobody knows," she said with great importance.

"Did he find Justin Timberlake?" Nina asked dryly, coming up to them while still eyeing Jared.

"Nothing wrong with him," Jared replied, almost defensively.

Nina's eyes narrowed. "Oh yeah?" She then glanced at the CD Bella had shoved back into its place. "Hey, what's wrong with Eminem?"

Jared shrugged. "Not what I was expecting, is all."

"Music is music," Bella said with a shrug of her own. "And I like all kinds. Even rap."

"But not Bieber," Jared pointed out with a happy smile.

Nina made a face. "Hey, I don't need to practice kissing on his poster like all those little ten-year-old girls." Bella couldn't help laughing, and was going to comment, but Jared beat her to it.

"Oh yeah?" Jared turned a curious look at Nina. "So who'd you practice kissing with then?"

"Bella," she replied casually. Jared made a choking noise and Bella slapped her hand to her mouth to stop herself from laughing. "You remember that time, right, babe?"

Bella nodded, knowing for sure she'd burst out laughing at the strange look on Jared's face if she opened her mouth. But then she couldn't hold it in, and sputtered, "I just totally hope you don't do that slobbery tongue thing you did when you're actually kissing a guy."

Nina looked awfully smug, and smirked at Jared who looked like his eyes were going to bug out of his head. "Nah. That was just me being silly," she assured Bella, even though she seemed far more interested in watching Jared.

"What's up with him?" came Jacob's voice from the doorway. Bella, still laughing, turned to explain, but again she was too slow.

"They kissed," Jared said in a disbelieving, yet awed, kind of voice, which made Bella abruptly stop laughing.

Jacob stared at him. "What? Who?"

Bella looked from Jacob to Jared, and then to Nina who winked at her. "Wait, what?" Still watching Nina's face, it suddenly dawned on her. _Oh no. _"Nina!" Feeling her face slowly heat up, Bella turned to Jared. "Not—_we_ didn't kiss! It was on the mirror... Jeez."

"Party-pooper," Nina accused half-sullenly. The smile gave her away, though, and Bella just rolled her eyes at her friend.

"I think you just ruined the fantasy for him," Jacob said from where he leaned on the doorframe, aiming a small smirk in Nina's direction.

"Man. I knew it was too good to be true," Jared said unhappily. "That's so mean."

Nina moved her eyes to scrutinize Jacob. "You don't look too disappointed." He gave her a slight shrug, seemingly unperturbed. This lit a flash of determination in her eyes, one that Bella knew quite well, even though she wasn't sure what it meant at this particular moment. Until Nina turned a smile on Bella. "Looks like someone hasn't seen two girls kiss."

Jacob appeared to choke and snort simultaneously. "What?"

"Aw, now you're just teasing," said Jared, glancing between Nina's smile having curled into a smirk, and Bella's wide-eyed stare.

Under her breath, Bella told Nina, "Seriously, Nina. Whatever you're thinking, I'm not doing it."

"I'm hurt," Nina said, pouting.

"Uh-huh." With a slight shake of her head, Bella slipped away from Nina before she got any ideas. She wouldn't put it past her at all to try and plant a kiss on her if she wanted to. That was just Nina. Instead, Bella sank down on the edge of the bed before scooting back to pull her knees up. She didn't mean to say it, even though payback was called for, but she still told Nina, while reaching for the stereo remote, "If you wanna kiss someone that badly, maybe Jared's up for it?"

Nina glanced at Jared, winked, and told him, "Didn't I tell you she likes to watch?"

Bella groaned.

Laughingly, Jared said, "Yeah, you did say that."

Obviously Nina was hell-bent on humiliating her. Either way, Bella decided that her payback hadn't been good enough, so, leaning back against the wall and stretching her legs out to assume a relaxed stance, she challenged them, "So what're you waiting for then? This isn't very exciting to watch, you know?" Bella folded her arms expectantly and wriggled one foot as if impatient. _Didn't see that one coming. Did you?_

Jared turned to Bella, not seeming convinced of the reality of her little challenge. Then her eyes widened when she saw Nina shrug, move right up to Jared and grab his shirt. Next thing she knew Nina's mouth was on Jared's. There was that choking noise again.

Jacob sputtered, and then laughed, while Bella smacked her hands over her face. "God," she breathed, more to herself than anyone else. "I didn't _actually_ mean it." She felt the bed shift, and then a hand was on one of hers, lifting it a little.

"You're missing your show," Jacob teased her with a grin. _Huh?_ Peeking between her fingers, she saw that, apparently, Jared wasn't in shock. _Whoa._ He was totally kissing Nina. And by the looks of things, it wasn't a quick peck or anything.

"Um." Bella put the remote down, leaned closer to Jacob to whisper, "Let me know when they're done," and quickly left the room.

_Holy shit._ That wasn't what she'd expected. But when it came to Nina, she shouldn't be so surprised.

Bella barely made it halfway up the hallway, before a bone-melting voice warmed her ear. "Hey, don't go." Gentle fingers wrapped around her wrist and tugged her around, and then Jacob took her face between his hands and pressed his lips to hers. _Ohhh._ She hadn't expected that one, either. It was possibly not the best place to kiss—her mom, Ashley or Jesse could come down the hallway at any given moment and... Jacob tasted _way_ too good. She didn't _want_ to stop kissing him. _You're asking for trouble._

His mouth was so soft, and then his tongue met hers, sending sparks in all directions as he brought her into him, and his hands never left her face when his tongue stroked deeper and deeper...

...they needed to stop, and stop right this second. _No. Yes. No. Yes!_ Jacob must have felt her internal struggle in one way or another. All the same, when he pulled back, she half-followed, half shook her head. "So mean, totally unfair," she whispered while he touched his lips to hers, lightly, once, a second time shaping them to hers, letting go, and again with the barest contact.

"A little, yeah," Jacob agreed softly. He rubbed her nose with his, kissed the tip, the bridge, up to her forehead as he dropped his hands to her arms, running them all the way down across the insides of her wrists and palms to finally link their fingers. When she nuzzled into his neck, she felt him tense up and try to let go of her hands, which made her pull back with puzzled look.

"Oh, hey, kids," came Renée's voice, making Bella freeze. With barely restrained humor, she added reassuringly (to Jacob, Bella guessed), "Don't look so freaked, sweetie." In a whisper, she let them know, "Ash and Jesse are in the living room. Just so you know." Bella had her eyes squeezed shut, and her heart was on its way up her throat, beat by beat.

"Sorry," they both quietly said.

"It's all right, just try to be caref—" A startled noise came from Renée just after she'd passed them, and at the same time Bella remembered Nina and Jared. "Sweet Jesus!" Bella heard a door close, and dared to peek around Jacob. Her mom's eyes were wide. "Well, well..." She raised an eyebrow. "No wonder you're hiding out here... Let's keep that door closed, shall we?"

Nodding, Bella mentally surmised _that doesn't sound good, _while Renée disappeared into her room, only to resurface almost immediately thereafter with her purse. By the time she was gone again, Bella realized Jacob was laughing. Silently. Then he busted up. "Aw, man, I seriously thought I was gonna shit my pants."

"Whoa. Well, that would've been messy," Bella told him sympathetically, making him laugh more, if that were possible. Grinning, and trying hard not to burst into a fit of giggles herself, she thoughtfully asked him, "Do you think I'll be able to get back into my room anytime soon?"

As it turned out, Jacob didn't get a chance to answer, since the door opened. Nina and Jared emerged, looking a little rumpled.

"Let me guess," Bella said before Nina could open her mouth, "Don't ask, right?"

Nina leaned close in a flash, making a kissy-face at Bella, who jerked back. Nina laughed at her, and then paused. "You'll think twice now before daring me, won't you, babe?"

"Hey, I don't mind those dares," said Jared with a dopey grin. Jacob just shook his head. "What? I don't." Jared glanced down then up the hallway. "By the way, where's your mom?"

"Either in the kitchen, laundry room or outside," Bella answered. Raising an eyebrow, she said, "Not that I wanna know what you did, but it takes a lot to shock my mom, so—is my room safe, like, no damaged furniture and stuff?" While Bella didn't know much about Jared in that way, she did know Nina and, well, she had told her one too many wild stories.

"Your room's just fine. Nothing of yours was touched," she said with what Bella thought was a pretty wicked smile. Her furniture was intact, and that was all she needed to know. Whatever other speculations her mind seemed to automatically steer her into, she didn't want to indulge.

Nina grabbed Bella by the hand and started pulling her up the hallway. "You and me are gonna talk now," she said, not leaving much space for argument.

Behind them, Bella heard Jacob say something, though she didn't catch it, to which Jared answered, "Yeah, give me a minute, just gotta go to the bathroom."

Bella bit her lip as to not laugh. She did hear Jacob stifle a humorous noise, though, and she was pretty happy she didn't have to look at him right at that moment. Maybe she'd be spared for at least the rest of the day from humiliating incidents. _Don't bank on it._

**o~*iii*~o**

Technically, Bella could now, should she want to, have sex. Without getting pregnant.

That thought kept recurring as she stared out the window while Renée drummed to the beat of Michael Jackson on the radio. Absently, Bella reached up to rub the spot where she'd been pricked (the deltoid, because there was just no way she was going to have that needle in her thigh, let alone _butt_).

It hadn't been as nerve-wracking as she'd originally thought. The doctor's accent had helped. Instead of worrying too much about the massive info-dump she'd been given, she had focused on keeping amusement off her face and laughter inside. Now, though, as she remembered certain pronunciations, she let the giggle bubble up, making Renée turn an inquisitive glance Bella's way.

"What?" her mom wondered.

Taming the giggles, Bella shook her head. "Oh, nothing, really. It's kind of rude anyway, but... the way the dude said some things..." Unable to finish, and giving in to another laugh, Bella pressed her hand to her mouth to smother a prospective fit. She took in some air, and rested her elbow against the edge of the window. "He was pretty cool, I mean, he didn't look at me like I was just another—" She mouthed the word, "_horny_ teenager."

Renée laughed, but then just shook her head and smiled. "I'm glad it went well. Proud of you, baby."

The rest of the drive home Bella spent in relative silence, sorting through all the things the doctor had told her. If anything had been slightly mortifying, it would probably have been when he started talking about throat cancer (she forgot the labels he used), and specifically the instigator in that little drama. Not something Bella wanted to think about, but somehow she hadn't been able to _not_ picture Jacob's... thingy... and what it might look like up close.

She said silent thanks for her hair and pulled it across her face. Dying now would be redundant. It couldn't get much worse than this. (Would she ever grow out of her incessant blushing?)

When they got home, Bella helped Renée with dinner which, mostly, consisted of left-overs from lunch. Of course, then her dad came home, and it had completely slipped her mind that he most likely would comment on her visit to the gynecologist. So maybe it _was_ possible for things to get a little worse. Not that Charlie appeared to be upset or unhappy, but the fact that some things should not be acknowledged in a conversation between father and daughter (in Bella's opinion, anyway), became blatantly apparent. To her, that was; not to Charlie.

After dinner, and having hung another load of laundry with her mom, Bella made the observation she hadn't done much writing lately, nor had she just lounged on her bed and listened to music. Bearing that in mind, she made sure her mom didn't need help with anything else, and quickly slipped down the hallway to her room.

Before she got to her room, however, she noticed Jacob's door was wide open. He was on his bed, propped against the wall in that uncomfortable-looking position again, seemingly unaware she was watching him. Maybe because he was staring out the window again, while quietly plucking the strings. Drawing closer, she came to lean on the doorframe. She meant to knock to let him know she was there, but instead she couldn't get herself to do much else but watch.

Her illusion of him not noticing her was swept away though, when one corner of his mouth tugged upward. "Come in if you want," he told her before meeting her eyes. Without hesitation, Bella went for the chair, but Jacob slid up against the wall a bit more, gesturing for her to sit next to him with a tilt of his head.

At that, an idea popped into her head, and she quickly asked, "Mind if I get my laptop? I wanna show you something."

He sat up a bit more and set his guitar aside. "Go for it."

"Hey, don't put it away just yet," she said while slipping out of his room. _Redirection, please._ Her mind didn't go anywhere. _Oh yes, it did._ She actually groaned out loud, also rolling her eyes at herself. _To put it away, it needs to be out first, perv._ Bella sighed and unplugged her laptop, folded it under her arm and smacked her forehead with the heel of her palm. "Get real, for _God's_ sake." One of these days, she would really put her foot in it, and maybe then she'd learn to control her brain a little more actively. At least _try._

Back in Jacob's room, she crawled up on his bed and settled against the wall, legs stretched out, with her laptop resting on her thighs. "Um, I just realized that you probably know about it already. I mean, being a music-pro and all." She offered a smile when he watched her curiously, and maybe with a bit of puzzlement, too. "By the way..." She trailed off, while moving the cursor to open up the browser. "What's the genre? The band, I mean."

"Eh... I guess you could call it alt rock—it's a large genre, though."

"Yeah, it is, but... ouch. Hard competition," Bella noted. "What do you listen to mostly, anyway?"

Jacob shrugged. "Tons of stuff, and I don't think either of the guys are trying to get famous or anything. That's the impression I'm getting, anyway, so yeah... that's kinda why I'm agreeing to it... I don't..." He fell silent.

Turning her head and tilting it to the side, she offered quietly, "You don't want to commit, right?"

"Yeah." Jacob blew out a heavy sigh. "This is... gonna take some getting used to. I mean, remembering that you know things now and that I don't have to think so hard all the time about what I'm saying, it's..." Jacob bent to her face and kissed her cheek, whispering, "Can I be selfish and just be relieved?"

Bella leaned into his lips. "Yes. And that's not selfish, you cake." Peeking down at the screen, she straightened a little. "There. Look." When he didn't reply, she turned to find his eyes still on her. Warmth tingled in her cheeks. "What?"

Instead of answering, he looked down at the music festival's webpage she'd just loaded. "Ah yeah, I know about that," he said, and then wanted to know, "Why? Do you wanna go?"

She gave him a big smile. "_Yes._ Um, do _you_?"

A tiny pause. "Well, sure, but—" A few moments passed, and then he affirmed, "Yeah. I do."

"Yeah? Are you sure? There was a _but_ in there," she pointed out gently.

Whatever the _but_ had been about, Jacob clearly showed an aversion to clarifying about it, but then he answered, "Maybe I'm a dick for saying this, but I know Hannah's gonna be there and it... I don't know, I don't want it to be awkward for anyone."

With a slightly arched brow, Bella made sure he was looking at her when she said, "Would it be awkward for _you_?"

Jacob shrugged again. "Nah, not really."

"There you go. And I can take a little awkwardness," Bella quickly assured him. "Think about it? With all the word vomit I produce, I'm a pro with awkward. So, um, don't worry about _me_ at least, okay?"

"Yeah. Your hiding skills are impressive," Jacob teased.

Bella laughed. "True. But hey, we've got it all covered then, right? If it gets to be too much, I'll just hide behind you, right?"

Snorting, Jacob shook his head but winked. "Anytime you want, fangirl." That nearly made her squeal like one, too. She kind of wanted to, but it would possibly make him withdraw his offer to act as her personal hideout.

Returning her attention to the monitor, she continued, "Okay, so... I've never been to a rock festival before, so this is going to be really cool." Bella focused and started searching for ticket prices. "Hey," she said and sat up straight, eyes on his face again. "Jared and Nina should totally go, too... Yeah?"

"Jared can't shut up about it, so he'll be there," he told her. "Are you sure Nina would like that kind of thing? I mean, you realize that this isn't alt rock or anything mellow, right? It's fairly heavy stuff."

Rolling her eyes, Bella gave him a look. "Nina and I can handle heavy," she assured him. "And... if I can listen to Rammstein, I'm sure I'll manage. I checked the list, and I don't think I've heard of most of these bands, but—hey, we can check some of them out on YouTube."

Jacob had a strange look on his face when he asked, "Rammstein?" It sounded like he was protesting her revelation. "You're kidding, right?"

"I don't have his CD or anything," she hurried to clarify. "But I've got a couple of songs on my iPod." Flushing, she added quickly, "Um, you didn't hear me say that. I don't think Dad would approve of the, um, nature of the songs."

"The pussy song? Oh shit, sorry." Jacob laughed. "Uh, who's got word vomit now?"

"Oh, that's okay." She wasn't dying. Not at all. Ignoring her burning cheeks, she went through the list of bands—_ohh, how fitting. _Moving on, she suggested, "Let's check these guys out... _In Flames _suits the state of my face, right?" Jacob just smiled and reached up to run his knuckles over her cheek. "Do you know this band?" she wanted to know while trying not to sink into a pile of mushy goo.

"Uh, sure..." He dropped his hand and leaned in. "Put on _Take This Life_," he suggested with a smirk.

"Ohh. You think I'm not gonna be able to handle it, don't you?" She gave him a taunting eyebrow-wiggle and grinned.

"We'll see," he said, not at all convinced, then added cautiously, "And, uh, keep the volume down." Bella followed his advice and lowered the master volume.

They were both bent over her laptop, until the music started and Bella gave a start. "Whoa. Um, that's fast paced," she allowed. The moment the guy started singing—well, growling and shouting more than anything—she wondered, "Jeez, seriously, how do they go through an entire show without losing their voice?" Jacob laughed. "Hey, right there, when his voice went normal, almost, it was pretty good." Listening some more, Bella found herself staring at one of the guys with the guitar. "His fingers are, like, super-fast," she breathed, thoroughly impressed. "Can any of you play the guitar like that?"

"Jared's a genius, but this other, uh, girl—Abby, she plays the bass mostly—has some pretty mean skills."

That made Bella look up and turn. "Yeah? That's really cool—um, is she in the band?"

"Yep. Then there's Shane and Henry—you'll get to meet them, and their alter egos," He winked, "on Sunday."

"Alter egos? Awesome." Wow. Bella tried to picture them, especially the girl, but could only see Avril Lavigne. Well, she'd find out on Sunday how correct _that_ assumption was (_talk about preconceived notions_). A tiny knot of apprehension settled in her stomach. Making friends really wasn't her forte: it wasn't that she was shy, so much as socially awkward. She just didn't know how to behave around strangers. But she shouldn't be all too nervous about it, since Nina was going to be there.

And Jacob, of course. She felt herself grin. "I'm really looking forward to that," she finally said. "Especially the part where you—" Bella's cell started buzzing in her pocket. "Oh, um, one sec—" She lifted the laptop to the side and dug into her pocket, pulling her phone out. It was Nina. She pressed to talk. "Hey," she said.

"_Hey, babe—dude, what's that noise?"_

From the corner of her eye, she saw Jacob pick something up off the bed next to her hip. It looked like a folded piece... of... _Oh my God!_ _Not the brochure!_ It must have come out of her pocket when she got her cell out. _Oh shit. Holy crap. Oh God. _Barely meeting his eyes, she mumbled, "Okay, so, yeah... That's, um... Mom took me to the, um, yeah—to get..." _Whoa. Someone needs to go back to kindergarten. _To get what? She couldn't tell him that. _Yes, so, she took me to get my Depo-shot and now I'm... good to go? No! Oh holy macaronis with chili on top! _Her entire body was burning and she pointedly looked at the _In Flames_ video coming to an end.

Jacob's soundless whistle didn't lack sound this time around—that was the only reason she knew he did it. There was just no _way_ she would look at his face right at that particular moment. But then he spoke. "Uh... I think Nina's freaking out..."

Bella automatically turned to his voice. "Huh?" Why was he talking about Nina? _Oh. _Apparently she'd dropped her phone. Picking it up quickly, she told Nina, "Hey, I'll call you back in a minute," then pressed _end call._ Bella reached to grab the brochure off Jacob with a shaky hand and stuffed it back into her pocket. "Wow, that was... such a fail on my part." How was she even able to talk? Daring to peek at Jacob again, she noticed he looked a bit... awkward. "Are you okay?" _Of course he's okay. You just threw an Am I Ready To Have Sex? pamphlet on his bed! _Was that like throwing down the gauntlet when challenging someone to a duel? _Nutjob! _Bella cringed.

"Uh, yeah, I just... uh... Excuse me."

Bella turned. _You've done it again._ "I'm, um, sorry?"

"Don't be," Jacob quickly said, scooting forward.

He couldn't be serious. Surely not. He wasn't leaving... _again_ was he? "Where're you going?" _Stop talking. Leave the poor guy alone._

Jacob appeared incredibly focused on the task of removing the guitar from his lap—_ohhh. _The temperature in the room rose instantly, and Bella looked away. It was the least she could do after all the things she seemed to put him (_his thingy?_) through. Maybe she should offer to help or something? If she was so inclined to give him trouble with it all the time, she could at least offer? _What's wrong with you? _Yes. What _was_ wrong with her? Was this a side-effect of the shot? What would she say anyway?

And then, finally, Jacob answered her. "Uh, I have to... go... yeah..."

_Can I help?_ _Can I give you a hand? _Some noise came out, like Jacob was going to say something else, but it sounded awfully choked. Whatever that meant, it couldn't have been a response to her thoughts, because Jacob wasn't a Jedi or something like that. He didn't read minds. _But you think out loud._

_Oh no. No, no, no._

_No. Freaking. Way._

Bella covered her face with her hands, praying and begging into her lap in a tiny whisper, "I didn't just say something... did I?" _Please, say no, please, say no. Say no, say no, say no._

"Hey, it's okay, Bella," Jacob said and that was pretty much confirmation enough. She held on to whatever she could while she tried not to die. The level of unfairness and the general epic failure of this moment (the entire day, more like it) was too much. Continuously, she kept making a mess of things with her dumb mouth. "Hey..."

Abruptly, she sat up, keeping her face angled away from him. "I'm, um, gonna... let you..." _Be quiet, already—oh my God._ Bella fumbled for her laptop and edged forward until her feet touched the floor. If so much as one single tear dared to crawl out of either of her tear ducts she was going to flush her own head down the toilet. Wordlessly, and without so much as a glance at Jacob, she stood from the bed.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice was so gentle and quiet her eyes stung. _No. No way. Stop it. You're not going to be a baby._ She shook her head. "Seriously, don't worry about it—" He came closer to where she stood. All her efforts were being spent to keep tears from welling into her eyes, but then she felt the backs of his fingers brush up her arm and she couldn't help the sob. "Aw, babygirl—hey, please don't—"

"I'm sorry," she blurted wetly. "It's... I can't look at you right now, I'm—it's... I just... I'm sorry." And with that she hurried out of the room before she could burst into full-on tears and make an even _bigger_ idiot out of herself (like that was humanly possible). _Stupid stupid stupid._

With her door firmly shut, she went up to her desk to set down her laptop. Dazed, she stood there staring, while everything blurred more and more until she thought her eyes might explode from the overload of tears. She squeezed them away and went to sink down on her bed. Suddenly she remembered she'd told Nina she would call her back, and dug into her pocket, only to come out with the brochure.

"Balls!" she hissed. Of course she had to leave her phone in Jacob's room. Not even a force of nature could make her go back in there right now. Nina would just have to wait. Plus, it wasn't like she wanted to talk about contraception and sex and whatever else Nina might want to talk about. All that stuff was what had gotten her into this mess to begin with.

Thoroughly irritated with herself, she looked down on the brochure in her hands. _Am I Ready To Have Sex? _Yes. Absolutely. Once she managed to actually pull herself out of her incessant internal babbling that occasionally turned into spoken words of total fail and humiliation. Not to mention all rational thought flitting off to God knew where every single time Jacob looked at her or touched her or kissed her. If she couldn't control herself with his hands on her face, what would happen if they ended up elsewhere? Or if his mouth on hers made her heart beat her into a dumbfounded mess, how would she see clearly when other parts of him touched her?

Which reminded her of their shared moment from separate rooms and what _that_ had done to her. _God._ She couldn't even begin to imagine what would happen if they were in the same room, let alone if her hand actually became _his_ or vice versa.

Opening the pamphlet, she read slowly, and then she half-choked, one quarter-sobbed and another-quarter laughed.

"_If the person you are with tells you that he or she is "dying" with the need to have sex, remember: no one has ever died from not having sex."_

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." Bella snorted. Reading farther, she stopped again, and this time she had to stifle back a giggle.

"_What parts of me does this person activate? My head? My heart? My loins?"_

It was impossible to contain it; Bella chortled, nearly choked on a true piglet-worthy snort and then burst out laughing. _Seriously... loins?_ She was definitely crying now—with laughter. _Oh God._ If she didn't stop, she'd die all over again, but from lack of oxygen. "Oh crap, I can't breathe," she gasped. Someone needed to write new brochures that didn't make their intended audience enter _extinction_ from their... _loins_ being _de_activated, like, permanently. "Oh holy shit, I can't even..."

Bella dropped back on her pillow, the brochure fluttering to the floor, and threw both hands over her face as her entire body shook with silent but fitful laughter. She was fully aware of the fact that having sex was no laughing matter, but who _wrote_ those things?

Several minutes later, finally managing to pull herself together, Bella took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Crap, that was good," she said to herself. That was when she realized she'd been lying on her remote the entire time, and pulled it out to put on some music at a low volume. She glanced at the time: 7:54 p.m.

Nina would be wondering and waiting. Could she go get her phone now? Something occurred to her then, and she sat up. Staring at the door, she for the first time considered what she'd told Jacob. Bella frowned; what had that sounded like? He had only tried to reassure her, but she'd been so completely humiliated she hadn't been able to speak clearly... She sighed. She had to let him know, so he wouldn't think the "I can't look at you," meant she didn't _want_ to look at him. _Honestly, Bella._ Telling herself to control her reactions a little was one thing, but what she really needed was to _actually_ do it. Hell might freeze over before that, but the least she could do was to make an effort.

Getting out of bed, she picked up the pamphlet and rolled her eyes at it. "I'll stick to my mom's advice, thank you very much." She folded it up and tossed it into the trashcan. Sure, there was one thing from the brochure that had stuck with her, but it wasn't so much what it said, but rather the words _boyfriend _and _girlfriend_. Not that she expected that she and Jacob would be able to use such terms, but the meaning behind it was what made her stare into space for a great length of time.

Bella knew she liked Jacob, and that she was more than interested in him. She liked being around him, talking to him (even if that had only _just_ become a possibility), and she most definitely wanted to spend all summer getting to know this more open and relaxed side of him.

But then there were _his_ thoughts on this to consider. And yes, he had told her he was hers, but what did that really mean? He had also told her he needed her and couldn't let her go, but in what way? Plus, he'd been upset and hurting so _much_—he'd seemed so desperate and scared, and she held no illusions that that part would magically disappear now.

And as those thoughts mixed with his apprehension to becoming involved with a few guys (and a girl) to form a band, confirming he didn't want to commit, well... _Also_, he _had_ run away and she still wasn't exactly sure why that was. Whether it was because of Rebecca or to make sure that he didn't lead that nameless person _here._..

Another thing reentered the foremost part of her brain: as far as everyone (well, almost everyone) was concerned, Jacob was her foster brother. According to DCS, a development like this—if they came by information—would not only see Jacob instantly placed in a new home, but it could very possibly screw things up for Jesse and Ashley. _Oh God._ Would that mess up the adoption process for Ashley? What if her mom and dad wouldn't be able to ever take in any other kids?

Bella had to sit down again. Her head was going to spin off her shoulders. She found herself with her face buried in her hands once more which in turn rested on her knees. Her own humiliation couldn't compare to the very real risks—what a _gamble_ it was to pursue any sort of relationship with Jacob (other than a purely platonic one, anyway).

No matter what, she could never be with him in public, not as anything other than a friend. They wouldn't be able to go to the movies and hold hands (or steal a kiss in the dark because she'd be too paranoid someone would see who shouldn't), and—_butthole!_ How would they do _anything _outside these walls like any other normal girl and guy that liked each other? It would be totally unthinkable until he was eighteen and moved out. _That's **ages** away! _"Shit and crap and balls..." Not that she _needed_ that. But what about Jacob? She really had no way of knowing what he wanted or thought about all of this (if he was even thinking about it), nor could she say with absolute certainty that what she wanted at this particular moment would be what she wanted two years from now—_whoa whoa whoa... Back up, wait a minute, hold your horses._

Bella took a deep breath and sat up somewhat straight. For a few minutes she focused on tuning out the constant spin of _what, how, why, when, where_ and instead mouthed along to the lyrics of Daughtry's songs playing on her stereo.

She was in _high school_, and as important as it was to take the future into consideration, it was the here and now that would get her there. Today she could affect, yesterday she could learn from, and hopefully, by combining the two, tomorrow wouldn't be such an epic fail. _One step at a time_.

First step would be a visit to the bathroom, or her bladder might explode. _Messy._ With that in mind, she left her room. Jacob's door was still open, and she perked her ears, straining them for sounds, but heard nothing, so slipped into the bathroom.

Having gone through her nightly routine (after the past couple of late nights, an early one wasn't too bad an idea), she went back to her room. Just before she closed the door, however, she remembered her cell. She decided to get a glass of water from the kitchen while she was at it. Jacob's room was empty when she peered into it, and since she couldn't see her phone anywhere, she made a mental note of checking for it on the way back.

As she passed the living room, she saw Ashley curled up next to Renée, both their heads turned in the same direction. A clinking and unclean sound registered, and then her step faltered slightly, her eyes coming to a full stop at Jacob, perched on the armrest of her dad's recliner, with Jesse almost disappearing in the seat behind Jacob's guitar. Jesse's face was scrunched up in total concentration, his small mouth even tinier with his lips pursed. He tipped his head to one side from time to time, attempting to get the hair out of his eyes that were glued to his not-quite-long-enough fingers splayed across the finger board.

Renée caught Bella's attempt at stealth. "Oh, hey, baby. We've got ourselves a young Springsteen," she said, her voice full of promise.

"Oh yeah, no question about that," Jacob agreed.

"Look, Bells, I'm playing—cool, huh?" Jesse's grin was so big it took up half his face, which reflexively made Bella's own lips copy it.

"_Totally_ cool," Bella replied, finally able to move her feet. She went for the sofa and climbed up to tuck her legs beneath her. "So... whatcha playing?"

"Um." Jesse looked up at Jacob, who bent to whisper something to him. "Oh yeah!" Turning back to Bella, Jesse proudly informed her, "Have you ever seen the rain!" She couldn't help the surprised look she was sure was on her face. It definitely wasn't what she had expected. Glancing at her mom, however, and finding the mix of guilt and feigned innocence in her sheepish smile, Bella rolled her eyes.

"What?" Renée demanded with a laugh, and then stated matter-of-factly, "He's doing really well."

"Jake's a good teacher, I swear, Jesse's so cute," Ashley gushed. "Do it again?" Not that Ashley was a grump, but she usually was more conservative than the rest of them. Well, apart from Jacob, who wasn't the overly conversational type either. So, that being the case, Bella was left peering curiously between Ashley, Jesse and Jacob.

"Show me again," Jesse told Jacob.

"Sure." Jacob reached down, keeping a clear view for Jesse, placed his own fingertips on the strings, and told him, "Give it a whack." Jesse did just that, and then, "Now—here." Switching, Jacob asked again, "Another one," which Jesse obeyed and gave the strings a hit with his fingers. "And then the last one," Jacob instructed, changing the positioning of his fingertips once more. "Go on," he encouraged. Jesse strummed it again, and then glanced up at Jacob expectantly. "That was a good hit," he complimented. "Wanna give it a try yourself?"

Jesse's eyes flitted to Bella, and then back to Jacob. He shook his head. "I want you to do it."

"Aww," Renée murmured, "You're doing great, baby."

Quietly, Jesse muttered, "I'm nervous."

Ashley covered her mouth and Renée did the same, while Bella echoed her mom's "Aww," and started to get up to go over to Jesse and give him a hug. Jacob, too, appeared to be trying hard to keep a straight face.

"Nooo," Jesse protested, and quickly repeated to Jacob, "I want you to do it." Bella paused, but sank back down again with a shrug. "Like before," he urged when Jacob lifted the guitar from Jesse's legs.

"All right, buddy." Jacob stood while Jesse slid off the recliner, and then they switched places, sort of. As soon as Jacob sat down, Jesse crawled onto his lap and seated himself with an excited look on his face, eyeing the guitar as Jacob lowered it like it was the greatest thing in the world.

While Jacob carefully positioned his arms and hands, Jesse looked to be nearly bursting, and then Jacob began playing. "Sing too!" Jesse ordered.

"Roger that."

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella was still grinning and shaking her head as she walked down the hallway to her room. Nearly one hour passed while Jacob indulged both Jesse's and Ashley's requests, and Bella had ended up gazing at him in a dazed state of awe. Not only did he seem to have a bottomless well of songs and lyrics to draw from, but if a human being could glow, Jacob had come pretty close.

Of course, Bella hadn't been the only one to notice. Her mom, and even her dad, who had come inside after having spent two hours adding some finishing touches to the terrace, had appeared visibly struck dumb. But Charlie had recovered quickly, and even after being jokingly called a party-pooper by Renée, he made them all clear out for the night.

In the process of getting out of her tube top and into a too large black t-shirt with _Metallica_ printed across the front (given to her by her uncle who was a big Metallica fan), Bella paused at the knock on her door. "Just a sec," she called out, and then to herself, "Shit." _Too loud, maybe?_ "Is that you, Mom?" she asked in a more muted voice.

"_Jukebox extraordinaire_," came Jacob's voice from the other side.

Bella bit back a laugh and was about to tell him to come in before realizing she should probably put on some shorts. Even if the t-shirt reached mid-thigh, with her luck as of late, she'd end up with it around her waist (or worse, her boobs), which would possibly result in her dying a mortifying death.

Quickly she pulled a drawer out and dug through it until she came up with a pair of... _pink_ and very, very tiny sweat shorts. "Um, those aren't mine..." ..._Nina._ They must have gotten left behind after a sleepover or something (on purpose, too, she'd be willing to bet). Where were her checkered pajama shorts? "Eh... What the hell." Bella shrugged and pulled them on; she couldn't leave Jacob standing out there all night. "Okay," she spoke to the door, "You can come in."

Jacob had changed, too, and wore a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt as usual. When she finally made it to his face—a little shyly, for some reason—the huge grin she found there made her cheeks flood with warmth. "Aw, shit, you're so—" He cleared his throat and perceptibly tried to compose his expression. Without much luck, though.

"I'm so... what?" she taunted as lightly and playfully as she could, attempting to rein in her very own instinctive reactions. Somehow she just wanted to tackle him and hide in his neck. _Weirdo._ Yes. That she was.

While digging into his pocket and pulling out her cell, Jacob pushed the door open completely with one foot and came to stand in front of her; the action puzzled her, but she managed to keep it from showing. "It's been running hot, fangirl," he teased and gave her t-shirt a little tug at level with her stomach. She took the phone, but waited expectantly for him to answer. "Cute," he said quietly. With a painfully light touch, Jacob ran his fingertips from her brow to her ear, tucking the hair he'd gathered behind it.

"I'm sorry about before," she blurted. _Nice. _And why did she suddenly feel like she might cry again? _Isabella Marie. Honestly._ "I _want_ to look at you," she continued in a hurried voice, wanting to get it all out before she couldn't talk at all. "I felt dumb and didn't know what to say or do so I just kinda ran off and I had no idea what I was saying, but I _want_ to look at you, I do..."

"Hey, it's okay," he told her. "And I kinda want to look at you too, so please don't get upset again. You didn't hurt my feelings." Eventually, he managed to catch her eye, putting a brake on hers having been unable to make up their mind where to pause. Whatever she found there made her bones respond by jellofying. And then he stroked her cheek again, ending up tilting her chin to angle her face to his. Bella saw that he was going to say something else, but that was about as much as she could take and then her arms were around his neck and she burrowed into him there, squeezing him hard.

_Oh yes. Hi, Jake-smell. _Bella tightened her arms a little extra when Jacob's own wrapped her even closer. She felt pressure from his chin on her head, and then it was as if the sigh he let out took all tension with it, making all parts of him soften. "You're pretty squishy for a jukebox," Bella mumbled into his skin. He snorted. "Awesome, too." _Very much so. _For a few moments Jacob said nothing. Unless his hands feeling their way over her back, up and down her sides, and fingers rubbing gentle patterns as he went, could be defined as some sort of talking. It was very possible, considering both her heart and body responded to each place he touched, as if replying _yes, that's very nice _or _no, no, I liked that, come back?_ Only to quickly say _ohh, never mind, that works, too._

Okay, so she was a bit strange, but what could she do?

Suddenly, she thought she felt his heartbeat pick up its pace, and then he quietly asked her, "Can I stay with you here for a little while?"

Her own replied with a stutter. All she could do was nod, and in a near whisper add, "Mm-hmm." Of course he could. Remembering Nina again, though, she pulled back to say, "Um, I'm just gonna text Nina or she'll end up in the loony bin."

A smile lifted one corner of his mouth, and he shook his head. "You've got a thing for the crazies," he said, chuckling a little when Bella rolled her eyes.

"I'm surprised you haven't caught it. Maybe it's not contagious after all?" She tugged him with her to sit down on the bed while glancing at her phone. "Whoa. Holy crap."

Jacob laughed. "Told you."

"Um, okay. So maybe this will take just a _little_ longer than I thought." Giving him an apologetic look, she started to open one of _six_ messages (that was excluding the voice mails—_jeez_).

"I don't mind," he assured her. Bella smiled and returned to the message, only to be distracted again when Jacob shifted farther onto the bed. Then his legs were on either sides of hers, and his hands slipped around her middle to pull her into him. Lips and warm breath messed with her hair and her pulse. "I hope this is okay," he whispered. _Way okay_. Bella nodded. "I'm not peeking." Jacob kissed the back of her head. "Promise."

Where was she? _Oh yeah. _Trying to ignore the tingle crawling across her skin, leaving tiny shivers and heat in its path, she stared at her phone.

**[From Nina:** OMG what was that noise? Srsly girl if jake makes u start listening to death metal im gonna flip the fuck out. Js. and what was up with the stuttering? U better call me later.**]**

Bella sighed. Whether it was because of Nina's articulate way of expressing herself (not), or the friction from Jacob's thumb making the material of her shirt brush up and down on her belly, she wasn't too sure. Either way, she gave herself a mental shake and read the rest of the messages.

**[From Nina:** in a minute is more like thirty now. What r u doing? Do u feel sick after the shot? Cuz ur not humping already right? Normally id say go for it but i think u should wait a little**]**

**[From Nina: ** 1 hr. u gotta be kidding me girl. STOP BONING ALREADY like omg! b4 ur dad walks in lol**]**

**[From Nina: **O_o holy fuck. 2 hrs and no reply. Either ur sick which I hope is the reason and ill come by tomorrow with tons of this crappy chocolate kurt bought 4 me like omg im not 5 anymore. Hello? Well I could melt it and... if u know what I mean lol ur face is red now right? if u R NOT SICK im gonna cut a MFB and u know that shit is nasty. ALSO im gonna slap u silly and then im gonna stuff his balls down his throat if ur dad didnt already. He should know better omg srsly?**]**

Red didn't even begin to define Bella's burning skin. After that message she wasn't so sure she even dared to check the other ones, let alone the voicemails. "You okay?" Bella started at Jacob's voice, and immediately his hands paused their movements.

"No, don't stop," she blurted and moved one hand to place on his to hold them there, going on to tell him, "And yeah, I'm fine. I was just spaced out, 'cause Nina's freaking." _Another understatement._ She had better just read the rest and check her voicemails.

Suppressing the urge to peek through her fingers in case it got to be too much, Bella read the other two messages. Apart from repeating _OMG, boning, cutting bitches_ and, oh yeah, more _OMG_ too much, Nina just showed she cared. So she had a different way of showing it, but it was nothing new. Bella decided to leave the voicemails for later, though, and typed up a quick reply to reassure Nina everything was okay.

**[From you:** I'm so sorry I took so long to get back to you. I haven't boned. Jeez. I was just being emo in my room and laughing at those sexual awareness brochures. One word for you: loins. Check that shit out, now you're laughing. I'll tty tomorrow, okay? Love you :)**]**

Bella put her phone on the nightstand, but then she picked it up and switched it off before setting it down again. She'd be too tempted to look if another message came through.

If it weren't for Jacob's restless hands on her stomach or how he aimlessly drew shapes into her hair with the tip of his nose, she might have thought he had fallen asleep—he was that quiet. All the same, she jokingly wondered, "Are you alive back there?"

"Yeah," he told her in that gentle voice that made everything inside go mushy, and then, "How about your friend?"

"She'll survive." Bella tried to turn, but Jacob tightened his arms around her and seemed to nuzzle the curve of her neck until she realized he was brushing her hair out of the way. Eventually he kissed the skin he'd exposed. She shivered.

"I... Can I say something?"

Bella let out a soft snort. "Of course you can, you cake. You don't have to ask."

Instead of talking right away, he first touched his lips to her neck once more, and then rested his chin just above her collarbone. The longer he took, the more she wondered what he wanted to say. A strange sensation settled in her stomach that she couldn't quite place. All she knew was that it made her swallow, as if she were almost nervous, but not really. _Please say something, Jake._

When Jacob finally spoke, he sounded a little like the night before. Uncertain. "I just want you to know—and this goes for everything—that I don't want you to feel pressured or that you have to do something you're not ready for, or don't feel like doing, or don't want to do. Okay?"

"Okay," she replied. _Okay? _Wanting to clarify a little more to assure him, she added, "I don't feel pressured, though, Jake. I really don't." She hoped he understood she meant it; though she would be willing to bet this had something to do with the _Am I Ready To Have Sex? _brochure. She was surprised how mild her reactions were to what they were talking about. Her face barely warmed up, and she didn't feel like running away to hide somewhere. But, then again, she wasn't looking at him, and with his arms around her, it was a little less nerve-wracking. "Um, I guess... Is this because of the... um... that brochure?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Okay. Well, um, it was sorta a case of _it's about time_, you know? Eh... the shot, I mean." Okay. So now her skin heated up a little more than before. _Balls._ She hurried on to explain things better. "Okay, um, look. I've seen the consequences of not being prepared, and it wouldn't really matter who I was interested in, because Mom has seen the consequences, too, so she'd have me on birth control either way."

Jacob's chin pressed into her a little when he nodded his head. "Yeah. Like Amy Halpern... well, you saw."

Bella nodded, too. "Yes." She had seen. _Poor girl._ Dealing with that must be hard enough without getting crap for it at school. "But, um, there're a lot of other things, apart from... that. Like, there're other consequences. Things we need to think about. Things we can't do or have to be careful with, because if we're not, then that would... it could... end up, like, really _really—_"

"Bella?" Jacob interrupted carefully. He continued in that soft voice, "It's okay," rubbing his thumb up and down again in a soothing motion, while placing a light kiss to her jaw. "You would never do anything to put your family at risk—hey, come here." _Whoops._ She had tensed up and not even noticed. But now, letting Jacob turn her, she felt herself relax. He touched her face, lightly, and stroked her cheek. "You wouldn't, and I wouldn't." His eyes searched both of hers, as if looking to see she believed him, and trusted he really wouldn't.

"I know you wouldn't," she whispered, finding her throat rebelling again, being difficult and not letting her speak properly. But she guessed it was sympathizing with the rest of her that struggled to remain composed when Jacob looked at her the way he did. She was so sure he was going to say something. He even opened his mouth, but closed it again.

Instead he leaned in and she closed half the distance, pressing her mouth into his.

With his hands moving to hold her face again, she turned fully, pulling her knees up to balance on the edge of the mattress. Being much higher up, and her hands having sneaked into his hair, Bella felt herself slide one knee over his leg in a shaky kind of way, and the other. She then sank down. Very likely it wasn't the best move, and soon she might end up a blushing, stammering mess, but then Jacob's lips parted, and hers followed unquestioningly. Their tongues touched only just barely, as if to test or ask permission, and then met in a full brush. And again—each slow stroke building the beats of her heart—until she found herself tightly pressed into him with his arms wrapped around her entirely.

It dawned on her that she wore no bra beneath her t-shirt, but she didn't linger long on it being inappropriate. Pleasant sensations skittered through her, and she _liked_ the way his warm body squashed her boobs, and how each gentle squeeze of his arms created friction that sent burning tingles down into her stomach.

Most of her attention, however, seemed to be drawn more and more to a certain something making its presence known with... growing persistence. _Ahem. Um... hi there. _Was it normal to have a conversation with it? Probably not. As was typical of her, though (thanks to her curious nature), she couldn't help but compare it to what was right now hidden in the back of her nightstand. Obviously, and becoming more apparent, it was a lot bigger. Not as hard—even if it was becoming hard_er_. Still, Jacob's thingy felt a lot more squishy, sort of like the rest of him. _Squishy? _It couldn't be healthy to analyze it this much. _Oh well. _She gave a mental shrug.

The most important thing to keep in mind maybe was to make sure she didn't wriggle. She didn't want to stop kissing him, or have him leave for the bathroom or something again. _Perv, you totally want him to. _No. She didn't. In the back of her mind, what she _did_ wonder, though, was how responsive _that_ would be to her touch—just as much as the rest of him was?

One little movement wouldn't hurt. Her curiosity won out (no big surprise there), and as soon as she pressed against him, only just a little, he made a very subtle noise, but it was the way he held her tighter and kissed her harder that had her heart bursting into a new pace entirely. Not only that; it felt _good._

Jacob's arms loosened. His hands came to rest on her hips, and she was just about to protest, but then he spoke quietly against her tingly and funny-feeling lips. "We should slow down, babygirl."

Bella was okay with slowing down, but not stopping entirely. He wasn't leaving already, was he? "Are you leaving?" she wondered in an equally quiet voice, unable to keep the disappointment from coming through. Her eyes opened to find his much closer than she'd expected. _Wow._ All of a sudden she couldn't recall what she'd been thinking.

"No. Only if you want me to," he told her, nudging her nose.

"What do _you_ want to do?" she asked before thinking, and then blushed, realizing that a guy with his experience, and probably being used to... doing whatever with his girlfriend—all in all it had been a silly question. Jacob rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. "Sorry," Bella whispered.

Jacob's soft snort startled her, and he quickly told her, "Sorry—okay, look. Firstly?" He pulled back to look at her with a small smile that did weird things to her heart. "Don't say sorry about that—it's not what you think. Secondly..." He appeared to think his next words over with great care while his hands began their restless movements again. It felt as if he constantly redirected their intended and desired paths. "Can I—"

"Do you—"

They burst out laughing.

Grinning, Bella unthinkingly wiggled against him while she urged, "Go on. You first." Jacob actually _looked_ like he was going to die when the groan stuck in his throat. "Oh crap, sorry," she blurted at the same time as she smacked both hands over her mouth. She tried not to spontaneously combust and jokingly mumbled between her fingers, "Oops, I did it again?"

Jacob laughed and leaned in to kiss her fingers. Almost begging, he said, "How about we just cuddle or something? I think the bathroom has seen enough action lately." Her entire face might have erupted into flames, but she placed partial blame on the fact that she was suddenly laughing so hard she _felt_ the cool tears roll down her cheeks.

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Whoa whoa whoa... another whopper of a chapter, but not only that; I really dragged this day out didn't I? Well, it held so much potential (as I'm sure you saw), and I couldn't let that pass without acknowledgment. ;)_

_So... There is a big possibility that Unspoken will enter a **four week** hibernation. I'm going to Sweden for a holiday on Monday, and I **really** need it, like, **so much. **(If I get time to write, I will, but mostly I'll be recharging my batteries. ;).)_

_As always, thank you **MeraNaamJoker** and **Cretin** for betaing (and all else). Love you both muchly._

_Now. Before I go start on the next chapter (maybe I can get a short one out before I leave), I just want to give a shout-out to the person (or multiple persons?) who nominated Unspoken and some of its characters for awards at HRA. Seriously, I **will** find out who you are, and I **will** hunt you down and give you mass-snorgles. Just saying. (You made me all misty-eyed and shit, so yes, you deserve to be snorgled shamelessly.)_

_Y'all give me so much happy I just can't even. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and let me just reiterate that I still crack up when I see comments on "pass me the sex, please," and also I grin like a fool. :D_

_Until next time!_


	14. Flames

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Flames<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Hell's protecting, I want to burn  You and me, we will never learn / Take a step away from me now / Moving closer / "Haven Stay," by tAKiDA_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Bella stared out the window from where she sat in the back of Jared's car. She couldn't make herself look at Nina's message again. Yes, Nina was Bella's best friend, and of _course_ she was allowed to like whoever she wanted... but Fish? _Come _**_on_**_—Fish? _Obviously, whatever impression Fish had left on Nina hadn't been erased by making out with Jared in Bella's room. What had Fish and Nina been _doing _that day of detention? Just the thought, without any further speculations, was enough to make Bella shudder.

Jared spoke. "Are you sure she'll find the house? It's a bit tricky. If she wants, I can go pick her up later. I don't mind."

Bella met his eyes in the rearview mirror. "I'm sure she'll find it," she told him before returning her gaze out the window. "She'll call if she gets lost." Or if she was going to be delayed even _more_.

When Jared laughed, Bella gave a start. "You look a little nervous back there, cutiepie. They're not gonna hurt you—" He cut himself off with a thoughtful humming sound, and then corrected, "Well, I guess I can't speak for Shane." Then Jared did the strangest thing, and stretched a little. While Bella had no idea what he was doing, her eyes widened when Jacob smacked the rearview mirror.

"Knock it off," he told Jared, who eyed him.

"Man. _Chill. _Just checking for exposure percentage. Jesus. But hey, if you wanna let Tits do that, sure. I'll just get Mom to leave a bucket by the door."

Bella sputtered. "What?" Most of their conversation went way over her head. The bucket-thing didn't sound promising, though. _Yikes._

"Tits is Shane's alter ego—well, maybe it's his only ego." Jacob shook his head when Bella gave him a confused look. "He's got a boob-obsession," he added for clarification, clearly forcing himself to keep a straight face. Bella's cheeks turned instantly red.

_Wow... _What had she gotten herself into? Moreover—she opened up a new message.

**[From you:** Nina. Fish had better have some really freaking amazing hidden personality. I can't believe you're actually abandoning ship for the Leviathan of Thingies.**]**

Not even a minute passed before Bella received a reply.

**[From Nina: **LOL pull jake into a closet or smth and touch HIS thingy. OMG u totally can now. do eet**]**

Trust Nina to send her straight back into the gutter—_no_. She wasn't going back there. Days had passed and she was doing so _well._

Ever since the Day of Epic Failure, which really had been less than a week ago, she just might've made an extra effort to steer clear of potentially embarrassing situations. Going to work had helped, and so had going to the movies with Cara, Stacey, and Nina just the night before. In between that and various other activities, she hadn't seen much of Jacob since the Thursday.

She hadn't kissed him either. Not since the night they ended up cuddling on her bed. Maybe the accident that had followed played a part in them being super-duper careful now, too. They had kind of fallen asleep. _Whoops?_ One minute they had talked about—Bella couldn't even remember now, she had been that tired. And then, the next thing she knew (in reality not even an hour had passed), Renée had been there, whispering, and telling them "Maybe it's time to go to bed, eh?"

Bella smiled at the memory. Jacob had looked so cute. Not only his sleepy-face, but the way his normally unkempt hair had gotten even more mussed. As he had dragged himself out of her bed, it had been difficult not to grin, but then he'd kissed her one more time and, with a wink, told her "Night, fangirl." She was fairly certain she'd had the dopiest look on her face. Bella couldn't make up her mind which nickname she preferred: babygirl or fangirl. Both turned her into a fuzzy ball of mush, though, so it didn't really matter.

The car had stopped, but Bella didn't realize they had arrived at Jared's house until her door opened. "We're here," Jacob said and stood back with one arm on the door to give her space to get out.

_Wakey-wakey._ "Whoops." Bella offered him a sheepish grin and slid off the seat. "Whoa," she breathed, tilting her head upward a little. "This house is kinda huge." It just dawned on her that she'd never really taken much notice of Jared's place before. Strange that, considering she _had_ been in the car with Renée a few times when Jacob had needed a ride home. Dimly, Bella recalled the last time being about a year ago.

For a fleeting moment, she stood there with only inches between Jacob and her. She tingled with the urge to touch him, hug him—_anything—_but she didn't dare to. When she finally put one foot in front of the other, she heard Jacob quietly tell her, "Yeah, me too," and very nearly caved. The effort sent a shiver through her, but she continued forward until the driveway sloped down on a steep angle, ending in front of a wide garage door.

Jared appeared behind it. "Welcome to hell—uh, wait. That's not what I meant to say." His sure grin seemed to be a permanent fixture in his face, but it didn't come across as arrogant (not like Fish—_wake up, Nina. Honestly_).

"I'll take it," Bella replied with a grin of her own. "Heaven is totally overrated anyway, right?"

"Hell yeah, that's the spirit. You _are_ my little protégé," he told her and casually slung an arm over her shoulders when she came to a stop in the large doorway, adding, "Don't panic. The rest of the minions aren't here yet."

She let Jared lead her into the garage. "Wow. This is so awesome."

Jacob appeared next to them. "Give it twenty minutes, and Road will feng shui it—"

"Into an unrecognizable mess," Jared cut in. "No matter what the fuck I do, she just rearranges everything."

"That's 'cause you ain't got the touch, Schmooze," came a _very_ husky voice from behind them. Jared turned, bringing Bella with him in a half circle—she nearly tripped over herself. _You're off to a great start. _"So this is our first groupie, huh? Nice." Abby (_Road?_) looked Bella up and down the way a guy checks out a girl, and in immediate response to the typical blushing-fit, a big grin drew Bella's attention to a glimmer on one of Abby's teeth. Never mind the three rings in her brow or the one in her tongue which was clearly visible now as Abby laughed. "Fuck. Wait till Shane gets here. I'm lovin' it already." Abby tapped Bella's nose, smacked Jared's head and gave Jacob a sideways look before dragging a large case into the garage.

Bella should probably close her mouth. _Yes. Hello? _

"Where's my slap?" Jacob looked genuinely disappointed.

Abby set her luggage down and swept her hair back, keeping her hand on her forehead while seemingly sizing the room up. She didn't spare Jacob so much as a glance. "So..."

"Uh-oh," Jared said quietly. "You've done it now."

Jacob turned to Jared with one brow raised. "What did I do?"

All _Bella_ could do was to let her eyes dart curiously between the three of them. When Jared pulled Jacob to the side, Bella easily picked up on the instant switch in his mood. She tried to find something else to look at, when Abby suddenly directed a comment her way, making Bella freeze a little. "You look a little lost, Tinkerbell."

_Whoa. Freaky._ "Yeah... Guess I am." What on earth was she supposed to say?

"C'mere," Abby told her while opening the case. "Jared's filling Bozo in on shit that should be obvious." Bella inched closer while following Abby's gaze to Jacob and Jared, and then, rolling her eyes, Abby stated with a slight sigh, "Well, that's gonna take a while."

Bella had no idea how to behave, so she tried for a neutral, "Eh, boys," and shrugged.

"Fuck, yes." Abby winked at her. Bella nearly passed out from relief, while Abby, visibly appearing relaxed, dove back into her case.

Okay. So she had made it one minute without too much fail. Hopefully the next gazillion minutes would pass in a similar fashion. _Ha. Good luck. _

Looking around for someplace to sit, Bella's eyes paused on a low couch covered in what looked like old curtains; the large and faded roses in the print made her think of Renée's mom. Abby noticed. "Sexy, ain't it? Fuck, I keep taking it away and somehow he finds it and puts it back. How? I think I'm being smart, but it's sentimental value or some shit, so whatever."

Bella stifled a snort. "Um, I guess it could be less..."

"_Exactly_," Abby said when Bella couldn't think of what to call it. "There aren't even words." A pause. "Hey, Schmooze! Got any neutral colored sheets or something? I'm getting horny watching this fucking floral crap." Abby turned back to Bella who, while trying to keep up with the strange conversation (or whatever it was), couldn't figure out where to look. "Yeah. My hands don't work so well when all I wanna do is jump the sofa."

Bella stared at said sofa and deflected the weird things her head wanted to subject her to.

"You're gonna scare her away, Road. And lay off my mama's curtains. It's all part of the mojo."

"You and your fucking mojo. I'll be cacking it looking at this shit."

"Abby, can you come here for a sec," Jacob asked.

"I'm not coming anywhere. Ask H—"

"Fuck sake, Abigail."

Abby's eyes flashed with the severity of a thunderstorm. "Oh hell no. You're on now." She stood from the case, pulling her jeans up a little. They hung halfway down her ass in spite of the belt. Or maybe the belt _made_ them hike down, considering all the heavy-looking studs on it. _At least she's got normal panties._

Bella looked away from Abby's ass when the girl almost stalked across the garage to Jacob. Jacob himself didn't appear all that happy, either, but now Bella understood what it was about and, that being the case, she sat down on the sofa. She could see how Jacob didn't want things to be awkward going to that rock festival. Also, she guessed she might have figured out why he had appeared so tense when talking to Jared in their backyard on Thursday. She'd be willing to bet Hannah had been very much involved with all these things. Bella did recognize Abby from the usual crowd Jacob sat with in the cafeteria.

_Well, hello awkwardness._ All the more reason for Bella to take extra care not to say or do something stupid. More than likely, she should put in a herculean effort to not look at Jacob too much. She certainly didn't want to cause any friction. _Um. You already are._ She _might _be. Not necessarily, though—except she did consider that as far as they knew, Jacob didn't exactly hang out with his—she almost cringed—foster sister. _Oh boy. Nina. Heeelllp._

A lanky guy appeared in Bella's line of vision, giving her a start. "Um, hi," she blurted. _Articulate. And whoa. That's some serious sideburns._ Not to mention the charcoal smudges around the guy's eyes or his black hair, the state of which made her wonder if he'd just gotten out of bed.

"Hi," he mumbled, and then turned to stare at Abby's open case. "Hmm."

_Okay..._ This just kept getting weirder and weirder. Not wanting to be rude, and detecting a level of apprehension from the guy now with his back to her, Bella offered, "I'm Bella." _Nooo. Really?_

"Henry," he replied in another mumble, but didn't turn. Instead he went straight for the door right next to where Jacob, Jared and Abby stood talking. Jared acknowledged him with a wave and got a nod back before Henry disappeared up the stairs.

"Hola, comrades! Let's get this show on Road—eh, _the_ road. Sorry." Bella jerked when a shirtless guy appeared next to her, causing the cushion under her to spring up a little. Had he just jumped there? Unable to hide her shock, she stared at him stupidly. "Hey," he drawled, having skidded down and now had his face turned her way, leaning on the backrest. He wriggled, as if to get comfortable. "Haven't seen you around here before." When she noticed his eyes dropping straight to her chest, heat splashed her skin. _Oh God, I think I just met Tits._ "Aw, _baby_. And I'm definitely enjoying meeting yours," he exclaimed and bounced up to sit straight, facing her.

Of course... _Hello, word vomit._ Why not? _I'm dead. **So** dead. So freaking **dead**. _"Uhh..." Her verbal eloquence knew no bounds. Intentional as well as _un_intentional. "Hi. I have a word vomit issue, guess you can just call me that," she offered lamely. Bella turned abruptly and dropped her head to groan into the armrest.

"Aw, _dudes_, I _love_ this chick."

Someone said, "Oh fucking hell, Shane," but Bella couldn't tell who had spoken; her ears were roaring with the beats of her heart racing toward a surefire death.

"What? She's awesome. Look at her—so flippin' cute."

_How_ could her foot-in-mouth disease be _cute_? Bella had no idea what to do with herself, so she stayed head-down, muttering into the floral aphrodisiac, "Sew my mouth shut before you bury me or I'll screw up my interview with the Grim Reaper."

Someone laughed. And then another someone spoke, "Come on, cutie, give me your hand." _Jared._ She held her hand out, but mockingly wondered if it wasn't more like a dead, limp fish. At that she burst out laughing.

"Oh God," she breathed. "A one-way ticket to Galapagos Islands, please?" Bella let Jared, who also was laughing, pull her up. She pointedly kept her eyes down as he led her off to (hopefully) a place far, far away.

Amazingly enough she made it up the stairs without stumbling. It didn't really make up the quota for getting through all those gazillion minutes without fail, however. _'Tis your destiny to fail, young one._ _Awesomeness. Now where's that straitjacket when I need one? Damn it._

Jared didn't let go of her hand until she was (safely) seated on a chair in the kitchen. That's when she dared to look up, and noticed a short woman with dark eyes and long, black hair smiling at her. Jared went up to her and kissed her offered cheek. "Mama, this is Bella—Bella, Mama."

"Hi, Mrs. Hunt," Bella said.

"Hello, Bella. You can call me Mama, though; everybody else does."

"Okay, Mama," Bella corrected herself, far more at ease speaking with an adult stranger than her peers. Funny how that went. Also, she _did_ know that everyone called Jared's mom Mama, but it felt a little strange. She'd get used to it, no doubt.

"Would you like something to drink? Or are you hungry?" Jared's mom was already moving for the fridge before Bella could answer.

"I'd love some water," she said. Maybe she should be submerged in a _tub_ of _icy_ water the way her skin still prickled with warmth and slight dampness.

Jared's mom nodded, the smile still firmly in place (just like her son's grin). Bella glanced around with a curious eye, observing the recurring warm notes in the interior. Most of the furnishings were wood, and the walls housed colorful paintings of various kinds. It was a clutter, but a harmonious one. All in all, it gave off a very homey feel, easing the tension and allowing her to relax. "Thank you," Bella said and offered a big smile when Jared's mom set down a large glass of water in front of her.

"If there's anything else you want, just ask, or do like the rest: help yourself." Bella nodded and watched Jared and his mom exchange a few words in a language she didn't recognize. Something Jared told his mom made her scoff in reply. "Get," she ordered, but turned a crinkled wink in Bella's direction.

"I'm gonna go back downstairs before they kill each other," Jared informed Bella. "Come down whenever you feel ready to dive into the madness again."

Bella laughed. "Um, that would be later rather than sooner."

"No rush. Mama'll look after you, won't you Mama?" He tried to kiss her cheek again but she swatted at him.

"Off with you," she scolded, and to Bella warned, "Don't be fooled, sweetheart; he's a show-off."

"I heard that!" came Jared's voice from down the hallway.

Jared's mom turned out to be very easy to talk to, and Bella found herself helping her make sandwiches for the aforementioned company of madness. At a fairly quiet moment (as to not appear rude), Bella got her phone out and sent Nina a quick message.

**[To Nina:** Get here ASAP. I'm defenseless and they want to eat me alive. Sincerely yours / Miss Word Vomit.**]**

Where _was_ Nina? Had the Leviathan sunk the battleship or _what?_ _Oh my God, you're gross._

Bella could hear the sounds carried faintly up through the walls and floors, but the soundproofing was a lot better in this house than at home. Then it came clearer, followed by Jared's voice. "_Mama! Could you throw down one of the extension cords? It's in the closet outside my room!_"

At that, Mrs. Hunt gave out a huff. Quickly, Bella offered, "I can get it, if you point me in the right direction."

"Just around the corner there," she told Bella with a grateful smile.

It was about time Bella went back downstairs to face the music, anyway. _Ha. You're so funny._ Of course she was. _Not._ She rounded the corner and walked down another hallway—their house was like a maze. The closet was easy to find, but the light switch wasn't, and after feeling along the walls without much luck, she settled for trying to strain her eyes. There were tons of shelves, large and small shapes—boxes, she surmised—but nothing resembling cords of any kind. "Good luck finding anything in here." In fact, it was more a small storage room than a closet.

After carefully patting and searching along the shelves, and their contents, she gave up and went to peek into the kitchen. "I can't find the light switch," she told Jared's mom with an apologetic half-smile.

"That boy can get it himself," she told her. Bella gave a small jump in surprise when Jared's mom hollered down the opposite hall, "Come get your cord, boy!" Turning back to Bella's startled expression, she chuckled. "Sorry, sweetie. We communicate best by shouting in this house."

"Oh, that's okay. Don't apologize," Bella hurriedly assured her. "It's your home, after all." She went back to the closet, and _that _was when it dawned on her that she hadn't felt for a string from the ceiling. "Brilliant, Bella." She sighed. But then, when she reached through the air, it also occurred to her that most floor plans didn't take midgets into consideration. She made a frustrated noise.

"Not having much luck, are you, shorty," came Jared's voice. Bella nearly ended up ass-planting, but Jared quickly caught her with a chuckle.

"Holy crap, you scared me," she breathed.

Jared let her go and reached up to switch on the light. Bella blinked against the sharp sting in her eyes. "You should come back downstairs," he said and pulled out a box to dig through it. "They're harmless, I promise. And just ignore Abby and Jake; they're both moody little shits. Plus, Abby and Hannah are pretty tight, so she's catching all the post-breakup drama right now—hey, can you give me a hand?" Jared started pulling out the cord, handing it to Bella, who rolled it up as he untangled the mess.

Bella couldn't help feeling bad for Hannah—a flare of irritation caught her by surprise, and again she wanted to shake her head. Fish was such a... jerk. "Is she okay?" she asked carefully.

"Hannah?" Jared shrugged. "Yeah, she'll be all right."

"Okay." She would be, but wasn't _yet_. Seriously, how could a guy who did things like what Fish'd done to Hannah, or to Jacob, make Nina swoon? Bella really didn't get it. She watched Jared work out the tangle of cords, handing piece by piece to her as he went.

Okay. Nina obviously saw these things differently. The hotness factor, maybe? Well, Fish wasn't bad to look at—he was kind of good looking, if she were to be honest—but Jared looked way better (as far as Bella was concerned). She just didn't want to think that it had anything to do with Fish's... _Let's not go there. _Maybe he was a really good kisser or something, and Jared didn't measure up to the previous experience? Probably that wasn't it. That was the only thing _Bella_ would be able to compare with, but Nina had plenty more criteria to go by.

Bella almost snorted. Like guys were some kind of merchandise or a car to be taken for a test drive? _Jeez, what's up with the weirdness?_

"Bella?"

Shaking herself mentally, she wondered, "Huh? Yeah?"

With a laugh, Jared shook his head. "You're all spaced out." He tugged the cord as if the motion would wake her up. "And you keep staring at me," he told her, one brow raised in question. Bella felt herself flush. Jared pulled the cord again, making her step forward. "Hey, I don't mind." He took the rolled up bundle from her hands, but then set it down. Instead, he just motioned her toward him with his finger, like he wanted to tell her something. Obediently, she took another step closer. He leaned in next to her face to say, "I like it."

Blinking, she turned a little to meet his eyes. _Duh... _Okay. So Jared definitely had the hotness factor. Consequently, she found herself wondering whether he was a good kisser or not, and automatically dropped her eyes to his mouth.

He smiled in response, and let her know, "That, too," then tilted her chin just a little with one finger so that she had to meet his eyes again. Jared kissed her then. Just once. She felt the slightest tug to her bottom lip when he pulled back. "And that..."

All she managed was to stare at him dumbly. _Um..._

Jared gave her chin a light brush with his thumb, gently saying, "But you're not into it, are you?"

"I like Jacob," she blurted, and then her eyes widened. "_Shit_." _Genius! _"I- I mean..." _Why_ couldn't she keep her mouth shut? A brief moment passed wherein Jared appeared to think something over. All the while Bella stayed frozen to the spot while trying to figure out what to do or say. When she _shouldn't_ speak, she had the worst case of word vomit, but when she needed to say _something_, she couldn't get even one word out. _Issues?_

"Hey, hey..." Jared lifted his hand from her chin at the same time as she realized he was blurred, and then she felt a light sweep under her eye. "Don't cry sweetheart."

"Please don't tell anyone," she whispered. "If DCS finds out it'll be _such_ a mess and—"

"Shh. Hey, sorry, I was just thinking about something. Relax, sweetie." Jared wiped under her other eye. "Look, Jake's my best friend and like my kid bro, okay? Practically that makes your family _my_ family. Yeah? And I don't fuck with family—er, well you know what I mean, right?"

Pressing her lips together as to not laugh, Bella nodded. "Yes."

"Jesus, you just went there, didn't you?" As soon as he said it, and at Bella's attempt to stay impassive (of course she failed at it), he laughed, making it impossible for Bella to keep her own amusement in check. She snorted wetly. Jared shook his head and grabbed for the cable. Pulling her into a head-lock, he told her, "You're a dirty girl," and walked out of the closet, dragging her along. "Just sayin'."

"You kinda went there first, though, didn't you?" she pointed out.

"That doesn't put you in the clear, you perv."

"Ha. True." Bella wiped her nose with the back of her hand and waited as Jared leaned into the closet to pull the string to the light switch.

"_Just down to the right, sweetheart!_"

Jared closed the door. They both turned in time to see Nina to appear around the corner. "What're you two doing up here? Having fun without me?" Nina paused, her narrowed eyes zeroing in on Bella. "Dude. What the fuck? Have you been crying, babe?"

"Eh... Just being silly," Bella assured her. "Don't worry about it. Seriously. I'm fine."

"We're sharing pervy stories," Jared cut in, and then nudged Bella, "Right?"

Smirking up at Jared, Bella gave the rolled up cord a tug. "Maybe _you_ should tie _her_ up." She jerked her head in Nina's direction.

"Kinky," Nina replied with a casual shrug, but then wanted to know, "What pervy stories?"

Jared obviously hadn't expected that reply, and then glanced at Bella. "Is she always like this?"

"More or less," Bella confirmed.

Nina folded her arms across her chest (making her already propped-up boobs stick out more). "Hey, I'm right here."

Unable to stop herself, Bella teasingly told Nina, "That's what _I_ said." Then she wondered if Nina had met Tits, and couldn't hold back on another snort. "Did you meet Shane?"

Nina peered down, and then back up with a grin. "Yeah, all three of us." She winked.

Jared literally shook himself. "Whew. I think I'm gonna leave you ladies to, uh, catch up or whatever." He pointedly looked at Bella, and she guessed he was trying not to stare at Nina's chest. She couldn't blame him; it was hard for her not to look, so she did sympathize. "My room's there if you want privacy." He motioned a little farther down the hallway. "Make yourself at home." When Jared passed Nina, she made a kissy-face at him, and he shook his head. "You're askin' for trouble, girl, that's all I'm sayin'."

"Bring it." Nina gave Bella a look meant to clue her in on something, but its intent went over her head. Jared paused, but then appeared to say something to himself and quickly disappeared around the corner.

Nina dragged Bella into Jared's room and shut the door. She then turned on her expectantly. "So what's up? Spill."

"Um..." Bella avoided eye contact and turned to inspect Jared's room instead. Nina wouldn't have that, and walked around her, blocking the view.

"Babe. I can tell something's up. No sparing. Seriously."

"Well," Bella started slowly, and then Nina rolled her eyes, at which point Bella blurted, "Jared kissed me. Okay? There." She waited, studying Nina's face. Okay. No apparent shock or disapproval. Not that Bella had expected that. The lack of reaction, however, made her finally ask, "What?"

"Did you kiss him _back_?"

"No. I didn't." Come to think of it; she hadn't even felt an inkling of temptation to return the kiss. Which, again, reminded Bella she hadn't spent any time with Jacob for _days. _This pulled her expression into a slight frown.

"Such a waste," Nina said halfheartedly after a pause, and then shrugged. She was already moving around Jared's room, as if inspecting it and eliminating potential threats (whatever those could possibly be).

"He's a nice guy," Bella offered, following Nina with her eyes. Her friend gave another non-committal twitch with one shoulder, not appearing to listen. Slightly puzzled by her friend's indifference, Bella carefully asked, "Are _you _okay? Like, I don't know. You seem a bit... off?"

"I'm fine," Nina replied. She stopped at Jared's desk and turned to lean against it. Twisting to pick up a notepad, she teased, "If he's a nice guy, then why didn't you kiss him back?"

Bella groaned. "I like _Jake_, Nina."

"So how come you're up here?" Flipping through the pages, she continued, "I told you to drag him into a closet and make out with him. No one will notice." Nina tried to hold back her smile but failed pretty badly. She didn't look at Bella, though, which was just as well, or she'd see how badly she was blushing.

"I don't think...," Bella started, "I'm not... I couldn't do that." She walked over to Jared's bed to sit down on the edge. "I'm too..." Shrugging, she finished lamely, "Something."

"You're lacking opportunities," Nina clarified for her. Bella opened her mouth to comment, but Nina cut her off. "You know..." Finally she looked at Bella, and then, as if changing her mind about whatever she'd been about to say, stood up. "Let's go be groupies or something, yeah? You need to be inspired, girl. And oh my God, like, you need to check out Jake right now—he's got some _serious_ skills... _Damn_."

Bella smiled. She did want to hear him play... And she did want to watch, too, but she was being a baby and was afraid she'd be caught staring. It happened all too easily around Jacob. Sighing, she said, "Yeah. Okay...," but apprehension and worry caught her, and she bartered, "Soon? Just a few more minutes. _You_ should've been here _earlier._ I had the worst word vomit yet, like, whoa."

Nina shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You know what? This is what we're gonna do."

"What?" Bella wanted to know.

"You're gonna sit here," Nina told her, making Bella's brows pull together suspiciously, but then Nina continued, "And I bet you... ten bucks—" Nina pulled her cell out and expertly swept her fingertips across the screen. With a satisfied smirk, she slipped her phone back into her pocket and gave Bella a pointed look. "Ten minutes from now, you'll be down there. _Especially_ if I told you that Jake's singing, and it's like... Yeah. That shit's _good_." With a wink, Nina left the room before Bella could reply.

"Balls." Blowing out a sigh, she leaned forward on her elbows. Well, she did have ten dollars to spare, and it was a bet worth losing. Besides, she had hidden up here long enough. _That's right. Stop being a baby._ She started to push off the bed and noticed something sticking out from beneath the mattress. It didn't even dawn on her what it might be until she'd pulled it out and was staring, wide-eyed, at what she now held in her hands. "Whoa." _Oh my God! Put it back put it back put it back._

As quickly as possible, Bella dropped to her knees to lift the mattress a little so she could stuff the magazine back where it belonged. Of course she dropped it. She _had_ to drop it. Why not? "See no evil, hear no evil," she mumbled with one hand over her face while she searched along the floor with the other, hoping to pick it up without having to look. "Oh for God's sake."

Determined—_why are you being such a baby?—_she opened her eyes and picked up the magazine. She was just about to close it when her mouth fell open. And then she tilted her head to the side, turning the picture a little the other way. "O_kay_... that's... Whoa." Never mind at _all_ that her face was now washed over by blistering heat, but... "That's like a deformed hotdog on steroids... _Dude_, where do you buy your pants? Seriously. That's just..." Bella turned the page. "Oh... Oh, okay. Um... that's definitely a female thingy... Shit," she muttered. "This isn't me, I'm not looking at this." How was she even still _alive_? Did she have any blood left in the rest of her body? It didn't feel like it. Her face was going to explode.

But she was _still_ turning the pages.

"Ohhh... Now we're talking. No more _in your face_ shots." There was still the matter of her not fully comprehending what she was doing. _You do realize you're reading a porn mag, right?_ That was the crux right there; her brain hadn't caught on yet. But she had no doubt it would, and the moment it did, she'd be running out of the room... _Maybe not._ Not until her face didn't look like a bursting tomato.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she noted that she might not lose the bet after all. Just as long as she didn't have another gutted mushroom shoved in her face, she'd be okay. _You're totally disturbed, just so you know._ She did know, and it was nothing new.

Bella had just reached the centerfold, when something slid out from the magazine and onto her lap. Curious (of _course_, she was curious to a fault), she set the magazine down and picked up the piece of paper, flipping it over. "Oh..." It looked to have been printed out, but that wasn't what made her stare. It was totally different and... "Oh holy crap... Wow." Sure, the man and the woman were stark naked, but instead of looking like they were dying a horrible death, they were embracing, sort of, and they were kissing and he _totally_ had his hand on her naked ass and it was actually... "Nice... Oh, I like this one."

A bit too much.

Was it normal to sit in a guy's room and get turned on by his erotic picture? Most likely not. Especially not if the guy in question was the best friend to some other guy that she all of a sudden couldn't stop picturing being close to the way the woman in the picture was to _that_ guy. The hand-on-the-ass-part in particular. _Duh... _

Because Jacob's hands were _so_ warm and soft and _gentle._ She wanted him to touch her... just like _that._ "Shit," she muttered once more, but for a completely different reason. Abruptly Bella decided that Jared would do well to put a sign on his door for any girls entering. It should say _Bring a Spare Pair of Panties_.

_Dude. You need to stop staring at it. _Bella grabbed the magazine and stuffed it back under the mattress, without trouble this time around. The actual picture she kept (could come in handy at some future date—no matter how badly she wanted to touch herself, she wasn't about to masturbate in a stranger's house... _God, Bella_). As she stood, pushing herself up with the mattress as support, she considered that if she were to look at it from a positive angle, she could bank today's (so far—the day wasn't over yet) incidents as experience.

First lesson learned for the day: being Bella Swan would always mean dealing with a severe case of word vomit. Second lesson learned for the day: do not peek under a guy's mattress. Ever. (Useful lesson—_thank you, Jared._) And, finally, third lesson learned: discover, first hand_,_ why erotica was born. _So much better than gutted thingies or gigantic freaks of nature._ Also, she was fairly certain she'd learn a hell of a lot more before going home—_deep breath. You're going to go downstairs now and accept that you'll more than likely make a complete idiot of yourself._ Naturally. _And deal with it._

Bella pulled the door open and walked straight into Jacob. "Oof."

"Whoa, hey..."

The moment she looked up to meet his eyes, a flash of surprise, and something else, crossed his face. "Uh... Are you okay?"

_Oh crap. _"Um..." She must look—what _did_ she look like? But never mind that, because Jacob's _hands _were on her arms_. _They needed to be elsewhere... _What?_ Okay, so her mind was still _completely_ submerged in the gutter together with the picture... which was still in her hand. Quickly she put it behind her back, discreetly stuffing it into one of her back pockets. "Well..." Was she okay? _Oh yes... Wait, no. _But she could be...

Whatever Jacob was about to say got cut off by a startled noise when Bella grabbed his hand and pulled him up the hallway (she'd seen a plaque earlier—a pig with its rear turned, advising _Better Out Than In—_on one of the doors). "Hey, what're you..." He trailed off when she opened the door to the bathroom and pushed him through it.

The lock turned with a _click_, and Bella pivoted to find Jacob staring at her. "I'm sorry," he hurriedly said, leaving her momentarily mystified. _Sorry? _

"What for?" she asked, hearing her own surprise.

Immediately, Jacob's expression turned to confusion. "You're not upset?"

"Um... No?" Should she be? Why would she be upset? Still puzzled, she studied his face. "Why? I'm not upset, Jake," she assured him, moving to stand with not even an inch between them. Quietly, she said, "I've kinda missed you, though. Well... a _lot_, actually." She placed her hands at his sides for support, and raised herself up to kiss his cheek.

Jacob exhaled. With an agonizingly gentle touch, he ran his hands up her arms, whispering, "_God,_ I've missed you." He turned into her as she continued pressing kisses to his face. "So fucking _much_."

Bella moved her lips across his nose to the other cheek, down, pausing just above his mouth, dropping several tiny pecks along the faint ridge of his scar. _Hi. I almost forgot about you._ For a moment she lingered there, barely touching. Jacob's breath caught, her lips having parted to encase his upper, and when she let the tip of her tongue touch the teensy raised bump of skin, she felt his hands tighten ever so slightly.

With a light tug, he drew her bottom lip between his—wet pressure ran along its edge. _Ohh holy crap._ She faltered on her feet, but he caught her, running his hands up her back, holding her tighter and tighter as he went. Finally, _finally_ he kissed her fully. His tongue slid firmly over hers, curving to follow and take her in. Her entire body tingled as she let him deeper to stroke her into an electrified ball of mush.

When Jacob's hands drifted down her back, Bella let that serve as a cue for hers to wander, and it wasn't until she felt the leather of his belt beneath her fingertips that she realized what she was doing. She was totally trying to sneak her hands under his shirt.

Not making a conscious decision to do so, she felt her way along the worn texture, across the belt loops, slowing to trace the cool metal design of the buckle. It didn't even occur to her how it might come across until Jacob stilled. He broke the kiss, breathlessly wondering, "Bella...? What... what're you doing?" Jacob's fingers combed through her hair, eventually tracing her jaw to tilt her head.

When she managed to lift her eyes to his, she was glad he held her, because she was pretty sure her legs wouldn't support her all that well. It was totally unfair how he made her want to be close to him so badly. "I want to touch you," she answered with quiet sincerity. "If that's okay?"

Jacob leaned his forehead on hers. "Of course it's okay, I just..." He closed his eyes and sucked in to exhale a shaky breath as soon as her hands smoothed over the firm softness of his lower abdomen.

Her own lids fell shut. "Jake," she whispered, "You're so warm..." Bella splayed her fingers, feeling her way upward and outward, the rise and fall beneath her palms catching her own breaths in a shallow rhythm.

He kissed her lips, lightly, and asked, "Can I touch you?" At her nod of consent, Jacob took the material of her top with him as he slid his hands up her back. The contact of his palms and fingers on her skin made a rush of warmth surge through her entire body, and she knew she was so done for. Jacob kissed her cheek, her neck, down and out toward her shoulder, his words more a sigh than spoken. "God, you're crazy soft." Possibly, his exploratory touch drove her a little crazy too, but when his fingertips rounded her hips to draw across her stomach it was safe to say her heart might at any given moment burst. Never mind that she could hardly breathe, or that her chest hurt so good she might die, which was a strange sensation.

He pulled back a little, and she was going to verbally protest, but the words stuck in her throat when, instead, his mouth was on her neck, closed over her skin to gently suck the spot beneath his lips—a bolt of pleasure shot straight into her stomach. _Holy God. _And again, a little farther down, making her instinctively clutch him closer, her fingers curling against his back. Once more he repeated the kiss, a second time, and a third, over and over until she was a total flatlining, panting mess.

Something. "Jake..." She wanted _something. _"Please," she begged, but couldn't put into words what she was desperate for. All she knew was that she'd surely spontaneously combust if she didn't get it. Dimly, Bella acknowledged the fact that they were in Jared's bathroom, and no matter how much all parts of her still untouched by Jacob wanted him there, it probably wasn't the right time nor the place—all the same... "Something... please, Jake, I want—" She gasped.

In one sure lift, with his hands on her waist, Jacob transferred her to the countertop. His mouth was on hers, his hands moved in such a way that kindled a fire deep inside, and... _Ohh. Yes. Right there._ Bella fumbled and found his belt loops, pulled him tightly to her and hooked her legs around his. _Closer._ She squeezed—

"Holy shit," Jacob breathed against her lips which, just like the rest of her, seemed to throb with each rapid beat of her heart. He buried his face in her neck, mumbling so fast she had trouble following, "Slow down—we gotta slow down, babygirl. I can't—we can't..." His straying hands contradicted his words, though, but just as she felt the tips of his fingers dip into the gap at the back of her shorts, they withdrew. "Fuck, this is killing me," he said, as if to himself. "Sorry, sorry, sorry."

Before she could form even one coherent word, Jacob had her shirt pulled back down and his arms around her so tightly it almost burned. "Jake?" she finally managed to whisper.

For the longest moment, all Jacob seemed capable of were restless caresses up and down her back. Each breath he took soaked her neck with heated moisture until, eventually, he pressed one lingering kiss to her skin. "Sorry, Bella," he repeated, so weakly it made her insides twist strangely. "I'm being a total moron, I know. I'm sorry... Just—fuck, I want to, it's not that. Please don't think something's wrong. It's not that, it's..." Instead of continuing whatever he'd been about to say he fell silent as one of his hands left her back. Jacob stilled. "Uh..."

Bella leaned back a little to see his face, just as Jacob brought his hand between them, his eyes on— "Oh _shit._" Bella covered her eyes. "This is so un_fair_," she complained, groaning into her palms. _Why?_ _How?_ She was utterly speechless. What could she _possibly_ say to this? (Was this another lesson for the day? _Don't hide erotic pictures in your back pocket when making out with a guy?_)

"Hey," Jacob said quietly. "Bella. Come on, babygirl, look at me." He stroked her hands, gently trying to get her to uncover her face. She shook her head almost violently.

"I'm so _humiliated_," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said, kissing her hands, "but I thought we talked about hiding and stuff—and what happens—so if you don't come outta there, you know what I'm gonna have to—" Eyes wide, she stared at him... He smiled, and she realized he'd _totally_ just tricked her. "—that's better," he said, still smiling, and stuffed the picture into his own pocket.

Raising an eyebrow, she glanced at his pocket then back to his face. "Oh, I see... keeping it for yourself, huh?" She hoped her tone was teasing enough to cover up the nerves wanting to tangle her tongue.

Jacob gave a slight shrug, leaned in to press his lips just below her ear. "I can't really say I've gotta go to the bathroom, can I?"

Bella laughed, ignoring her flaming cheeks. "Um, no. I kinda dragged you in here already, didn't I?"

"Yeah... I seriously thought you were upset, and I didn't understand, but... I get it now." The slowing pace of her heartbeats stuttered and picked right back up in immediate response to his mouth and whisper at her ear. "Can an idiot get a second chance?"

_Oh yes. Yes, please. _Swallowing back a shallow breath, Bella mouthed, "Yes," hoping it was enough. She only just held back a delirious sound when he kissed her ear, pulled the lobe into his mouth with his lips and licked the edge. He then swept his tongue fully along the underside—a shock of charged energy totally killed her stomach, only to, when he gently sucked, continue straight down between her legs, making the air coagulate entirely in her throat. _Oh crap and hell on toast._ He had barely _touched _her, yet she felt she was about to lose her mind.

"Bella." Jacob's breath on her ear pushed a shudder through her entire body, followed by his hands across her skin. She was convinced she would pass out right then and there when he reached to pause below her breasts. "Can I touch..." His thumbs ghosted the shape without quite touching. "...here?"

"Anywhere you want, Jake," she breathed, "You don't have to ask." _Oh crap. _He was..._ oh God._ Warmth radiated through her as Jacob's fingers stroked up, curled beneath her bra to brush over her skin, and then trailed the straps to slide them off her shoulders. She sucked in a large gulp of air when he had her top pulled up, one hand pressed to her back and the other caressing her bare breast as he lowered his face to follow the curve with his nose.

More heat washed over her as he seemed to let go a heavy sigh of relief. He then touched his lips lightly to her skin, nothing more, slowly, bit by bit, like he merely wanted to learn each inch of her by feel alone. What his mouth left, his fingertips or palms stroked in such tender patterns. She slid her hands behind her to lean back, wanting to give him more space to move.

All of her thrummed with delight, and she might go up in flames—there would be no other explanation to do the sensations he evoked in her justice—but she didn't mind one little bit. Jacob was touching her, and she _loved_ it.

He stopped, just above where she felt her heart pound the strongest, kissed her, and then rested his forehead there for the longest moment. All the while she silently watched the rise and fall of her own breaths. His hands left her breasts, sliding down her waist and hips, to round her butt; he took a hold of her and dragged her to him, closer to the edge of the countertop. Instinctively, as he continued moving down her thighs, she lifted her legs to wrap around him.

Jacob made a noise when she tightened her grip, and briefly all she could do was look at his eyes suddenly on hers; they stayed like that as he grabbed the bottom of his shirt to pull it over his head. She swallowed, watching him wide-eyed, but then he reached for her, lowering himself at the same time, until he had her tightly pressed against him.

A shiver ran through her, but she wasn't sure if it was her or him or the both of them. "God, you feel good," he whispered next to her face, kissing her temple, her hairline, forehead, down to her lips. He was in her mouth, making her match each stroke, each move of his warm body until she had to break free for breath.

"I'm so cliché," she gasped, "but holy crap, Jake, you're seriously taking the breath out of me." A soft snort fanned across her face as he kissed it. Everywhere. "I'm not kidding," she whispered, catching a chance to peck his nose before he moved to nuzzle her where neck met shoulder.

"I'm not doing much better here, babygirl," he told her, his voice muffled by her skin. A surge of immense satisfaction which she tried to push down without much luck caught her by surprise. _Oh screw it._ She made him breathless and she was just going to bask in the happiness that confession brought her. Hopefully her grin wasn't too idiotic. "You're smiling," he pointed out, which made her cheeks hurt while she wondered how he knew.

"Um, yeah. Kinda your fault—hey, now _you _are totally smiling... right?" He had to be; she could feel it in the shape of his mouth moving up to her face once more.

"Yeah." Jacob pulled back, only to close his eyes when he took in her mostly exposed upper body. After a slow, deep intake of breath, while skimming the backs of his fingers up and down her stomach, he told her, "We should really get out of the bathroom."

She didn't want to, but of course she understood the reality of the situation—Jacob's friends would already wonder, no doubt. Not to mention Jared's mom who could've very possibly walked past outside the door by this stage. _Oh shit, whoops. Whatever happened to being responsible, Bella? _"Yeah," she readily agreed and sat up straight.

"Bella..." His hands stayed on her skin while she adjusted her bra and top. She paused at the slight tension in Jacob's voice and looked up into his face to find his eyes on hers. "Can I..." The expression he wore suddenly became unreadable but, whatever he was thinking, she got the feeling he was trying so hard to talk, yet no words came out.

Gently, she laid her hands on his chest, running them down and around him, leaning forward to kiss his skin. _Ohh. _He was _so _soft._ Focus, for God's sake. _"What's up?" she wondered quietly.

Jacob reached to tilt her head so she would look at him again. "I just want you to know that..." He framed her face, and then he touched his forehead to hers, his nose snugly against hers when he whispered, "You mean a lot to me—a hell of a lot—and I want to make you happy more than anything." The words in themselves did their part, but his eyes faltered not even once, causing not only her cheeks to flame—a flash of an overwhelming swell in her chest sped her pulse, making warmth rush through her whole being.

All she could do was wrap her arms around him and hug him until her arms burned worse than her face. She had no words for what she felt at that moment, and if she tried to talk it was very likely she'd not make much sense anyway.

Jacob held her right back, and she'd be willing to bet all the good stuff on that she was falling for him. What else could feel like this?

**o~*iii*~o**

Bella was just behind Jacob when they walked up the hallway. She'd taken several moments to collect herself, before feeling confident she would be able to get through the rest of the day without giving herself away. Just as Jacob was going to round the corner, however, she grabbed for his shirt, pulling him back to have any part of him under her lips just one more time.

Jacob just smiled when she let her kiss linger just a little bit too long at the safest spot she could figure at such short notice: his chin. "Okay. I think I'll make it till next week now," she whispered jokingly.

"I hope not." An almost playful expression crossed his face. "Chin-kisses are killers."

"Of course," she replied and tugged at his waist, turning him to give a light push.

"Pfft, you just want me to play, fangirl," he said and rounded the corner.

No point in denying it, she grinned. "Yep."

All of Jacob's friends, and Nina, were sitting at the kitchen table eating when they got there. Mrs. Hunt was nowhere to be seen, and Bella wondered fleetingly if she _had _been past the bathroom—she hoped not. Then it occurred to her that either of Jacob's friends could just as well have been up that way. Sneaking a peek at Jared, though, and receiving a wink, somehow she felt reassured.

"So've you sustained permanent trauma?" Abby asked Bella, while shooting Shane a look. "Or did Tits manage to not live up to his name for once?"

"Hey," Shane protested. "Boobs are there to be appreciated." He turned to Jared, continuing, "Right? Nobody gets shit for checking out a girl's face, what if they switched places? Huh?"

Jacob let out a sigh while Jared laughed. Abby just raised her multiple-pierced brow at Shane. Henry, on the other hand, just sat focused on his sandwich. "You're retarded," Abby stated matter-of-factly, and took a big bite of her own food. She turned her eyes back on Bella, seemingly expectant.

_Oh._ She was supposed to give an answer, wasn't she? "No trauma. Promise," Bella assured Abby, avoiding eye contact with Shane. There was no point in tempting fate, and Bella certainly didn't want any more bouts of word vomit just yet. _Half an hour, that's all I'm asking._ She pulled a chair out, plopping down next to Jared.

"Can't get enough of me, can you, cutie?"

Bella gave a shrug. "It's just standard procedure to sit with your mentor, right?"

"Aw, fuck me." Abby groaned at Jared's happy smile. "Don't screw up her brain, Schmooze. Seriously."

"Can't take credit for natural talent," he replied casually, but ruffled Bella's head the way her Dad usually did.

"Oh yeah? So we've got two pervy groupies—shiiit, can't get much better than that." In spite of the slight annoyance in her voice, Abby sounded intrigued.

_Two? _Bella glanced at her friend.

Nina, sitting opposite Bella and Jared, had been fully glued to her phone, but now looked up. "Say what? Bella a perv?" Bella didn't know why she even tried to appear casual; Nina saw right through her, eyes widening for all but a fraction of a second before assuming a neutral expression. Of course she didn't make a comment, but Bella could tell Nina was bursting with questions.

The strange tone in Jacob's voice cut into any further debating on the subject. "Okay, what now?" He was looking straight at Abby, halfway seated next to Shane, right across from where Abby now eyed him.

"Nothing," she replied, mouth full of food. "Why? What's up? What now, yourself?"

Jacob sat down the rest of the way slowly. "I guess nothing."

"Yeah," Abby agreed in such a way that made everyone else pause to look between her and Jacob. Nina appeared to be just as out of the loop as Bella herself. Unless this was still about Hannah. When her eyes returned to Abby, Bella could tell the way she watched Jacob wasn't without close scrutiny.

"All right," Jacob said and dropped his sandwich, standing back up. Without another word he left the kitchen.

"Jesus, Abby." Jared, for once, wasn't smiling. Not even a little.

"Dude," Shane said, pointing at Abby. "You need a boobie-rub."

"You wish."

"Your tact is way impressive. You could do with a self-help book, Ab. Mom reads them all the time, and she comes out of the zen zone empowered and renewed. Check it out." Now they were all staring at Henry instead, who took a large gulp of milk, appearing to be fully at ease. "I love milk," he proceeded to inform Bella, looking directly at her now. "Milk and _cookies_. I'll bring you some next time. My big sister bakes tons of them since her husband's in the U.S. Navy and gone a lot. They're great."

Bella opened her mouth, like that natural response she usually had should have given her something to say, but she closed it again. Okay. Her brain reached and fumbled through total blankness. _What?_

Shane, clapping his hands grandly, made Bella nearly jump out of her skin. "Aw, man, I love it. Mr. and Mrs. Word Vomit."

At the massively excited look on Shane's face, Bella finally burst out laughing, too, joining the rest of them. Well, all except Henry who sighed. "Reptiles."

"Fuck yeah, _and _then some—what the shit was that, Freak?" Abby snorted. "Self-help? I'm so spun out you think that highly of me it'd actually help. And your sister's cookies? Fucktastic."

Nina gave Bella a kick under the table, motioning with her head toward the hallway leading to the stairs. Bella turned slightly, still completely confused. Looking and seeing nothing, she arched a brow quizzically at her friend. But then the faint clinking of a guitar reached her ears. She wanted so badly to go after Jacob, but didn't want to incur suspicion. "Oh my _God_," Nina suddenly exclaimed and stood up. "I totally forgot to tell you," she continued, and came around the table to grab Bella's wrist, pulling her off the chair.

"What?" Shane and Jared demanded simultaneously.

"Oh fuck no, you don't wanna know. Seriously, trust me on that. Guys cringe at this shit." Before they could comment, or anyone else for that matter (including Bella), Nina dragged her out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. Once out of earshot, Nina stopped. Abruptly, she turned Bella, and with a lowered voice said, "First off, these guys are a trip, like, _dude._ But never mind that, 'cause you're _so fucking busted—_you snuck him into the bathroom, didn't you?"

Bella didn't even have to open her mouth before the truth reflected in Nina's eyes; her lips curved into a knowing smirk. "Shh. Not one word," Bella warned.

Nina was suspiciously agreeable. "Okay, babe." But then she took Bella by the hand. While leading her down the stairs, they could both hear Jacob start singing, and Nina bent close to whisper, "Seriously. _Why _doesn't he wanna be in the band? It's like a crime or something. I mean, he's obviously got talent, right?"

"He's giving it a try," Bella reminded Nina.

"He _was_," she corrected.

Puzzled, Bella stopped Nina just at the door, and made her friend look at her. "_Was_?"

"Yeah." Nina shrugged. "They were talking about aiming for some kind of try-out or whatever—I forget what, exactly—but he got all weird and started backing down, like that would be a bad thing, you know? He doesn't come across as the shy type."

"He's not," Bella replied absently. She understood, though, why any kind of potential public recognition would make Jacob back down.

Nina broke into her thoughts. "I mean, _shit._ Listen to him."

And she did—they both did. Bella had heard him sing already, but Jacob's voice was surer now, somehow, and she recognized the song, too. "I know this song," Bella whispered to Nina.

"I know, right? I freaking_ love_ this song. Mom's got this disturbing crush on Chris Isaak, I swear, it's fucking embarrassing."

"He doesn't sing like this, though," Bella pointed out.

Nina's mouth nearly touched Bella's ear when she told her, "This is _way _hotter." The way Nina said it made Bella's cheeks prickle, and she gave her friend a light shove.

"Shh. I'm listening."

"And looking," Nina added, cracking the door open, carefully, so that they could both peek into the garage.

"_And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you... No, I... don't wanna fall in love... No, I... don't wanna fall in love... with you... With you... With you._" Jacob sat on an amp, eyes closed, and looked to be completely immersed in whatever state of mind made him sing the way he did.

Bella and Nina stood like glued to the spot and watched him in silence, afraid the tiniest movement or sound would make him stop.

"_What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you... What a wicked thing to say... you never felt that way. What a wicked thing to do... to make me dream of you. And I... don't wanna fall in love... No, I... don't wanna fall in love... with you... With you..._"

Jared appeared next to Bella and threw an arm around her shoulders. After him came Abby, then Shane, and lastly Henry. They all watched now as Jacob stayed quiet while plucking out a solo on his strings.

"I'm gonna kill him," Abby said in such a subtle voice Bella wondered if she'd heard correctly, but then she continued, giving Jared a bump with her elbow, "He ain't backing down, Schmooze—work your magic for fuck's sake."

"Quiet," Henry ordered under his breath.

Abby was about to say something, but closed her mouth when Jacob started singing again. "_The world was on fire and no one could save me but you... Strange what desire will make foolish people do... And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you... And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you... No, I... don't wanna fall in love... No, I... don't wanna fall in love... No I..._" Jacob held the note."_No I..._" And again, the husky quality in his voice making a series of shivers crawl across Bella's skin. Judging by the thick silence, she'd be willing to bet she wasn't the only one holding her breath. Until, finally, all but stopping the strumming, Jacob sang, "_Nobody... loves no one..._" sounding like he would at any moment lose his voice—it was breaking that much. If it weren't for the fact that he didn't look upset, Bella might've tackled him (as if she didn't want to badly enough already).

As soon as Jacob hit the last string, Shane let out a sharp whistle while Jared let go of Bella and clapped his hands together with Abby. Bella pressed a hand over her heart, nearly having had a heart attack. Nina laughed at her. Henry, shook his head, muttering, "Animals," but then turned to Jacob, who looked to be recovering from a slight shock of his own, saying, "That? Is what you're supposed to do."

"Oh fuck, yes," Abby joined in. "You're killing me, Jake—seriously? I mean, what the fuck was that? Freak's right. That's the shit right there." Jacob shrugged, and Abby went to pick up her bass, slinging the strap over her shoulder. She flicked a switch on the amp Jacob still sat on, and then backhanded his shoulder. "C'mon, Bozo... We're not doing this without you."

Jacob got up, the rest of his friends moving farther into the garage—Henry went to a monstrosity of a synthesizer, and Bella made herself look at his hands moving over buttons and gauges, as to not let her eyes linger too long on Jacob. "And what about the contest?" Jacob wanted to know, not aiming the question at anyone in particular.

"Audition," Jared corrected.

"Right." Jacob moved over to sit on the armrest of the sofa. "Contest, audition—whatever, what's the plan exactly? It's four months from now. That's not a lot of time, for one, which makes me wonder how often we'll be here—"

"That's plenty of time," Abby objected.

Looking at Abby, Jacob told her, "Sure. If the plan is to be over here every spare moment we've got."

"And your problem with that is—what, exactly?" Abby demanded, starting to pick out a low beat on her strings. "You haven't objected to hanging here before," she added, giving Jacob a probing look. "I mean, you've been over here every single fucking time you could, even when you didn't play, like—I don't fucking know, Jake... All of a sudden you're taking a step back, like—just because you ain't with Hannah no more—"

"Abby," Jacob interrupted evenly. "Can we not make this about Hannah? 'Cause it's not."

"You took a step back from us the moment you took a step back from her, so I'm just saying it how I see it."

"I _told_ you why," Jacob snapped. "Why've we gotta talk about this?"

"Guys," Jared cut in.

"No," Jacob persisted, turning to Jared. "I'm serious. Yeah, she turns eighteen and that Kirkland prick had to give her shit by telling her mom, and fucking yes, that's the reality of the situation, but I don't want to continuously have to defend myself about it. You don't know the full story, so stop assuming things." Jacob was looking at Abby again.

"So tell it, 'cause Hannah ain't telling me shit and she's acting like you fucking stabbed her."

Jacob looked like he, himself, had been stabbed and Bella flinched. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to walk back upstairs again. Nina seemed just as uncomfortable, and leaned in to whisper, "Come on, babe," while taking Bella by the hand.

"Aw, c'mon guys," Shane said. "We win some and we lose some and life goes on—"

"Fuck sake, Shane, get off me," Abby protested in a muffled voice. "You're squashing my baby." Shane was cuddling Abby, and her guitar, while she tried to get away from him.

"You're all soft, baby, lemme squeeze you a little."

"You fucking are, you dick, get the fuck off and go feel Bozo up or something."

Shane faked a sulk and slumped his shoulders, backing off. "He doesn't show his appreciation the way you do." Abby rolled her eyes and shooed him with a fluttering hand movement.

"Don't even think about it," Jacob warned when Shane came toward him, and then looked at Nina and Bella having paused in the doorway, intercepted by Jared. "Hey, don't go. I'm sorry about... all this."

"Don't mind Road, she's just emo," Jared said, turning a teasing wink at Abby.

Abby sighed. "Yeah yeah, whatevs. Sorry, though," she apologized to Nina and Bella. "I don't like seeing my girl so low, all right? She's always here, but now she's not and that just fucking sucks—" She held both hands up in surrender when Jacob and Jared both shot her a warning stare. "Fuck me, calm down. Shutting."

Still not sure what to do, and not wanting to cause any more awkwardness for Jacob, Bella looked at Nina. She knew, if she asked, Nina would drive her home, but then she glanced at Abby. "I'm sorry she's upset," Bella offered carefully. "And it's okay, you don't have to apologize for sticking up for your friend, I totally understand." And then she turned to Jacob. "I'm gonna go home, okay? Nina will take me, it's no problem, right?" She eyed Nina.

"Sure, babe. Of course it's okay."

"Some other time," Bella told Jared, offering him a smile. "I mean, thanks for the invite and all."

"Jesus, girl, you don't have to go." Jared watched Jacob discreetly, and then told Nina, "Give me a minute." Taking Bella's hand from Nina and leading her out of the garage, ducking under the door, he walked them up the slope.

Bella just followed, feeling not just a little out of place with things. She really didn't want anyone to be upset, but wasn't sure how to fix it. "I think it's best if I go home, Jared, I mean... it's a little weird, right? And I don't want Jake to be—"

"Hey," came Jacob's voice. They paused at the top of the driveway, and Jacob stopped next to them. "You really don't—"

"You're gonna have to tell them, Jake," Jared told him, looking dead serious.

Jacob stilled and stared at Jared. "What?" Looking between Bella and Jared, visibly taken aback, he quietly wondered, "Tell them what?"

"You don't have to fake it with me, man," Jared said, "I know..."

Understanding dawned on Jacob's face, giving way to relief... and then panic. "No. No way, Jared. Abby's gonna flip, but not only that—we can't. Think about it."

"Think about what?" Bella nearly winced at the voice, and then Abby appeared, thumbs in her pockets. "And what's gonna make me flip?"

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Just a very quick note to say thank you to everyone for the absolutely awesome and adorable reviews for the previous chapter. You all rock. So much. (I'll get to replies when I'm back home in Finland!)_

_I know I said there would be no update, but I started this chapter before I left on holidays, and I've written sporadically, whenever I've had a spare moment, and managed to cough up yet another whopper. I hope y'all enjoyed the surprise chapter and that you're having a lovely summer!_

_Last but not least, huge thanks to **MeraNaamJoker** for proofing and being so awesome. Miss you SFM when I don't have connection, bb! _

_Mass-snorgles to y'all! Much love. _

_PS. Cacking = to mess up a note. Also, I'm being a total fangirl in two weeks time; I'm going to see an **amazing** Swedish band, tAKiDA, and this chapter's song quote (Haven Stay) was taken from their newest album, The Burning Heart. Check them out on YouTube (songs can't be bought on US iTunes; however a few are available on Spotify). YES! I am most definitely pimping them. They deserve it. SO much._

_PS 2. The version of Chris Isaak's Wicked Game most suited to Jake's version is Stone Sour's (Corey Taylor's voice is what I'm imagining when Jake gets a bit older. ;).)  
><em>


	15. Patience

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Patience<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Checking your pulse for vital signs, letting me know if everything's 'right  Your behavior stings my eye, patience runs dry. / "The Burning Heart," by tAKiDA_

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

Even though she'd returned to the backseat of Jared's car, unlike earlier that day, Bella didn't stare out the window. Instead, while trying not to smile too big, she watched Jacob's hand in her lap where she kept it. Sure, without the acceptance of Jacob's friends, in the car with only Jared as a witness, there wouldn't have been a need for holding anything back since Jared knew (thanks to her "skillful" word vomit). As it turned out, though, after talking Abby down from mild hysteria, the rest of the guys (Abby was more a guy than a girl) had accepted Bella as Jacob's girlfriend with surprising ease.

The revelation hadn't been completely without friction, of course. Most concerns voiced regarded Hannah, though. At some point—Abby, especially, had pointed it out—Bella would run into Hannah, since they'd all grown up together. None of them would allow Hannah to pull back from their tightly knit circle. Bella didn't want to be a wedge driven between any of them, but Jared and Shane had both firmly stated that it would work out. She found herself trusting them, and just hoped they were right.

As far as keeping Bella's and Jacob's relationship a secret, everyone had practically sworn an oath to not utter one word about it away from Jared's garage. Abby, at one point, had told Bella that if _anyone_ would be inclined to spill, it would've been Hannah, and she would've done so already. Since she hadn't, however, that should be a small light of reassurance. In spite of Abby's clear disapproval, the girl had been nothing but friendly (in her own way) to Bella, and Bella held no negative feelings toward her.

Jared had commented on it, which had set off a chain reaction that left Bella speechless for several minutes while questioning Nina's actions.

"_We all know why you're **really** accepting this so easily."_

_Henry's snort was followed by, "You call this easily?"_

"_Oh yeah, baby," Shane exclaimed and then, after a drum-roll, he hit the cymbal, declaring, "You've got a little crush on Mrs. Word Vomit, don't ya Road?"_

"_Get the fuck out," Abby negated. "Just 'cause I like girls don't mean I wanna hump everything with tits... Tits." Shane's proud grin only antagonized Abby further. "Fucking seriously—"_

"_Hey, nothing wrong with that," Nina interrupted, and then went on, "You know what I'd do if I were you? 'Cause talking them into submission isn't gonna work."_

_With a smirk, Abby suggested, "Pickle their balls?"_

"_That's the last resort," Nina mused. Giving Jared a loaded look, she sauntered over to Abby. "Just give them what they think they want. I can guarantee you, they'll shut up."_

_Understanding dawned on Abby's face, together with a sly curve to her lips. "Fuck yes."_

"_No way, dude," Shane breathed when Abby stood up from where she'd sat on her amp, met Nina halfway, and kissed her, tongue and all. _

Bella's recollection of the scene, and the guys' expressions, vaguely reminded her of owls. Nina had been right, though, and the silence that followed had only been interrupted once Nina and Abby separated—Shane, Jared and even Henry had groaned in unison: _"Aww, don't stop!" _Jacob, on the other hand, hadn't said much; he'd instead shaken his head while smiling a little wryly.

Before Nina left Jared's place, she'd pulled Bella close to whisper _tongue-studs are fuckhot, you should try it_, to which Bella'd sputtered and responded with a blush from head to toe.

The thought that lingered in the foremost part of her brain, though, was that she was Jacob's girlfriend. She hadn't even counted on that they could be defined as such, but given the safe haven, of sorts, at Jared's place..._ Jake's my boyfriend._

"Quit holdin' it back, you goon," Jared laughingly ordered. After a slightly startled jerk, all Bella could do was give in to the ridiculously wide grin she felt on her face when Jacob gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Jared shook his head. "I told you it'd work out. Always listen to the Schmooze." He winked at her from the rearview mirror.

"Yeah, yeah," Bella relented. "Don't let it inflate your head."

"Aw, jeez, man—" Jacob cut off when Jared's all-too-obvious wicked smirk was wiped by barking out a humorous laugh. Bella pressed her lips together in an attempt to not laugh herself. If there was a double-meaning to something, Jared would find it. Jacob sighed, "Whew," while letting out his customary, soundless whistle. "You're all a bunch of fucking perverts."

Bella turned a little, facing Jacob. "All?" Arching a brow, she wondered, "Who's all?"

Jared laughed again. "Yeah, Jake. Does it include _everyone_?"

"Well," Jacob said, and then leaned in to touch his lips to Bella's cheek, whispering very quietly, "You're a _cute_ perv." Her face warmed, but she angled her head so she could steal a kiss before Jacob sat back and scooted down a little.

Bella was okay with being a perv. In light of the half-stories told in Jared's garage (and everyone's reactions), when they all tried to assure that things said between them _stayed_ between them, she doubted her mildly perverted tendencies came close to the band's disturbing experiences.

_Shane sat up straight. "Hey, man, it's cool. You know how none of us ever said anything about that time Road—" _

_The rest was drowned by a chorus of, "Yeeaahh."_

_But then Abby's eyes brightened, and she reminded them, "Or the one thing, with the block and the powerwasher and—"_

"_Yeeaaahhh."_

_Jared quickly added, "Or with the girl, that time, and her fake twin sister and the furry—" _

"_Ewwww!" They all cut off their unified protest when Jacob, his expression twisting into a grimace, begged, "Yeah, okay, stop. I get the picture... God."_

Whatever Jared had been about to say, judging from their disgusted expressions, Bella was glad that secret was well protected.

In the end, if Jacob felt reassured, Bella couldn't do much else but trust that _their_ secret would be kept safe, too. With that in mind, she turned into Jacob and nuzzled his shoulder, placing a kiss on top of the sleeve. Of course she sniffed him discreetly. Jacob's soft snort gave way to another dopey grin, and she cuddled his hand with both of hers, whispering teasingly, "Your imagination again."

"Sure it is."

**o~*iii*~o**

"_Oh my God, are you serious?_" Nina's voice on the other side of the line pitched high, and Bella tilted away from it slightly, laughing.

"Yes," she confirmed. "I think the last time Mom and Dad went away was, like, at least a year ago or something—" Nina literally squealed, cutting off the rest of Bella's sentence. "Jeez, Nina. Calm down."

"_Honestly, babe. This is so awesome—and Ash and Jesse?_"

"Respite care," Bella replied. "It's this other foster family Mom and Dad has known for a while. They're really nice—hey, can you hold for a sec?" Not waiting for a reply, Bella put the cell down and turned the loudspeaker on. "Okay, I'm good. I need to brush my hair before it dries into a tangle, so you're on speaker."

"_Bella Swan is home alone!_" Nina shouted.

"Nina! For God's sake." Nina just laughed, making Bella roll her eyes while picking up the brush to pull through her hair.

"_But you are_," Nina stated matter-of-factly. "_Aren't you?_"

"Yes. Well, um, for a while at least—"

"_Dude._"

"What?"

"_For a while...? Wait—you said you're alone...Where's Jake?_"

"He's at Jared's place." He was, but they'd both told Bella they'd come around later. Today was Friday, and Charlie and Renée were away for the entire weekend. They wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon.

"_Bella_," Nina began, "_This is like... __**the**__ opportunity for you guys to have some fun—if you know what I mean—_" There was a pause, and then Nina told her, "_Tell me you're not gonna be alone all weekend. It'd be such a fucking waste._"

"Please, " Bella begged, "Don't start—"

"_I'm coming over. You need some serious help._"

"Nina, wait—" Bella sighed at her phone. The line was dead—_typical._

Ever since last Sunday, after Jacob and Bella came back home, and her mom and dad had announced they'd be going away this weekend, Bella'd had enough time for obsessive thoughts to drive her insane. She really didn't need Nina telling her things she'd already considered in her own mind.

Of _course_ Bella knew that she could, if she wanted to, spend all this time with Jacob, and that they wouldn't have to constantly be looking over their shoulders to make sure Ashley or Jesse didn't see them. Also, it _had_ crossed her mind that if things got a little heated—after making out in Jared's bathroom, it often did—neither Jacob nor she would need to slow it down... _Don't go there._ Yes, she wanted to hang out with Jacob—_hang out_—and that was the plan. Jared had told her, however, that there was a possibility the rest of the guys would come over for a while, too.

Which was why Bella now hurriedly brushed her hair so she would have time to straighten out the kitchen. Her mom and dad both had been like headless chickens that morning, getting everything ready (including Jesse and Ashley). Bella had helped while trying not to get trampled in the rush, so the dishes from breakfast were still sitting on the table and counter when Bella came home from work. At least no milk had been left out. _Ew. Stinky._

With her hair pulled back in a ponytail, Bella first dried off the tiles in the bathroom before plodding up the hallway to the kitchen. She was wiping off the counters when there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" Bella called out. "It's unlocked!" That would be Nina. Shaking her head, she turned the tap on to rinse the cloth.

"You shouldn't keep the door unlocked," came a vaguely familiar voice. Bella's entire body went rigid. "Lucky for you I'm the one who walked in," he continued while drawing closer. Bella stood as if she were nailed to the floor until the last person she ever would've thought to enter her house stopped next to her. "Relax." The movement in her peripheral unshackled her limbs, and she spun to come face-to-face with Fish.

"Get out of my house," she ordered under her breath, not even once considering how rude she was. "Right now."

Immediately his hands came up in a placating manner. "Hey, I'm not here to cause trouble," he told her in an all-too-soothing tone. All it did was send icy shivers up her spine.

"I don't care," she retorted. "Get out—I don't trust you as far as I could throw you. Please, leave." _Why_, for the love of _God_, had he decided to stop by her house—and on the exact same day her parents went away? It seemed way too well-timed to be coincidence. Better question yet: how did Fish know? Surely Nina hadn't invited him without asking—_hello? _She would never do such a thing.

Still, Fish stood there. In her house—_kitchen_. And he showed no signs of leaving. Instead he shifted a little to lean casually against the countertop, glancing around with an arrogant smile on his face. "Cozy," he complimented in a conversational tone, as if this was a completely normal occurrence.

Folding the dishcloth quickly to hang it on the tap, which she turned off, Bella folded her arms. "Thanks," she offered sarcastically. "Are you done?"

He looked at her. "Where's your overprotective bodyguard?"

Bella shook her head and ignored the question while eyeing him incredulously. "Why are you here? That's what _I'd_ like to know. We're not friends, and you've never been here before, let alone done anything but give me crap." Didn't he get that he wasn't welcome?

"I wanted to talk to you," Fish answered simply. "Do I need to be your friend to talk to you? That's a little rude, isn't it?"

"No, you don't, but if you wanted to talk you could've called—"

"So you could hang up on me?" he interrupted.

Blinking at his assumption, she quickly corrected, "I wouldn't do that."

"And telling people to get out of your house isn't the same thing?" She opened and then closed her mouth, earning a smirk from Fish before he pushed away from the counter to start walking around kitchen. "We never really got to talk much that day," he said, still appearing completely at ease with the whole situation.

"There's nothing to talk about," she told him curtly. _How_ was she supposed to get him to leave when he disregarded what she asked? And what the _hell_ did Nina see in him? He was _such_ an asshole.

Fish stopped in the archway to the living room, turning his head her way. "So... where is everyone?"

"They're not here right now," she replied, leaving out any other information for him to draw his own conclusions. Hopefully that was enough for him to think they could return at any moment without her having to lie—she sucked at it so badly.

But then he wanted to know, "And when are they coming back?"

Frustrated, Bella went after Fish, since he started down the hallway. "Seriously, Steven. You can't just barge into someone's home and invite yourself to a house-tour. I'd like it if you left, okay?" What was wrong with him? She'd never met someone so... infuriating. How could he just walk around someone's house like this? She had no idea what to say anymore— "Hey," she protested when he paused, only to slip into her room. "What's your problem?"

"You need to relax," he told her as she stepped through the doorway, finding him on her chair. "You're being a little neurotic, don't you think?"

Bella sputtered. "Excuse me?" While she stared at him, one of his brows cocked as if _she_ was the one acting strange. She raised her hands in a hopeless gesture. "I... You..." _Excellent, Bella. You weren't born to be a public speaker, that's for sure._

Fish scooted forward a little to pat her bed. "Sit down," he said, "I _just_ want to talk. That's all, I promise. I'll be out of your hair soon enough."

"No," she said firmly without pause. "I don't want to talk and I'm definitely _not_ going to sit down. I don't get how _you_ can be so rude and... and... _strange._ I mean, isn't this... _strange_? You come in here and walk around like you're welcome, and you're not. I'm _sorry_ if _that's_ rude, but I don't trust you and I certainly don't _like_ you. You've been nothing but an ass in the past and this isn't exactly giving me a different opinion of you. I mean it—_please_, leave." Bella started to turn, but then Fish was off the chair and pulled her back, shoving the door closed, only to press her against it. She sucked in a sharp breath.

"Don't piss me off," he warned in a low voice. "I'm trying to be civil here and you're throwing it back in my face—I don't appreciate it." Wide-eyed, she could only gape at him. Fish released her and backed off, both hands up again. "Now," he said, retreating a few more steps to sit back down on her chair. "Please, can we talk?"

A long moment passed while she just stood there, eyes locked with Fish's, trying to come up with an explanation as to why he wanted to talk to her and seemed so adamant about it. Her gut told her to get as much distance from him as she could and to not indulge him. So far he'd been nothing but an expert at messing with her, so why should this time be any different?

Another part told her to give him the benefit of the doubt and show a bit of good faith. Both parts were equally good at making her head hurt. After swallowing, she only managed to answer quietly, "And I'm asking you to _please_ leave."

Fish sighed. "You're fucking impossible." When he stood up, Bella stiffened reflexively and then tried to stand her ground as he, once more, came too close. But then he merely reached for the doorknob, turning it while telling her, "If you don't want to talk to me, then ask Jacob, whenever he comes back, if he's been talking to his sister lately." With that, Fish pulled the door open, making Bella stumble forward.

"What?" Fish left her room. Quickly, she followed him. "What about his sister? How do you know about her? Hey!" she called after him. He didn't stop, but she caught up with him and pushed both palms against the front door just as he was about to open it. "Do you know something about her?" Fish's dad was a detective, after all. Had something happened? Surely not. DCS would've found out and contacted them. _He's playing with you, you idiot._

Turning to her with an unreadable expression on his face, though his steely eyes pierced her brain, he stated, "I thought you wanted me to leave."

Bella opened her mouth to answer just as the doorknob turned and she took a few unsteady steps back when the door came open.

"What the _fuck _are _you _doing here?" Jacob's eyes went straight to Bella—whatever he saw on her face made his attention snap back to Fish. And then Nina came through the door, eyes wide, followed by Jared. Neither of them got a chance to comment before Jacob somehow had Fish out the door by the shirt, giving him a shove off their porch. "Get the hell out," Jacob ordered in a strained voice.

Fish caught himself, only just managing to stay on his feet, but turned toward them. He shook his head and in a condescending tone said, "You might want to control that temper of yours."

"Jake," Jared warned quietly, having caught Jacob by the arm. "He's not worth it."

Jacob didn't move, but his entire body was visibly tense, and his expression was even more so as he continued staring at Fish. "Don't come around here again," was all Jacob advised. Apart from the unspoken _or else_, Bella could tell he was fighting hard to remain where he was.

Straightening, Fish shrugged. "All right, all right, calm down." He then ignored Jacob and glanced at Bella, reminding her, "Don't forget that question." Before he turned to walk away, Bella swore she caught Fish eyeing Nina strangely.

Not until he got into a car on the opposite side of the street and drove off, was Bella able to release the tension she just then realized had seized her own body. "_God_—"

"What the hell was he doing here?" Nina cut Bella off. "And what question?"

"I swear... if that prick comes back here—" Jacob snapped his mouth shut and exhaled a heavy sigh when Bella, having stepped right up to him to place a hand on his arm, stretched to hug his neck, squeezing hard. He wrapped her up, holding her close while directing his quiet concern into the curve of her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she assured him, and noted Jacob's reluctance to let her go as she stepped back. He instead wound an arm around her waist to hold her to him when she turned to answer Nina. "He just showed up. I thought it was you, and then..." Bella lifted a shoulder, still not sure at all what to make of Fish's appearance. "He kept saying he wanted to talk, and just went into my _room_, like, what the hell?"

"He's a fucking douchebag," Jacob stated in a less-than-firm tone, speaking into Bella's hair, and gave her head the lightest kiss before picking his duffel bag off the porch.

"What he said," Jared concurred and slung his arms around Bella and Nina, pulling them with him to follow Jacob inside the house. "But... said douche is gone and the fun may commence."

Bella snorted in spite of herself. "Cake."

"Yes—terday I had _the_ awesomest cake," Jared corrected.

Jacob glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah? I must've missed that one." Jared chuckled, and Jacob rolled his eyes, continuing down the hallway. "Just gonna put this stuff in my room," he called out.

**o~*iii*~o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY!_

_Yes. I am. And even more so for what I am about to tell you..._

_Unspoken is going on a small hiatus, because I am moving (permanently) back to Sweden and I'm in the middle of doing so right this very moment. This is the reason for the radio silence thus far—I have been **extremely** tied up in a ton of stuff that takes up **all** of my time and focus._

_What I now posted is what I wrote several weeks ago after I posted the previous chapter. In other words: I haven't written **one word** for weeks. YES. That is how bad it is. :(_

_On a positive note: once I'm settled in Sweden, I will get back into the game and, as I'm sure you're thinking right now, next chapter might be very exciting! Sooo... that'll give me a few pluses, yes? Those who wait for something good, never wait too long!_

_As always, big thanks and much inappropriate love to **MeraNaamJoker** for being so awesome!_

_Know that I miss y'all and this story SFM, and I cannot WAIT to get back to it. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other. _

_Much Love, and tons of kisses,_

_Nara_


	16. Stripped

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Stripped<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>'Cause they don't even know you  All they see is scars / They don't see the angel living in your heart / Let them find the real you, buried deep within / Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin. / "Skin," by Sixx:A.M._

* * *

><p><strong>o~*iii*~o<strong>

The moment the door closed behind them, Bella nearly tripped over her own two feet, feeling herself being dragged in the direction of the hallway. Startled by the urgency in Nina's grip, she asked her captor, "Where's the fire?"

Jared threw a comment their way. "Don't you go telling now!"

"You _wish_ there was something to tell!" Nina hollered back, and then lowered her voice to answer Bella. "We need to talk."

_Uh-oh._ A sentence feared by most, but even more so in light of what had just happened—Fish's suspicious intrusion, that was. Or was this about the help her friend had professed she needed? As Bella was pushed into her room, she deliberated which topic would be the safest to discuss. Knowing Nina, the answer to that was simple: neither of the two.

"What did he want?"

Bella rolled her eyes but plopped herself down on the edge of the bed. "I told you." She watched Nina walk up to the desk and met her friend's unimpressed brow-quirk as she turned and hopped up to settle. _Crap._ "He wanted to talk, but I refused, so he left." _Please, don't ask any more questions about it._

Nina folded her arms. "What question was he talking about?"

_Jeez._ With a sigh, Bella told her, "He wanted to know about Jacob's sister..." Not that Nina would understand why Fish wanted her to ask Jacob about that, as neither did Bella, but it came dangerously close to topics she didn't want to accidentally comment on.

Understandably surprised, Nina wanted to know, "How does he know about Rachel?" Bella just shrugged, deliberately pressing her tongue to her teeth as to not risk a slip-up, and for a few silent moments, Nina seemed to turn it over in her head. "Why does he even care?" she finally wondered, as if she were thinking out loud.

"Beats me," Bella said. But she didn't like it. Not one little bit. For some reason Fish showed way too much interest in things concerning Bella's family and their lives, and that just didn't sit well with her, at all. Just as she opened her mouth to say something else, a knock on the door made her jump.

"_Bella?"_ came Jacob's voice; he sounded really strange. She stood from the bed and walked over to the door, opened it, but didn't get a chance to say anything—again—since she was suddenly halfway across the hallway, and then she was in the middle of Jacob's room. "Did that prick come in here?"

"Huh?" For a beat or two she didn't grasp what he was asking, but then she understood, and quickly told him, "No. He just walked around a little in the kitchen and then down the hallway to my room, but I saw him the whole time, he didn't—wait... Why'd you ask?" Bella glanced around as if to find an answer from Jacob's furnishings. Finally, her eyes came back to rest on Jacob where he stood immobile, staring right back at her. Was it only her, or did the temperature suddenly drop? She managed a whisper. "_What?_"

Jacob visibly swallowed, and his reply barely carried a sound. "_Someone_ was in my room..."

_Holy shit. _Fish had commented on her leaving the door unlocked—had he sneaked in while she was in the shower? "I was in the shower, I... We never lock the door during the day..." She wasn't consciously choosing to say that, it just slipped out, like her thoughts were becoming more and more adamant to leave her head without consent. "Surely he isn't that stupid," she said after another brief pause.

"No." Jacob moved past her to reach out and take down a photograph of his sister from next to his school schedule on the corkboard. He held it out to her, telling her as she looked at the picture, "Someone touched that—see the hole from the pin?" He fell silent, but then gave her a wary look before quietly saying, "Yeah, I'm fucking paranoid, but,"—he reached to point at the notice board, showing her one pin-hole that was slightly larger, and another smaller one—"I always use the same pin-hole, just because I know better than to forget there's someone out there who wants me and Becca dead. This person was smart, but not smart enough."

All Bella could do was stare between Jacob and the miniscule piece of evidence of the intrusion. It occurred to her just how little she could understand of the constant strain he must be under if he paid attention to such tiny details. To even pick out the fact that Rebecca's photograph had been moved just a few millimeters out of place— "I'm sorry," she said without thinking. "I wish you didn't have to think like that..." What could she say? Or do? _Damn you, Fish._ Then she groaned. "Nina..."

"She should stay away from him," was all Jacob said.

"No—I mean, yes, but that wasn't what I meant. I told her what Fish wanted, and—"

"What'd he want?"

Bella looked at Rebecca's picture still in her hands. "He wanted me to ask if you've talked to her lately." _What're you up to, asshole?_ What did he want with Jacob's sister? The air shifted at the sudden movement, and then Jacob was out of the room. "_Jake!_" Bella called after him. From up the hallway she could hear Jared shouting after Jacob, too, and hurried out of the room, nearly bumping into Nina who also came out to see what was going on.

"What's happening?" Nina demanded.

"I don't know," Bella told her, even though the stab of discomfort in her stomach gave her enough to work out where Jacob was going: to find Rebecca. If that was what Fish was doing, too, then why even mention it? Or did he want to be lead to her? Still, if that were the case, and he was supposed to be smart and not get caught—Bella just couldn't wrap her head around it.

Or was it simply another trap Fish wanted to walk them into to get Jacob into trouble?

_Why_ did he want to cause trouble?

When Bella and Nina came down the porch steps, Jared was already pulling out of the driveway. "Hey!" both Nina and Bella shouted after them.

Jared stuck his head out the window. "Stay there!" He looked over at Jacob in the passenger seat, as if listening to instructions, and then added, "We'll call!"

"What the _hell_ is going on?" Nina grabbed Bella by the shoulders, trying to shake her out of her state of alarm. Staring after the Corolla, Bella repeated in her mind: _keep it secret keep it secret keep it secret— _"Bella!"

"D'you have Fish's cell number?" Bella asked under her breath.

Nina stilled. "Yeah," she said, drawing it out in suspicion. "Why?"

Still with her eyes glued to the street, she ordered, "Call him. Now." If he thought he was going to screw around with Jacob, he had another think coming. Bella couldn't look at her friend, afraid she'd start asking far too many questions, but she was truly grateful for the wordless obedience on Nina's part, and then the cell appeared next to Bella's face.

She took it with a quiet "Thanks," and walked inside. If Nina had any objections, she didn't voice them. Waiting for Fish to answer, Bella settled on the chair in her room and turned the seat this way and that way, gathering as much self-control as she possibly could. _Try to be smart, for once, _she ordered her brain.

"_Can't make up your mind?"_ came an unexpectedly unsure voice. Had Nina even dialed the right number? Confused, Bella pulled the cell down to look at its screen. _Steven, _it said, and Bella blinked at the avatar above the name tag. Well... it was Fish. _Concentrate, Bella, _she chastised and cleared her throat discreetly.

"It's Bella," she informed after bringing the cell to her ear again. Now wasn't the time to question how close Nina and Fish were. At least, not yet.

When Fish spoke again, he sounded more like himself; smug and far too smooth. "Did you ask about Jacob's sister?"

_Busted._ She ignored the question, bit the bullet and went straight to business. "What's the plan?"

Silence. _Don't yell "victory" yet. He's way smarter than you are._ And then, words thick with warning, Fish spoke in a low tone. "Walk away, Bella, and _stay_ away. I mean it."

Bella sat completely still, alternating between trying to take steady breaths and swallowing against the obstruction in her throat. The line echoed nothing but dead silence. He had definitely hung up on her, and if she were worried before, now she could multiply that by a substantial amount of... creeped-out-ed-ness. She didn't care if that wasn't a word. _It ought to be._

So much for her intentions to find out something useful to help Jacob and his sister. Now she had absolutely no idea what to do, and that caused a cold spray of helplessness to dampen her skin and weaken her determination. What _could_ she do? She didn't even know where to start—_stop it._

_Think think think. _Not so easy when, ultimately, she was stuck in suburbia without a license... Nina could drive, but where would they go? _Jared told you to stay._ They would call if something was up—right?

What if something happened and they _couldn't_ call? A gazillion scenarios invaded her mind as nausea weighed down her stomach. _For God's sake, calm down._

Sitting up straight, Bella took one deliberate, though shaky, deep breath. There was just no way she could sit there and do nothing while waiting for a call. She had to do _something_. Phoenix was _huge_, though, and she had no idea where Rebecca might be hiding. They could always start by checking out the area where they'd last seen her. But if Rebecca had managed to stay hidden this long, she more than likely didn't stay in the same place for too long.

Jacob probably knew where she was, and they should just keep an eye out for Jared's Corolla. _Balls._ Why didn't they just drive after them right away? Maybe because Nina would bombard Bella with questions as to why it was so urgent, which meant she would have a hard time dodging those secrets Jacob entrusted her with... _Such a mess._

"Okay. That's enough." Resolutely, Bella snatched up Nina's as well as her own cell and headed for the kitchen where Nina was digging through the fridge.

"Dude, we should totally make tacos..." Nina trailed off when glancing over her shoulder at Bella. "What now?"

"Wanna go cruising down Main Street and be the worst detectives in the history of—well, something?" When Nina's brows scrunched up suspiciously, Bella added, "_Please._"

Her friend's expression smoothed, and then her mouth curved into a tiny smirk. "Rebellious behavior—you're on, babe."

With an eye-roll, Bella shook her head but went for the door, sticking her feet into a pair of sandals. "I knew I could count on you." If she tried to keep it cool, then maybe Nina wouldn't ask too many questions. _Keep your eye on the ball, Bella. _

She made sure all windows were closed and all doors locked before she walked down to Nina's car; an old v-dub with a screaming purple paint job.

"So, where to first?" Nina asked as they buckled up.

"Let's start with Westgate 20." That was the movie theater where they'd seen Rebecca a couple of weeks earlier.

"Sure thing."

**o~*iii*~o**

No sign of Rebecca. No sign of Jared and Jacob. No call. Nothing.

The skies were turning purple and orange and the fuel gauge was dropping closer and closer to the red line.

Bella cupped her neck and dropped her forehead against the window—_thump_—bumping it once—_thump_—twice—

"Babe?"

—_thump._ "Mm-yeah?" She refused to give up and accept defeat. _Thump._ The more time wore on, however, the slower the minutes ticked by, and the lump of discomfort in her stomach was growing. _Thump._

"Stop banging your head, girl," Nina ordered gently.

Wordlessly, Bella obeyed.

Silence fell once more, and only the low droning of the radio commentator counting down some music top list could be heard over the car engines as downtown Phoenix residents switched into nightlife mode around them.

Bella had lived in Phoenix since she was born, but she'd seen more of the city and its surroundings in the past several hours than she had in her sixteen years of life. Especially the not so nice areas, or the shelters, or the back alleys she wouldn't ever have imagined walking down—this time Nina hadn't stopped her.

Surrealism: that was the best term to describe the situation and what she felt at that particular moment. Of course, the fact that Nina now knew some things that Bella, as she'd suspected, let slip in her exhaustion to try and keep quiet added to her discomfort. Not that she'd really revealed any details, but she had to say _something_. So she told her friend that Jacob's sister had a creepy ex and that Fish reminded him of the type, and that Jacob was really protective of his family. It was some part of the truth, but not enough to be a betrayal—right?

She couldn't lie and make something up, but she couldn't be totally honest, either.

"Ohh," Nina exclaimed at the same time as she threw the v-dub into the left lane, making Bella jerk upright, and earned herself a few angry honks from the large SUV behind them. "Shut up, asshole, there's a Donkie there and I'm fucking starving."

Bella exhaled in a mix between exasperation and relief. _Donkie_ was their nickname for McDonald's. "Jeez!"

Laughingly, Nina apologized. "Sorry, babe."

"You're insane," Bella accused, but then her stomach growled as if to disagree, making both of them crack up. "Okay, so maybe you're only half-insane." Grinning, she perked up a little when the lights changed and they turned through the intersection. "Now when I think about it, I'm kinda super-hungry. Smart move."

"I know, right? I'm the bomb and master that shit."

Bella just shook her head.

**o~*iii*~o**

Once Bella and Nina finally made it back to the house it was dark, and _still_ there was no word from Jacob or Jared.

"I don't like this," Bella said, flicking on the lights as she went, stopping momentarily to check the answering machine: no missed calls. Renée had called when they were at McDonald's, and by a streak of sheer luck, Bella managed to keep it casual so as not to incur suspicion. They had felt like going out for dinner, and how could her mom know to _which_ McDonald's they'd gone to? Not that she felt good about all the secrecy, but she knew her parents would've been back in a flash if they knew.

Bella would tackle the interrogation later on if need be.

All she wanted was for Jacob to come back home, and for everything to be okay. Possibly she missed him like a crazy person, and would have a hard time _not_ attacking him when he walked in the door. _Please, just come home._

They had just picked out a movie to settle with as a distraction when Bella's cell phone started ringing. She nearly dropped it in her rush to answer. Hearing Jacob's voice would've been reassuring, if the hopelessness in it hadn't caused her heart to send a buzz of unease through her veins.

"We're on our way home." After a nearly deafening pause, Jacob whispered, "I can't find her..."

Without conscious intention, Bella's mind immediately went to worst case scenario, and her mouth wasn't slow to follow. "_No..._" She didn't even recognize her voice as she spoke, but judging by Nina's sudden undivided attention, and taking in her wide-eyed stare, Bella knew her tone must have conveyed the inner terror she felt all too well.

It wasn't real—it couldn't be.

As her mind started unraveling, she began pulling out all kinds of alternative possibilities as to why Rebecca couldn't be found. It didn't have to mean someone had found her and... No. There _had_ to be some other reason.

In her attempt to come up with plausible (and not horrible) explanations to Rebecca's "disappearance", Bella almost forgot she was still on the phone with Jacob.

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

If the desire described as wanting to crawl through a phone line had ever been thought an exaggeration, in that moment, Bella sure could have set any disbeliever straight. "Okay. See you soon."

**o~*iii*~o**

In spite of the worry Bella felt in regards to Rebecca, the relief that washed over her, knowing Jacob and Jared were on their way back, made her lids close. She fell asleep curled up on the sofa next to Nina, not even fifteen minutes into the movie.

A low murmur of voices carried from the kitchen when Bella opened her eyes again. They met a pair of dark ones, glazed over by fatigue and something else. "Hey," Jacob said quietly. Now she realized it wasn't the muted conversation between Jared and Nina from the next room that had awoken her, but Jacob lightly stroking the hair out of her face.

Reflexively, she raised her hand to his, holding it to her cheek while offering him a careful smile. "Hi," she replied, but then felt herself frown when her vision cleared and she caught the wet sheen of tears building in his gaze before he directed it at a spot behind her. "Oh, Jake..." Clumsily, she shifted to put her arms around his neck, squeezing him as tightly as she could. "We'll find her. It'll be okay." She couldn't know that, but the words were out before thought took root in her brain.

Jacob said something, but it was lost somewhere between her hair and the failure of his voice carrying words. Instead, he just pressed his face into the curve of her neck and held onto her.

She wanted so badly to make it all okay, to find a way to help, but if Jacob, who was the only one who knew where his sister was, hadn't found her, then no ideas of Bella's would be likely to work. Besides, they all involved aimless driving, and no matter how big her desire to set things right was, realistically, they couldn't just take off in the middle of the night. Again.

And just as the thought of suggesting they tell her parents popped into her head, she knew that Jacob wouldn't agree to it. For perhaps the first time the reality of the situation hit her, and what kind of consequences they might have to face if her mom or dad found out. Not that she was so much worried about the trouble she'd get into for having kept it from them, but more she fretted for what it would mean for the entire family, and the danger it would put them in. Charlie and Renée would more than likely want to go to the police, and then CPS would get involved... and who knew what other authorities.

Ultimately, judging by Jacob's meticulous attention to detail, this guy who was after them wasn't the average scumbag.

The question that looped in Bella's mind, though, was whether it was actually Rebecca's ex who was responsible for her not being found... or Fish.

"_You're wrong!_"

"_Why're you defending that asshole? He was __**here**__, and he's a manipulative sack of shit—everybody knows that._"

Apparently, Jared was convinced who was to blame. Bella felt Jacob's arms loosen and she pulled back when he shook his head with a groan. He straightened to stand, and Bella got up to follow him into the kitchen, where Jared and Nina were locked in what looked like a glaring death match.

Bella had never really seen Jared frown, even, so the cool expression he wore was a sharp contrast to his usual easygoing one. "What's going on?" she asked, looking between them.

Jared didn't turn nor broke eye contact with Nina as he told Bella, "You might wanna talk some sense into your friend."

Nina snorted. "_Why_ would he go after Jacob's sister? You're just assuming things. Yeah, so he came into Bella's house, and yes, so maybe he's an asshole, but that doesn't automatically make him a fucking kidnapper or whatever the hell you're accusing him of."

"He was _in_ _Jake's room, _looking at her _picture_."

"Oh my _God_! Says who? Do you have proof, Sherlock?"

"Who _else_ would it've been?" Jared snapped.

With a dramatic eye-roll, Nina threw her hands up in the air. "Oh, I don't know, maybe her_ creepy douchebag ex?_"

Jared cocked a brow, while Jacob froze.

_Whoops. Shit._ Bella's mouth opened and closed, and Nina narrowed her eyes, taking in both Jared's and Jacob's reactions, as well as Bella's soundless lip-movements.

"What'd I say?" Nina wondered, sounding both confused and suspicious.

"What creepy ex?" Jared wanted to know.

Glancing at Jacob, Bella felt shame burn through her chest, and was sure she'd instantly shrunk a few feet into the ground. Before she could pull herself together to form some kind of response, Jacob just heaved a sigh, averted his gaze, and pulled a hand through his hair. "Just... Can we not get into that right now?"

"Sure, man." Jared shrugged, but threw Bella a questioning look. All she could do was shake her head. "Okay. Look, Jake? If you wanna continue driving around or whatever—"

"Nah. Thanks, though." Jacob moved toward to hallway, paused, and turned to them. "I'm gonna go to bed..." For a moment it looked like he was going to say something else, but must have decided against it and continued to his room.

"I'm sorry—" Nina hurriedly apologized, but cut off with a hopeless puff of breath and lifted her shoulders in question at Bella, who was at a complete loss for words.

Jared leaned against the counter, eyeing Bella and Nina. "What was that all about?"

If Bella had already known the importance of keeping her mouth shut, now more than ever she was going to make sure not to screw that up. Even if she might've already said too much. "Please... don't ask, okay?"

Again, Nina said, "I'm sorry, babe, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything."

No. Because Bella hadn't thought it would come up, let alone that it would compromise Jacob's secret. It still hadn't, but how could he know how much she had told Nina? "It's okay, Nina," she said, and then asked Jared, "Where did you go?"

With a weary laugh, Jared replied, "'Where _didn't_ we go,' is the better question. I think we left no asses unturned, that's for sure."

Either Rebecca was just very good at hiding, or she truly wasn't in Phoenix anymore. All the same, Bella's heart sank more heavily. And then, before she could think it—

"I sure as hell hope he doesn't take off on us again," said Jared, and they all glanced down the hallway. "I mean, I never really got why he runs away, but maybe this's why?"

"Yeah. To make sure his sister's okay," Nina agreed thoughtfully.

Of course, Bella already knew the truth, but she nodded absently as a whole new set of worries settled in her stomach. There was no way she could let that happen. Not only for Jacob's sake, but for all of their sakes—the whole _family's _sake.

**o~*iii*~o**

After Nina and Jared left—they both said they'd come back the next day to see if there was anything else they could do—Bella went to knock on Jacob's door to talk to him, and to assure him she'd said nothing that could give him or his sister away.

For a little while she stood there waiting for a response, leaning her forehead against his door, and then realized that maybe he _had_ run away. She shoved his door open, and then paused mid-stride as she caught his shape on the bed. Her limbs turned gooey with relief, but she managed to tiptoe over to the bed without making any noises, and crouched down next to him. He was fast asleep, face down, with both arms disappearing beneath his pillow.

"I'm so sorry, Jake," she told him in all but a soundless whisper, hesitated, and then leaned closer to place her lips lightly against his shoulder. A slight shiver seemed to move under her touch, and she held her breath, wondering if she'd just imagined it when he remained still. Quietly, she said, "Good night," and rose to her feet. It took just about everything within her to leave the room, but she knew he must be exhausted, and his rest was more important than her guilty conscience. _You can talk about it in the morning_, she told herself.

Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, Bella brushed her teeth with slow movements, sorting through the day's events in her head with equal care and precision. Tired herself, and frustrated that she couldn't make sense of anything, she finally gave up and went to get changed—her _Metallica_ t-shirt would do—and crawled into bed.

If she thought sleep would come easily, she was sorely mistaken. As the minutes turned into an hour, she shifted and turned to find the right position that would let her get comfortable enough to drift off. No such luck, though. And then, when she'd all but given up, and was about to get up for a drink, she heard Jacob's door crack open.

She sat up straight, straining her ears. A faint rustling noise brought her attention to her own door, and she noticed the shape of something small appearing at the bottom of it. Tilting her head, she tried to focus, and then pulled the covers out of the way to swing her legs over the edge of the mattress. She flicked the switch on her bedside table lamp, blinked a few times, and walked over to pick up a folded note.

Before she even opened it and read the words, she knew what it would say—_"Don't come after me." _She flung open the door. Darting through the house, calling, "Jake! Jacob!" Bella nearly fell into the full-length mirror when tripping over the edge of the _Welcome_ rug in the hall inside the front door. She caught herself and yanked the door open. "Jake!" she repeated as she flew down the porch steps, letting her eyes scan the dark street partially lit up by streetlights. A motion-sensor light came on in the neighbors yard, two houses down, and not caring she wore nothing else but panties and a t-shirt, she crossed the front lawn, running straight through the low shrubbery at the boundary of their yard. "Jacob, wait!"

Her heart was already pounding in her throat, but she didn't slow down even after Jacob paused to turn. A backpack was slung over one of his shoulders. She came to a halt mere inches away from him, sucking down her breaths.

"Bella—"

"Don't go," she choked out, only now realizing what the aching lump in her throat was. Tears stung her eyes, but she paid them no mind. "Please, Jake, don't go. We'll find her and we'll fix this—please, just _please._"

Jacob closed his eyes and shook his head, rubbing his hairline before fisting the hair there. "I can't stay here," he whispered forcefully. "It isn't worth the risk, and no matter who was in my room, I just... I _can't_ risk it."

"We're in this together," Bella argued desperately. "Whether you like it or not, someone found you—found _us—_and it's not going to go away. Just think about it, Jake, okay? You know Mom will tear up heaven and earth to find you, and then what? CPS will get involved, the police... No matter what happens, it'll happen with or without you here."

Staring at her, helplessness and conflict fighting for dominance in his face, he started to say, "I shouldn't've—" but cut off with a sputter when a spray of water hit them both from beneath.

_Oh hi, timed sprinklers. Great. _"_Jake, please,_" she begged, ignoring the cold water and grabbed his face between her palms. Yes, she was getting soaked, but she just didn't care. "_Stay?_" She searched his eyes, blinking against the droplets blurring her vision.

Jacob wrapped his fingers around her wrists and held her gaze, imploring her. "I _don't_ want you to get hurt. Not you, not Becca, not your family... If I find him—"

"Stop it." She restrained a sob while attempting to deflect thoughts of whatever he'd been about to suggest. It hurt to talk, and she swallowed against the pain. "You're just _sixteen, _Jake. This isn't some kind of movie where kids are invincible heroes." The thought of him chasing after the guy who'd killed his parents was unbearable, but even more so, just imagining what that very same person could do to Jacob—to _any _of them... "Come on, Jake, don't do this. Don't go."

He looked like he was going to protest, but then paused as his eyes moved from her hair, now plastered to her face, and down between them. Dully, he noted, "You're shivering." Not waiting for a response, he kept one hand around her wrist and pulled her around to walk back toward the house.

Obediently, she followed, not uttering one word, yet tried to come up with something else to say that would make him stay. They were halfway across the lawn to her parent's house when he turned to speak, and instead of finding a good argument, she just threw her arms around his neck and clung to him. "Please, don't go," she pleaded brokenly. If she had to beg on her knees, she would, and anyone who thought that was pathetic or cliché could go to hell.

Jacob stood unmoving for a brief moment, each beat of his heart thudding against her chest. Probably he could feel hers, too. How could he not? Not only because it was as frantic for him to stay as she was, but also their clothes were ruined by the dumb sprinklers. Or... _his_ clothes were, as all she wore was a rock-fanatic's old t-shirt, but who cared about that if Jacob would just _stay._

Exhaling, he finally whispered, "Okay," and she felt the fight in him drain out, only to be replaced by the crushing embrace his arms provided as they came around her. Some kind of delirium took her over completely; she couldn't hold back, and broke into tears. "Shh... God, I'm sorry, babygirl, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she blubbered into his neck, mentally rolling her eyes at herself. She didn't cry all that often, but was just _so happy_ he wasn't leaving.

Jacob tried to pull back a little, his hands on her face attempting to wipe the wet mess of her hair out of the way. She helped, snorting a laugh once she was able to see his own hair sticking to his brows and hanging into his eyes. "I think we should go inside," he told her quietly.

"Good idea," she readily agreed, and took his hand to tug him up the steps and into the house. "I'll get a couple of towels," she added, and then turned to study his face as he closed the door behind them, but didn't let go of her hand. "Jake?"

The shift in his eyes was subtle yet, together with the way his grasp on her tightened ever so slightly, her breath stopped in her throat. Wordlessly, he took one step closer, and then his mouth was on hers while the warmth of him seeped through the wet fabric being the only barrier between them. Distantly, she noted the thud of his backpack hitting the floor, but Jacob's hands sliding around to her back chased any care for her surroundings away.

She had missed his touch so _much. _Also, she had missed touching _him._

And, she realized now, no one would bust in on them, which made her bravely press closer, letting his kisses erase any _what if Jesse runs through the door_ or _can't get too carried away in case Dad comes home._

Her back nudged the wall, and Jacob paused, resting his forehead against hers with his eyes closed. "I missed you so much today," he told her as their noses touched, and kissed her again. Once. Just barely, but it was enough to cause her knees to grow even weaker. As if he sensed her poor balance, his hands came to rest at her waist, and then, hesitantly, he let them drop lower.

"I missed you, too, Jake," she replied, her voice barely audible when he bunched her shirt up, little by little. His eyes were open now, and they held hers. It was still as if he were asking her permission somehow, and she raised her arms to loop them around his neck. "You can touch me, Jake," she whispered. "I want you to."

Turning his head to kiss a slow path down her arm, he found his way beneath her shirt. Bella shivered as he stroked the curve of her back, and then he splayed his fingers to bring her closer once more. Against her lips, he told her in a low, unsteady voice, "I want to take this off..." He tugged at her t-shirt.

Still feeling brave, she countered with what she hoped wasn't a failed attempt at playfulness. "If I get to take yours off..." After all, she knew she had an innate ability to sound like a complete dork. What did she know about being seductive? Not that she wanted to be... Okay, so maybe she was a little nervous suddenly.

Jacob's smile brought her inner speculations to a halt. "Go for it."

"Um..." She was _definitely_ a _lot _nervous, which made no sense. Running down the street in the middle of the night in only a t-shirt and panties was all good, but taking Jacob's shirt off was difficult? _God, Bella._ There was also that tiny little detail that a shirtless Jacob was very... nice. Okay. The shirt had to come off. Not hesitating any longer, and glancing at his face, she reached down to lift it. It proved easier said than done, since it was more like a second skin.

"Here," he said, and helped her, and then it was off and she was no longer able to look at Jacob—well, at least not in the general direction of his head. She wondered if it was normal to be overcome by the urge to kiss someone... all over. That thought didn't last long, however, since her hands had moved to trail down his chest without her permission. At least Jacob didn't seem to mind, at all. Until she stopped where his cargo shorts hung low on his hips, showing off a good portion of his boxers. His breath caught, and in a husky tone he wondered, "Those, too?"

Bella's eyes flickered to Jacob's as she felt her face grow warm. _Yes. What? No! _"Uh-huh." She just said that, didn't she? "But, um, maybe not..." Glancing around, she finished, "Not here." What was she planning on doing, exactly? She had no idea, except for that she was curious and—just curious. For now. _Fruitcake._

Taking Jacob's hand, she started in the direction of her bedroom, but then changed her mind—did her dad have one of those fancy light-thingies nosy parents used in movies to scan sheets? _Skipping a little ahead of yourself, dontcha think? Holy crap._ Okay. Jacob's room it was.

She closed his door, and then he spoke softly next to her face. "We don't have to do anything, you know?" She gave a startled jerk, and turned so fast she butted her head into his. "Ow."

"Oh crap! I'm so sorry," she sputtered, and carefully touched his hand when he covered his own mouth with it. "I suck at this," she added apologetically.

All he did was chuckle, but it came out muffled.

"Yeah, go ahead and laugh," she muttered.

"Hey," he said, and dropped his hand to slip it around her waist, pulling her to him. "You don't suck." Any protest she'd been about to offer him evaporated when he kept eye contact, slowly beginning to hike her t-shirt up. "Is this still okay?" he wanted to know. Unable to form words, she merely nodded. Bella willingly lifted her arms to let him pull the wet material over her head.

In spite of the warmth, when the air hit her damp skin, she shivered. But then Jacob's arms were around her and for the second time that night she clung to him while he gently rubbed up and down her back. "You're so warm," she mumbled into his chest. Then she kissed him there, causing him to shudder. She lingered, closing her eyes. Not only was he warm, but soft, and he smelled so very good. Jacob chuckled, and she told him, "Shush. Sniffing is my thing."

"Sniff away... _fangirl._"

Her stomach did a tiny flip, and she snorted. Tilting her head to look up at Jacob, she taunted, "Oh yeah?" He loosened his arms a little, allowing her to pull back. Only then did it dawn on her that she was almost naked. _Wow._ She was so slow.

Jacob wasn't, and a swarm of butterflies attacked her insides when he moved one hand from her back, rounding her ribcage. His fingertips grazed her side as he let his thumb follow the curve of her breast. She swallowed against a stuttering intake of air. "God, you're pretty," he told her and met her eye. "Really, _really_ pretty," he repeated, lowering his mouth to kiss her, and covered her breast with his palm. A small noise of delight escaped her as he stroked deeper into her mouth with his tongue and gently across her chest with his fingers.

Bella reciprocated, letting her own hands run down his front and up his back, clutching him to her when she couldn't seem to get close enough. She let out a startled gasp when he suddenly dropped his hands to her butt and lifted her—her legs wrapped around his waist instinctively.

Somehow he'd walked them over to his bed, because she felt him sink down. She shifted so that she had her knees on either sides of his thighs, and continued returning his kisses as he held her tighter. All too familiar to her now, that ache surged through her stomach, and then she recognized something else... Except Jacob's very damp pants were in the way, although it felt kind of good the way it pressed against _just_ the right spot.

Still... "Jake," she managed in between their lips, unwilling to fully part.

He sat back, taking an unsteady breath. "Do you want to stop?" he asked and opened his eyes to search hers.

"No, no," she hurriedly assured him. "Just... Um... Your pants are kind of, uh, wet?" Of course her face chose this opportunity to flush, as if being almost naked with him shouldn't have triggered that reaction already. Mentally, she shook her head.

One corner of his mouth lifted, but he leaned back a little more, bringing his hands to undo the belt buckle at the same time she did. _Let the guy take off his own pants._ _Eager, much?_ "Sorry, I forgot—you wanted to do it," he teased.

She gave him a wordless mumble as a reply, but since her hands were there... While sorting out the pant-issue _(pant-issue? Jeez),_ she avoided his face, focusing on the self-appointed task. When she had the zipper down, she couldn't find it in her to unglue her eyes from... that general area. Her cheeks were on fire by this stage, but what else was new? _You wanted to see his thingy, didn't you?_ "I... Wow. Okay..." _Why _couldn't she learn to _not_ speak when her brain wasn't functioning normally?

Laughingly, Jacob said, "Thanks?"

Nope. She hadn't been blushing yet, obviously, because the Flamethrower of Vengeance hadn't appeared. Until now. "You're welcome," she replied automatically, and then realized that she said it out loud, tried to remedy the slip-up with, "Um, I mean, it's not like I get up close and personal with thingies every day..." She smacked her hands over her face and prayed she wouldn't die of mortification.

Jacob couldn't contain the laugh, even though Bella knew he tried and, really, could she blame him? "Fuck. Sorry—hey." He managed to gently pry her hands away. "Hey, come on, babygirl. Don't be embarrassed. Yeah, you're a big goof, but it's so damn adorable."

She groaned, and dared to look at him. "It would be nice to be sexy sometimes, too," she retorted grudgingly. "Or at least... _anything_ other than a total geek. Which would probably help in situations like these, you know?" God help her, but she was pouting. _Pouting._ There was no help for her. She just had to accept it. Simple.

Seeming genuinely surprised, Jacob eyed her. "Hey..." As she watched him, he appeared to be thinking something over, and then said, "All right. First... I'm gonna take these pants off." He shifted, and she raised herself up a little to let him push the pants down. Kicking them to the side, he then scooted up the bed, taking her with him, until she was settled on his lap again. "Secondly, I can be blunt if you want, but I think all I need to say is that you _are_ sexy."

Bella tried not to snort.

"Seriously. I don't wanna sound like a total douche..."

Raising a brow, and drawing air-quotes, Bella wanted to know, "And what does a 'total douche' sound like?"

Jacob closed his eyes and shook his head, but then cleared his throat and faked a different tone of voice. "Hey, babe, you're on my lap, can't you feel that?"

Clapping a hand to her mouth, Bella failed horribly at choking back the fit of giggles that suddenly wracked her entire body.

"Fucking hell," Jacob muttered, but started laughing, too, when she couldn't seem to stop her own chortling.

"Letting out your inner douche, huh?" Bella teased under her breath.

"Nah, not yet. I've still got him covered," Jacob deadpanned, and they both cracked up all over again. "Aw, shit." He lifted his hands to wipe at her tears, telling her, "Calm down, babygirl, you're gonna run out of oxygen."

"Oh crap," she gasped. "I can't..."

They might have been laughing still, but that drifted off into quiet as Jacob held her gaze and then leaned closer to kiss her cheek. "I like you just the way you are," he told her sincerely as his eyes moved between both of hers, as if to make sure she understood how much he meant it.

The warmth that spread from the point of contact, and in her chest, made a smile creep onto her lips. "Ditto," she replied. "And you're gorgeous." _Whoops?_ "I mean—"

Smiling back at her, Jacob cut her off with a finger to her lips. "Don't correct yourself for my sake, okay? I love that you speak your mind."

With a resolute nod, she vowed, "Okay then. I shall always be a total dork whenever in your presence, Sir Douche."

Jacob snorted, but his smile grew. "That's my girl," he whispered before he kissed her. Even as she returned it, she couldn't stop herself from grinning like an idiot. But then one hand slid up to the back of her neck, and with the other he reached around her, making her lean back until he was hovering over her.

Not agreeing with the lack of contact, Bella sneaked her hands to his back and tugged him down, only partially satisfied when she felt him snugly against her side. Wanting him closer still, she swept her tongue to draw him deeper, at the same time pushing her entire body to his.

Jacob released her mouth and looked down at her with uncertainty, yet it didn't help much to cover the other emotion—whatever it meant—moving at the back of his eyes, let alone the intensity of it. "You've gotta tell me what you want. I don't want to assume—"

"You," Bella replied quietly, but honestly. "Just you."

Not giving her a verbal answer, he returned to her mouth, but he also hooked one leg over one of hers, and let one hand drift down her side, along her hip, and farther. Willingly, Bella raised her knee when he caressed the outside of her thigh. The pace of her heart stumbled and sped up, responding to the path he took, and then he retraced it, eventually grabbing her ass to clutch her against him.

Jacob was unmistakably turned on. Of course she couldn't stop herself from shifting her thigh just a little, making him not only tighten his grip on her, but also a breathy noise stuck in his throat. Then he let go of her, at the same time leaving her lips to place a series of open-mouthed kisses down her neck to her chest. She was _so_ not going to complain about that because it felt amazing and _he _felt amazing and...

She wasn't sure what he was going to do, but tensed in anticipation and nervousness all the same. If she thought she'd had trouble with her respiratory system before, when his mouth found one of her breasts, her breaths came out in shallow, uneven pants. And as if that weren't enough to cause a case of Permanent Flatlining Syndrome, Jacob stroked his fingers down into her panties. She nearly choked on her own tongue, sucking air in sharply as he slipped a finger inside where she'd imagined him several times over in the past week.

"Holy _shit._" Did she say that?

Jacob released a breath, sounding as if he'd held it a good while, and she tried hard to hold herself still when he curled that very same finger inside her. With another—his thumb, she guessed dimly—he did some pretty amazing things.

It wasn't possible, but she was getting there so _fast_—record kind of fast—and she had never been so sure in her life about being right about something before it actually happened, but she knew this orgasm was going to kill her.

She guessed, with his experience, he knew how to read a girl's body to do the right things and, somehow, the way his leg pinned hers to the bed and against him made it all so much _better _and the way his mouth made her want to forget anything and everything if she couldn't have it on her always always always or his fingers doing those incredible things... "Jake," she pleaded, not really sure what she was asking for.

He returned from her breast, kissing his way up to her face, and touched his lips tenderly to hers. "Yeah, baby?"

"Jake, _please_, don't stop..." Oh, that was right. She was begging for the orgasm not to kill her. Right? Her brain was in shut-down mode; that had to be the only explanation.

And then, within only a few short seconds, he sent a bolt of pleasure through her entire being. She lost it completely, helpless against the tremor that took her over and, set free of thought or reason, she clutched at whatever she could, which so happened to be the back of Jacob's head and the hair there. A sob-like whimper escaped her, but he caught it with his mouth, kissing her so hard she thought she _might_ see stars.

Yep. She was _so dead._ In her brain. And possibly her body would be useless for vertical activities for quite some time.

Blinking, she tried to focus on Jacob's face through the fuzzy layer that seemed to cover her vision. All she could make out, though, was his smile, and while she knew she was smiling, too, she bet it was more like a dopey grin. "Whoa," she breathed, making him snort a soft laugh. "My toes and legs are all tingly," she added in a tone of wonder.

He must have withdrawn his hand, not that she was exactly sure _when_, but he now had his arm curled around her waist, holding her to him. "_That_... was sexy," he told her teasingly.

Bella restrained a giggle. "Yeah, right."

"Okay. Yeah, maybe you're right. No, wait. Sorry... It was _hot._"

"Jake?" Bella said slowly. "You're delusional."

He shrugged, totally unrepentant. "Nah, but okay, I'll just blame it on the inner douche."

"And you call me a goof? Pfft."

"Takes one to know one, I guess." Jacob didn't even try to dodge the smack, but that could have been due to its force being comparable to that of a feather crash-landing; not very impressive.

"Well, _actually_," Bella started, and then shifted a little to lie on her side, only to partially forget what she had been about to say. Instead, she was distracted by a certain something pressing even more persistently into her thigh. Abruptly, she couldn't think of anything else but what it would feel like to touch... it. "Can I touch you?" she blurted.

Surprise flashed across Jacob's face. Not difficult to understand, since it hadn't been what she'd intended to say, and not really what he'd expected, either, she bet. "You don't have to ask," he told her, sounding a little puzzled, making her wonder if he understood what she meant.

Blushing, she tried to clarify. "I mean..." _Oh God._ Did she really have to _say_ it?

"Ah," Jacob said, comprehension dawning in his eyes. A wry smile shaped his mouth. "Well, you don't really have to ask about that, either..."

Asking was the polite thing to do, right? Sure, she had told him the same thing—that he didn't have to ask—but it wasn't like she was just going to go groping away out of the blue, either. Plus, she wasn't exactly sure how to do it. How complicated could it be? _Just touch him._ "Okay..." The tips of her fingers brushed across his stomach when she reached down between them. She hesitated when he shuddered a little, at the same time as she saw the muscles beneath his skin flex. Instantly, her eyes flew up to his. "Um, are you sure?"

"Yeah," he assured her, but his cracked voice made her eye him suspiciously.

Keeping eye contact, just to be sure, she shifted her thigh away so that she could gain access. She noticed she wasn't too steady, but it wasn't all due to being nervous; the way Jacob looked at her turned her to mush from head to toe. With tentative fingers, she passed the waistband of his boxer briefs, tracing him carefully through the somewhat damp fabric.

Apparently, Jacob couldn't keep his hands to himself anymore, and next thing she knew, he had her rolled over and pinned with his body as his lips crushed hers. _Whoa. Hello._ But then, just as quickly, he pulled back, only to bury his face in her neck. Hot air blew across her skin in between the wet pressure of his lips, and "I couldn't—" and "I'm sorry—" and, in a weak whisper, "I just want you so much that I don't even _want_ to stop."

As brief as that kiss had been, her lips still felt bruised—in a _good_ way—and with the mixture of his weight on her and his words, heat flushed renewed wanting through her veins. "Hey, Jake?" In an attempt at comfort, she brought her hands up his back and threaded her fingers through his hair until he stopped peppering kisses to her throat and lifted his face to meet her eyes. "I want you, too," she said in a shaky voice, unable to control the emotion he provoked from her heart.

He still seemed unsure; she could tell by the way he scanned her face and her eyes. He raised himself up and sat back. Slowly, and never breaking eye contact, he reached to slip his hands around her hips, and then he was tugging her panties down. Bella lifted a little so that he could pull them off. "All you've gotta do is say, and I'll—"

"I don't wanna stop, either, Jake." And she really, really didn't. Not only was he so sweet and careful and just completely _perfect_ in every possible way, but watching him... _So freaking gorgeous._ And then his own underwear was off, and all Bella could do was stare, wide-eyed. Her cheeks prickled, but she _couldn't_ look away.

Jacob leaned forward and over her to open a drawer in his nightstand, and came out with a condom. Quickly, Bella sat up, unable to stop herself. Miraculously, for once, she didn't suffer from word-vomit, but perhaps that was due to how truly fascinated she was by this. No. She wasn't normal, and that had been established a long, long time ago.

"Do you want to do this, too?" he asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Vigorously, Bella shook her head. "Nuh-uh. I only know how to dress cucumbers, and _that_ looks way more complicated." _Dress? Yes. Let's play dress-up with Jacob's thingy. Wow. Help?_

Jacob breathed a laugh, and leaned in to kiss her lips before tearing the wrapper open. "You just like to watch, huh, fangirl?" He winked at her.

_Oh no. Dammit, Nina!_ She would not live that one down, she was sure of it. "Ha. Of course," she replied, and did just that. Watched. For a while, at least, since she couldn't stop herself from reaching out to touch as he rolled the condom down. Her eyes flitted to his. "Sorry," she said, not really sure why she was apologizing; he'd told her she could touch.

"Don't be," he said quietly. "I love it when you touch me."

Oh. Feeling a surge of bravery, she got onto her knees to scoot closer. She steadied herself with her hands at his chest. Her heart was pounding wildly, but she leaned in to place a kiss above his collar bone, letting her tongue dart out to lick his skin, and then dropped one hand to wrap her fingers around him. _Wow. So... hot. _And it definitely wasn't all that squishy anymore. Maybe it felt a little strange with the condom on—not that she knew what it felt like without—but she absolutely could _not_ let go.

"_God,_" he whispered, and pulled her against his suddenly trembling body.

Bella straightened to catch his eye. "Jake? Are you okay?"

"Very," he replied instantly.

Bunching her brows, she pointed out, "But you're shivering..."

Curving his fingers around the back of her neck, and bringing his forehead to hers, rendering her brain all but useless with the way he looked at her, he assured her in a less than steady voice, "It just feels _that good_."

"Oh." _Duh. _In spite of the prickling heat in her cheeks, she managed a small grin. Still with her hand around him, she slipped it farther down. _Ohh._ _That_ must have felt good, too, because Jacob squeezed his eyes shut and made some very nice noises, but also his hands were all over her now, clutching her closer, and so was his mouth. His warm breath at her neck sent a skitter of pleasant tingles across her skin, and then he cupped one of her breasts and bowed to kiss her entire chest. Bella sighed contentedly and felt her limbs grow weak. How was he so _good_ at that? She had to remove her hand and hold onto his shoulders or she'd topple over.

As soon as she did, Jacob brought his hands to her thighs, gently tugging her down. "Come here," he said, and willingly she sank down to straddle his lap.

_Oh yes, that definitely feels better without barriers._ Well, she couldn't compare to what it might be like _without_ the thin rubber, but it was enough to make her eyes _nearly_ roll back in her head. And she was fairly sure Jacob felt the same, as his fingers dug into her legs. Because that was a good thing, right?

"Bella." Jacob released her thighs and framed her face with his hands. Their gazes met.

"Yes?"

"I really want you," he told her with that scratched and breathy quality that mushified her all over again. "Like, _really fucking want you._.. But—" He swallowed, and she waited with her lungs on pause for him to continue. "You've gotta be sure, Bella, and if you're not... I'll stop."

All she could do was mouth, "Don't stop."

She guessed he was finally convinced, because he shifted her off his lap, but then laid her back down on the mattress. Mesmerized by his eyes, she let him nudge her legs apart, and pulled her knees up when he settled between her thighs. Her pulse was racing so hard she wondered if she had a miniature horse racing track in her chest. She would have snorted at her idiotic comparison, except Jacob's entire weight on her pressed their bodies together so tightly, letting her feel his heart was just as rebellious as hers.

"Are _you_ sure?" she thought to ask. Now, when she gazed at his face, she realized he looked a little nervous, too. That was a huge comfort.

"Don't make me give a speech," he said jokingly. _A speech? _He _was_ nervous.

With pursed lips, she pretended to think it over. "Hmm... Maybe I _want_ a speech. Is it epic?"

"Oh God." He took a deep breath.

Folding her lips together, she tried not to laugh. "I'm kidding!"

His expression went from relief to humor. "You know what? On second thought, maybe I _should_ give you a speech. A long and boring one, like the way royalty does it. Stuffy and dry."

Snorting, she distorted her voice, as if she were one of those Russian Bond Babes. "Ohh, I love it when you talk dirty."

Jacob laughed. "Holy shit."

"Sexy, right?"

"Yeah. Absolutely. Just... don't choke me to death with your thighs, and it's a date."

Experimentally, and not really thinking, she hooked her legs around him and squeezed. "Too weak—" she started to say, but stopped abruptly. Because that felt kind of nice. And she wasn't the only one to think so.

Jacob shook his head and closed his eyes. "I'm dead," was all he said, and then cut off whatever reply she had with his mouth.

Without hesitation, she responded and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then, when he reached down between them, she loosened her grip with her legs. His touch was gentle, but more purposeful this time; all the same, a thrill of overwhelming contentment ran through her when he, once more, moved not one, but _two_ fingers inside her. And much deeper than before.

Helplessly, she gasped.

Jacob stilled. "Did I hurt you?" he hurriedly asked.

"God, no. Not at all—keep going," she babbled, but decidedly caught his lips to stop any more nonsense from escaping her.

Obediently, he did just that, but not for long, and withdrew his hand. She was just about to protest when she felt something else nudge her. Not that she was worried, since she'd used a vibrator and tampons, but she still tensed—Jacob's... thingy... wasn't exactly just a _little_ bigger than both of those other... things.

Jacob shifted on one elbow, and ran the back of his other hand up her neck, speaking softly. "Bella? You've gotta relax."

Okay. Relax. She could do that. "Um, whoops?"

With one hand at her waist, he bent down to touch his mouth to just below her jawline, and then farther up, rubbing the tip of his nose along the shell of her ear. Up and then back down, and up again, capturing the lobe between his lips. Her lids fluttered shut. _Whoa..._ Okay, she was going to melt.

And then her eyes opened again, at the same time as Jacob pushed into her... slowly. _Holy cow in a bonfire._ All she was able to do was to focus so that she didn't catch on fire. Not that people did that, or had to fight not to, but her brain was being dislodged, and... _God._

Jacob pulled back a little. _No, no, no... Where are you go—ohhh._ This time, he went deeper. The slightest pinch of discomfort caused her to stiffen, but it was over before she could even think that it hurt. Jacob stayed still, even though he trembled against her, and dropped light kisses on her cheeks, chin, jaw—everywhere.

When he moved again, he withdrew, pushed back inside as far as he could go, and then lowered his face to touch his nose to hers. Wordlessly—well beyond the ability to form even coherent thought—Bella lifted her hands to comb her fingers through Jacob's hair, letting him keep her locked in his gaze. If it felt _this_ good for him, she understood why he couldn't speak, either, although he did try.

"You've got _no—_" The tiniest shift choked him off, but he attempted to continue. "—idea... how..." He shivered and exhaled. "You're—I'm just _so_..." Giving up on speech altogether, he just shook his head (as if at himself), wrapped both arms around her, buried his hands in her hair and put his mouth on hers.

Happy she wasn't the only one with babbling-issues, and returning his embrace, Bella smoothed her palms down his back. She _loved_ how he seemed to burrow even closer whenever she touched him, and with him inside her, those reactions caused her to burn in the best way possible. For each time they came together, it became more and more difficult to control herself. As much as the want for it to never ever end drove her totally crazy (okay, crazi_er_), she knew she was going to come so hard if he didn't stop doing whatever delicious things he were doing.

Yes. Her brain was dead. Gone. _Way_ past expiration date.

Okay. There was a little room left to get even crazier, because she was so _close_, and it was impossible to not push herself against Jacob shamelessly. So maybe she also grabbed his ass a little, too, as leverage, because it was a very nice ass. _Anybody home?_ _Shush._

"Bella..."

Looking up at Jacob, she forced her eyes to not roll back in her head. Admittedly, that was a challenge and a half. She couldn't think, but she heard herself gasp something along the lines of, "Oh crap, you feel so good—shit, I'm gonna come," and then she did. And she might have said something else, but it was more like a choked moan. There was also a possibility she dug her nails into Jacob's back, but mostly it was all a blinding rush of heat and centered pressure.

And then Jacob's tongue was in her mouth as he shuddered between her thighs and collapsed over her.

_Now_ she was dead. Along with her brain and whatever else. At least it felt good. (Never mind that she wouldn't be able to tell what was good or not if she really were dead. It was the principle of the thing.)

"I need a defibrillator," she wheezed.

"I'll have one, too," Jacob agreed, sounding as exhausted as she felt. "And some fried onions to go."

Bella started laughing. "Ow, don't make me laugh. My lungs will explode."

"Okay. Two defibrillators and one respirator."

"Sounds good to me."

A few seconds or minutes later, Bella passed out.

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Oh my goodness... She FINALLY updated, right? ;) Well, I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, and forgive my absence. _

_I have to send a ton of inappropriate love to **MeraNaamJoker** for being such a wonderful friend; I love you, bb. SO MUCH. And thank you, once more, for cleaning out my word-mess. _

_To everyone still here, reading and loving these totally adorable (yes, the word shall go down in history for being incredibly abused and well-worn) characters: I love y'all muchly. Thank you for your patience and understanding. PLUS, so much snorgling and thanks and love for voting Unspoken into 1st place for most favorite All Human story in the JBnP Summer Awards (I think that was the name of it—yeah, I'm outta touch!). I'm blown away. You guys rock! _

_Also, I'm sorry for any confusion my pen name change might have caused. I felt FatedFeathers was more suitable. ;) (I'm still Naranwien over at JBnP, and probably will continue to go by that alias, unless it's somehow possible to change it.)_

_Enough babbling. I'll start a new chapter when I have the time, but updates from now on will be considerably slower than they used to be, since I'm studying. At a rough guess, the next update might be sometime around the end of December, or start of January 2012._

_Until then, take care of yourselves, and each other!_


	17. Truth

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

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><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Truth<strong>_

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><p><em>So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire, and suddenly he starts to believe  He takes her in his arms, and he doesn't know why, but he thinks that he begins to see. / "Wonderful Life," by HURTS_

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><p><strong>o<strong>**~*****iii*****~****o**

Bella woke to the faint light of dawn finding its way in through the window. _Holy __crap__. _Since when had she decided to go to sleep in a sauna—_oh__. _Looking down, she noticed not only that she was just _partially_ covered by a comforter she didn't recognize as her own, but an arm was curled around her (also, not her own).

_Oh__... __That__'__s __right_. Now she remembered. She had totally had sex with Jacob, and as thanks she was now sweating all over him and his sheets and comforter and—_whoa__. _What she had heard of guys and their rebelling anatomy in the mornings was _so __true__._ And she was captured. By Jacob's leg. When she attempted to move, he tightened his arm around her and, as if she weren't hot enough already, warmth crawled up her neck and into her face when he pressed that rebellious piece of anatomy into her leg.

_Holy__ God__._ He was _not_ humping her leg in his sleep. _Welcome __to __a __crash__-__course __in__ the__ behavior __of __the __male __species__, __Miss__ Swan__._ She didn't really mind, but she did need to go to the bathroom. _Badly__. _

Turning to glance at Jacob, her heart skipped a beat. Disregarding the bird's nest on his head (which was very cute, by the way), he looked so incredibly peaceful. The cares of the world, so often weighing down on his feathers, had vanished overnight.

Momentarily forgetting about previous needs, Bella decided to take this opportunity to do some undisturbed exploring. He appeared to be deeply asleep, so she figured he wouldn't mind if she traced the bridge of his nose, his brow, or the amazingly long lashes that curved away from where they rested on his oh-so-soft skin.

And the Cupid's bow of his lips... _Bummer__. _Now she wanted to kiss him so badly she nearly did so, but she thought it was enough to perspire all over the place. _Morning__ breath __really__ sucks__, __you __know__?_ Probably she should just go to the bathroom before he woke up and she had to talk.

But she _really_ didn't want to get up. Dampness and stickiness aside, it was _nice_ to be wrapped up in his arms and legs. More than likely he wouldn't agree, though, once he woke, so she managed to wriggle out of bed. She nearly fell on her ass, but that was customary klutziness; she caught herself before she incurred any major damage to her tailbone.

If she were quick enough, she might make it back before he woke up.

She left the room, she went to search for her t-shirt and panties, but soon realized that they were nowhere to be found. And neither were Jacob's shorts or boxers. She paused, glancing around in confusion, and then concluded he must have moved them. _Jeez__._ Had she been _that_ out of it? Now when she considered it—what did he think about her just passing out on him like that? _You__'__re __excellent __girlfriend __material__._

Quickly, she sneaked across the hallway to get clothes from her room. Once she got into the bathroom, she knew for sure that even if World War III had broken out during the night, she would have slept right through it. Jacob must have gotten up to have a shower at some point. _And __you__ made __him__ all__ dirty__ again__. __Nice__._

Bella showered and brushed her teeth with impressive speed. Finally dressed in a tanktop and sweat shorts, she slipped into Jacob's room again. He was still asleep, but had flipped to his stomach. And the comforter was halfway down the floor. For a moment she just stood there, unable to do much else but indulge a shameless staring-fest. _You__'__re__** such **__a __perv__. _But she was entitled, wasn't she? The naked guy on the bed was her _boyfriend_, after all. As she thought it, and felt herself drawing closer to him without conscious intention, an intense swelling sensation took root somewhere behind her ribs.

It hit her then. Carefully sinking down on the edge of the mattress, and smiling with her entire face, she knew there was no question about it. She was _so __very__ much_ in love with him. Entirely and undeniably, and all she could do was crawl up next to him and curl herself around his body. Jacob shifted a little. She kissed his shoulder and nuzzled into it before placing her cheek there.

His voice riddled with sleep, he said, "You're smiling."

Of course, now that smile grew impossibly larger. "Mm-hmm," she hummed, drifting along the middle of his back with light fingertips. _So__ soft__._ As she watched, goosebumps broke out in the path of the patterns she drew across his skin. Tilting her head so that her chin was resting on his shoulder, she continued following invisible lines to draw imaginary pictures.

Jacob turned his head. She felt his gaze on her, and then he moved. He leaned into her and his lips touched her neck as he rolled and pulled her into a tight embrace. Bella just sighed and burrowed into him as he covered her entire throat with burning kisses. If he had been hesitant before, there certainly weren't any traces of that left in the way he touched her now. She decided that she _loved_ that. Also, she figured that getting dressed had been a total waste of effort since, with breathless delight, she realized she was suddenly naked again. Jacob's hands and mouth did a pretty good job at covering that nakedness, though, and before she could even think to be shy, he had somehow slid down her body.

Bella gasped when hot and smooth wetness stroked against the torturous ache between her legs, and threw her hands over her face, not knowing what else to do with them. Little spasms rippled along the inside of her thighs, but Jacob didn't seem to be bothered, at all, by that she couldn't control her legs, or when she tilted her hips to get more of his mouth and tongue. Instead, a muffled yet very contented-sounding noise made his lips vibrate against her. He reached up to splay his warm fingers across her belly, caressing it _so__ so_ _gently_ before running them down along her waist and hips, farther down, rounding her thigh...

And then she bit her own palm, cutting off what would have been an embarrassingly loud cry when Jacob curled a finger inside her. The way he touched her, both inside and out, with strokes and wet sweeps, created such amazing sensations. It took some focus to try and not squash his head when attempting to control the building tremors going through her. _Holy __crackballs__, __you__'__re __gonna__ choke __him __to __death__. _But it felt _so__... _"Oh God oh God—" As if shaking her head would help, she did so and overlapped both hands to press against her mouth. In spite of her best efforts, she clamped down on him with her thighs when a wave of overwhelming heat surged over and beneath her skin. She came so hard she didn't know up from down. "—_crap__,_" she exhaled, letting her arms fall limply to her sides as he eased the pressure of his mouth and kissed the insides of her still-quivering thighs.

"Hey," he said, eyes soft and smiling when she peeked down, and then crawled up to stretch out next to her on his side, resting on one elbow. Gently, he ran one hand over her cheek.

_Duh__..._ "Hey," she replied under her breath. Her mush-pile of a brain was rendered useless, so she just blinked at him. It just wasn't fair how he managed to turn her into such a boneless lump of goo. Especially not when what she wanted at that moment, more than anything else, was to make him feel as good as she felt. Not that she had some killer skills, but she could always try...

Her eyes flitted down his body, and then back up again. Probably she shouldn't put her mouth there before she was more familiarized with his thingy, or... Well, she doubted he would appreciate her using that method for practice. What if she accidentally bit him? _Yes__. __Because __that__'__s __the __first __thought __that __comes __to __mind__ when __having __a__ guy__'__s__ doodle __in __your__ mouth__. __Jeez__._

"Bella?" Jacob asked when she sat up to place a hand on his chest.

"Yeah?" she replied, deep in thought, and then blurted, "Can I try something?" while blushing violently. She partially met his gaze, and pushed gently for him to lay on his back, which he did, perhaps looking a tiny bit apprehensive. Did he know what she was about to do and disapproved?

Her wavering must have been stamped on her forehead, since Jacob's own expression relaxed. Reassuringly, he told her, "I'm yours, Bella... You can do whatever you want."

Warmth burst in her chest, and then she bent to place a light kiss above his heart. "Okay," she said, and then scooted farther down, bringing both hands to rest on Jacob's hips. It was probably best that she didn't look at his face just now, because then she would totally chicken out. When she settled on her knees between his legs, however, and hesitantly released her support, she swore he stopped breathing. _Don__'__t __look__, _she ordered herself. At least, not up. That wasn't too difficult, considering her curiosity took over.

Tentatively, and feeling her eyes widen as she did so, she trailed the tips of her fingers down the fascinating object that now had her undivided attention. Not that she hadn't sneaked a few peeks already (and it wasn't like she hadn't seen pictures—Nina was good at asking her to come look at something at her laptop, only to have a giant erection "shoved" in her face), but this was so different. Well, it was _Jacob__._ Or... _Jake __Junior__—__dude__, __you __did__** not**__ just __call __it __that__. _Quickly, Bella let her eyes flicker to Jacob's face, just to make sure she hadn't thought it out loud.

He appeared to be as engrossed in watching her as she was in studying him.

_Oh __good__. __Nice__._

Moving herself just a little bit more down the mattress, she leaned closer, letting her hair fall forward to hide her face, and finally pressed an experimental kiss to the tip.

_Ohh__._

Jacob exhaled at the same time as all of him shuddered. A thought occurred to her—maybe this was killing him? She was being so careful, and probably he was used to directness and confidence. _Stop __it__. _

Gathering all the confidence she had, she circled him to wrap her fingers in what she hoped was a firm but not too-tight grip. This time he made some choking noise, and she _had_ to look at him.

"Don't you dare apologize," he breathed.

Bella couldn't help the grin that broke out on her face. "Yeah?" she said in a playful tone, and then bent to kiss him once more, only this time she lingered there. _Oh__ hi__, __you__'__re__ wet__, __too__._ _Stop __talking __to__ it__, __weirdo__. _With a mental shrug, she parted her lips, overcome by wanting to find out what he tasted like. And then she gave him an exploratory lick. _Interesting__... _She did it again. And once more. Okay. It was no lollipop, so probably she shouldn't just lap at it. _Just __put __it__ in __your__ mouth__. _

Yes. That was the way to go.

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. She grabbed a hold of him with both hands, pushed any uncertainty aside, and then took him, little by little, into her mouth.

The groan stuck in his throat. "—Fuck."

Oh yes. Obscenities were a good sign... Right? Instead of second-guessing it, she sank down a little more before going back up. If she did something wrong, he would tell her. At least, she hoped so. Going back down again, she moved her hands to allow more of him inside, and maybe she got a little over-excited, since next thing she knew, she made a choking noise of her very own, having pushed him way too far. _Wow__. __Gonna__ hurl__ on __him __too__, __now__? __Way __to __go__._After a second, though, she caught her breath and was able to start again. Jacob certainly didn't seem to have noticed the pause. Glancing up at him, she saw that his eyes were mostly closed but he was still watching her avidly.

What was she supposed to do with her hands? Maybe put them on his legs? Except what if she was too heavy? Bella considered the question without stopping the movement of her head. Now she kind of wished she'd paid more attention to those videos Nina constantly tried to shove in her face, instead of screaming and slamming the laptop shut over her friend's protests. Well, his... _thingy_ or whatever was really big and there was _no_way she could get the whole thing down her throat without ruining the mood with puke, so maybe she could kind of cover that area lower down with at least one hand. Right? Right.

Accordingly she wrapped the fingers of her right hand around him and was rewarded by another breathless curse. Okay, this was actually easier. She could keep her balance a lot better anyway. There was still the question of what to do with her _left_ hand, but maybe she should just keep it on the mattress. Also her jaw was starting to ache. Jake was _way_ bigger than anything else she'd had in there before, and she wasn't used to keeping her mouth open this long anyway.

When she pulled back this time, it made a popping sound. Weird. Why did they call it a blow job if you spent the whole time sucking? Was she supposed to be blowing too? When was that? Boys always talked about _tight_ like that was a good thing so if she blew wouldn't that make things looser? God, why was sex _so __hard__? _Kind of like Jacob's thingy, which looked hard enough to hammer nails. Absentmindedly, she rubbed her thumb over the tip, which was slick like after he came except he hadn't come yet, right? She'd know, right?

"Hey."

Looking up, she saw him smiling as he tucked one strand of hair behind her ear. "Quit freaking yourself out, fangirl. You're doing _amazing_."

"I don't know what to do with my other hand!" she almost wailed, but she kept her right hand moving.

Jacob seemed torn between laughter and arousal. "Uh, it doesn't really matter at this point, trust me. Just... don't stop?"

"My jaw hurts," she confessed.

"I guess it takes some time to get used to it probably," he sympathized. She grinned at him, and by that point felt better enough to fit her lips around his erection again. "Oh, _shit__,_" he breathed as she started sliding up and down again. This time, she kept going even when her jaw started aching again, moving her hand in opposition to her mouth, and then sudden inspiration struck and she brushed even lower with her free hand. He shivered, so she redoubled her efforts.

His hands were at her face again then, and in her hair. Her gaze met his as she glanced up at him.

Whatever she was doing, she was doing _something_ right, because Jacob wasn't only making those half-groaning noises, but was also trying to tell her something, and having trouble getting it out. "Bella—_shit__—_baby, you've gotta—_God__. _You've gotta stop—"

_Stop__? _Why would she stop if it felt good? That was exactly the point. To make him feel good. She was _so_ not stopping. Also, she was actually enjoying it. _Nuh__-__uh__, __Jake__, __I__'__m __totally __gonna __give __you__ an __orgasm __if __I__ can__._

Gently, he tried to get her to move. "Bella... Baby... I'm gonna—" But then he tensed, and whatever else he'd been about to say got cut off. _Ohh__. _The intensity in his eyes nearly made her shiver—until they kind of rolled back in his head, and then he let out a breathy groan, just as she was startled by something hitting the back of her throat. _Dammit__. _Having lost her train of thought, she forgot what Nina had told her once about how to handle the coming part. She might have gagged_,_ except the reflex to swallow took over, quickly followed by an immense swell of pride. Never mind being a newbie; she had just made Jacob come and that was equal to epic win.

Except for the taste in her mouth, which was not so very epic, but sort of... gross.

She released him carefully, noting her lips felt a little numb. Not much time was allowed for reflection on that, however, since Jacob broke into her thoughts. "Come here," he said huskily, and then pulled her up and against his very warm body. Bella sighed her contentment, and nuzzled into his neck.

"Good morning," she said and pressed a kiss to his skin, feeling his pulse there as she lingered. Only a few weeks ago, she'd ducked away from Jacob's kiss, and now she couldn't get enough of them. She couldn't get enough of him, period. If the world ceased its spinning, and they were suspended in this moment, right here, right now, she wouldn't even _mildly_ protest. No. This was good. "Let's not get out of bed today," she heard herself say, and then went to say something to excuse it, but Jacob's light snort and slow-moving lips at her temple made her shrug. "Oh, what the hell. In that case, let's just stay here forever, yeah?"

"Not gonna argue with that." Jacob seemed to wrap her up entirely in his responding tight embrace. "Am I allowed bathroom breaks, though?"

"Hmm. That's a tough one."

"Could get messy."

"Ew, you cake."

He was grinning when he told her, "Just stating facts."

And then, as if making sure other basic needs weren't forgotten, Bella's stomach gave off a menacing grumble that could be translated into _Here__'__s__ a __fact__ for__ you__: __feedmerightnow__! _"Guess that was my contribution to necessary evils," she offered in a sheepish tone.

Jacob pushed up to look down at her. "I could always call for a delivery or whatever?"

"Hmm." Bella squinted her eyes in mock-contemplation, and then shook her head. "Nah. It can wait." Reaching to circle his neck, she pulled him back down.

He chuckled into her hair. "You're an incurable fangirl, Bella." Jacob's arms came around her once more, tightening just that little bit extra. "_My_ fangirl, though, right?" he whispered somewhat hesitantly.

Feeling herself grinning from ear to ear, Bella nodded and turned into him. "Yes, Jake," she replied in a muffled whisper of her own. "And you're a cake for even asking"—he laughed, and she poked him—"sorry, I meant _my_ cake, of course."

"Oh God..."

"Shush. Don't ruin it for me."

Bella felt him press his mouth onto the top of her head. He kissed her there. "Shutting," he mumbled through quiet laughter.

It was beyond criminal to feel this good.

**o~*iii*~o**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_HAI. I bet y'all didn't see this one coming? ;) _

_Okay. First things first: So. Much. Love. To all of you. Not only for all the smiles and great happies you've given me by sharing a wide spectrum of emotions and thoughts with me on this story, but for sticking with it (even though I became more and more absent toward the later chapters). I don't know who loves these characters more—you guys, me, or my amazingly adorable friend, **MeraNaamJoker.** Without her, this chapter wouldn't have seen the light of day. So thank you, bb, for helping me. All the love._

_As some of you may have noticed already—from the note on my profile here on FF(dot)Net—I have taken a huge step back from fanfiction, and am now working on a book. Moreover I'm also studying, and for my poor brain to be able to keep up, I had to put my fanfiction-obsession to the side. Sadly, that included Unspoken, but I had already started on this chapter, even before I made that decision. In fact, it's far from finished, but since I don't know at **all** if I'll ever be able to return, I thought I would leave you with all I had, even if it wasn't finished. I did have to write a little more for it to not look like I had just thrown out the scraps (which is why it took me so long), so even though it's nowhere near enough the conclusion I truly wish I could give you, I hope it's at least a tiny, tiny little bit satisfying._

_From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you all. Your words of encouragement, kindness, praise and, at times, gushing and squee-ing, has patched up my confidence (or fed my ego, perhaps?), and that has helped push me into the direction of braving original fiction once again._

_Thank you for that. And so so much more._

_If you have any questions, or want to hunt me down for leaving adorable!Bella and mysterious!Jake hanging like this, do feel free to PM me. I've got my big-girl pants on, and I can take it like a man—or whatever. I still lurk on Twitter, too, where I (like here) go by FatedFeaters, so that's an all right place to gather with the pitch forks, should you so desire. ;)_

_All the love and snorgles. _


	18. Credence

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

* * *

><p><strong>-x Chapter Seventeen x-<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Credence<strong>_

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><p><em>If we run, if we fall across the line, it's too little too late to rewind  On the edge of the world, I won't leave you blind. / "In These Hands," by The Butterfly Effect_

* * *

><p><strong>-xo-O-ox-<strong>

Bella jerked upright. "Ouch. Too fast," she mumbled, and yawned, cradling her head between her hands.

Next to her, Jacob rose while gently rubbing her back. "You okay?" A knock interrupted Bella's reply, but also made their gazes meet with equal panic. "Oh shit," Jacob hissed. "What time is it?" Scrambling out of bed, stark naked, he went to his closet to pull out some clothes. Bella bit her lip to suppress a smile when he glanced over his shoulder. He rolled his eyes. "Get up, fangirl."

"But I'm naked!" she protested, feeling a faint flair of warmth spread across her skin.

Jacob raised a brow, indicating his own state of undress, and paused. "Don't make me come over there..."

"Yeah? And what happens if I decide I just want to stay here?" Bella couldn't help wanting to find out how genuine his threat was, and judging by the slow switch in Jacob's expression, he had every intention of following through. She stifled a reflexive sound of anticipation even before he made a move. And then she dove under the comforter, clutching it tightly around her as she curled up in a ball.

"Bella." Jacob's voice was muffled but gentle through the thick layer separating them. "Don't hide, baby." She slowly lowered the edge and met his smiling eyes. Just as she relaxed her grip, the cover disappeared.

She choked back a squeal, doing her best to cover vital parts. "Jake!" As if he hadn't seen everything already. "That was totally mean," she accused, and allowed a teensy pout when he just chuckled. But she wasn't upset, not really. The way he was looking at her did make her want to hide, though, until he leaned in.

"Now we're even," he said and winked, then lightly pressed his lips to her failing pout. "I'll go check who's at the door, but I bet it's Jared."

"Or Nina," Bella added, eyes widening as she thought of how Nina would more than likely be able to tell straight away what Jacob and Bella had been up to. The blush came on with full force. "I'll be right there," she managed, and shot out of bed, snatching up her tank top and shorts from the floor. She thought she heard Jacob say something as she hurried out of the room, but didn't catch the words.

When the front door opened and closed and no Nina came sauntering down the hallway, Bella guessed she was safe, for now. She got dressed quickly anyway, and slipped into the bathroom for a once-over before going to the kitchen. Several voices reached her ear, and she wondered who else had stopped by besides Jared. As soon as she stepped into the kitchen, Bella had to pause to let her brain catch up, because hovering around the kitchen island was the entire band – as in Abby, Henry, and Shane, who was the first to speak.

"My favorite groupie," he said with an accompanying grin.

"...Hi," Bella said, unable to hide her surprise, but offered a smile. "What's up?" she added since no one spoke, subsequently noting that Jacob was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Jared.

"Hey, doll," Abby said as Bella went for the fridge, and then she appeared next to her. Bella glanced at her in question. "Yeah, you. Why don't you take a seat and I'll whip you up something yummy? Don't look at me like that," she chided at Bella's clear shock.

"Uh..." For the lack of an intelligent reply, Bella backed off and drew toward the table to sink down on a chair, still completely confused. Should she be suspicious, or should she say thank you? She didn't know, but didn't want to appear rude, and said, "That's very nice of you," to acknowledge the undeniably kind gesture. "Thanks..."

"I'm gonna help Freak get the stuff from the car," Shane announced when Henry silently left the kitchen.

"Get my backpack, too," Abby hollered, then winked at Bella. "Got any frozen fruit? Cream? Chocolate?"

Still trying to locate proper speech, Bella pointed toward the pantry. When Abby just cocked her brow, Bella amended, "Canned fruit's there; and dark chocolate. Not sure if we've got cream. What do you need it for?"

Abby disappeared into the pantry. A few curses floated out from the small closet, there were sounds indicating a lot of rummaging, and then Abby reappeared with flour, cans and some other things in her arms. "For the pancakes, of course," she said, paused to ask, "You like pancakes, right?" and looked very much relieved when Bella nodded an affirmative. "Thank fuck, 'cause I only have two specialties in the kitchen: pancakes and tacos. And I'm saving the tacos for later."

"Later?" Bella blinked dumbly.

"This is gonna take a while," Abby replied cryptically.

Okay... Obviously Bella was missing something. "Where's Jake and Jared?" she asked, wondering if their disappearance had anything to do with this new and strange Abby. "And can I help? I feel weird just sitting here."

"Oh, the Schmooze is out the back working his magic. I think Jake was lookin' a little pale when we told him why we're here." Abby chuckled while digging into her pocket, retrieving a rubber band, and half-turned to Bella while tying her hair back. "Don't worry; he'll come back running once he smells what's cooking."

And what would make Jacob grow pale? Bella had to ask, "So why _are_ you here? I mean, it's cool and nice and all, and you're cooking, which is awesome – I seriously appreciate it, but—"

"Relax, Tinkerbell. You gotta do better than that to offend me." Opening and closing the doors to the overhead cabinets, and exclaiming words of success when finding what she was looking for, Abby went on to say, "And we're here to help Bozo find his sister. Jared's a pussy and couldn't lie to save his life, so we picked his brain this morning when we showed up for rehearsal."

Oh. _Oh_. Oh crap.

One too many thoughts spun off, all at the same time. Not only did she feel bad for the added pressure on Jacob this would result in, but while she started worrying about how much longer it would take for her parents to figure things out, she also sympathized with Jared; sucking at keeping secrets was something she knew very well. He must feel awful.

Just then Henry and Shane came through the kitchen, stopping to scrutinize the dining table. Shane adjusted one of the bags slung from his shoulder, preventing it from sliding off. "Hmm. No. Not here," Henry said, and asked Bella, "Got wifi?"

"Yeah? Why?"

Bella eyeing the bags made Henry reply, "Yes, it's computers, and I need a connection. Is it okay to use the living room?"

Bella didn't think she would see the day she hosted a LAN party. "Go for it," she acceded though, and got up to follow them. So much for thinking she was wrapping her head around what was going on, and then they brought... "How many computers do you need?" she blurted when she realized they had three of them, and that wasn't accounting for the other weird things Henry started unpacking. "Whoa, it's like _Ransom_ or something." When Shane laughed, she bit her lip. "Well, it is," she retorted defensively. "What _is_ that?"

"Basically? It's his guardian angel," Shane clarified, motioning toward Henry.

Bella opened her mouth, and closed it. "Right," she said, but had absolutely no idea what that meant. Best course of action would probably be to just take their word for it. She shrugged. "Sounds handy..." What were they going to do? Try to track Rebecca down with GPS? Or hack into Google satellites? No wait. That was _Enemy of the State_ with Will Smith, and Google wasn't SkyNet (wrong movie, and not yet), _plus_, this was the Swan residence, where teenage girls only impersonated the defense minister to make teenage boys smile... and never mind that she wasn't making any sense. Was this a sign she was in severe need of food? "I'm gonna go help Abby. My brain's dying." At least they wouldn't be lacking comedic relief.

Not having been absent even five minutes, Bella was amazed at Abby's efforts; she sure had managed a lot. "Don't," she told Bella when she reached for the dish rag. "I'll have it all back in tip-top shape once I'm done, but I need my work space to look like something's happening, or I'll screw up."

"Plannin' on frying pancakes on the floor, Road?" came Jared's voice as he stepped in through the sliding door.

"Shut up," Abby said. "Can't you see I'm in my Zen zone?"

"I see flour everywhere," Jared observed matter-of-factly. "But whatever rocks your socks." To Bella, who peered past him, he shook his head. "I'd give him a minute. We can commiserate and start a Word Vomit Anonymous club in the meantime."

Despite the playful tone, and the reassuring smile he gave her, Bella could see right through it. Recognizing the front he put up to hide how dumb he felt sharpened her own efforts to help him. "I'll get started on the bumper stickers," she offered in an equally lighthearted attempt at redirection.

"And matching t-shirts?" When Bella gave a firm nod, Jared clicked his tongue as he pointed his thumb-and-forefinger gun at her. "You're awesome."

"Of course," she said, grinning at his brightened expression.

"Fuck!" Abby spun around. Staring incredulously at the wooden spoon that had somehow ended up on the other side of the kitchen island, she waved her hand in a gesture of confounded puzzlement. "It just got away from me," she informed them.

"The universe wherein your Zen exists is trying to send you a message?" Jared suggested.

Abby rolled her eyes while accepting the rebellious utensil back from Bella who'd stooped to pick it off the floor. "Yeah," she said, squinting at him, and proceeded to make a pretty impressive – yet disturbing – imitation of a hoarse old hag: "You're doing it wrong, Abigail. You're supposed to bash the Schmooze, not beat pancake batter."

Bella burst out laughing, but Jared regarded Abby with growing fearfulness and shifty eyes. "Now you're scaring me," he said in a deliberately slow manner. "That's just... wrong."

"Embrace your destiny," Abby whispered, pointing the spoon at Jared. Just like Bella, he zeroed in on a dribble that dropped to the floor.

"Whoops," Bella thought out loud.

"There it went," Jared added.

Abby sighed. "That kinda ruined it – didn't it?"

"Sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but it was never there to begin with." Jared jerked away before Abby could smack him. "Just sayin'."

Bella was covering her mouth so as to not crack up even more. It seemed like she wasn't the only one who was weird, and she found herself secretly hoping she'd get to know them all better over the summer break. Sure, Carla and Stacy had their quirks as well, but Jacob's friends seemed to surpass that by a few notches, putting them right up her alley (or down, depending on whichever way you looked at it).

"Guess no pancakes for you then," Abby announced and turned back to the bowl and batter. "All the more for the rest of us."

"Aw, Road. You know I love you."

"Gee, Schmooze. You're making me all wet."

Jared laughed when Bella all but choked. Maybe it was time to find something more productive to do, like emptying the dishwasher. Yes. That would do. With determined purpose Bella started unloading dishes, silently saying a tiny prayer of thanks that her face didn't betray her with any colorful displays.

At least half an hour passed before Abby had built a large enough stack to put a dent in the massive amount of batter she'd made. After emptying the dishwasher, Bella had joined Jared in the living room to watch Henry and Shane since Abby refused either of their offers to help. She still wasn't quite sure what they were doing, but when Shane pulled out a map of Phoenix to spread across the floor she wasn't slow to slide off the sofa to kneel beside him. Next he produced a pencil and a ruler, and Bella leaned forward when he circled Avondale, the area where her house was. "What are you doing?" Bella asked curiously.

"Working out a game-plan," he said, and then turned to her – she couldn't help but notice his eyes did a swift drop from her face before he continued. _Bad Tits._ Bella pointedly surveyed the map while he spoke. "Jake's sister's missing, but as far as I understand it someone broke into your house too, right?"

Bella gave Shane a quick glance to confirm, "Yeah; Steven Kirkland."

"Are you sure about that?" Henry peered at her over his laptop. "I'm not saying you're wrong, but it would be kind of idiotic to show his face around here if he's somehow involved in her disappearance. Much can be said about Steve, but I don't think he's stupid."

"It does kinda suggest he knows something about her going missing though," Jared pointed out. Something else, another emotion, moved behind his eyes though as they found Bella's. Her brows bunched up in puzzlement.

Shane sat back from the map, and Bella flinched in spite of herself when he asked, "What about the ex?"

"You'll have to ask Jake about that," she said quietly and looked down on her lap. She didn't want to say too much, even if it looked like they knew a lot more than she would have thought.

"It's all right, Bella..." Jacob's voice made her heart jump and hurt at the same time. She barely succeeded in staying where she was, but the defeated slant to his shoulders as he leaned against the frame in the archway gave her pause. His attention was momentarily drawn to the map, and to Henry behind his monitors, before he walked over to hunch down next to Bella. He draped an arm around her, holding her like she might somehow disappear. "Like I told Jared," he continued, lightly nuzzling her cheek although addressing all of them, "if Becca's ex knew where I was he'd make sure I knew about it, so, yeah. It can't be him."

Bella gave a start. Feeling a needle of panic in her chest, she tried to wriggle free so she could see his face, but Jacob's lips, ghosting across her temple tripped her train of thought and tied her tongue.

"It'll be okay," he whispered. "Trust me." Able to just nod in acknowledgment, she lifted one hand to squeeze his arm a little closer. Jacob settled on the floor, pulling her securely against his chest. Through her back she felt the even thuds of his heart, taking a little comfort in that. "All right," he said then, the words accompanied by a skip and switch in the steady pace of that rhythm, and took a deep breath, speaking to the others. "I already explained about my sister. You know she's got an ex, and that I've pretty much kept my mouth shut as far as my private business goes for a reason, but it's just not working anymore and, honestly, I'm so done with lying to everyone. I've been trying to keep my past in the past because... Well, it's so fucked up, and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble in case it came back to bite me in the ass."

"I'm sure we've all got things we'd like to keep to ourselves," Shane said with sympathy. "But I can appreciate it ain't easy to just let it go."

"No," Jacob agreed wearily. "And I'm still not sure I'm even doing the right thing here. My gut's telling me to leave – to disappear – and not drag any of you into it. It's not like I haven't tried..." Bella didn't even realize she'd grabbed his hand until he slipped it from her grasp, only to claim both of hers in a gentle grip. Absently, he rubbed her fingers. "But... then I'm thinking that the whole reason we're here is because I wasn't given a choice myself – or made the wrong one for lack of options, I really don't fucking know – so... I'm gonna let it go. I mean it though; it stays here. That Kirkland found out is not making any damn sense, and I don't know if I should hope that it's just personal or a total coincidence."

"He's convinced you beat him up," Jared said. "And we don't have any other leads on who snooped around your room, do we? Maybe he's flaunting himself because he knows that it would be dumb? Know what I'm sayin'?"

Bella finally spoke up. "Sounds like something Fish would do. He seems to know just what to do to get people where he wants them."

"Because he's a psychopath," Jared stated simply. His expression changed then, and he looked directly at Bella. "Where's Nina? She said she'd come over too."

"Oh sweet. Groupie-heaven." Shane cracked a broad smile.

"Only you," Abby said in a chastising manner, coming around the corner.

Bella distractedly took notice of a few splatters down Abby's black slacks (and how had she missed the suspenders?), but what she was really focused on was Nina. Jared's words played over again. At the weight of worry settling in her stomach, she extracted herself from Jacob's arms, letting them know, "I'll be right back," and went for her room.

There were no messages and no missed calls. This didn't help, and Bella acknowledged a slight roiling sensation in her stomach – ever since Nina made out with Fish she'd acted strange. Until now Bella hadn't really paid it much mind, except in passing reflection. Not wanting to indulge in further contemplation without more to go on, she instead got Nina on speed-dial and stood staring out her bedroom window while waiting. "Come on, Nina, pick up."

After ringing out and several requests for leaving a message later, Bella numbly put her phone down. This wasn't happening. This was totally _so not happening._ Was she overreacting? Maybe Nina was just unable to answer? There could be a number of reasons why she didn't pick up; she might be in the bathroom, or shower, or watching a movie... No. She would send a text back, like, _TTYS_, or, _OMG impatient much?_, or, _i'm busy and u don't wanna know why_.

Usually.

But that was before Fish.

"If I knew Kung Fu I'd totally Kung Fu your ass," Bella whispered. Actually, it would be worth taking classes just to get the pleasure of knocking that arrogant asshole down a notch or two. But that wasn't allowed and Bella wasn't like that and she had no proof but she _really really really_ wished she had... And the guts to go with it. "Lucky you I'm such a fail at physical exercise, Fishmeister."

"Who're you talking to?"

Bella started, spun and shrieked. All simultaneously. Possibly for the first time in her life – not even when she broke her arm did she make such a horrifyingly shrill noise. "Holy shitcrap in a bucket!" she blurted out as she stared, wide-eyed and flushed, at Jared's equally startled expression.

"Jesus and fuck and amen to that," he replied under his breath. "What the hell, girl?"

"Bella?" came Jacob's voice, and then it seemed Bella's room was crowded to bursting point.

Abby was last to enter. "The fuck?"

"I seriously thought someone got stabbed," Shane said, sounding just as much in shock as the rest of them looked.

Bella could only cover her mouth and offer a muffled "Sorry." Could she feel any dumber at that moment? No. Probably not.

"Yeah," Jared pitched in, "I'm sorry too. I'm the one who triggered the alarm."

"Not far from it," Abby said. "At least we know we won't have to worry about not knowing when this one's in trouble." A pause. "Pancakes anyone?"

As the band filed back out of the room, one by one, Jared hung back, together with Jacob who still looked pale. In a more than quiet enough voice Jared queried, "Did you get a hold of Nina?"

"No," Bella almost whispered, lifting one hand in front of her as she spoke. "Dude. I'm literally shaking." Another first.

"You need to eat," Jacob said gently, and slipped one hand around her waist.

"Chop-chop," Jared threw over his shoulder before his exit, but Jacob pulled her back around when she went to follow.

"Come here." The request only just audible, and softly, so very carefully, Jacob's lips moved over her hair. Warmth sneaked across her scalp when he lingered there, then pressed one kiss after another in a trail to her neck. Bella shivered and her knees melted into useless, gooey mush.

Bella couldn't help but wonder, "Is this your idea of food?" If she had intended that to be an invitation for a contradiction she sure didn't sound very convincing. _Oh please, who needs food?_ And what had this Bella done with the other Bella? She needed to make an appearance to make sure this new one didn't use up the last stash of nutrients in her system.

"Nah," Jacob finally replied, but not before placing a way-too-otherwise-persuasive kiss to the base of her throat. "I just couldn't help myself." When his eyes came level with hers, Bella was struck dumb. _Hi..._ "I'm not going anywhere," he told her then, voice uneven. "I'm—"

She literally threw herself at him, cutting him off, but she couldn't stop herself. And now she was going to cry because it was like she had held her breath until that very moment, ever since she found Abby in the kitchen and Jared came through the door to tell her to give Jacob time. The knowledge of immense fear about him leaving dawned and dissipated in one single moment.

"I'm sorry for leaving you hanging like that." The words were distorted by her arms wrapped uncharacteristically tight around his neck. Releasing a humorous, wheezing sound, he said, "God... Bella, baby?" and let out a husky laugh when she pulled back to eye him apologetically.

"Whoops. Sorry."

"Hey." Tilting her chin, smiling yet shaking his head as he bent down, Jacob said, "No sorries." His lips brushed hers – once, twice, a third time – before the softness of his hands caught her face and his mouth firmed to draw her in.

Oh yes. Food could definitely wait.

"_Come on!_" Abby shouted from the kitchen.

Or maybe not . . . .

**-xo-O-ox-**

Bella had to hold her stomach. She scooted down on the sofa until her chin all but touched her chest. "Oh my God, I can't..." Abby was observing her with a satisfied grin big enough to show off the dimples in her cheeks, and perhaps a little pride, while Bella groaned.

"That good, huh? Wait till you taste the tacos. You think you've got it good now?" Winking, and with a twinkle of promise in her eye, Abby turned to almost skip back to the kitchen.

"Wouldn't have guessed, would you?" Shane said as Bella stared after Abby, disbelieving. She just shook her head. How could Abby even think about dinner when they had just devoured all those pancakes? Shane laughed. "Food's her thing, apart from the bass and feng shui, of course."

_Like tits are your thing?_ she wanted to tease, but put her effort into saying, "If I never see food again it'll be too soon." Bella was surprised she managed to speak at all when her stomach must be squashing all other organs. Peering down at herself gave her affirmation enough that, well, at least she had restocked the supply-line for a good twelve hours.

"Good," Henry said, stepping over Bella's outstretched legs to plop himself down next to her. He flipped one of his laptops open and leaned back, placing it on Bella's tender stomach. "You can help me, then."

Bella grimaced, but accepted the task by poising her hands at the keys. "Okay. What do you want me to do?"

When Henry grabbed another computer, settling back with it on his lap, Shane warned, "You'll ruin your junk," but turned right back to the map on the floor.

"Don't start with me." Discreetly though, Henry pushed the computer to perch on his knees before answering Bella. "So, according to Jake, Rebecca probably relies on shelters to get by, which I think is as good a starting point as any. What I want you to do is to go through this list." With swift fingers dancing across the keyboard, Henry made windows flash open and closed on her screen, and then he angled it back to her. "There. That one," he clarified, and Bella's eyes widened.

"That's... How did you do that?" She was pretty sure he had just done something illegal because the page she was on belonged to a local government agency.

"Don't sweat it," he said, nodding toward a dark gray box on the coffee table. "Nobody will ever know. It's not exactly like I'm hacking FBI's web page, which technically I could, but—" At the horrified look Bella gave him he hurriedly reassured, "Hey, hey, hey. I said I _could._ I won't, though."

"_If_ they figure out where the breach came from..." Bella trailed off and stared. This was so frightening and creepy and cool, all at the same time.

"They won't," Henry said again. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing. I've been doing this for years and haven't gotten caught yet, not even close."

"Right." He better be right. She would be in such _deep shit_ if they got caught. _Such seriously deep shit._

Jacob reappeared then. "Looks like you got your headquarters after all," he teased, bumping Bella's shoulder while settling on the armrest closest to where she sat. Jared had been sent to Walgreens with a shopping list after they finished a very late lunch. Jacob volunteered to help Abby clean up the kitchen before Bella could even open her mouth.

A little grin tried to sneak onto her lips at the memory of that particularly geeky moment. "Yeah, looks like." Chancing a quick peek up at his face, finding only the smallest trace of the troubled lines between his brows remaining, she did worry the subtle smile was all just for show. It was hard not to. Considering the things they had talked about while eating, he seemed surprisingly at ease. But she was glad, and relieved – for his sake.

When Jacob had finally managed to get the words out, everything he had told her that night in the backyard, about his past, came pouring out... and a lot, lot more. Unlike that time though – and this was why she had mixed emotions about how he was really doing – he kept himself together, but almost in a detached manner. On second thought, this was a different situation, and less private. And maybe – just maybe – since Jacob had already shared the burden once, with her, it was easier to talk about it. The things he had already told her, anyway. Nothing he revealed would ever make her back away, though, and he knew that. At least she hoped he did. She was pretty sure; after all, she had readily offered her hand when he revealed everything about that last day with his parents, when Rebecca's ex showed up and pulled the gun on them. Shot their mom. Only to turn the gun on their dad when he tried to protect his family. And finally kidnapped both Rebecca and Jacob and took them stateside. He fed them all kinds of awful stories of what would happen if they tried to escape or go to the police – threatened to do terrible things to friends and relatives back on their reservation. Back in La Push. (Bella made a mental note of checking it out online because she really wanted to know what Jacob's home looked like, but she would ask first if he'd like to show her.)

From what Bella could gather, they had been locked up in a house outside of Portland – from Jacob's recollections, a dark, musty and creaky building – where the abuse of Rebecca had continued. "_I don't even want to think about how much worse it'd been if he hadn't drugged her first. I never saw it. Well, afterward I did. But I heard... If I ever get my hands on him, I swear to God—_"This was when Bella had kept her teeth locked tight; Jacob had squeezed her hand so hard her chest hurt more than her fingers. And if she could be sure of one thing, then it was that she hoped Jacob would never ever ever get his hands on him. She no longer labored under the delusions that there would be any way of stopping Jacob from returning the pain Rebecca's ex had caused them a thousandfold. It was palpably written behind the shadows in his face . . . .

Nathan. _Nathan Weaver_. That was his name. The one guy that outdid Fish in the douche department. Then again, douche was almost like a compliment in the face of what he had done. _Murderer_ and _monster _were the correct terms, and she wished so badly that _what goes around comes around_ would see to his punishment if the law never got to him. As Jacob explained, the chances of Nathan ever standing on trial were slim because "..._he's not your average garden-variety criminal_." No. He sure wasn't.

Apparently Nathan's dad – Vincent Weaver – was some kind of well-respected yet feared character throughout the entire West Coast. Not by the right side of the law, of _course_, but still no one could touch him. Bella tried really hard and failed to understand how that all worked, but all the same she knew that unfortunately, like with many things in society, the scum of the earth always got away with it. Always. Like it was a rule for the balance of life as they knew it not to be broken. A sacrifice, maybe. For all the good it did.

But without that glitch she wouldn't be able to go through files that she most definitely did not have the authority, or the right, to look at. As such, she decided to make some allowances, and would instead direct the simmering demand for justice at the keyboard and worked harder to go through the shelters and all the information she could find about their schedules and goings-on over the past couple of weeks. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack, especially when she wasn't even sure what she should be looking for, but at least she would try her best. If she could help find Rebecca then that was worth a little risk-taking.

Silently she prayed their playing with fire would never affect her family, because there was no turning back. Dangerous or not, with or without the risks, Bella was in it indefinitely.

**-xo-O-ox-**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>_

_OHAI. Long time no see, right? I MISSED SHARING THESE GUYS WITH YOU. But, summer is here now and I have free time and lots of crazy creativity to spare suddenly._

_As always, HUGE thanks to **MeraNaamJoker** for proofreading and making me gasp for breath while reading her comments. Without her, this just wouldn't be the same._

_Finally, **an important notice:** Sad but true, we are drawing near the end and next chapter will be the last. And then there will be an epilogue. But WAIT. Don't freak out just yet..._

_...BECAUSE THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. I know, that was mean. Forgive me? I'll make it up to you with the last chapter AND the Epilogue within the next couple of weeks. How's that?_

_Until next time!_


	19. Tangible

**_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._**

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><p><strong>-x Chapter Eighteen x-<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Tangible<strong>_

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><p><em>Vie mut kotiin uudelleen, laita mun pää ja sydän paikoille, koske mua niin et en voi enää unohtaa kuka on se joka minut omistaa.  Take me home again, put my head and heart back together, touch me in ways that will never let me forget to whom I belong. / "Vie Mut Kotiin," by Jesse Kaikuranta_

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><p><strong>-xo-O-ox-<strong>

Even though spending a lot of time in front of a computer wasn't foreign to Bella, having written poetry and stories since she gained enough skill to transfer them from her head into text, she couldn't take the glare of the monitor any longer. With a heavy sigh, she shut the lid and set the laptop on the coffee table. "I need a break," she said, standing as she spoke, and then asked, "Does anyone want a drink?"

"Got milk?" Henry asked.

"Got cookies?" Abby teased as Bella nodded her 'yes' to Henry.

"_Yes_," he said, like it was the most obvious thing.

"Anyone else?" Bella asked before she left the room, but since no one else had any orders for her, she returned quickly enough to set down a gallon of milk and a glass for Henry. "There you go. I'm going to do some laundry," she added before leaving again. Renée had asked her to empty the hamper in the bathroom and to strip the beds while they were gone, and until now it had completely slipped her mind.

Bella went to work straightaway, starting with her room, then Jesse's and Ashley's. When she got to her parents' bedroom, there was a knock at the door, and then Abby came in. "Want some help?"

She tried to suppress the sneaking suspicion that Abby had something up her sleeve, offering a grateful smile instead, and internally chastising herself. Everything that had happened lately, including Nina's mystifying silence and Jacob's tales about Nathan and Rebecca, was apparently messing with her brain. "Thanks," Bella said when Abby took ahold of the comforter so that she could pull off the cover.

"It's always easier when there's two doing it," Abby said. "I used to do this stuff with my mom until she met _Pierre_." The name was enunciated with a deep, rolling 'r' and a crinkle to her nose. "Now she's apparently too good for making beds, but if you have money coming out of your cunt, then why not, right?"

Bella choked back her initial response, settling for "Right." Considering how these things supposedly worked, she tried to come up with something else to say so as to not appear indifferent. "So your parents are divorced?" was the only thing she could come up with. God, she sucked at this. "Sorry. That's none of my business." Mentally, she rolled her eyes.

Laughing, Abby said, "Fuck me sideways, doll. I'm not gonna bite your head off. Relax. And yeah, they're divorced. Dad left her when I was seven, just after my little bro was born. Banged some chick he worked with, and then _she_ dumped him when he divorced Mom, like, he was the dumbest ass ever and she just wanted a little fun, you know?" They pulled the sheets off, and then Abby bundled them up, stuffing them into the laundry basket at the door.

On the way out of the bedroom, Bella finally thought to say, "Sounds like he got what he deserved."

"Still gettin' it," Abby said. "He got married to some woman from San Francisco four years ago, and then six months later she filed for a divorce. Now he's dating some new woman and I told him to get a grip when he asked me if I wanted to come meet her... in fucking Hawaii. I think he's just got some chronic intellectual handicap. What man asks his daughter to come meet some woman that'll be in his life for six months, tops? Now that's just fucking stupid." While she talked, they slipped into Jacob's room to strip his bed, too. Bella switched on a mental mantra of _don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it_ or she would be blushing from head to toe at the images that kept pressing toward the surface. "Not that Mom's a genius, but that's the human condition. The only thing I'm grateful for about her finding this French dude is that she stopped whining about Dad. Fucking insane. But then some don't talk about it at all, like Hannah... Fuck. Sorry."

Bella forced a reassuring smile and shrugged. "Don't worry about it," she said, hoping Abby would leave it at that.

She stood back, folding a blanket that had slipped to the floor, when Abby spoke. "Okay. I'm just gonna get this off my chest, 'cause I don't like keeping my beefs to myself..." The pause made Bella look up, and she nodded, guessing Abby was waiting for some kind of _Okay, go ahead._ "You're a cool chick. Seriously, I dig your style... and I fucking love Jake, like, he's a bonehead, but he's family, just like the other idiots out there—" She jerked her chin in the general direction of the living room. "—and so's Hannah, and even before they broke up, I could tell it wasn't gonna last. She really loved him though, and I'm not saying that's your problem, but Jake was never in it for that, you know? And now, after I've seen him with you, I'm pretty sure..." The rest of what she would have said died instantly as someone entered the room.

"Don't stop on my account," Jacob said. Bella didn't know quite where to look, or where to go, but she was holding the blanket a little closer, like a shield, while picking at the frayed edges. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jacob fold his arms. "And now when you've seen me with Bella you're pretty sure, what?"

"I'm thinking that you've got some things you ought to 'fess up," Abby finished.

"And I'm thinking that's my business," Jacob stated flatly. Somehow he seemed to deflate the moment he glanced at Bella, though, for whatever reason, and pulled one hand through his hair. "Seriously, Abby," he said, almost pleading. "You gotta stop this. You're always doing it."

"Doing what? I was just talking," Abby said obstinately, copying Jacob's stance; the gesture appeared somewhat more defensive and agitated than Jacob's. An emotion crept on Abby's features that Bella couldn't quite decipher. She did however get the distinct impression Jacob was referring to previous incidents, constantly recurring ones, maybe, that didn't concern her and suddenly felt like an intruder.

Deciding the air was too thick, she slipped past them to scoop up the basket with dirty washing, letting them know, "I'm taking this to the laundry room," before leaving. A few steps up the hallway she remembered the hamper and went for the bathroom instead.

Out of all things, the one that set itself on a loop to repeat in her head, over and over, was what she'd been told about Abby's father. Bella wasn't so ignorant and clueless that she didn't know that divorce was common – "_Marriages these days,_" Charlie's mom would say, "_It's all about looking for a pretty parcel, wrapped up in a perfect bow, ready to be unpacked and enjoyed. You need to work at it, and hard. You wouldn't expect to snap your fingers and have a delicious meal appear in front of your eyes without effort, would you?_" – but having grandparents and aunts and uncles that had been married for years, and _parents_ who seemed like there were no obstacles high enough to abandon ship in strife... Well. Suddenly Bella found herself contemplating what kind of relationships were the most common and pegging the kind of unions her parents and grandparents had as a dying species rather than an achievable goal. Even Nina's parents, though they still technically lived together, saw others. At least Nina's mom did . . . .

Why was she thinking about these things? She was sixteen and hardly grown up, nor had she ever really paid that part of her future much mind. _Because you've never been in love before, duh._ True. But that didn't mean she was about to _get_ married, or that that was the definition of a strong bond – and it still didn't explain the sudden knot of anxiety in her belly. Now, out of nowhere – except for that Abby had brought it up, so it wasn't really an epiphany – all she could think was, _Does he like me the way I like him? _Correction: she was _in love_ with him. Did he...? "Don't be silly," she instantly answered herself out loud. Why would he harbor any such feelings for her after such a short time when he'd been in a relationship with Hannah for forever and— "_Jake was never in it for that._" So what was he in it for? And for all that time... Bella slumped down to sit on the edge of the tub.

How much _did_ she mean to him? With everything that was happening in his life, how long would it take before it got to be too much and he _did_ run away for real this time? _He told you he wouldn't_, she reminded herself. And hadn't he told her he wanted to make her happy more than anything that day in Jared's bathroom? Sure. He had said that. But then, after Rebecca disappeared, he'd slipped her a note and planned to run away and not come back. A note. Just a small note, asking her not to come after him. Nothing else.

This wasn't nice. Wherever this slightly queasy and churning burn in her gut came from, she didn't like it. Not one bit. Sighing, she reached for her cell and then remembered that Nina was MIA, and she had already left enough messages, so she returned her hand to her lap. Instinctively, she started to grab for her cell phone a second time, swallowing against a thickening ache in her throat. All she wanted in that moment was to talk to her mom. Of course, that didn't work either, because she couldn't explain without telling Renée things she shouldn't, and as such she had to refrain yet again. She was being utterly ridiculous, but she just could _not_ push back the insecurities that swamped her. She tried, hard, but it _did not work._

A knock on the door; it was half open, so she hastened to swipe at her eyes, getting up while informing, "Just getting the laundry..." And then she fell silent. Jacob took one look at her before stepping inside and closing the door behind him. He said nothing, but his arms went around her, strong and warm. Thanks to her already rampant emotions and hormones, she started crying despite giving it her best effort not to do so. _Oh my God, hello?_

"Bella—" he started to say, but cut off and rubbed her back, slowly, yet holding her closer, tighter. Then he tried again. "Bella?" Her hair was being stroked back, and he found her face to tilt it toward his. "Shit," he swore. For a long moment he just looked at her, although he continuously caught any tear that dared to escape with light caresses. Whatever traces of dampness he missed he brushed with his lips, feathery-soft kisses, over and over, and whether he was buying time while trying to figure out what to say, or simply had no words, she didn't know. Not that it mattered. There was no use in attempting to speak, since she had no idea how to verbalize what she felt without making herself sound like an idiot. "Bella, I'm sorry—"

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "_I'm_ sorry," she interjected, sniffling wetly. "I'm just being silly. Seriously, I—"

"I love you," he blurted. And everything stopped. Eyes wide, having flown open instantly, she stared, unable to speak, or think, or even breathe. Jacob released his words shakily: "I'm crazy about you," sounding desperate and terrified at the same time, "and I've _been_ crazy about you ever since that first night after they brought Ash around, and I remember you sat up almost all night with Renée – you didn't have to, and even when you looked like you were gonna crash you kept yourself awake so your mom could stay with Ash no matter what happened." She was amazed he remembered. "And you keep doing all these things – the sweetest things, and weird things too. I mean, _God_, the amount of times I've wanted to be around you to watch when you try to get the kids coming through this place to smile... I didn't though, 'cause I felt like a freak, but it didn't stop me from thinking about you _way more_ than I should've." Placing his forehead against hers, he went on, "And the times you tried to talk to me, even if I gave you such a hard time, I knew exactly what you were trying to do, 'cause I'd seen you do it often enough with everyone else – if I wasn't already so completely gone, I'd've been so done for that night you sat with me on the hallway floor. But fuck, I loved you even more then, in spite of having done all I could to make myself not to." He sighed. "What I'm trying to say here is that you're amazing, and you mean so damn much to me and I'm an _ass_ for not showing it all that well."

Bella's heart was already near bursting-point, and racing so hard and so fast she feared she would go into cardiac arrest, but somehow it managed a clumsy stumble at the recollection of that night. It didn't do much to slow the pace down though. And forget talking; the emotions welling up with a vengeance now, in response to Jacob's confession, not only jumbled the functions in her body, but obstructed her throat with all that she felt yet, again, just couldn't find the wherewithal to voice verbally without blurting out the worst case of word vomit in all the history of the world.

"Bella, please. Forgive me."

She knew she was a total epic fail when the first thing that managed to escape her mouth was a confused "You love me?" The moment it was out she wanted to take it back, and if not for it being all wrong, then for the wounded look on Jacob's face. She couldn't decide whether she would have done better to slap him or to outright call him a fraud for his proclaimed feelings for her. Because that was practically what she had done, wasn't it? Most of all she wanted to cry, but she wouldn't do that. Enough was enough. So she settled for the next best thing, "I'm sorry, I..." But she felt so incredibly dumb and horrible she couldn't even look at him, and extracted herself to gain a little distance before she accidentally tripped him or something, to add insult to injury.

How in the hell on God's green earth did she manage to walk herself into these situations lately? _What did you do to me?_ she asked this new-her._ I don't like you. Please, go away._ The next action of turning away to drop her face into her hands was childish, she knew, and she threw a mental glance of mockery at the other-her. _Shoo. _She waved an imaginary white flag for good measure.

A curse or two slipped out somewhere in between what felt like a retracted touch to her shoulder and a frustrated sigh. Had she trusted herself to not burst into tears, she would've turned around to somehow explain, and to reassure him, but holding onto whatever composure left to her was her top priority at this point in time.

She felt him approach then, and he couldn't have been closer without touching her. More than likely he didn't want to, and why should he? Did she know anything at all? Apparently not. And if she couldn't tell his intentions when he was this close, then how could she know whether or not he would stay?

And that was really it, wasn't it? The whole reason behind her emotional instability: she just had no way of knowing how certain his being here was, and that made it difficult to accept anything he said in regards to her importance in his life.

The sob broke free without so much as a single warning, but she caught the rest. For Jacob that was enough, and he closed the tiny gap, arms coming around her waist and his words fanning the back of her head. "Talk to me, Bella. Tell me what's wrong. I know I'm doing everything all backwards here, but I need your help. I want to do it right—" His embrace tightened, his face came to rest in the curve of her neck, his breath burning her skin. "_Please._" An involuntary shiver slid down her spine, and tingles spread from where slow-moving lips worked their way up her neck. "Please, baby," he repeated as fingers, trembling yet with purposeful direction, found an exposed area of her belly. Then both his hands were beneath her top, eager to cover each inch of skin within reach.

Bella let her own hands fall to catch her balance with the sink as her support. That was when Jacob paused to meet her eyes in the mirror, and she swallowed with great difficulty, feeling suddenly more naked than she ever had when she actually was. It was exhilarating and frightening, both feelings equally potent, so much so that she couldn't look away, stunned into both silence and immobility. "You're so damn beautiful," he whispered, and then, while keeping eye contact, proceeded to place one single kiss to her cheek. And another, a little farther down, his eyes flitting between hers and the path he took back down to her neck.

Unable to break her gaze away from their reflection, Bella simultaneously saw and felt when his hands stroked higher, hiking her top up in the process, and even if she technically could have spoken, she didn't, since her breaths grew shallower. Any attempt would just have come out as a silent whisper of air anyway.

Dimly, she could tell someone had started playing music in the living room, which soon faded beneath the sound of her ragged inhalations when Jacob's hand closed over her breast. The image of the girl in the mirror with lips parted flickered, and Jacob spoke, nudging her cheek with his. "Don't close your eyes." Obediently, she opened them again, just in time to watch him dip below the waistband of her shorts. "Relax, baby," he said huskily, and helplessly she gave a jerky nod. She had to look elsewhere, though, so she focused on the contrast between the rich copper of his arm and her feebly tanned torso. But then Jacob's fingers found their intended destination, causing a ripple of inexpressible warmth to spread outward in waves beneath her skin.

Bella struggled with two very challenging tasks: to keep her lids from fluttering closed and to not spontaneously combust from the heat that moved slowly all over her body, leaving her complexion flushed and pink. Although the fact she was seeing every single reaction to Jacob's touch brand her in ways she wouldn't ever have thought to consider played its part, so did the way he looked at her, and all the ways _he_ reacted in turn. Try as she might, she was at the mercy of the mix between wanting to hide and the uncontrollable swell of satisfaction that came unbidden when Jacob seemed to struggle to keep himself in check. Secretly she decided she liked that he had to fight himself, and almost as fast pushed such notions back.

Jacob's mouth suddenly was below her ear. At the same time the hand having caressed her breasts swept down to circle her waist, securing her to him. She nearly came when he fleetingly met her blurred gaze, his dark eyes stripping her down, turning her knees to instant jelly.

Bella quickly fumbled for his hand, pressing hers flat to his. "Jake," she gasped, "wait," just before she bit down on her lip to suppress an embarrassing sound. That wasn't so bad though, not in comparison to how much her legs were shaking.

He looked like he was about to question her, but she withdrew her hand and tugged her shorts and panties down. It took all of one second for him to catch on, and another two during which she thought he would protest, but he merely withdrew to unzip his cargo-shorts. Since his shirt followed next, Bella resolved to do the same, and pulled off her tank top. Jacob ducked down quickly to get something from the back of the cabinets under the sink, and she said a silent thanks to Renée for always being one step ahead of the teenagers they'd had living in their house before. Bella had never thought she would ever be one of them, as in, one of the ones who would make use of the hidden stash of condoms there.

Wordlessly, she turned to study the renewed blush sneaking down between her breasts.

As Jacob's arms came around her once more, he buried his face in her hair, pausing there while his hands greedily explored her entire front. Then he reached down, with light touches, to guide her legs apart. The rise and fall of his chest against her back, the beat of his heart, seemed so close she didn't know where she ended and he began. Of course she knew one part did not belong to her – at least not in _that_ way – but she was acutely aware of it now, and the heat, and the... She gulped back some air when he nearly entered, and met his gaze. Jacob smoothed his palms down her arms, leaning her forward, to cover her hands where they gripped the sink. She flexed her fingers to let his slip through.

Voice low but steady, not averting his focus, he said, "Do you know how sexy you are?" One tiny shake of her head, and he pushed inside her, making some noise himself, and earned a moan she uselessly tried to stop doing the same. "You are," he assured her, his voice strained. "Just look at yourself," he managed to add, as if that was the only proof needed. Bella obeyed and gave herself a quick glance to catch sight of the look on her own face when he slowly withdrew, and then, as he started to move, a tremor shot straight to her toes and she felt her knees almost give way. "Oh," she breathed, "Jake," but couldn't form enough coherence for anything else. He let go of her hands and instead curled one arm around her, the other extending as he reached down between her thighs.

"Yeah?" he whispered, nuzzling her cheek, but not taking his eyes off of her. "I got you." And he did; he held her tightly, so much so that she was molded to each part of him. Another shudder, causing her breath to catch. Jacob kissed her before running his nose along the curve of her jaw. "So pretty," he told her, very quietly, and then moved his fingers _up, _and _round_, while matching their motion with even strokes. "Yeah," he encouraged gently at the jerk of her hips, the tightening in her belly. Tenderly nudging her earlobe, moisture and softness gliding along its edge, he mumbled, "So fucking amazing," when once again her body gave in to a wave of weakness and incredible warmth.

Experimentally, Bella pressed herself backward, and up, and was rewarded by Jacob clutching her that little bit closer. She did it again, and he groaned, turning his face into her neck. "_God,_ you feel good." She responded with an unintelligible mutter of her own, while meeting each of his moves and trying to not collapse as heat and pressure began to climb. Another tremor shook her. "Shit," he muttered. And another, causing the muscles in Jacob's arms to harden, his fingers losing some of their dexterity. Their eyes met in the mirror, and Jacob placed his face against hers. "Don't look away," he breathed.

Her cheeks burned, and her eyes wanted to roll back in her head, but his intensifying gaze locked her in place. A burst of heat surged under her skin then, and she gripped the sink tighter, tensing in anticipation. "_Ohh_..."

The expression she wore was reflected by Jacob's. Gently, he coaxed, "That's it, baby..." while visibly struggling to hold on. "Come for me, Bella." And then she did, shattering into a billion tiny sparks that washed over her, trying not to humiliate herself but not quite successful in holding back the drawn-out whimper when Jacob finally let go to grab her hips, and followed mere seconds after.

Still bent over the sink, though with her forearms resting against the cool porcelain, Bella welcomed the warmth of Jacob's body as he leaned back down. Neither spoke, but that might have had something to do with the fact that they were both catching their breaths.

Jacob placed his arms snugly next to hers, lazily stroking the back of her hand while drawing lines across her hair with the tip of his nose. Goosebumps erupted to shoot tingling sensations down her back when, as usual doing the last thing she expected, he started humming a tune, one she'd never heard before. She didn't dare move or say anything. The melody did mysterious things to her insides, and the last thing she wanted was for him to stop.

In that broken whisper-quality voice of his she already loved so much, words slipped out to compliment the melancholy tune. "_So if my heart beats yes, pushing my blood to confess... love in a game of chess_... _Mm-hmm... Do I accept this defeat? Or claim retreat... in a stroke of fate's jest..._" And as he continued she held her breath, hoping he would sing again, but then he trailed off and pressed his lips to her shoulder.

Unable to resist, Bella let out a discontented sound, and asked, "More? I really liked it. Who is it?" A strange frown came over his face, and if she didn't know better she'd have said he was embarrassed. "Jake?" She hiked up her shoulder when he kept staring at it like it held the answers he sought. A thought occurred to her, and she felt her brows rise. "Wait—" She cut off and let it hang there; on second thought, maybe he'd get more awkward if she put him on the spot. He'd told her once that he used to write, so maybe...?

"Yeah," he finally said, and met her feigned confusion with skepticism. He raised one brow. "Don't even try. If you can read me then I definitely can read you... fangirl."

Her grin shattered her act. "I totally rock," she said, barely containing her triumph at having guessed correctly. Then her face smoothed. "Wait, does that mean you're writing again?" At his casual shrug, she produced the girliest sound she'd ever made and then nearly ducked to hide herself. "That's seriously _great_."

Jacob clearly didn't want to acknowledge that, and pointed out, unnecessarily, "You do realize we're bent over a sink, right?" But then added, "While there's incurably perverted people up the hallway, who – I might add – wouldn't hesitate for a second to barge in here if they got bored enough."

Pursing her lips, Bella wriggled out from under him. "_You_ are bent over," she corrected, and then stroked her imaginary goatee. "I'd just be willing to bet Abby would have fun with this—" Obviously she put on a better show than she thought, because when she reached for the door handle, Jacob all but pounced on her.

"Oh no you... don't—" Jacob groaned, but a small smile threatened to wipe the seriousness clear off his face. "That was cruel," he leaned in to whisper.

"So are you," she whispered back, while trying to hide the fact that the way she was now kind of trapped between his naked body and the door caused her heart to switch gear and race off with her pulse again. _Honestly? You _just _had sex and now you want more? _She definitely needed to locate the other-her or they'd be stuck in the bathroom forever.

**-xo-O-ox-**

As promised, Abby made them tacos, but this time Bella insisted on helping and ignored Abby's attempts to shoo her out of the kitchen. Jacob took over the job Henry had assigned her while Jared and Shane turned the map of Phoenix into zones that they would comb through, two and two. The whole idea with the shelter search, if Bella had understood correctly, was to find any records that might give clues to Rebecca's whereabouts, and to weed out regulars. They would all show her picture around, and they hoped it would at least lead them to _something_. Henry, meanwhile, was reading up on Vincent Weaver.

Busting out a laugh, then coughing and patting his own chest, Henry shook his head. "Why is it these guys always look like Julio Iglesias, but with Santa Claus genetics? The white hair is killing me."

"They're scumbags, all born from the same mold," Bella offered, and poked a piece of taco shell into her mouth. "Show me," she prompted and wriggled her fingers for him to turn the laptop her way. It was a news article, showing two men in suits shaking hands in front of what looked like a restaurant. Bella rolled her eyes. "It's his, right? The restaurant? And then he sits in the back and eats with his family."

"Nope." Henry pointed to a paragraph, and then informed her, "He sits in the VIP lounge. And it's not his. Julio Claus is just there 'cause he donated a painting for the grand opening of his childhood friend's restaurant. Vincent Weaver is into art – modern and antique. Your version would be cooler, though. More _old school_."

"Scarface," Jared threw in there.

"Don't get him started," Shane begged.

Bella gave Henry a questioning look to which he just shrugged. "Some other time."

They all turned to Abby when she let out a long theatrical sigh of distress. "It's so unfair," she exclaimed, earning herself their quizzical silence. "Why don't _I_ get bathroom-sex?"

Instantly Bella dropped back and snatched a cushion to hide her face with, mumbling "Mercy." Next to her, Henry patted the top of her head, like, _There, there, now._

"Because there would be no bathroom left?" Jared said.

"You never asked," Shane said at the same time, the hopefulness in his voice sounding far too genuine.

"Shut up, Tits."

"There you go," Jacob clarified. "There's your reason right there. Give the poor guy a chance, Road, c'mon." And everyone except Abby laughed. Well, Bella didn't, but that was more due to being occupied by the choice between suffocation or total mortification. A pair of warm lips brushed her temple. "I _know_ you can give just as good back. Don't let her have it," he whispered encouragingly.

There was just no way she would join this conversation. No _way._

"What's that?" Abby demanded. "Don't you corrupt her, Jake. I've already threatened to send Bieber fanboy mail from the Schmooze if he keeps filling her head with dirty business."

Henry almost howled with laughter. "And you're better influence? Is that what you're saying?"

"She did too," Jared muttered, but Bella could tell he was just playing along. She wouldn't though; she wasn't quite comfortable enough yet. _No_, she ordered the new-Bella, _down, girl._

The sound of rustling and plates moving. "Too many cocks in this hen house," Abby said under her breath and then there were muffled chuckles all round.

"Aw, come on, babe. I'm a sweet guy once you get to know me better," Shane called out.

"I already do know you!" The retort sounded far enough away for Bella to lower her shield, and she took a deep breath, daring a glance at the others.

A car pulled into the drive way, then, making Jacob lean over the backrest to part the blinds. He immediately turned to Bella. "Our MIA is here," he said, and even though she was on her feet in seconds she caught his smile before she rushed out of the living room.

Bella came to an abrupt stop at the top of the veranda steps. Nina looked like hell, and like she hadn't slept in a decade, but when she spotted Bella she managed a thin-lipped smile.

"I'm _so so so_ fucking sorry," Nina got out before she reached Bella and then threw her arms around her. Taken aback by the uncharacteristic lack of emotional restraint, she drew a blank while carefully hugging her friend. But she was _so relieved._

"It's okay," Bella said. "I'm just glad you're here – I was so _worried._" And when Nina stood back Bella noticed she was wearing the same clothes she'd worn the night before. "What—" she began to say, but choked when Nina started crying.

"Shit shit _shit_," she hissed between sobs, and then grabbed Bella again to nearly strangle her with the force of her embrace. "I couldn't help myself," Nina said while outright bawling. "I followed him and fuck, I suck at being incognito, as you know, and oh my fucking god, when I got caught..."

"What's going on?" came Jacob's voice. The wood creaked and he walked down to them. "Nina? What happened?"

"Nina," Bella coaxed, gently stroking her hair, and echoed Jacob's question, "What happened?"

"Jesus, is she all right?" Jared was next to them in a flash.

While they exchanged looks of concern, Nina struggled to rein herself in, and finally released Bella from her grip. Roughly wiping at her cheeks with the heel of her palm, swearing, "Shit, I'm a mess," as if to herself, she fixed her eyes on Bella. "I need a shower, fucking stat, or I'm gonna hurl." With that she walked past them, leaving absolute confusion in her absence.

"Give her some time," Bella temporized, even though she was just as impatient to find out what was going on. "I've never seen her like this, so I think we need to give her some space." As if she would be doing well at following her own advice. She wanted nothing more than to rush after Nina and shake her until she explained how she dared to scare the living hell out of her friends like that. Redirecting the worry was the better option though, and she did so by aiming her thoughts of pain-infliction at their rightful target. "If Fish did something..." Bella threw a conspiratorial glance toward Nina's V-dub. "Someone better hide those keys," she warned, and walked back up the stairs.

"She's back," she heard Jacob say, oddly sounding proud.

"Back? Man, I'm missing out on all the fun—" Someone definitely got smacked. "Ouch! _Jeezus_. What'd I do?"

"It's what your cesspool of a brain did."

"Takes one to know one – ow, ow, ow – okay, okay, I yield!"

**-xo-O-ox-**

Thirty minutes later Nina was on the sofa next to Bella and Shane, practically stuffing her face. "Mm-hmm, these are fucking awesome," she enthused.

"Everyone loves my tacos," Abby boasted happily.

Nina made a choking noise and started coughing. "I'm gonna assume that's in the literal sense," she said after recovering.

"Oh my God, enough with the double-meanings," Bella blurted. "Why do y'all have to be so _freaking dirty_?"

"You wouldn't have us any other way, babe." Nina patted Bella's knee before reaching for her glass.

"I think we're out of luck in that respect," Abby told Nina, accompanied by a meaningful look and a wink. Bella just groaned when they both glanced at her and sighed in union. "Uh-huh."

"Such a shame."

"Nothing is sacred," Bella stated, directing it at no one in particular. It was true. Nothing was safe from serving as a euphemism for something truly gutter-drenched. "Say just about anything and you'd find a way to make it sound perverted."

"Okay," Nina said, wiping her hands and mouth on a paper towel. "I'm ready."

"Sweet!" Shane jumped up. "Where do you wanna do it?" This time _everyone _protested with groans. "What? I was just proving a point."

"Sit down and put a sock in it," Abby ordered.

"I'd prefer—mphr!"

Bella kept her hand over his mouth. "Yes, Shane. You'd prefer tits. We _know._" She felt him grin and then she squeaked, snatching her hand back. "_Gross_!" Wiping her hand on her sweatpants, she shot him a dirty look and jabbed a finger at him. She meant to say something smart and intimidating but came up with nothing but, "Ugh."

"So," Nina tried again. "Fish's up to something... fishy."

"That we knew," Henry concurred.

Nodding, Nina went on, "And I went to see him last night—" When Bella's eyes widened, Nina shot back, "What? He asked me over earlier yesterday, and he's a night owl anyway... Christ, _what_?"

"Just ignore him," Jacob said, and raised one brow at Jared, who looked like he was as eager to jump in a car and go kick Fish's door in as Bella was. "Go on," Jacob said, shaking his head.

Nina squinted her eyes at Jared before continuing. "So, yeah, I went there, and when I showed up, the first thing he wanted to know was about Rachel—"

Someone coughed. Jacob corrected, "Rebecca," and then offered a wry smile. "Bella can explain it to you later."

Her expression turned mystified, but she gave another nod. "He asked me about your sister," she said to Jacob, "and it pissed me off, because – and excuse me for the tee-em-I, okay? – I wanted to... Well, I sure as fuck didn't want to talk – _period_ – and I told him that. He's usually all over me when I go to see him, but last night he wasn't and when I didn't wanna entertain his sick fascination with a runaway girl, he snapped. And I mean, like, whoa – what the fuck crawled up _your_ ass and didn't die, right?"

"Oh fuck yes, I hate that." Abby rolled her eyes. "I mean, what's wrong with just being quiet and getting fucked in the bathroom or something?"

"Exactly," Nina agreed. "So I... What now?"

No one said anything. Jacob tried to keep a straight face though, while Bella sat stiffly, hands clasped in her lap.

"Go on," Henry said this time, since all other souls in the room were otherwise occupied with more important things, such as not laughing.

"Okay, but I'm gonna be requiring updates once I'm done. Write that shit down," she told Henry, who gave her a salute. "Good. Okay, so the fuckbag kicks me out, just about. Never mind that I get extra grouchy when I don't get what I want, especially when I've gone out of my way for it, you know? But that shit hurt, like, his name should be Fish Seagull – or wait, it's Seagal, but whatever. So I go back to my car and I mean to drive home, but like I said, it hurt, and this totally doesn't leave these walls, but I lost it so fucking bad. I liked him, okay? Stop looking at me like that, Jared."

"Yes, boss."

"And next thing I know he's backing his Dodge out of the garage, which makes me pull my shit together enough to drive. I decided I would follow him – not my brightest moment, I know – and it's not until I'm seeing road signs I'm about to leave Phoenix that I decide I should be turning around, which I did. But then I got home, and before I could get the door open I'm yanked back and it's Fish, and he drags me to his car where... where he gives me biggest fucking scare of my _life_ and—" Nina's bravado had faded, and she looked only at Bella now. "—he told me to not so much as _look_ his way if I care about you, or Ren and the kids, like, _fuck..._" Bella guessed all manner of fears were written across her face, since Nina grasped her hands, vowing, "I won't look his way, babe, I swear. I should've listened, and I'm so sorry."

"Stop," Bella managed hoarsely. "It's not your fault. It's okay. It'll be okay..." Her words failed as she saw Jacob get up, but just when she thought her gut couldn't burn worse, he stopped. A shadow passed over his face, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. He started pacing, back and forth, and was clearly not aware of that they were all following his every move, down to the subtle twitch in his jaw. Bella swallowed. "Jake?"

He paused, but wouldn't look at her. In fact he tilted his head slightly the other way – his entire posture seemed rigid, almost like something wild and dangerous, ready to spring.

Jared spoke calmly. "Jake, man. Don't do anything stupid now."

Next to Bella, Nina whispered, "Fish scared the shit out of me, yes, but if it'd really come down to it, I don't think he'd dare follow through, I mean, his dad—"

"_Yes!_" Jacob exploded, making them all jump. "Yes, he fucking _would_, and every other piece of shit like him. That?" Jacob indicated the space between Nina and Bella. "That right fucking there is what ruined my life, my _sister's_ life – my _parent's_... Don't you even fucking dare sit there and try to downplay it. You were wrong. _I_ was wrong. My sister was _wrong. _So just fucking _don't_." He dragged in a ragged breath, turned and stalked from the room. A shout of warning floated to them from the kitchen. "_Stay_. I'm just going out the back."

Not one face was left untouched by shock. Jared's jaw had literally dropped, and Abby looked unmistakably shaken, downright frightened in fact. Bella, on the other hand, just stared, blank-faced. On the inside, however, her heart was going to pound right out of her chest.

Nina was the first one to come out of her stupor. "Oh hell no," she bit out, and got up.

"Nina," Bella whispered, but couldn't make her limbs obey. The rest of them remained as they were, waiting for any sign either of the two in the backyard needed to be saved from the other. Or themselves.

**-xo-O-ox-**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_Convo with Mera:_

_**Me:** You won't believe this – or maybe you will because you know me – but, um, I kinda have to go back on my word, AGAIN. This will be the NEXT last chapter. _

_**Mera:** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I KNEW IT._

_Le sigh. And now you are all wondering how many chapters are _actually_ left before the end. Answer: The next _should_ be the last. (Did I just jinx myself now? Oh well.) Either way I won't leave you hanging for too long because, believe me, I am dying to start working the sequel. I have all these crazies in my head and they _need_ a home. Right nao._

_As always, big thanks to **MeraNaamJoker** for all she does for me and this story. Love you forever.  
><em>

_And thank you all so much for the sweet, lovely words. All the love. _

_Until next time!_


	20. Together

_Disclaimer__: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow bits and pieces._

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><p><strong>-x Chapter Nineteen x-<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Together<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>To change the world, start with one step. However small, the first step is hardest of all.  Once you get your gate, you'll be walking tall. You said you never did, 'cause you might die trying. / "You Might Die Trying," by Dave Matthews Band_

* * *

><p><strong>-xo-O-ox-<strong>

It was like one of those scenes in movies, where everything that happened around a person trapped inside a dream became a surreal blur of slow-motion and muted voices, and then, when it all came rushing back in, the only thing dominating the senses was the buzzing of blood pumping furiously through veins. Bella had always wondered and been fascinated about where the idea came from. Apparently, she observed – from somewhere in the midst of her own strange vacuum – it was a pretty accurate interpretation of how an overwhelming situation could manifest itself.

When she came to, however, and managed to gain control over her limbs again, she didn't get up with the intention of rushing after Jacob and Nina. Before anyone could ask where she was going, she grabbed Nina's cell phone off the coffee table, said, "Just a minute," and slipped down to her bedroom. She turned the lock. Her blood was still rushing – she could feel the _thump-thump_ of her heart so clearly it might as well have been a foreign object pounding on her ribcage.

In the privacy of her room, Bella scrolled through the numbers until she found what she was after, and got her own phone out to copy it. She waited, with her heart in her throat, and then gave herself to the count of five to change her mind.

_One. Two. Three—_ "Now or never," she interrupted herself, her thumb hovering over the button, and then stopped. She was not going to do this; it was the stupidest idea of her life, and never mind that she would be contradicting herself in a million and one ways, but she was _not_ going to do this. She was most definitely putting the cell back and walking out of her room right this instant. _Yes._ _No. Yes!_

She exited before she could talk herself out of it.

Walking past the living room, Bella noticed they had all cleared out. Surprised, then considering other possibilities, she hurried to the kitchen, and soon felt relief for all the wrong reasons: she was glad they were out in the backyard now, meaning it would be so much easier to take care of a phone call without getting interrupted... _No!_

The phone was at her ear and she was already making her way back down the hallway.

"_Kirkland,_" Fish answered. Bella was so stunned at herself – what did she think she was doing? – and at the business-like tone of his voice, she momentarily forgot what she was supposed to say. "_Hello?_" he said. At first the silence just stretched on, but then he cursed. She heard him excuse himself to someone. Footsteps. A door opened and closed. "I really don't have time for this, and I told you already – walk away."

It was like he had at some point hypnotized her, and now uttered the magic word that finally released his influence over her. "Who the _hell_ do you think you are?" she practically yelled at him. "What did you do to her? And don't even try to talk yourself out of it!"

"Calm the fuck down," Fish ordered in an undertone.

"Screw you," Bella hissed. "You're going to explain yourself right now or I'm calling the station; I swear to God, I will. They're required by law to at least check up on it, so don't think you're _that_ amazing, you arrogant son of a bitch. I know my rights!"

"I'm glad to hear that," he replied, but the hint of amusement in his voice made her see red. "Then you'll also know that I have my rights, too, and that there are procedures that, once set into motion, have to run their course."

Despite fuming, Bella forced herself to reel in her temper and reply calmly. "Yes. That goes for both sides. And the way I see it, the only one who has threatened the well-being of people here – or entered someone's home _without their consent_ – is you, and now you have Nina's word against you, too. _And – _I'm not finished," she said louder when he started to interrupt. "And I'm pretty sure that if my parents had the choice, they would put safety first, and not their personal wishes. If we have to give up Ash and Jesse, so be it, but at least they'll be safe. So go ahead, Steven. Give it your best shot." Holy God, she was going to throw up right there on the floor, and she was shaking so badly she had to grip the desk. Carefully she guided herself down onto the edge of the seat. He had to be bluffing. _Come on._

When Fish finally spoke, Bella almost did lose the contents of her stomach, but pressed one hand to her mouth, hard. "You have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Like I've tried to tell you, I'm looking out for those kids' best, and that is to stay where they are, but if you and your friend keep digging you'll soon be wishing you'd listened to me in the first place."

"Just stop," Bella ordered. One wave after another of hot and cold rolled through her. "You don't get to do that, okay? You don't get to treat people the way you do and then tell them you're a good guy and expect them to believe you are, just because you say so. It doesn't work like that." A deep breath. _Oh please, oh please, don't let me puke._ "Just tell me what you did with her!"

"Believe what you want," he responded dismissively, but then went on. "What are you talking about anyway? I haven't done anything. Unless you want to count the times I grabbed you in school, which was out of line. And if you're referring to Nina, I only told her what would happen if she didn't leave it alone, which you should keep in mind, too. If she's spun some story that I've hit her, or whatever it is you're insinuating, well, fuck you. I don't hit girls unless they want me to."

_You pushed me,_ she wanted to say. Groaning, not because of Fish's tactless comment, but because she truly was going to vomit, she managed a weak whisper, "I meant Jacob's sister," before she dropped the phone. She made it to the trashcan just in time.

Well. That didn't turn out quite the way she had intended . . . .

Bella slumped back, and reached for the corner of the towel hanging over her chair to wipe her mouth with it. The shaking had reduced itself to a slight feverish tremble, still it was a real effort to lift her arms enough to pull herself back up. She soon gave up, and glanced at the phone. The screen had blacked out. Not that she had expected him to stay on the line while she was retching, but she didn't even get a reply about Rebecca, which had been the main reason she called him in the first place. Sighing, she forced herself off the floor and grabbed the trashcan. "Oh God," she moaned, and pinched her nose.

She spent the next fifteen minutes rinsing and cleaning the bin, and brushed her teeth several times over before she was satisfied with her uncoordinated efforts. The dread was still there, but the nausea was gone, even if her limbs felt like they had led weights attached to them.

Once back in her room, she went straight for the window. Bella leaned her forehead on the sill, taking a few deep gulps of fresh air.

"_I could take a day off or two, if—"_ she heard Nina say.

"_The more the merrier."_

"_We'll do whatever we can, Jake. One way or another, we'll find her – or at least where she might be, if she's even left Phoenix. But you gotta let us help, and by that I mean that you gotta help us back. I'm sorry, man, but if you go running off, you're the one we'll come after."_

"_Can a girl speak till she finishes? Fuck... Okay. Jacob? I get the feeling you've got, seriously, I do – you're all alone because no one else has been where you've been, meaning you think you know better, you watch out for any sign of foul play until you start finding warnings in fucking everything – and that shit's really fucking hard to let go, but if you're set on doing the right thing then you gotta stop what you're doing, 'cause I mean it, I'm not gonna watch her give you all she's got and then you just take off. If that's what's in your head then fuck it, go, leave, but do it now instead of letting her think you're different than any of those asshats you're trying to protect her from."_

"_I said I was staying, Nina."_

"_Yeah, you said that, but you're gonna have to do better than that to convince a cynic."_

"_She kind of has a point."_

For some reason their conversation stopped. The purr of an engine drifted from somewhere close by, and then a door opened and slammed shut. Bella slowly lifted her head from its resting place, wondering who it was this time. For a split second she was ready to freak out, thinking it was her parents, but it didn't sound like their car, and that was when she heard a second one come to a screeching halt. Straining her ears, and hearing nothing else, she wondered if its driver either didn't get out of the car or did so silently. Bella pushed away from the window and made her way out of her room, hurrying through the house. She threw the door back and stepped outside.

Behind Nina's V-dub sat a gunmetal gray Avenger... _That's a Dodge_. "_Fish..._" But then she spotted the second car, far less flashy – was that an old Mazda? Taking a closer look, she noticed, with creeping horror, that the license plate wasn't Arizona State. For a moment she thought she would pass out, but a muffled scream caused her to fly down the stairs so fast she nearly fell flat on her face.

She rounded the corner of the veranda just as she heard a raspy "Who the fuck are you?" and stopped dead in her tracks to see a stranger with his arm to Fish's throat, effectively pinning him to the garden fence. He wasn't really taller than Fish, but undeniably broader of shoulder – _much, much _broader– which made him appear bigger than he was. As she let her eyes linger, she couldn't help but notice the man's hair had the same sleek, black shine to it as Jacob's – although his was longer and pulled back in a ponytail.

Her gaze drifted to find Jacob where he stood, staring, next to the others. They looked like mannequins pasted into a picture where they didn't belong, frozen in various stances, uncomprehending.

Whoever the man was, he remained silent. What the hell was going on? Bella didn't ponder that for too long, however; her attention was drawn to Fish's face, and the confusion there battling with potent fury for the upper hand. His struggles to get free seemed to have no effect on his captor, whose dark eyes stayed firmly on their target.

The man spoke then, his voice calm but with a timbre of deep authority. "I thought I made myself very clear."

Fish's confusion smoothed into clarity, followed by an accusatory glance at Jacob. "You know this prick—"

Cutting him off by shoving his arm harder against Fish's throat, the man warned, "You've got no business looking at him." Fish made some choking sound, and the pressure on him eased off. "I'm going to let you go now, all right?" he continued, seeming to gauge Fish's reaction. "And then you're going to go home. But if I catch you coming around here again, you can be sure it'll be the last thing you ever do." Fish gave a stiff nod and was instantly released. "Go," the man repeated, extending one arm to point down the driveway.

As Fish passed Bella, he looked directly at her, steely eyes boring into hers. "It's not too late to walk away," he said, his voice a little hoarse from his no doubt roughed-up windpipe. Distractedly he rubbed at his throat, and then left, not sparing any of them a second glance.

No one said a thing, not one word, until the Avenger was out of sight.

"Not usually the way I introduce myself," the stranger said then, and that seemed to break the bubble they had all been locked into.

Jared, easy-going as ever, shook his head in awe, a slow but sure grin spreading across his face. "That? Was one hell of an introduction, and one I'm sure we're all grateful for. Jared," he introduced himself, and stuck out his hand.

With a subtle smile that was more of an upward slant of one corner of the mouth rather than a downward one, the man replied, "Sam," and shook Jared's hand. As soon as he glanced at Jacob however, the frown returned. "I'm sorry for turning up like this. I'm sure you're wondering what I'm doing here... That is, if you remember me." Looking like he was staring at a ghost, Jacob managed a nod. "Well, I won't be staying long, so no need to worry, but first I'd like to talk to you – since I'm here now, I might as well."

"Why _are _you here?"

Sam gestured toward the house, looking at Bella now. "Would it be all right if I talked to... Jacob inside? It won't take long." The way he said Jacob's name, like it was a foreign word to him, made something click into place. She would be willing to bet Sam was a blast from Jacob's past – _and_ the one who'd busted Fish's face up all those weeks ago.

"Of course," she whispered, and then flushed, quickly averting her stare. "I mean, sure, that's fine."

"Thank you."

With her eyes free to look elsewhere, she noticed she wasn't the only one whose gaze had been plastered to Sam. Both Abby and Nina stood watching after him, like twin owls, when he walked up the steps, Jacob following close behind.

"Who was that?" Nina asked the moment Sam and Jacob were out of sight.

"I think he's from La Push," Bella replied.

"And that is... where?"

"In Washington. That's where he's from. Jacob, I mean." The clarification didn't do much except for to stir up more questions, that much Bella could see. "Sorry. Let's go back inside, and I'll tell you what's been happening while you were gone."

"Oh yeah." Abby shrugged herself out of her reverie and followed them onto the veranda. "The things you've missed."

Peering up at the rafters, Bella prayed for anything else but more humiliation, and waited for everyone to go back inside before she entered, last. She locked the door, just to be on the safe side.

**-xo-O-ox-**

They settled in the living room – Jacob must have gone to his bedroom to talk to Sam since he wasn't anywhere to be seen. Bella started by angling her full attention at Nina, saying, "Before I get into what's happened _here_, I want to know... did Fish hurt you? Like, physically, I mean."

"No," Nina replied without pause, but wanted to know, "Why?"

Bella tried to shrug it off. "Well, you were so upset... I've never seen you like that."

"Babe," Nina said, staring at her. "I don't give a fuck about me, but he threatened you, and the kids. Sorry," she added at Bella's frown. "Thank you, for worrying about me. But seriously, I can take care of myself. And sorry for freaking you out." Nina leaned close to give Bella a hug, squeezing her a little before sitting back with a secretive grin. "Anyway. It looks like we've got someone watching him now, right?" She winked.

"My bodyguard's got a bodyguard," Bella mused, and then bit her lip. She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"Your bodyguard sure comes with a lot of perks," Abby said, tone heavy with implications.

"Okay," Nina said, glancing around. "Spill. Honestly, you kill me with all the hinting. Some serious shit's been going down and I want a debriefing, right the fuck now." She turned abruptly at the snicker coming from Jared. "Not that kind; at least not now." Nina's face turned smug when he shifted a little, offering up no reply but a blank stare.

"Ohh. Schmooze's about to get lucky."

"I know, right? He wishes." Nina turned back to Bella, who had both hands on her face, shaking it from side to side. "You know, I thought losing your virginity would loosen you up a little... Oh fuck, not like that! Shit, I totally just went there." Nina burst out laughing at the resultant snorting and choking sounds everyone made while trying not to laugh themselves. "Oh crap. Babe, I'm sorry. That was totally uncool."

Bella raised one brow at Nina, and folded her arms. "You know, your apology would work better in your favor without the whole dying from laughter thing."

"Hey, you said it yourself earlier," Shane said, and at Bella's sharp stare hurried to remind her, "I mean, you know what you said about nothing being sacred?"

"Okay, okay," Nina said, taking a deep breath. "Seriously now, what's happened? And we'll leave all the dirty details for later – just _me_ and _Bella_," she emphasized. "By the sound of things, these guys have had their fun for the day."

A sudden, loud crash gave them all a start. Staring in the direction of the hallway, no one moved. Until something else obviously broke, and it sounded suspiciously like the splitting of wood. And then a massive bang, like something hit the wall. Jared, who was closest to the archway, shot up to run down the hallway. Just as fast he stumbled back with a "Fuck," knocking into Shane and Abby in the process, who'd been right behind him. "Jake!" Jared called after the figure who'd bolted past them.

"Stop him," they heard Sam call from Jacob's room, sounding like he was out of breath.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Abby said through gritted teeth, but she wasn't fast enough to go after him because Bella was already shoving past all of them.

Not again. He was _not _doing this _again._

Bella heard herself yelling before she even caught sight of him sprinting down the street. It didn't matter if he was probably ten times faster than she was; she ran anyway. And shouted after him until his name tore at the inside of her throat. If he ran like someone possessed, then she could only guess her flight looked just as frantic, not that it concerned her in the least. The only thing she cared about was that she could still see Jacob, and as long as she could do that, she would keep running.

Suddenly he slowed down, and came to a complete stop. He turned, looking at her, and then turned the other way. He was looking everywhere, as if searching for something. She was closing in fast, but still she watched him go down in slow-motion when, after hurling an indecipherable string of shouts at something not visible to her, he just collapsed.

"_Jacob_!"

Bella reached him. She felt fabric and skin tear when her knees hit the ground, and then she had her arms around him, sucking down air while trying to talk past the burning pain in her chest, which failed, continuously.

"I wasn't—" Jacob gasped. "I wasn't going to - I promise, I was just—" Another gasp. "I can't... I'm sorry, I can't—" He yanked her into his arms and she held on as hard as she could when all he seemed capable of after that was rasping breaths and gut-wrenching sobs. It hurt; absolutely everything everywhere _hurt_.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but the sound of a car stopping next to them made her look up. Through the blur, Bella saw someone approach, and whoever it was bent down to put a hand on her shoulder. "Bella? Let's get him home." She shook her head, and instead clutched Jacob tighter. "Come on, sweetheart," said the voice gently. "You're bound to get run over if you sit here."

Jacob's arms loosened, and hands were on her face, trembling caresses. "It's okay," he said. It looked like he would say more, but he shook his head and angled his face away. "Give... Just one minute. Please, Jared, just take her. One minute; that's all I'm asking. I'm not gonna take off."

When Jared picked her clear off the ground she didn't even protest. Her insides were too raw for speech anyway. She did glance at Jacob though, who got to his feet, face down, only to drop his hands to brace himself on his knees, like he was about to lose his balance and topple over. While she in her head, and heart, wavered at the sight, her limbs were a lost cause and just didn't pay her any mind.

"Jesus," Jared breathed after setting her down on the passenger seat. He attempted a little lighthearted teasing: "Don't you know concrete is bad for you? Better get those knees checked out." She responded with a thoroughly wet snort, and then grimaced at the sound. "Yeah, keep your snot off the plush. Those seats are antiques, you know? And it'll cost me at least a couple of bucks for a can of foam-cleaner, and that's, what, a few minutes-worth of riskin' my ass under Tony's slave-drivin'. You know what I'm sayin'?" She accepted his humble offering of a McDonald's napkin he pulled out of the glove compartment, and gave him half a smile in return. "'Atta girl."

After getting into the driver's seat, Jared turned the car around and drove back to Bella's house. She was surprised at how far she'd made it. But then she'd been running like the devil himself was on her heels, so that explained a thing or two.

It wasn't until they were back at the house, and she was about to get out of the car, that she truly noticed the damage she'd done to her knees. Not only were her sweatpants absolutely shredded and ruined at the knees, but there was blood and dirt and she was just a total_ mess._

"Oh, babe." Nina held her arm out for Bella, which she gratefully took. "You're just..." Words didn't cut it, and Nina took a hold of Bella's waist, leading her up the driveway. "We've got two cripples now. Well. Sam's just got a busted lip—"

"What?" Bella croaked.

"Jake punched him, apparently." Jared laughed at the horrified look she gave him. "He's not pissed – he won't allow anyone else to get pissy about it, either."

"And he keeps apologizing for causing trouble," Nina went on. "As if we wouldn't've had worse things to deal with if he hadn't shown up."

Back inside, Bella finally insisted they stopped passing her around. "I'm _fine_," she told them in a hoarse voice. "I just banged my knees up a little. Thank you, though." She went for the medicine cabinet before anyone could beat her to it and got out some disinfectant and gauze. "I'm going to clean this up," she said before walking down the hallway. She didn't like dismissing them, but she needed a moment alone.

Finally in the bathroom, she got to peeling off her sweatpants straightaway. They were already sticking to the wounds, making her wince and grit her teeth. Kicking the pants to the side, she bent down to inspect the damage. "Oh, nasty," she whispered. But not as bad as a split lip. That brought her mind to halt, and then the questions came pouring in. What had happened? Why, for the love of God, would Jacob punch someone – an old friend, even... Maybe? Or a relative? Why _now_? She had witnessed him being given plenty of opportunities and reasons to retaliate, which he, in the end, had turned down.

As much as Bella tried to come up with explanations, she just couldn't. It didn't make any sense.

After she'd washed her knees off with the shower head, Bella wrapped a towel around her hips, took the disinfectant and hastily crossed the hallway to her room.

She sank down on the edge of her bed, only to drop back to stare up at the ceiling.

If even one minute passed before she closed her eyes, she couldn't tell. Maybe it was five minutes. Or thirty? However long she was out, when she finally woke up it was to something soft and warm brushing the edge of one kneecap. In fact her entire leg felt warm. Blinking against the grainy scratch in her eye, she peered down. Not only had she been repositioned, but Jacob sat propped up against the wall, with both her legs across his lap. Well, correction: he cradled one leg, carefully bent at the knee, while moving his lips carefully along the edges of the sore areas. Every now and then he paused to lightly blow air across her broken skin.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," he replied, mouth against the side of her knee still, and kissed her there. He turned to look at her. From the dim light she concluded she'd slept for quite some time. That made her frown.

"What time is it?"

"At least past midnight," he said, placing another kiss to her leg before lowering it, very gently. "I didn't let anyone in here wake you," he went on, and scooted up to stretch out between her and the wall. He rested on one elbow, looking down at her. He ran the back of his hand along the side of her face. "How're you feeling?"

Thinking about that for a bit, she finally said, "I'm okay. What about you? How are _you_ feeling?"

Jacob started to say something, but stopped to swallow, and that was when she noticed the shimmer of tears in his eyes. Like a reflex beyond her control, she felt her own eyes sting. _Oh God, here I go again._ Blinking against the buildup, she placed her palm on his cheek. He turned into it, and then covered her hand to hold it to his lips. While nuzzling her there, he spoke quietly, "Found out Sam's been coming to Phoenix pretty much ever since I moved here. Becca knew about it and, apparently, he's the one that went after Kirkland."

Bella did a mental fist-pump. A gentle one so as to not break her brain from too hasty movements. "I was thinking of that earlier. It makes sense now. About Fish, I mean." She paused, deliberating whether or not to ask, but then decided she really wanted to know. She lowered her voice. "Jake? What _happened_? You know, before...?"

The battle he fought with himself played out clearly on his face, and she was just about to tell him to forget about it – to just go ahead and tell her whenever he was ready – when he decided to tell her, "My dad's alive." A shuddering breath escaped him. "He's not all okay, but he's alive – has been all this time – and I had no _idea_. But Becca knew. They both kept it from me because... because..." His trembling body sent shocks of grief straight into hers, and then his breathing grew unsteady. "They're watching him – Vincent's people. If I'd known I would've gone back, and then they would have come after me, which is what they threatened him with. I just... I can't... All this time and I thought he was _gone_, and now he's _not... _And no one fucking _told me—_" Jacob's voice broke entirely. Slowly, his arms went around her, and he buried his face in her neck. "I keep saying sorry to you when I just wish I'd keep my word instead. I swear to you though, for what it's worth, I wasn't trying to run away. Okay? It just felt like something inside was... _breaking_... and I didn't know what to feel or do, and then I punched Sam, and I just knew I had to get out of the house." Wet lips moved over her neck. "I love you, Bella," he whispered, punctuating each word with another kiss. "I love you so fucking much." Hands moved possessively beneath her shirt, clutching her to him. "Please, don't give up on me, baby."

"I won't," she choked out. Shifting awkwardly, she managed to hook one leg over his, wrapping one arm around his neck when he burrowed even closer. "Didn't I tell you I'd come after you and kick your ass if you tried to run away?"

Jacob laughed. "Yeah, you did. Looks like I'm pretty done for, huh?" She thought he'd crush her with the force of his embrace, but as it turned out, she was a lot more resilient than she thought. Even for a midget.

**-xo-O-ox-**

The next morning a familiar voice dragged Bella out of her sleep. As soon as she opened her eyes, however, she noticed that it wasn't really morning, at all, but more like noon, and then she recognized the voice.

"_Bells! Bells!_"

Jacob shifted, pulling himself up slowly. Bella didn't even think when she grabbed the comforter and shoved it over Jacob's head, pushing him back down with a "Shh!" just as the door flew open.

"There's strangers in the living room!" Jesse told her excitedly, through rapid breathing, like he'd just run a mile. "_All over the floor_." Cupping one hand to his mouth, and enunciating each word carefully, he whispered, "I think they are _dead_." When Bella didn't reply, because she was trying to figure out how to get out of this one alive, Jesse jumped up on the bottom edge of the mattress, eyes wide and face bright with fascination. "Do you have superpowers?"

"She better," came another voice that instinctively made Bella's entire body shrink back. Cringing, and wishing she would have thought to hide herself as well, she stared at the doorway like a deer caught in headlights. The moment Charlie appeared she already knew her trick with the comforter wouldn't fool him as effectively as it had Jesse.

There were not enough oceans in the world to put out the fire that swept over her body. From both mortification and from the force of her dad's eyes as they, after a one-second scan of the lump next to her, came back to settle on hers.

"Hi," she mouthed.

"Come on, buddy," Charlie said evenly, keeping his eye on Bella but gesturing for Jesse to come out of the room. "She can tell you all about the alien invasion when everyone's up and dressed." With a nod toward the spot next to her, he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

"I'm dead," Jacob and Bella said simultaneously, and then he threw the comforter back to look at her. "_You_? You're the daughter. Guys always get it worse, trust me. And especially for defiling said daughter."

"Oh my God, did you just say _defile_?" Bella smacked her hands over her face. "I'm ruined." Abruptly she dropped her hands and stared at him. "Where's Sam?"

Jacob exhaled and patted his chest. "Fuck, you scared me. Sam left last night."

"What do we say? Oh shit oh crap oh shit, what—" Jacob's mouth cut her off, and she struggled against it for all of two seconds before every thought and impression but the softness of his lips pressing into hers evaporated.

Pulling back to tuck a straying lock of hair behind her ear, he quietly said, "Relax, fangirl. It'll be okay."

"Says you who hasn't been _defiled_."

"Would you rather you weren't?" he asked. The feigned hurt, mixed with a different kind of emotion moving in the back of his almost puppy-like eyes, pushed a thrill all the way down into her toes.

"Don't do that," she retorted, but the tone in her voice didn't deliver the words with the right kind of conviction. It didn't help, either, when he kept looking at her that way, or when she felt his hand sneak up the inside of her leg. _Oh, please. Yes._ "Nuh-uh." She shook her head. "It's going to be difficult enough as it is to look at my dad for the rest of my life without... _that_." Bella smothered the sound that would have been sure to follow when Jacob traced the edge of her panties. _Oh hi, this is the other-me, please hold._

He was not playing fair, but two could play that game... she hoped.

It took a significant effort to slide away from him, but once she was on her feet, and not turning to mush under his hands, she managed to gather enough courage to grab the edge of her top and pull it over her head. "What're you waiting for?" she asked when he didn't move. Well, his eyes did, all over her body, and then she reached back to unclasp her bra. She quirked a brow at him. "We need to get dressed."

"Then why're you..." He trailed off when she dropped her bra and went for the dresser, shimmying out of her panties as she did so.

"I need a shower," Bella replied casually, but if he'd had x-ray vision he would have seen her heart pounding its way up her throat. "I'll see you out there?" When she met Jacob's gaze again she tried not to give away how badly she was failing at this – she was just not good at the whole temptress-thing, not even for five seconds of hard effort.

Jacob frowned, and sat up on the edge of the bed. "You expect me to go to my room like this?" For a moment, confusion made her return the frown, but then she dropped her eyes.

_Oh whoops. That's an erection. Wow. Excellent observation... _"Oops?"

"Oops?" he echoed, and then busted out laughing. Shaking his head, he jerked his thumb at the door. "Go on, before I let my inner douche out to play again – holy fuck, no. No no no, that didn't come out right." Jacob dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his face, groaning and chortling at the same, "Fuck, that was so bad."

"Oh God, I... Not even _I'm_ that bad." Bella tried not to keel over from lack of oxygen. "It's all their fault," she managed to say, pointing in the direction of the living room.

"Hey, I've spent a few years with them. What's your excuse?"

Stifling back her laughter, she felt a sudden grin creep onto her lips. She snatched up her towel and moved for the door. "In the words of Master Jared: Takes one to know one, I guess."

What was the point in denying it? She was a perv, wasn't she?

**-xo-O-ox-**

All plates and glasses had been cleared away, and so had the blankets and pillows. Henry's laptops were packed in their bags, as well as his other gizmos and gadgets. Charlie stood with folded arms, watching all their faces closely. He then glanced at the map of Phoenix now spread out over the coffee table. "All right," he said, "Who's going to tell me what's going on here?"

"I will," Jacob said. In the silence that followed, Bella held her breath, and she thought she saw Jacob's friends grow even more still as they all waited. "I've been keeping in touch with my sister ever since I came here. I'm really sorry I haven't said anything, but it's what she wanted, and with good reason. She didn't want her ex to know where I am, so if she kept a low profile in my life she figured I wouldn't get caught in the middle. Like I said, we've kept in touch, pretty much regularly, until recently... and now I can't find her." Gesturing at the map, Jacob went on, "That's us trying to figure out where she might've gone."

Charlie looked from face to face with thorough scrutiny, and then narrowed his eyes as he focused on Jacob. "So you've been sneaking out, been running away, been lying to me and Renée for _three years_ just because your sister didn't want you to get caught in the crossfire? Is that it?" Jacob's eyes flitted to Bella before going back to Charlie – that brief look, however seemingly insignificant, didn't escape Bella's dad's observation. Hot lead poured into her stomach, and her instincts told her he wasn't going to let Jacob get off that easily.

"No," Jacob said then, the effect of the tone in his voice like an ice floe that froze her blood and hardened the heavy weight in her gut. "No, that's not it." A pause, and you could hear a pin drop. "I..." He swallowed. "_I _didn't want anyone _here_ to be caught in the crossfire."

This was it. They were done for. Bella knew Jacob had said too much. Before her dad even moved closer to place one hand on his shoulder, which had slumped together with the rest of him. Long before Charlie stooped a little to say, "Jacob. Son? Does this ex-boyfriend have anything to do with why your folks are dead?" The silence was deafening. And when Jacob didn't answer, Charlie hunched down, glancing at the other teenagers on his couch. "I want a minute with him – wait," he said when they all promptly rose to leave. "I'm not done yet, so I'd appreciate it if you stick around a little while longer. All right?" At their collective nod, he looked at Bella. "Go talk to your mom."

Obediently, Bella replied, "Yes, Dad," and followed the train out of the living room.

Renée was on the deck in the backyard. A magazine draped across her lap, but her attention was on Jesse and Ash. They were taking turns holding the hose to fill the pool, and keeping an eye on the wielder, in case he or she decided to aim the nozzle elsewhere. Without looking away, Renée asked, "So did Dad play nice? Or do I have to do damage control?"

Bella caved and rushed over to throw her arms around her mom's neck. Renée caught her with a surprised huff, but wrapped arms securely around her, smoothing her hair. "I'm sorry," Bella choked out.

"Oh, baby," Renée soothed. "Shh, it's all right." She stroked her back, alternated to brush the strands of hair sticking to her cheeks out of the way. "Shh," she hushed again. "It's all right, Bella, don't cry, honey." The only response Bella could muster was a blubber of incomprehensible nonsense.

"Why is she crying? Did she lose her superpowers?"

Bella gave a start, and pulled back to quickly wipe at her cheeks. Feeling worse for not being able to control herself in front of Jesse and Ashley, she forced a little theatrics, replying, "Uh-huh. Sure did."

"Aw, _man_." Jesse's shoulders slumped.

"But I can still do this..." At the indication that something was about to happen, Jesse's eyes grew large, and then Bella attacked his sides, earning a high-pitched squeal before he stumbled off. "She's a monster again!" he yelled, running for Ashley. "It's gonna eat us! Run!"

Ashley just raised a brow. "Wuss." At that, Jesse stopped. He glanced over his shoulder, making Bella take a few deliberate steps toward the stairs. He shrieked and dove behind Ashley, who discreetly was eyeing Bella. She bent down to whisper something to Jesse, and then nodded toward Bella, giving him a light nudge. Uncertainty crossed his face, making Bella wonder what Ashley had told him.

Jesse walked back up to stand in front of Bella. He threw a hesitant glance back at Ashley, who nodded, and then he put his arms around Bella's waist. She had to bite her lip to not start sobbing, but Jesse pulled back to look up at her curiously, and asked, "Did it work?"

"Did what work?" she whispered, finding it impossible to not smile at his hopeful gaze, even if she had no idea what was going on. But then the biggest smile broke out on his face.

"It worked!" he exclaimed, and hugged Bella again, who snorted a laugh in spite of herself. "Ash said there's a secret weapon against monsters and it worked!" He let go and ran inside. "Charlie, Charlie, I have superpowers!"

Extending her hands while shrugging, Bella laughed and then looked back at Ashley. "What'd you say? Kill 'em with kindness, or what?"

"Yeah. You know? Like it says on the sticker on your bike." Ashley's cheeks turned pink and she averted her eyes abruptly to focus on the pool and the hose instead.

Bella didn't know how to respond, but it brought her mind back around. For the first time she truly understood that her role as "big sister" played a big part in Ashley's and Jesse's lives, and that the impressions she left weren't merely in passing, but they made an impact. A big enough impact to make Ashley want to pass them on. The words weren't Bella's, but she endorsed them fully, and where she had got them, in turn, was from Renée.

Taking a seat next to her mom, Bella clasped her hands in her lap, looking at them as she spoke. "Mom? What would you do, if you had a secret that weren't yours to tell, but it was told in confidence, yet could possibly impact more lives than those of the ones who are keeping it?"

Bella sat stock-still when Renée let out a sigh that sounded like it had been a long time coming, and one of immense relief. "Well, baby," she finally said, and waited for Bella to look at her. Once she had eye contact, she reached out to wipe a remnant tear off Bella's cheek. "That's the thing with secrets. They are secrets _because_ they impact on others. The question – I think – is, why do we keep them?"

"To protect someone... or something."

Renée nodded. "Yes, that is one reason, but... why do you think we share them, then? Or why do you think they find a way to be told anyway?"

Bella thought on that, and then swallowed. "Because it's too heavy to carry – too big to contain itself."

"That's what I think, too. Which means that there is a possibility they are often, like Charlie likes to remind us all, a means to avoid something inevitable and therefore do more harm than good."

"There are no secrets within these walls," Bella whispered, more to herself than to her mom.

A brief pause. The only thing carrying over the intermittent sounds of the world outside their walls at that particular moment was the soft rush of water from where Ashley stood overseeing the pool, and the rustle of the magazine Renée folded up and placed on the table. Everything else seemed so far away.

Finally, Renée patted Bella's hand lightly. "Ideally, that's what we'd like, but we both know that's not true."

Bella could only nod. Oh no. She was going to ask now, wasn't she? Of course, Bella had expected that, but... She took a deep breath. "Mom?" she said, barely audible.

"Yes, baby?"

"What if you keep the secret because you know exactly what will happen if others knew and that would mean... not good things?"

Renée took longer to answer this time. Meanwhile, Bella watched Ashley, and found herself wondering why someone like Fish would care about people he didn't know, when he, as far as evidence went, couldn't even be decent to those in his presence. A strange notion tried to wheedle its way into her brain, and it reminded her of how she once had been so sure Jacob didn't like her at all, not even as a foster sister. And then there was Nina, who she just knew cared, even if she sometimes was a little crude and rough around the edges. Not to mention Charlie, who was the solid rock who had his very own way of showing his devotion. Conclusively, Bella had to acknowledge that caring didn't come with distinct traits in itself, but rather it was a quality to possess, and just as people were different, so must the ways they showed they cared be.

"Bella?" came her mom's voice.

Bella faced Renée. "Sorry, I zoned out."

"I was just saying that it's really difficult to tell what's right and wrong sometimes." Giving her daughter a gentle smile, Renée continued. "If it were me... I would say it all comes down to trust, and knowing someone. Having said that, it's really something only you can answer, baby." She placed one hand over Bella's, giving their restless wringing a gentle squeeze. "Maybe it's always worth considering what you know and what you _think_ you know. Does that help?"

"I don't know," Bella answered honestly. A grin slowly worked itself onto her lips. "Well, I guess that does help."

Renée stood up to place a kiss on top of Bella's head. "Good. And I'm always here. You know that too, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

The sliding door came open, and Bella turned to see Nina poking her head out. "Oh, hey, Ren," she said before addressing Bella. "I'm gonna take off, okay? Actually, your dad asked us," Nina clarified at Bella's surprise. "The others left already. Anyway, I'll call you later." To Renée she offered a smile before disappearing.

Bella and Renée exchanged a suspicious look. "Sounds like Dad's on the warpath."

"Think we better go make sure no teens have sustained any major trauma," Renée said in grave tones, though with a twinkle in her eye. But when they stepped into the kitchen, all humor drained from her face.

"We need to talk," Charlie said, indicating both Bella and Renée with a nod, and walked past them with Jesse in tow before either of them could reply. "Hey, Ash? Come here, kiddo," they heard him call out before the sliding door closed.

Bella's first reaction was to go to Jacob, but she stopped herself, the incident with Ash and Jesse still fresh in her mind; she couldn't give in to her every whim when they were around.

Renée looked at her face and said, "Go on, honey. I think Dad's negotiating with Ash to look after Jesse for a while."

Bella returned her mom's smile with a grateful, "Thanks, Mom," and left the kitchen.

She had barely taken a step into the living room when she saw Jacob sitting on the recliner. The relief she felt that at least her dad hadn't reduced him to tears got chased away in an instant when he continued staring into the middle distance, face void of expression.

"Jake?" she said, approaching hesitantly to lower herself to a crouch next to him. He sat with elbows resting on his knees, leaning slightly forward. Reaching out to place one hand on the arm closest to her, she bent closer, coaxing, "Hey..." His only response was to take her hand, bringing it up to his lips to hold it there.

Neither of them said anything else, but they stayed until Charlie came into the room some time later. Looking past her dad, Bella quickly withdrew from Jacob when she saw Ashley ushering Jesse in front of her as they, too, entered the living room. Jacob got up – Renée stood in the archway, gesturing down the hallway – and left the room.

"So, whatcha wanna watch?" Bella heard Ashley ask Jesse before she turned the corner.

Charlie didn't waste any time to think over what he wanted to say once the door to his and Renée's bedroom closed. Bella knew though that once her dad had made up his mind about something, everything else that was needed to enforce that decision followed closely behind.

"All right," he began in that tone which meant sitting down and shutting up was the only option available. "First things first: no more lying. It all ends right here, right now, and from here on out I want complete honesty. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Dad," Bella replied immediately, at the same time as Jacob said, "Yes, sir."

"Good. Thank you. Now..." Charlie looked to Renée. They must have had a talk before they came down here because the way their eyes communicated prompted both Bella and Jacob to sit down on the bottom of the bed.

"Right," Renée said. "So Charlie filled me in, and I have several concerns, but what's more important, I think, at this point, is that we establish right now that you both know we will do absolutely everything in our power to make sure this family is safe—"

"And that includes you, Jacob," Charlie filled in for emphasis. "Like I told you, already."

"All right, all right, Charlie," Renée dismissed.

"What? I told him."

Renée rolled her eyes. "Yes, sweetheart. But can we get back to letting our teens know we're on their side, because we are."

"Of course we are," Charlie said, letting out an indignant grumble.

Disregarding his huff and getting down next to Jacob and Bella, Renée lifted Jacob's hands from where they rested limply on his lap, and looked up at his face until he met her eye. Unlike usual, he didn't even try to evade the gesture of comfort. Renée held on while saying, "Honey, I can only imagine how difficult this is for you, and I can appreciate it's hard for you to trust anyone but yourself when you've had to carry this around alone for so long, but if you let us, I can promise you that, whatever it takes, we'll protect our family. I get that it's a scary thing to trust, or to allow yourself to believe, but you're not alone anymore, sweetie. We're here for you."

Charlie made a sound of agreement. "Which brings me to my next point," he said gruffly. Renée turned an arched brow his way. "What? Can't a man speak in his own house?"

"Absolutely. Go ahead, honey."

"Right. My next point is about your sister. I don't want you kids snooping around the city—"

"I have to find her," Jacob started to protest.

"—alone. I don't want you doing it _alone_."

"What?" Jacob and Bella eyed Charlie, each other, and then Renée.

"I'm calling Grandma; we need a babysitter," Charlie said in a brusque tone and left the room.

With a mischievous smile, Renée patted their knees and stood up. "Whatever it takes," she said and winked.

**-xo-O-ox-**

Later that evening, after Ashley and Jesse were in bed, and after a full hour of listening to Charlie lay down the law of their comings and goings from now on, Bella joined Jacob outside in the backyard.

Bella sank down on the grass next to him. The setting sun illuminated the rooftops around them like a burning halo. Looking up, and squinting, she watched all manner of bugs dancing in the smoggy haze while Jacob's careful plucking of the strings on his guitar provided them with their tune. She imagined it was a music video, if maybe a strange one.

"What's up, fangirl?"

She turned away from the bright glare before she went entirely blind. "That should totally be the name of a song," she replied, and poked his side, peering at him through the spots now twitching in her line of sight.

"Yeah?" Subsequently he slid his fingers down a few frets and produced a lazy yet up-beat melody, almost like country, but not quite. "Or is it a sad song?" he asked then, switching the tune to a melancholy one that made Bella raise a brow. "How about this?" And he changed the melody once more, but this time she stilled, listening closer.

"Wait... hey, hey, _hey_!" she finally exclaimed, then covered her mouth, whispering through her fingers, "Sorry. But I know this one."

Jacob gave her a wry smile, stilled his hand at the strings, and then strummed it again, and sang, "_Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away, and you feel yourself suffocating?_"

And then, to both of their surprise, Bella took over, "_Does the pain weigh out the pride? And you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside...? You're in ruins._"

While smiling so much and in such a way she hadn't seen before, Jacob teased, "I didn't know you sang other things than Bieber."

She gave his shoulder a shove. "Pfft. I've been in a choir, thank you very much."

"Well, show me what you've got then," he challenged, and hit the strings again, singing, "_One... twenty-one guns. Lay down your arms, give up the fight. One... twenty-one guns. Throw up your arms into the sky... You and I._" He continued playing and encouraged, "Come on, fangirl, you got this one."

Bella blushed bright red under the combined warmth from the sun's rays and Jacob's eyes never leaving her face. She did as he asked, though. "_When you're at the end of the road. And you've lost all sense of control. And your thoughts have taken their toll, when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul... Your faith walks on broken glass, and the hangover doesn't pass. Nothing's ever built to last..._" Jacob leaned in then, and she finished, "_...You're in ruins,_" in a whisper. Even though he kept playing, she couldn't sing anything else, because that was just the way it seemed to go whenever his eyes stripped her down until there was nothing left but all that she felt for him but couldn't say because words were pretty and fickle and sometimes ugly, but they were also still just words.

Bella took a deep breath and let go before the moment passed and sense and fear and all other stupid things took a hold of her again. "I know it's the probably the dumbest thing ever and maybe it makes no sense but if I tell you how I feel and then you disappear then it's yours and when you're gone then that'll be gone too and I want to keep it because I wouldn't be able to stand being left with the thought of having lost all of you..." By the time she was finished and sucked in a deep breath, Jacob had stopped playing, and put the guitar to the side.

"Bella..." He traced the contours down one side of her face, and then the other, eventually having her trapped between his palms. "You don't owe me anything, and I don't need you to tell me something you've already showed me a hundred times over, and keep showing me." He kissed one cheek, and went to kiss the other. "I never thought I'd deserve even a tenth of what you give me, or do for me, let alone did I ever hope you'd be sitting here telling me you don't want to lose me. That's more than enough." A soft brush of his lips between her brows, down the bridge of her nose. "And that's all I need. We've got time to figure out the rest together... right?"

Nodding, Bella managed to reply, "Yes," before he made it to her mouth. But that was just as well because she had been _thisclose_ to throwing herself at him anyway. _Another time_. Sure, because it looked like they would have plenty of that.

And she seriously had the coolest parents, ever.

**-xo-O-ox-**

* * *

><p><em><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>__

****_Oh my goodness! Did I just finish a WIP? I think I did. :-D Anyway. I won't ramble here - I'll leave it for the epilogue. ;-) _

_As always, though, lots of love to __**MeraNaamJoker**__ for proofing like a boss. YOU rock!_

_To everyone else: thank you so much for all the love, the shared thoughts, the absolutely amazing words of praise and Iwanttohide-induced adorableness. Love you all._

_Until next time! (Ohmigosh!)_


	21. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

><p><em>Because you're not done, you're far too young, and the best is yet to come.  "Lullaby," by Nickelback_

* * *

><p><strong>-xo-O-ox-<strong>

"What about Glendale Corps? Did we check that already?" Charlie glanced at Bella.

She flipped through the pages of listings. So many were crossed off, and so little were left. This task of theirs had turned out to be a lot more difficult than she'd anticipated – and she had given her expectations tight margins for failure_._ So it was no big surprise that they still had nothing. Disappointing and disheartening, however – yes. "Dad," she said, when she got to the last page without finding the place he was talking about. "It's not on the list..." And Rebecca had been close to Westgate 20, that night when Bella and Nina went to the movies. That was only a few blocks away.

Charlie took Bella's pause as an OK-go, and switched lanes. "Checking it out won't hurt then," he said. He also got his phone out to call Renée. This would be the last stop for the day. "We're heading over to Salvation Army in Glendale... Yeah, that's the last one. We'll see you guys at home."

"Huh." Bella double-checked, just to be sure, but still came up with nothing. "Go figure," she said, and turned to her dad. "It's always right under your nose, isn't it?"

"Don't get your hopes up," Charlie said, but his face contradicted the advice he gave her; he appeared to be just as eager to see what they could find.

After several weeks of taking every spare moment to comb through shelters, soup kitchens, homeless "hot-spots" and halfway houses, they needed a breakthrough. Any small one would do.

_Please, please,_ Bella begged silently when her dad pulled into the parking lot.

"Uh, Bells?"

"What?"

"It's closed today," he said and pointed. She looked, and sure enough... Bella dropped her head onto the dashboard. She thumped it a few times, earning a cautious, "You all right there, honey?" from Charlie.

Mumbling into her hands as she rubbed her face, she shook her head. She straightened and leaned back, folding papers away with a heavy sigh. "This sucks. Like, it seriously sucks – _balls_."

Charlie coughed. "I think I get the picture..."

"Sorry," she muttered, and turned to look out the window. Across the street she saw a man on a bench, looking to be around her dad's age, lazily petting a fat, yellow cat. Next to him sat a worn leather bag. Absently, she said, "Maybe it's like Mom said – she just doesn't want to be found." And why would Rebecca hang around shelters? That would almost guarantee her getting caught sooner or later, wouldn't it? If all of Jacob's friends, Bella and her parents, thought to search for Rebecca in these places, then Nathan or any other scumbags would, too. And more than likely they would have several other tricks up their sleeves to hunt Rebecca down that Bella couldn't even imagine.

Charlie puffed out a defeated sound. "Well, kiddo. Let's go home, all right?"

Bella was still staring out the window, and shrugged. "Yeah." The man met her eye then. She looked down at her lap quickly, and Charlie started the car. _It's rude to stare,_ she admonished herself.

The car jerked to a halt. "Great. What now?" Glancing from her Dad's mildly uncomfortable expression to where his attention was, Bella noticed the man from across the street rounding the front of their car. Charlie rolled down the window. "Might want to watch where you're walking there," he said to the man.

The cat glared at them from beneath a large hand, gnarled and zapped by too many rough years. Its owner, however, regarded them with wary curiosity. "I apologize," he said. "Wouldn't happen to have some spare coin, would ya? You see, Bartholomew here hasn't had a treat in so long, and he gets grouchy when he don't get it."

One of Charlie's brows rose slowly, and he gave the cat a skeptical scrutiny. "Bartholomew, huh?" Bella refocused on the now-empty bench across the street, folding her lips between her teeth so as to not give away her amusement. She had been rude enough already.

"That'd be the one and only," she heard the man say.

There was a slight pause, and Bella nearly looked back. "Do you and—" Charlie was having trouble keeping his own humor out of his voice. "—Bartholomew come by here often?"

"Every Sunday, at sunup; like clockwork, we do. Though them darned joints aren't what they used to be so I was a little late this mornin', and then I've gotta carry ole Bartholomew here, too, who can't even walk himself anymore without cryin' in pain—" A hiss made Bella turn to see Bartholomew's ears plastered to his head as a strange, growl-like mewling sounded from somewhere beneath his layers of fur. "Oh shush you, you pain in my ass. How'd you be expectin' these nice folks to give you anything when that's how you treat a stranger?" He directed an apologetic, mostly toothless, smile at them. "He's had a bad day, s'all."

"Uh-huh. I bet." Charlie shook his head then, while getting his wallet out. Folding a few dollar bills between his fingers, holding them out for the man with a "That'll perk him up a little." He dug into the front pocket of his shirt with his other hand. "Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

Genuine surprise flashed across the man's face, but he took the bills with a grateful nod and said, "All right."

Turning the piece of paper he'd just unfolded – a copy of Rebecca's photograph – Charlie asked, "Do you recognize this girl?"

He squinted his eyes, and started to shake his head, but then abruptly snatched up the picture to bring it closer to his face. "Well now, hold on." Bella and her dad straightened immediately at the tone in the man's voice, indicating some form of recognition. She held her breath, waiting. "Yes..." he drawled. "A while ago – a couple of months, maybe?" Once more he said "Yes..." and let it hang while he appeared to mull it over, regarding the picture with a furrowed brow and stroking across Bartholomew's neck as he did so. Suddenly his eyes widened with clarity. "_Now_ I remember. A man was waving a picture of this girl around, and the reason I knew I'd seen him is 'cause his face was in the paper – remember that little boy that went missing back in January? And that cop found him, remember that?"

Bella didn't read the paper that often, but she did remember the missing boy. Not only because his face had been pretty much everywhere, but also because Edwin's dad had been the talk of the school once he made the find. Charlie, on the other hand, said, "Yeah, I remember – Detective Locke. He's with the Avondale Police Department. What about him? Are you sayin' he's been looking around for this girl, too?"

Bella could only stare, her mouth half open with the intent of protesting.

The man made a noise of dismissal, waving his hand. "No, no. But there was another man in the picture next to him, his partner, I think. Some name... I think it was Mick or Doug or some-such."

"Nick Kirkland," Charlie said without inflection, though he did spare a strange look in Bella's direction.

"That's the one," the man said, and flashed them another smile, putting his gums on full display. When he received no smile in return, he zeroed in on Charlie's expression which mirrored what Bella felt in regards to the image beginning to take shape inside her mind. "Uh-oh. We know that look, don't we Bartholomew."

The cat answered with another guttural meow.

"Hey," Charlie called after the hobbling figure that had taken his leave, but kept on walking regardless.

He only half-turned to hold up the dollar bills, shouting, "Thank you!"

Charlie shot Bella a look of warning. "I didn't just fall for that. All right?"

"Sure thing, Dad," she replied. She zipped her lips and fought a smile.

**-xo-O-ox-**

After all this time, what Jacob wanted most was to find out whether Rebecca was dead or alive. Not knowing made him sick to the stomach – he couldn't stand it.

Bella's grandmother came to visit frequently these days, so that Charlie and Renée could "run errands" downtown while there was an adult in the house who wasn't afraid (and who was licensed) to use a shotgun, if need be. No. Seriously. Peggy Swan did own a shotgun. Her nickname, Iron-Lady, seemed even more justified by that fact.

This weekend, however, Jacob and Bella had joined the search party, although they had split up. Bella was with Charlie, and Jacob went with Renée. But, like any other such day coming to an end, they returned home none the wiser, exhausted, and empty.

Jacob slipped down the hallway to wait for Bella, who was making a last stop with Charlie. His phone started ringing before he got to his room, but the number on the screen squelched his persistent hoping and wishing. "Hey," he said in hushed tones, slipping into his room. "I'm not sure it's such a good idea for you to be calling me."

"Sorry," Sam said, and he sounded it, too. Jacob's brows narrowed skeptically anyway. "I just wanted to let you know that I've been looking into things and I still can't find a damn trace of her." A pause. "I actually bumped into your foster parents the other day. Ephraim, I don't think they should be getting involved. We can handle it on the rez – we have so far."

At that, Jacob felt the ever-present mass of ugliness that lurked deep within him harden, and flatly told Sam, "If you had, Becca wouldn't be missing. You told me you'd been looking out for her, too. Which, by the way, I still don't get. Why'd she even allow it? Not that I ever did get her, but..." He was being a total asshole, and should be grateful to Sam that the older guy had sacrificed his own plans in life to keep an eye on them on behalf of Jacob's dad. Sam had been younger than Jacob was when he lost his own parents, so maybe that had something to do with his wish to help. That part wasn't hard to relate to. Jacob sighed. "I'm sorry," he said wearily.

He had been meaning to talk to Sam about something, but kept putting it off. Leaning against his desk, he quietly asked, "Hey. There's something I wanted to ask you. I... What happened after... after we left?" Left wasn't really the accurate term, which implied they'd had a choice. It still was tough to talk about it, or to breathe when he tried to wrap his head around the fact that his dad was _alive._ It was a lot more than he could have hoped for, though. At least the reason he couldn't talk to his dad wasn't because he was cold and dead in the ground. Knowing he was in fact _not_ dead was a luxury he wouldn't have ever allowed himself to consider.

"Do you really want me to go into that now?" Sam's wariness told its own story, and while Jacob did want to say _yes_, the question made him unsure.

And then Bella entered the room. Her smile wilted the instant she saw his face. She mustered another one to take its place, almost reflexively, it seemed – one of those smiles he hadn't seen her use until after he dragged her into the dark corners of his past. Before he could tell her not to, she grabbed the doorknob and carefully pulled the door closed. He hated – fucking _hated _– how he couldn't seem to fix the deliberately misleading signals he'd once established to make her believe he wanted her to leave him alone.

"It can wait," Jacob answered Sam finally, curling his fingers into a fist while pressing his knuckles hard into the surface of the desk.

"Okay." Sam was quiet for a short moment, and then asked, "Would you prefer it if I didn't call again? I don't want to make your life difficult."

All too quickly, Jacob answered, "No." But what good would it do to take any further risks? Any links to his old life would put both the Swans and his dad in danger. He had to ask. "Sam... Do you think they know where I am?"

A pause. "No. I've been very careful, and Rebecca was, too. Look, Rimmy, I know things between the two of you aren't good, but try to cut her some slack. She just did what she thought was right – it's all we can do."

"I know." Jacob eased off the pressure and brought his hand, knuckles now throbbing and prickling, to rub his face. Frustration flared and sank in hopelessness. "Okay, Sam. Look after him, and don't call me unless..." He couldn't finish, but Sam didn't need clarification.

"I've got him. Try to worry about normal things, like not getting caught with your pants down or something."

"Don't even go there," Jacob muttered, and they hung up.

Pushing it immediately out of his mind, as far as he could, Jacob went to find Bella. All he needed to do, though, was to open his door. She came out of her own room with a pile of clothes in her arms.

A tight sensation seized his chest, and he opened his mouth—

"Jacob!" He turned to see Peggy coming toward him. "Oh, there you are." She held out an almost blank envelope, bar the typewritten letters spelling out his name. His actual name. He took it. "Some—"

"How'd you know it was mine?" he demanded under his breath. As far as he knew, no one had told Peggy about that.

Giving him a pointed look, she said, "Well, now... You interrupted me. The delivery man told me it was for you." Jacob jolted, and squeezed past her. "Dear, he's not there anymore!" Peggy called after him as he bolted.

Throwing the door open and running down the stairs, he didn't stop until he was in the middle of the street. Frantic, his heart thumping wildly, he spun around, eyes darting in all directions, but he saw no trace of anyone. Not even a car turning a corner. "_Fuck_," he ground out through his teeth. And then he groaned and smacked himself in the head, instinctively glancing back to the door where Bella stood. Her face was pale, but he recognized the way her entire posture seemed deflated from just having gone from frozen with fear to bone-melting relief. "Fuck," he said again. He wanted to punch something, or yell, but neither of the two would make a difference, so he jogged back to the house.

"What's going on?" Peggy asked, stepping out next to Bella on the veranda.

Jacob reached for Bella's hands, gently prying the envelope from her grip. With his eyes he tried to communicate that everything was okay, he was there and he wasn't going anywhere, because he sure as hell didn't trust his voice or words to do the job. "I'm not sure yet," he managed to answer Peggy instead.

If he'd ever deluded himself that the worst was past them, he'd been sorely mistaken.

Opening the envelope, he pulled out a folded piece of paper and two photographs. The first he recognized, accompanied by a sharp roil of nausea in his stomach. In spite of unconsciously giving credit to the photographer for getting his creepy-stalker skills down pat, he threw a fearful glance up and down the street, and then stared down at a picture of Bella. She stood outside PetCo, on her break, probably, talking on the phone. He almost didn't dare to look at the other one – the shadows lurking in the pit of his mind were twitching with remembrance, recognizing the patterns of a sick game someone had once played with his sister and him.

Finally, Jacob flipped it over.

He barely remained upright in the crashing tidal-wave of emotion. A man, looking far older than he should, yet so familiar it didn't matter if his once-strong body sat half-slumped and frail in a wheelchair, was reaching for the mail. Jacob's entire being shouted _I should be there, _even though he'd be willing to bet his dad was still too damn proud to accept help.

He swallowed, and unfolded the note.

_Looks like you have a second chance to set this right. I'm feeling generous, so I'll let you make the choice this time. _

_Who's it gonna be?_

**-xo-O-ox-**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

_And then Unspoken has come to an end. _

_First I would like to thank a couple of people. _

_**MeraNaamJoker**: for everything you have done throughout this story, for all the advice and insight on foster parenting, for all the times you have helped me figure out the characters when they didn't want to play along, and for all the ideas and prompts and amazing proofreading. I have said it before, and I'll say it again—Unspoken wouldn't be what it is without you. You are an amazing person and a wonderful friend. I love you. :-*_

_**Cretin**: for all the brainstorming and your keen eye for details that helped so much in building an authentic world—not only in this story, but in others. We may not be working together anymore, but your skills have helped shape my writing, and I'll be forever grateful. All my love. :-)_

_**To everyone else**: for all the encouraging words, for all the incredible feedback, for the praise and for sharing your thoughts. And also, again, thank you for all the nominations and votes last year that made Unspoken a favorite All Human story in the JBnP Awards. At least half the joy in writing is that I get to share it all with you. Reviews or no reviews, stats have blown me away, and I am just stoked my writing is enjoyed. All the love._

_Lastly, onto the sequel. It has a name! **Unwritten** is still in the pre-production stage, so I won't be posting anything for a while. I am also considering writing it from beginning to end before I start posting. That way, I wouldn't leave y'all hanging mid-story, and there would be regular updates even if there's a bump in the road._

_Thank you for being here, and I'm looking forward to sharing my future works with you. All of you._

_Love and snorgles._


	22. Apology

I am sorry to have to disappoint you this way, but I felt this would be the surest solution to get a message out to everyone who read and supported Unspoken and its characters. This is just an author's note, but believe me when I say that I wish it was more because I miss writing more than I can find words to describe right now.

Anyway. It's time for me to grab the bull by the horns (or grow some balls?).

Um… There won't be a sequel.

For all this time that you have waited, I have dreaded this update, and for all the unanswered messages I want to say I am so very sorry. I did try to get it done, I really did, I wanted to give you a conclusion so badly, and I got some 50 000 words written, but the story just did not want to be resolved.

So with that said, _Unwritten_ will remain unwritten (did I jinx myself with that title?). And between studies and work I know that for the immediately unforeseeable future I can't see myself finding the time to pick up where I left off, which basically equals a permanent hiatus. It breaks my heart, but there it is.

However! There is one thing I can do, for those who want: I can give you a short synopsis of what happened after the _Unspoken_ epilogue. I won't lie, it won't be engaging. And more than likely it'll be rather stilted since I am _way_ rusty and out of practice, but it's the least I can do after breaking my promise for a sequel.

Right?

Right.

So, do let me know if you want a flash-through version, and I will get it out to you as soon as I can (note: 'soon' could be a week from now, in a month or two, so allow for delays). **_IF_** you want the synopsis, read the following carefully:

1 – Send me a PM here on and let me know in what format you want the synopsis.

2 – In the PM include your email address. **REMEMBER.** 'Dots' or 'underscores' or other "signs" should be **spelled out within parentheses****.** Or separated by spaces. The same goes for the funky snout-y 'a' . This is to make sure the website doesn't censor your email. (That is to say the site still operates the way it did a year ago and I am not completely full of _Bee-Ess_.)

That's it.

Once more, I am deeply sorry for leaving you hanging this long. I hope you all have had a wonderful summer and that autumn is as beautiful where you are as it is here.

All the love and best wishes. Also, don't forget to smile. It costs nothing but is worth everything. ;-)

_FatedFeathers_


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